What happens if you have to take your child to hospital with you??

[jenrose29]

My daughter is 4.5 years old and I am 29 weeks pregnant. My partners parents are planning on looking after her when I go into hospital to have the baby, but they are over an hour away. They are also on holiday the week after baby is due, so if baby is late then the only other person I have to look after my daughter will be anything from 2-5 hours away depending on where they are working. What would happen in this situation? Would I have to go into hospital on my own and have my partner wait with our daughter until she was collected? Or would she be able to come until she could be collected?

Are there no friends nearby who could step in until grandparents arrive? We had a rota for dd when ds arrived. I know it can feel hard to ask, but people are usually very happy to do it, and you may well get the chance to reciprocate.

No there really isn't anyone I can ask :(

Really? Is dd in any nursery or groups?

I would not want to take my child in with me while I was in labour. I can imagine it could be a very frightening experience for them. Equally I wouldn't want to be without my husband. I think leaving a child with someone reliable but whom they might not know very well was preferable to being on a labour ward with women screaming from several rooms.

As a last resort could you employ a baby sitter who would be willing to step in at short notice. People doing childcare at colleges might be a good choice as they keep all sorts of funny hours at that age and probably wouldn't mind a day of college to help out if necessary.

Is she at school? Could you arrange for her to go 'on holiday' to plan B for the week you're not covered ( 41 wks when Dpil are away to 42 wks which is the longest hospital will let you be pregnant for). You could even go with her and deliver there - it's not very hard to transfer hospitals.

I have a friend who's DH had to stay at home with their child when she went into hospital to have her 2nd. It wasn't ideal but she was fine.

I had my 2nd and 3rd at home, partly for the childcare issue if that helps?!

I was really worried about this when I was expecting DD2 - we have no family nearby so made a rota of work friends/neighbours/nursery staff...not ideal but it worked ok. Hope you can manage something similar?

I had my neighbours on stand by when I was expecting DD3, my DD's were nearly 5, and 3.5yrs old. My parents work and was worried about waiting for them to leave to get to us, and DH worked over an hour away too. Do you have a neighbour who could come and sit with your DD until your inlaws arrive? I am quite friendly with mine which made asking them a lot easier.

Ask your midwife if your DD can come in with you, I am not very clued up on labour wards but there may be an area she can play whilst being supervised by a member of staff. Or does she have a special school friend whose parents you could ask to be on stand by for a last minute play date/sleep over?

My DD1 and DD2 have nearly caught the whole show with the subsequent baby IYSWIM and been completely unphased by it but the hospital will be arse-y in the extreme if you take her in to delivery suite. Best thing is for your husband to wait with her I think if you have to go in before they get there. Is a home birth an option?

Labour wards are a frightening and dangerous environment for a child (trolleys, equipment, sharps bins, noises, emergencies). Only take your child with you if you have to urgently go in and a friend/relative is on the way to collect them asap. There will be no staff free to look after your child and no space apart from the room you are admitted to. i don't wish to be alarmist but I am aware of more than one unit that will call social services to care for a child in this situation.

She goes to nursery but I do not know any of the mums there. Going on holiday to plan B is not an option. My next door neighbour works long shifts and is pretty scary (shouts at his kids constantly!) so couldn't ask him. Home birth isn't an option as the hospital is quite far away (up to an hour in traffic) and I feel it is too risky as hospital is so far, plus at the moment I have a low lying placenta so may have to have a hospital birth anyway. I don't want my partner to miss the birth but really have no-one to care for DD :(

have you contacted one of the major babysitting agencies to see if they have possibilities for last minute / late night call out? It might cost ££ but it's worth a try?

Is it school nursery? Or private day care? Or childcare nursery said we could drop off DS1 any time they were open if I was in labour, they WOULD find a space for him.

We too had our nearest childcare down the M1, and despite phoning my Mum on the first contraction (at 4.30am.....), Childcare, paramedics and baby all turned up within 90seconds of each other at 7am. I think DH had the worst of it, dealing with ambulance control, a toddler, and a wife in labour.

I think if your partner is doing the childcare, he won't be much support as a birthing partner, as his mind will be on other things.

It's another money solution, but have you considered a doula to be your birthing partner, and then your partner can look after your daughter until someone can arrive, and then he can come and support you? It may still mean he misses the birth.

Unless your prone to fast labours (10 total labour, 3 hrs active labour with first, 2.5 hrs first contraction to baby with second here), I think you should have time, so long as you are prepared to ring at whatever time things kick off.

Your partner will have to stay home with your DD. You cannot take her to hospital with you

I had a similar dilemma then realised there were people I could ask if I could pluck up courage.

Speak to nursery manager- I bet one of the staff would be happy to oblige and come to house. Yes it may mean money but it will give you peace of mind.

Alternatively ring your local family information service and lookups childminders who will be ad hoc or overnight care.

It's a nursery school, the staff are all qualified teachers and wouldn't be prepared to provide childcare. The problem is, if his parents are on holiday then our plan B might not only be hours away but might not be able to make it at all. Am just concerned with the idea of getting a one-off person (i.e. random childminder/babysitter) to care for my daughter as obviously it will already be an unusual situation for her, without dumping her with a stranger.

@ 'dumping her with a stranger'. You could always interview a couple of nannies/childminders who would be prepared to be on standby and pay for a couple of hours of their time so that your DD would know them before you go into labour?

That's what I'd do

jen, just ask at the school. they might know someone who does babysitting.
we were in a similar situation with dc2 and made a list

1. regular babysitter (nursery worker)
2. neighbour
3. best friend.

in the end my lovely friend looked after dc1.

4.5 is a good age. They are verbal enough to explain things to - much less likely then a 3 year old to be stressed by childcarer. I've used babysitting agencies for much more prosaic things (work dinners etc) - and I find my DD at similar ages was super excited at having a new young woman around to prance around and flirt with.

slightly related question - what do the people who have their second whilst still having a young breastfeeding baby do?

First off, your response is really natural. The last thing you want to do is make your daughter feel second best as you are giving birth - you don't want to suddenly give her to someone she's not used to. BUT taking her with you is not an option really as everyone has said - & loosing your birth partner is not ideal imo.

Think of it the other way round - is someone you knew vaguely asked if you could be an emergency person for childcare cover is she gave birth with no other support, wouldn't you be delighted to help? Seriously, think creatively and ask around - think about her nursery friends, the nice lady you always chat briefly to at AN class/playgroup, her nursery teachers - anyone - and ask them if they can recommend anyone. I know a few mates whose kids have gone into nursery early/stayed late when parents have gone into labour - & a couple where the nursery staff moonlighted and did some after/pre school care in that situation (preagreed). You've got over 10 weeks to 'vet' people & get your daughter used to a few new people who might look after her for a couple of hours when you go into labour. You can do some play dates & give them a low down on her likes/dislikes. Remember you don't need to ask anyone to cover ALL the time - you can have different people set up for different days/times.

One of my mates became a friend because her second was due and I was the only person she knew really locally. I wasn't needed in the end, but it meant I met her & her son properly & our dcs have been best mates ever since (now 6 years ago).

I bet the nursery staff will do it if you pay them enough. I pay the nursery staff £7 an hour when they've babysat for me.

But I do know what you mean about having no friends or neighbours, I've only got a couple of family members who can help me. I have friends in the same town I could probably call if I was dying but they have their own kids so wouldn't be able to drop everything and help me out.

Wouldn't the youngest a breastfed baby could be would be 10 months? So they'd be on solids/would have to have expressed milk I suppose

With dd2 my dad was my childcare and he was 90mins away. I had to head straight for hospital as I had preeclampsia previously. DH drove Dd1 & I to hospital. He then waited in the corridor with Dd1 until my dad arrived. Not ideal and he would have missed the birth had it been quick but unavoidable. We had recently moved so I really didn't know anyone but I second those who have said ask some people. I would do this for anyone who asked me and I have been known to check with pregnant ladies that they aren't struggling.

DH and I have agreed that if this happens to us, he will stay with DS whilst I go into the hospital. We have FIL staying with us for the week DD is due, but after that, our CM can take DS during the day, but not really during the night. So I will just have to go it alone. I think that's all we can do, tbh!