What happens if you have to take your child to hospital with you??

[jenrose29]

My daughter is 4.5 years old and I am 29 weeks pregnant. My partners parents are planning on looking after her when I go into hospital to have the baby, but they are over an hour away. They are also on holiday the week after baby is due, so if baby is late then the only other person I have to look after my daughter will be anything from 2-5 hours away depending on where they are working. What would happen in this situation? Would I have to go into hospital on my own and have my partner wait with our daughter until she was collected? Or would she be able to come until she could be collected?

Ask your midwife, I suspect if you turned up with your dd then they're not going to turn you away. Though obviously may not be good for her to see you in pain.

I looked afetr a woman in labour once who brought her 3yo dd with her as she had noone to look after the dd, she stayed for the whole labour in the room.

And I do agree with others - people would mostly be delighted to be asked. I'd look after someone's older dc for them at the drop of a hat if needed to in such a situation. I've done it for other reasons - when another child was rushed to hospital and both parents went. We had a neighbour's child who we didn't know very well overnight.

I'm having the exact same problem as you.. It's brilliant everyone suggesting you as friends and people a school/nursery.. My husband is army and we've only been living here for 5 months. I don't know anyone well enough to ask them to watch my DD and I wouldn't ask anyone at the school etc... My family and DH family love over 3 hours away.. I went into hospital for monitoring a few weeks ago and DD (5) had to come with me. Not ideal but if you have no choice you have no choice... If you lived in Hampshire OP I'd be more than happy to meet up and help

seemedlikeagudideaatthetime, if you are about to have a baby you would need a plan for what you would do with your older child if you were to be kept in hospital (with dd1 I was in hospital for 8 days) Therefore food & water in the short term, probably formula in the long term with BM whilst visiting?

New, seriously, talk to those people who are friendly, even if you don't feel able to ask them directly why not ask if they know anyone you could pay to have your dc? - you may even find you get some offers & even as funnypeculiar has said some friends too!

yes, as LoonyRationalist says, you might not be able to say 'Please would you take my dd?' but it's a lot easier to say 'I'm asking around seeing if anyone knows anyone I could pay to look after my dd.'

Hi

Sorry to hear you are in this situation - we don't have much help either, but have found some great childminders and babysitters on childcare.co.uk - also google babysitting agency - we have found quite a few. A lot of them offer emergency childcare/night time care.

Unfortunately it would mean you would have to pay for the childcare but I'm sure this is preferable to having your dd with you through labour...

I had homebirths for exactly this reason, but since moving and living closer to lots of other mums (rather than out in the sticks!) I have twice offered to be an emergency contact for neighbours who I don't know that well who are pregnant. I wasn't needed but at least they knew I was here.

You don't need to be friends with someone, perhaps just pick the person who lives closest to you for starters. Honestly, anyone who has kids will understand and be delighted to help - as someone else mentioned - it could be the start of a new friendship!

New - I started conversations with "I'm really panicing about who will look after ds if I have to rush into hospital fast (ds was a quick birth) as I'm new to the area- I don't suppose you know any good childminders who are good and would be interested in casual work?" ... A few people gave recommendations but most offered their own services

If anyone I knew even vaguely along the lines of just to say hello to, asked me if I would be able to help in any way with childcare whilst they were in labour, I wouldn't hesitate in saying yes. You need to ask - whether that be people you're on nodding good morning terms with, or anyone working in the nursery school. I bet you'll be surprised. Who wouldn't help in a situation like this? Its hardly an everyday demand on your time.

You've got 11 weeks to sort this out!

Get to know a Mum at the nursery, or ask around for childcare recommendations and then book your daughter in with that person for a few hours here and there over the next 3 months so she's used to them!

This is completely solvable.

Nursery staff are generally well connected and would know people or know of people. I have one family member in this country and so keep a close eye on support systems and resources.

You could put an ad up for a nanny now and interview some people. Ask selected candidate to come on the evening to spend some fun time with your child...and keep them on standby.

I have no shame in asking for help/ a kind hand for my child if I need to. I have been pleasantly surprised at how nice and helpful people are when you ask nicely and obviously need their help.

Please don't take your child to the hospital. I am a grown up and some of the blood curdling screams on the l&d ward scared me! Last option is you go it alone, not ideal, but as usual your (first) child comes first.

Congrats in advance.

I went through this too - like so many have said, start talking about it! I thought I knew no-one (meaning I had no 'best friend' I could rely on), but people notice you when you are pg, and once I had asked if anyone knew good babysitters / emergency childcare, SO many of them gave me their own phone nos, and offered help.

In the event I had a HB and the DC slept through it! But nursery staff, school gate mums, old NCT friends and neighbours all offered help once they knew it was wanted.

People like to help, they really do.

DS1 came with us to hospital when I had DS2. My sister and parents were over an hour away and got delayed reaching us. It all happened a bit quickly! The midwives tried to make DS1 sit with the nurse behind Reception but he didn't want to, so he stayed in the room with us, doing some colouring in, and joining in with "push, push, mummy!" when he heard everyone else saying it . DH didn't want to leave me, and I didn't want to be on my own so that was that. He was only 20 months though, I'd ask the hospital if I were you, DS1 seemed such a baby himself, whereas maybe an older child will be more aware of what's going on IYSWIM.

Is there anyone who can come and stay with you during that time that your in-laws are away? A sibling or a friend who can take a few days holiday just in case? That way you have someone to watch your little one if you go into labour.

I can't imagine a delivery ward allowing a child in, and they aren't exactly child friendly places anyway, I think the worst case scenario is your partner would have to wait with her at the hospital while someone came to get her. Definitely try asking at the nursery with both parents and teachers - I think if you drop the 'do you know anyone who could do such and such at short notice....' line, you'll be surprised how many people would be willing to help you out.

Suburban - you were lucky - most delivery suites do not let children in in any circumstances.

OP please don't count on her being able to stay with you in the delivery suite. She will almost certainly have to wait with your partner elsewhere in the hospital.

Loonyrationalist - just read back my post and realised it was misleading, my parents did arrive just in time so DS1 was not there for the final push so to speak, but he was in the delivery room for most of the time. I've no idea if they would have let him stay for the actual delivery. Children coming to hospital must be something that happens from time to time though, babies don't always give much notice do they . jenrose, I'd call the hospital or ask the midwife the policy.

Ask the Nursery staff even as teachers they may be happy to help. I know some at our local school nursery would. Or could recommend someone else and you have 11 weeks for your daughter to meet whoever they maybe on at least a couple of occasions so they are not a complete new face.

Well, this happened to us! So here is what we did:

Took DD to the hospital with us.

We had NO childcare - I had gone so overdue all our options had been exhausted by the time DS decided to put in an appearance!

We put DD in the car, and drove to the labour ward, children are not allowed in the delivery suite so DH had to sit outside the delivery suite with her. He wasn't even given a chair to sit on! He had to ask if he could have one! ( This was the LGI so you've probably seen the delivery suite on OBEM on tv).

I went into the room with the midwife, DH missed the birth. But the midwife did let DH and DD into the room afterwards for tea and toast and cuddles with newborn DS. DD played with the remote that makes the bed go up and down. It was a very quiet night on delivery (me and one other woman only) so I suspect if it had been busy, she would not have been allowed in.

Luckily for us, DS was born 15 mins after arriving at the hospital so DH didn't have to wait around for a long time.

Should have added to my previous post:

DD was 4 at the time.

DD was completely unfazed by the whole episode.

I was really churned up about it afterwards, what with DH missing the actual birth and DD having to go with us to hospital. My lovely friend put a really positive spin on it for me by saying that at no point was DD separated from us. She was with one of us the whole time, there was no panicked drop off at a friend's house, no long wait wondering when mummy and daddy were coming back. She really was part of the birth event - coming into the delivery room to see tiny newborn DS, helping choose his name, going with daddy to buy flowers (she still remember this!), bringing DS home that same day. I hadn't thought of it from that angle and my friend was right - it really changed my perspective on the event. DD was so chilled out the whole time because she was with her dad.

The problem with leaving her with someone that she doesn't really know is that she has selective mutism and would not talk to someone she didn't know at all - to ask to go to the toilet and so on. As it is, she only speaks to my partner, his parents and I. So even if I did approach a childcarer/try and befriend someone, it would be difficult for them both. I understand that most labour wards won't let a child in, though I think she would actually love it if she could be there. I think her being there would be a good distraction from the pain (especially seeing as she'd probably jump in the birthing pool with me! Ha.) I would really like a home birth so as to just solve the problem but with the hospital being at least an hour away, I just feel it is too far to risk.

In that case maybe you're better going for the doula option so you have a back-up birth partner rather than a back-up childcarer.

If you are low risk, I think home birth is a very viable option for you. Chances are the labour will be quick so all arrangements will come in place around you at your house rather than panicky journeys. Whatever choice you make, you still need adult support for the immediate postnatal period, both for childcare and looking after you. You're not going to be grilling fish fingers 3 hours later, or putting her in the bath.

When my younger brother was born, us older children waited in the day room. We were 8,7,6 and 18 months old.
My step-dad kept running from the delivery room where my mum was to us in the day room. I remember us not wanting to go through and see our new brother because we were too busy watching Supergirl on the telly!

I don't remember being traumatised by the hospital - even though when we went into the room to see the new baby there was blood EVERYWHERE! The umbilical cord had detached from the placenta and sprayed blood all over the walls and ceiling!!