What I wish someone had told me before birth!

[VikingLady]

OK, so I had an emergency c-section last week. I was as prepared as NHS and NCT antenatal classes could make me, but there are a few things I wish I had known that no-one mentioned!

1. Your new baby may not settle on you, but that does not mean there is something wrong with either you or the baby. She smells milk on you and assumes it must be feeding time again. Get someone else to hold her and put her in the crib for you if it is making you upset. I declared my undying love for the mw who told me this. It all made so much more sense. You won't damage her attachment to you by accepting help.

1. It will take a few days to be able to interpret what she wants. Not just because you don't have the experience, but neither does she! How can she know what she wants from you when she has only been out for a day? You are not a failure. Start by assuming she wants skin to skin to calm her down, then move on the feeding/winding.

1. Baby having a complete melt-down to the point of not being able to feed/settle? Hand her to someone who doesn't smell of milk and is not a nervous wreck. You can take her back when she is calm. It might only take a couple of minutes. You are not a failure for this. In most societies your female relatives would do this for you. In hospital, use the mws. They are the closest you have to that.

1. The middle of the night in hospital on your own will terrify you. This does not mean you will not cope when you are outside hospital. You get used to the baby, and she gets used to you and to being a baby (iyswim).

1. Baby will probably scream like you are torturing her when she has her first few nappy changes/clothes changes/baths. This will pass as she gets used to them. Mine is now 8 days old and loves baths. Hated them three days ago.

Anyone else?

You will bleed afterwards A LOT. You will never have enough pads so buy double what you think you will need and then buy some more. Ditto nappies.

Take lactulose into hospital to help with the post-birth poo. You will not unfortunately be offered an epidural to help that one out.

Don't OD on the lactulose though or you will fart like a hippo.

Take cereal bars and spare drinks. You will be hungry at odd times (like 3am)

If allowed (my PN ward did) skip the ward breakfast, grab another equally fed up mum, shove the babies in the nursery and have a proper breakfast in the restaurant.

even if you are determined to be a prefect Bfer, shove a few formula cartons and steri bottles in the back of your cupboard. They may save your sanity one night.

That carefully cultivated 3 hour feed routine will go to pot the first night home.

Finally, in years to come when you've got an 8 year old with an attitude, you'll look back on these times with fond memories.

See, all this 'buy more pads than you think you'll need' stuff was wasted on me, I stopped bleeding after about 4 weeks, and even when I did it wasn't horrifically bad - no worry of leaking. I ended up giving away packs of maternity (and breast) pads.

This post is about this very thing - there's so much that people don't think to tell you or, alternatively, try and 'protect' you from! This blog doesn't cover the half of it though.

1. Midwives are not necessarily good at breastfeeding advice. Manhandling of boob and baby is not good for many reasons!

1. Take sleep mask & earplugs (don't worry about not hearing your baby - you will), in case you have to stay on postnatal ward for more than 1 night. It's impossible to sleep through 6 other babies crying/monitoring/medicating etc

1. If you've been induced/epiduralled or had IV fluids at all your lower body will swell to gargantuan proportions rendering you capable of nothing more than a weeble-ish wobble, even it your undercarriage didn't look and feel like chopped liver, which it may well do!

1. Totally agree with "if in doubt, get one out". Ignore the clock. Feed, feed, feed again.

1. Cluster feeding is normal. Don't try to fight it.

1. Cake is your friend.

I didn't bleed much with my 2nd child either although I did with my 1st (not sure if that's the norm though), breast pads! keep them everywhere, the car, your bag, kitchen.
The first 3 months I leaked everywhere, and you'll probably need two in a time to stop embarrassing wet patches.
Also loose trousers, you'll feel so much better whilst wearing maternity pads so you won't feel self conscious with visitors round. Baggy tops too whilst your tummy goes down, have a few ready for the next few days.

If you are breast feeding, you may be ridiculously thirsty. Ihad several pints of water by my bed every night to down

This thread reminds me how much people's bodies vary. I barely needed a full pack of pads (just switched to normal sanitary pads then thin liners) and, although everybody I knew gave me breast pads, never leaked milk at all. I've been breastfeeding 2 children for the last three and half years so there's definitely no supply problem - just never leaked. I really need to give them away to someone else actually ....

Hiding under the covers on the first night in hospital is perfectly acceptable behaviour

When you go for a shower after a section and 24hrs laid flat with drugs, take someone with you.

You can ask people to stop and explain things to you.

If they give you medical jargon you can ask them to explain it in English! Just because they're a dr doesn't mean that they can hide behind it and not give you an answer.

oh this is such a useful thread, thank you thank you to all those who've contributed

You might not have a clue what you're doing for a few weeks. I didn't have any instrinct at all! I didn't do anything daft but never understood reading babies 'cues' at all . It wasn't like I could stare at them all day and make notes!

Oh, I know I don't have it sussed! Just slightly more sussed than at 2 days! I can at least identify a hungry cry now, which I couldn't to begin with. I'm not saying I understand everything she wants!

And I am feeding her or offering her the breast every time she seems to want it. But if she won't sleep, and it's been a very long time... it is a useful tip. I wouldn't use it all of the time - as you say, they need to feed a lot. I can offer proof that this is working for me - a half-pound gain this week! Am very impressed and relieved!

1. If a midwife tells you you're not in labour: she might be wrong. I wish I'd had more faith in myself. Instead of thinking what a massive wuss I was for finding 'pre-labour' (whatever that is!) so bloody hard, I should have been congratulating myself on going through a precipitate labour - all on my own! - in a curtained off cubicle on a ward without anyone even noticing!

2, new babies don't have a clue what time it is. They quite like staying up all night and then napping throughout the day. It doesn't last forever. 3, growth spurts are an evil time. Just grit your teeth, get comfortable and don't expect to move much for a few days.

Wow, I am completely stunned by this bounty thing! Aren't there privacy issues regarding photographs of children? Can they really take your baby's photo without your permission?

I found this list on the bounty site:
hospitals with "bounty photo service"

If my hospital isn't there, does that mean I don't have to worry about this? I can totally see DH going mental on someone who comes in and snaps an unauthorised photo of our little one, and I'm not sure I wouldn't start insisting, loudly, that I watch them delete the image or expose the film in front of me if this happens. I just find the whole idea incredibly intrusive and it really gets my protective hackles up.

Plus, how does this even work in this day and age when almost everyone has a camera on their phone?

ardenbird AFAIK if you say no to the Bounty photos, they aren't allowed to take them (and it's a waste of their time, as you're not likely to buy them!) but you will get a cats-bum-mouth or perhaps an attempt at cajoling you into buying them.

fab, my hospital isn't listed

Sadly both hospitals I produced the DDS in were Bounty listed.
She wouldn't photograph my DDs as they had feeding tubes in "I'll come back when the tubes are out, dear".

Made me feel fantastic, that.
If they had some decent freebies in I wouldn't have minded. The sachet of baby lotion is still unopened in the bathroom. From 2004.

Things I learnt from my first (vaginal) birth:

You wont get a epidural if you leave it too late. And forceps really, really hurt.
The pain doesn't always stop as soon as baby is out. But your lovely bundle will distract you a little.
After you've given birth you may not get offered tea and toast (if you have to go to theatre for sewing back together etc).
The first night after your partner has gone is actually quite scary.

When you leave hospital, if you have had a traumatic birth, actually walking to the car park will exhaust you completely. I was not expecting that and it was a bit of a shock.
Breastfeeding is difficult and midwives/healthvisitors and doctors sometimes give you conflicting advice. (Wish I was on mn back then.)
Lavendar baths are your best friend.
Sleeping with your baby is good.
Nappies leak. Always have spare clothes for yourself and baby!

Things I learnt from my second (much better) birth (ELC):
Enjoy your hospital stay as with a toddler about there isnt much rest to be had at home.
Don't lock the bathroom door in the hospital and have a hot shower, the midwives will tell you off (gently) if you feel faint, pull the cord, pass out and have to be manhandled naked onto a waiting bed and taken back to the bay
Relax and enjoy baby being tiny cause when there are two toddlers in the house it really is chaos!
And with the second, you wonder how on earth you ever found it hard to do stuff with just one baby

Interesting ... after reading some of the stuff about Bounty, I went to their website to unsubscribe (which I haven't yet worked out how to do). When I looked to see what personal details they had, the address was my previous one. Now, I was never even pregnant while we were living there and it's nearly seven years since we moved, so where the hell did they get it from?

That your milk might take a week to come in

That not all newborns sleep all the time

That random crying is the worst thing about newborns

That you will absolutely think your baby is the most beautiful baby in the world

A newborn baby needs to be fed every 3-4 hours.

I somehow missed this vital piece of info and on our first night I let my poor knackered baby sleep from midnight till 8am (I thought that was a good thing!).

The midwives nearly had a heart attack.

I did that too and then DD never managed to latch on-ever :( despite 5 days in hospital, breast feeding clinic, dozens of people trying to help. I'm sure it's because we both went to sleep, and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just didn't know that she would need to feed in that time. When she was born the midwife tried to latch her on a few times but she wouldn't (mw didn't seem too fussed though and I'd been awake for 4 days straight so wasn't capable of thinking properly), when we got moved to the ward I had another go to no avail and as it was about 5am by that point I just thought we'd better get some sleep. When a midwife came in at about 9am and realised she'd never fed, having been born at 11pm the previous night, her face said it all. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself to be honest.