What I wish someone had told me before birth!

[VikingLady]

OK, so I had an emergency c-section last week. I was as prepared as NHS and NCT antenatal classes could make me, but there are a few things I wish I had known that no-one mentioned!

1. Your new baby may not settle on you, but that does not mean there is something wrong with either you or the baby. She smells milk on you and assumes it must be feeding time again. Get someone else to hold her and put her in the crib for you if it is making you upset. I declared my undying love for the mw who told me this. It all made so much more sense. You won't damage her attachment to you by accepting help.

1. It will take a few days to be able to interpret what she wants. Not just because you don't have the experience, but neither does she! How can she know what she wants from you when she has only been out for a day? You are not a failure. Start by assuming she wants skin to skin to calm her down, then move on the feeding/winding.

1. Baby having a complete melt-down to the point of not being able to feed/settle? Hand her to someone who doesn't smell of milk and is not a nervous wreck. You can take her back when she is calm. It might only take a couple of minutes. You are not a failure for this. In most societies your female relatives would do this for you. In hospital, use the mws. They are the closest you have to that.

1. The middle of the night in hospital on your own will terrify you. This does not mean you will not cope when you are outside hospital. You get used to the baby, and she gets used to you and to being a baby (iyswim).

1. Baby will probably scream like you are torturing her when she has her first few nappy changes/clothes changes/baths. This will pass as she gets used to them. Mine is now 8 days old and loves baths. Hated them three days ago.

Anyone else?

Heartbeep it is, not sure if it's in AIBU, Chat, Pregnancy or Childbirth though

I wish the ante-natal classes had talked more about the pushing phase of childbirth and just how bloody physical it would be. I know people joke about shitting a watermelon, but I did think they were only joking............

I cried at the Bounty Lady. Works a treat, I can assure you! And VikingBaby didn't look like Churchill. She looks like David Jason with wind.

I should have added - if bf, feed constantly! Ignore people who say you are making a rod for your own back, that the baby is being "naughty" and using you as a dummy. Stealing a car is naughty. Being hungry and scared is not naughty.

The bounty ladies are evil personified. When I said I didn't want a photo taken 12hrs after an emcs she replied "oh so you're not bothered then?" in a way to make me feel like the worst mother on the planet.

Ask for help but make sure people help, not just hold the baby.

If you're scheduled for induction, eat masses of breakfast in case they won't let you eat later. At 40+13 I found it difficult to dive under the bed to grab food from my bag when the midwife wasn't looking.

Recovery from a c section may not be as bad as you fear.

Buy a kindle with a light for late night feeds.

great thread! i wish mumsnet had a 'like' button i like all the posts on this thread - so true, especially the ones in reference to boobs solving everything/not spoiling the baby/babies not being naughty by wanting boob/feeding constantly/not feeling bad about baby being in your arms/and not trying to hard with routines. so i have nothing else to add!!! actually, i will reiterate - stuff routines permanently at the early stages, relax and roll with it and you'll enjoy yourself much more than trying to conform to what everyone else thinks your baby should be doing

BabyChinLegs looked (and still does) like Rhod Gilbert. My poor daughter.

A kindle, huh? My birthday's 11 days after the due date for my first child and people have asked what I want as pampering just for me! Maybe I'll go with that!

Love this thread - especially about smelling like milk...

Completely agree with the 'if in doubt' feed them. Might just be my greedy offspring but usually worked. Accept all help and ask if it's not offered. If/when you have visitors get them to make the tea!
Spannermary you also need one of those sealed travel mug things, bit like a flask with a lid. My 2 would always wake up just as the kettle boiled and I can't stand cold tea.
Oh and you need more maternity pads than you first think.

Neck cheese. It's vile. After a feed, wipe under their chin, right in the creases. If you don't, it clags right up and pongs.

If you feel like you need a wheelbarrow for your belly, wear two pairs of large knickers!

Oh god yes, a travel mug!

My health visitor's mantra for visitors is:

Cuddles only to be given in exchange for...

Casserole
Cake
Cleaning

Works a treat!

Kindles are marvellous, even if you think they're not your 'thing' - they will also play audio books, you don't lose your place when you have to chuck to book down when baby squalls, and you can make the text extra large when your eyes are really tired.

And one thing I wish I'd done was get some of those leave in contact lenses - I'm really short sighted, and checking baby in the night was a palaver of groping for light, trying to find glasses, put on glasses and then finally check baby.

I wish I could afford a kindle! I'm trying to read one handed, so small paperbacks only, and no good at night unless I want to wake DH. Bless him, he's doing most of the heavy stuff all day for me/us (stitches are too painful for me to do much yet) so I don't want to put the light on.

I thought Kindles didn't have a back light?

at Madame, oh yes!
Passing DS to my Mum and his neck lolled, I could have died cos of the state of his neck. Little sod had been on a massive weight gain (from below 25th to above 75th, as he was so long) and had suddenly got rolls of flab...with crap in them.

As someone else said, 'if in doubt, get it out'- just feed.

Go with baby's flow, and co-sleeping can be a life saver.

And that if you're bf'ing you may crave sweet things like never before...

< sneaks into kitchen to replace chocolate ice-cream before DP notices she's eaten half the pot >

Things I wish someone had told me?

NOTHING can prepare you for the shock, terror and joy of taking charge of a tiny baby for the first time. It's normal, and probably useful, for it to be one of the scariest things ever.

Pour warm water over your bottom when you have a wee to prevent stinging. The first poo post-birth is terrifying but don't put it off too long, your insides really won't fall out!

Breastfeeding and co-sleeping are often the secret for everyone getting sleep - so don't let the health professionals scare you out of safe bed sharing if you reckon it might be right for you.

Muddle the way through. As long as no-one loses a limb, and you all somehow get fed and some rest, then you are SUCCEEDING. I think every family has to find its own way through the maze of early parenting.

'Mistakes' are there to be learned from but then forgiven (or remembered to laugh about later). I'm expecting number 3 and I still know I'll make loads - I just care a lot less about them.

Take feck-loads of photographs :)

There's currently a thread about Bounty Hunters ongoing.

MNHQ have said they would look into a campaign about it, but haven't got back about it yet. Hopefully they will...

Worth a read.

Yep those Bounty women are unbelievable. I was in a single room after a traumatic birth with feeding problems.

Bounty woman would just wander in as she saw fit, no knocking apparently required.

Knowing what I know now, I can't bloody wait for the Bounty woman this time. I'm almost looking forward to it.

It's the child benefit claim form which comes in those packs, isn't it? You can also get it here

The minute you sit down to bf you need a drink. And a sandwich. Try to get these first by making the sarnie when the baby sleeps and setting up a table within reach of where you are going to be with a pint of water and the sarnie.

If you go to toddler group all the mums of older children will hold the baby and give you a bit of a break and remind you how lovely the baby is. Also someone will make you a cup of tea. You don't need to wait until they are a toddler to go to toddler group!

Fuzzywood - "you need more maternity pads than you first think."

YES. I got through about a hundred. My waters did break (full on Miranda-from-SATC gush) 3 days before I had DS though...

Gosh there is so much. . . .My big big thing was that I may not want every tom, Dick and Harry family members holding my baby and trying to distract her instead of just letting me BF her. Definately wish I had known someone in real life who had breastfed because I knew nothing until Mumsnet stepped in.

If you go to hospital before you give birth (I was admitted for pre-ec) you may find that your boobs appear to react to any babies that are on the postnatal ward and get very sore so pack ear plugs for overnight to stop this.

After giving birth...

I always found that half way through feeding baby in the middle of the night you suddenly need to wee, so save having to wake up other half go before you start it saves having grumpy baby and DH.

I always got next round of nappy change ready, nappy sack open for the next change because you can guarantee that you forget and need three hands, one to secure baby, one for dirty nappy and one to open the nappy sack pain in the bum but handy.