What I wish someone had told me before birth!

[VikingLady]

OK, so I had an emergency c-section last week. I was as prepared as NHS and NCT antenatal classes could make me, but there are a few things I wish I had known that no-one mentioned!

1. Your new baby may not settle on you, but that does not mean there is something wrong with either you or the baby. She smells milk on you and assumes it must be feeding time again. Get someone else to hold her and put her in the crib for you if it is making you upset. I declared my undying love for the mw who told me this. It all made so much more sense. You won't damage her attachment to you by accepting help.

1. It will take a few days to be able to interpret what she wants. Not just because you don't have the experience, but neither does she! How can she know what she wants from you when she has only been out for a day? You are not a failure. Start by assuming she wants skin to skin to calm her down, then move on the feeding/winding.

1. Baby having a complete melt-down to the point of not being able to feed/settle? Hand her to someone who doesn't smell of milk and is not a nervous wreck. You can take her back when she is calm. It might only take a couple of minutes. You are not a failure for this. In most societies your female relatives would do this for you. In hospital, use the mws. They are the closest you have to that.

1. The middle of the night in hospital on your own will terrify you. This does not mean you will not cope when you are outside hospital. You get used to the baby, and she gets used to you and to being a baby (iyswim).

1. Baby will probably scream like you are torturing her when she has her first few nappy changes/clothes changes/baths. This will pass as she gets used to them. Mine is now 8 days old and loves baths. Hated them three days ago.

Anyone else?

After a cs if you get really bad shoulder pain, you didn't sleep funny. It's trapped air and you need peppermint tea.

The baby stuff gets better. All of it.

Looking after a baby is so much harder than you thought it would be. It does not mean you are a failure! It DOES get easier, there is no automatic cue on how to be the best mummy. We all have to learn and usually it's the hard way! Also, there is no shame in asking for help from anybody.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy! Enjoy the baby stage! It doesn't last long

I remember doing a nappy change at around a week old and she was screaming her head off, my partner came running out of the bedroom thinking I'd left her alone and she needed somebody. He panicked so much, bless him. Now she's 4 months and loves to babble away at me during nappy changes. It gets easier, around 2-3 months is a much better time.

It's so true about the smell of milk as well, in hospital she would be screaming her head off when I was holding her then calm down as soon as the midwife would take her. I was in tears thinking I was doing something wrong.

Also, nobody seems to tell you how babies really hate to be put down at the beginning. They love to be held and sleep on you and it's ok, you aren't spoiling them and they will be happy to sleep by themselves and entertain themselves for a short while eventually. Enjoy the snuggling with them.

Whatever it is, chances are it's normal and your baby is not the only one doing/not doing it

A few days to work out what they want???? I must be really rubbish

After pains hurt. A lot. Especially when breastfeeding, so make sure you have painkillers on standby!

Ds is 2;4 and I still can't work out what he wants a lot of the time - and he can talk! .

That first night in hospital is hell. It passes.

Everyone from your mother in law to Joe Public will have an opinon on how you look after your baby. What works for baby Viking will not necessarily be true for you.

You need a thick skin as a new mother.

congratulations VikingLady

Newborns can only be awake long enough to take a feed. Do not worry if they sleep ALLLLLLL the time.

The first night in hospital is scary, but the first night at home is even scarier. Especially for DH/DP as you will have allready had one or two nights with the baby. He hasnt.

I

Dunno what that random "I" is for

Its all totally terrifying I agree. Congrats on the birth though!!!

you will get used to it at some point, however long it takes you there are no rules in this. Be kind to yourself, eat well, and enjoy the little one xxx

That if you have a section, your milk may be slower to come in. DD dropped a lot of weight & I was 'forced' to give her formula. My milk took over a week to come in. I felt like a failure for not being able to tend to my babies biggest need. It was an amazing feeling to have milk. Went on to bf until she was 13 mo though after a really difficult start.

That & sleep deprivation can drive you insane...

Be the annoying pushy mother who keeps asking the midwives for help. I wish I had.

the other first time mums on the ward are just as scared as you and the experienced mums are not judging you

everybodys winging it

Most useful piece of advice I was given ... you can spoil them as much as you like for the first 6 months and get away with it .

Some babies are just really hungry. For some reason a lot of the "baby experts" write critically about mothers shoving a breast at their baby every time it cries and that you should distract your baby out of thinking it wants feeding.

Took me weeks to work out it was a load of bollocks.

I also wish someone had told me about the bounty hunters ladies who pester you when you/your baby are trying to recover from the trauma that is birth. They shouldn't be allowed, but that's a whole other thread.

If in doubt, stick a nipple in their mouth. Solves almost all problems.

Put just as much effort into burping as you do feeding - it pays off

Who are the bounty ladies?? I'm curious! :)

Reps from The Bounty Pack Club. They give you a carrier full of advertising shite and stick a camera in your face and then offer to sell you the foto of your baby looking red and bruised and quite frankly, like Churchill, and you looking yellow. And like a rabbit in the headlights.

Good grief! They will be getting a short, sharp, shock if they come anywhere near me afterwards! How intrusive - You are right they should not be allowed!

everybodys winging it Isnt that the truth!
ANd not just the first time Mums