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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Can I 'control' my visitors on the post natal ward?

41 replies

kickingking · 01/02/2012 22:39

I will be having a repeat elcs and expect to be on the post natal ward for three days.

Last time, I had a lot of visitors and looking back, I felt quite vulnerable with some of them. I was in pain, trying to breastfeed, looked and felt awful, and I wish I hadn't had people in there taking photos and sitting all over my bed for hours on end. I still cringe at the thought if the dreadful photos of me people must have somewhere..

None of the staff asked me if I wanted to see them, when it was visiting hours people would just turn up at my bedside. I assume this is normal practice and it didn't occur to me to say anything at the time.

So what I want to know is if I can request to rhe hospital that I have no visitors except my parents?
I think I really need DH to say I am not up to visitors
but I think he will not be happy about that. So can I say anything to the hospital?

OP posts:

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shesparkles · 01/02/2012 22:41

Why not ask the hospital, but do it BEFORE you have your baby? Write it in huge letters over your birth plan?

Original poster

kickingking · 01/02/2012 22:42

Do they even look at a birth plan on post natal?

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PeppaPigandGeorge · 01/02/2012 23:14

In my experience, the hospital didn't even enforce the visitor numbers for other people i.e. maximum numbers, times. It really pissed me off having to listen to 6 people at full volume in the next bay at 8.30 p.m. when I was trying to get to sleep because I had to be up every 90 minutes. So good luck with getting them to enforce your own visitor preference!!! I have to say, I did have a rule that it was just my parents and my husband, and everyone did stick to this.

Firawla · 01/02/2012 23:19

I think they tend to just walk in, they may have to buzz the door but other patients may let them in and out as well as random staff so I don't think hospital staff will enforce anything, as they might do in labour ward. Would you not be able to explain to family/whoever that you want some time before visitors, and then get your dh/p to enforce it if people do try to push it?

Original poster

kickingking · 01/02/2012 23:21

I don't think the rules about visitors numbers were applied either. I think visiting hours were more or less adhered to.

It's really that I don't want my in laws to visit. Last tune they turned up as soon as I was on post natal, I was still in bed, in hospital gown with my boob out, on a catheter with a big bag of wee next to me and was off my face on morphine. I am mortified that they saw me like that, particularly as they didn't seem to understand that I'd just had surgery and were seemingly expecting me to get out of bed for them.

OP posts:

justanuthermanicmumsday · 01/02/2012 23:25

yeah u can request what u like you are the queen on the ward. ur there to get some rest recuperate. so yes tell the nurses no guests except whoever you want there. or tell them to ask before letting someone in unawares.

lisaro · 01/02/2012 23:29

You need to TELL your husband, and if he doesn't like it, tell him giving birth isn't a bunch of laughs either. Seriously - he should be dealing with that. Good luck with the baby.

Original poster

kickingking · 02/02/2012 08:15

I am planning to talk to DH about this soon. There were a few things around the pregnancy and birth that I wasn't happy with last time (I didn't want everyone to know the date of my elcs weeks before, for example, as I wanted to surprise people but he told everyone). He is still saying I was being unreasonable about the various things I was unhappy about.

So it's going to be a tricky conversation. But I will put my foot down

OP posts:

Original poster

kickingking · 02/02/2012 08:17

Should add that the birth was a very good experience - I'm just a lady who likes my privacy!

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VivaLeBeaver · 02/02/2012 08:23

I think you definetly need to tell your inlaws. They'd be more annoyed if they turned up and the receptionist told them that they weren't allowed in.

Original poster

kickingking · 02/02/2012 08:37

Yeah, that would be bad - turning up with cards and gifts to be told they can't see me! I am hoping DH will support my wishes, but he is of the view that people have a right to see the baby.

I'm split on this, they do - but the mum and baby come as a package at that point and if one of them isn't up to visitors...

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PiggyMad · 02/02/2012 09:08

I would also tell them in advance that you won't be having visitors - maybe say something like 'Oh why don't you come round on Tuesday, when I'm back home? I'm not having any visitors at the hospital this time.'
Do they know the date for this cs?

BikeRunSki · 02/02/2012 09:09

When I had dd in October, the ward sister enforced visitors numbers and times very strictly. Is loved her for it, although my mother hated her for the same reason.

Original poster

kickingking · 02/02/2012 09:13

I don't know the date for the cs yet! I have no intention of telling people this time either, although have said I'll be having another cs probably in the week beginning xxx. I would like to have the chance to surprise people - 'the baby's here!' etc. like you would with a normal delivery.

I really need DH to say 'the baby's here! Hooray! But no visitors yet' and then stall them until I am more comfortable.

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 02/02/2012 09:15

I'd go with what PiggyMad says. Tell them simply that last time you overestimated how ready you'd be for visitors and you overdid it and that's why you're waiting until you get home to see people.

I can understand your DH being :( about not letting his parents see the baby when yours can but I absolutely understand that your own parents seeing you cathetered up and struggling to BF is different, and that you should have the final say - especially if you had a huge audience last time.

Alternatively, ccould you perhaps suggest they come later on day 2/3 of recovery at the arse end of visiting - just for an hour or so? You could say the hospital has tightened up on visitors since last time, so only 2 visitors at the bedside (eg MIL and FIL but not SILs/BILS/Nephews and nieces) plus the father at any one time?

Original poster

kickingking · 02/02/2012 09:15

You're lucky, BikeRunSki - it was a free for all during visiting hours when I had DS.

I was also annoyed to be told I had to keep my curtains drawn while breastfeeding at all times, in case I offended anyone including the other mums there!

OP posts:

Original poster

kickingking · 02/02/2012 09:18

That is a good idea to say the hospital has tightened up on visitors since last time. I think there was a limit last time, but it was not enforced - there were hoards of people around every bed!

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BackforGood · 02/02/2012 09:18

It's not the hospital staff's place to be monitoring individuals preference for visitors - you need to let them know now that you found it all too much last time and have decided that you want everyone to wait until you come home this time. Then reiterate this to dh. I think anyone would be pretty annoyed to take the time to go and visit someone in hospital, pay the extortionate parking etc., to be then barred entry at the door ! You can either let them know in advance you don't want any visits in hospital, or not tell anyone the date you are going in (difficult as presumably someone wi;; need to look after your older one).

BackforGood · 02/02/2012 09:20

I do think you have to stick to "no" visitors or "just grandparents" though, it's not really fair to say your Mum and Dad can come but your dh's Mum and Dad can't.

PiggyMad · 02/02/2012 09:24

Or could you tell a little white lie, like they are worried about your iron levels and have advised you have no visitors except DH as you need to rest fully? No idea if this is believable/relevant, but would they question it?!

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 02/02/2012 09:29

Not sure whether the hospital would allow this, but would it be possible to allow DH to take the baby out so they can see the baby (e.g. in hospital cafe or something, or even a short walk out?), but without them having to come in and see you if you don't feel up to it? That way the ILs (and DH) would be happy as they get to see the baby, while you get to have a rest without baby for a little while. Obviously they wouldn't be able to go far or for very long in case baby needed feeding. Would you be comfortable with that?

mummytime · 02/02/2012 09:44

Talk to your MW asap. At our local hospital they would listen to your requests that people don't visit. I wouldn't have anyone visit until I was out of hospital, although my FIL and SIL did visit 3 days in with my first, when I was still in hospital after an elective CS. But they did ask to check first, and it was a rare chance for FIL to visit (and fortunately his wife wasn't with him at the time).
Then explain to your DH, and if necessary get your MW to explain to him too.

ayearoverdue · 02/02/2012 10:32

I was told by a nurse that works at my local hospital that you can ask the nurses to keep the visitors at bay and they will. In practice though the post natal ward was busy and visitors just got buzzed in and found the person they were visiting. I was lucky that people stayed away (I am also quiet private) I was in hospital for a few days and people assumed that meant I needed rest, logic does prevail sometimes!

I would say though that if people turn up excited to see you and the baby but get turned away by the nurses they are likely to be miffed, not that they'll blame you but it could make an awkward situation. Am a little irritated on your behalf at the "people have the right to come and meet the baby" what about the mum?! You will have had a baby and your privacy and feelings are brushed to the side, I think it's just bloody thoughtless and rude. The baby will have only just come out of you and I think it's a special time for close family not the world and his wife. It's something that really gets on my nerves!

thistlemuncher · 02/02/2012 10:40

I'm also worried about this. I really don't want MIL around until I ask for visitors. When I had an operation she blagged her way into the recovery room with DS (yes, I do mean the recovery room) so I was coming round from a GA and the first thing I see is her standing there trying to pass DS over to me who promptly threw a fit because I couldn't hold him etc etc (he was 9 months, so perfectly able to spend the day without me). Totally overriding my wishes (I'd asked her to stay away til I asked for him). I still haven't forgiven her and am really worried that she'll turn up as soon as she hears that the baby has arrived and barge her way in using DS as an excuse.

I'm planning to call the hospital next week to see if I can visit and talk about things like this as DH can't see a problem with A)us taking DS with us to hospital and him being in the delivery room with us - errr NO!! and B) him calling his parents and them coming to the hospital to come and collect him - errr NO, they are not coming near me in labour!

thejaffacakesareonme · 02/02/2012 11:17

I felt the same way after DS1 - I know people were very excited about the new baby but I just felt swamped and couldn't wait for some people to leave. I'd tell your PIL that you were very sore last time post section and that you found it difficult to have visitors for more than about 20 minutes at a time. I'd also tell them that only two visitors are allowed at each bedside (whether or not it is true). I'd tell your own parents the same thing and ask DH to manage your visitors while in hospital. That way, if DH tells either set of grandparents that there are already two visitors and that they'll have to go to the cafe for 30 minutes it will not come as a shock to them. I'd ask all other potential visitors to wait until you get out of hospital before visiting (and to bring cake and make the tea). This is my plan of action for my ELCS in 4 weeks time!

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