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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Can I 'control' my visitors on the post natal ward?

41 replies

kickingking · 01/02/2012 22:39

I will be having a repeat elcs and expect to be on the post natal ward for three days.

Last time, I had a lot of visitors and looking back, I felt quite vulnerable with some of them. I was in pain, trying to breastfeed, looked and felt awful, and I wish I hadn't had people in there taking photos and sitting all over my bed for hours on end. I still cringe at the thought if the dreadful photos of me people must have somewhere..

None of the staff asked me if I wanted to see them, when it was visiting hours people would just turn up at my bedside. I assume this is normal practice and it didn't occur to me to say anything at the time.

So what I want to know is if I can request to rhe hospital that I have no visitors except my parents?
I think I really need DH to say I am not up to visitors
but I think he will not be happy about that. So can I say anything to the hospital?

OP posts:

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Iggly · 02/02/2012 11:22

You need to get your dh onside. It's only three days FFS - baby won't change much!!

Maybe spin it that they come on day 3, or they wait until you're home.

Or let them visit earlier but you require warning and they only come towards the end of the hours?

I'm really that your DH isn't more understanding!

LittleWhiteWolf · 02/02/2012 11:31

I'm quite surprised at some of these stories; my hospital was very strict on visiting hours and numbers (maximum 2 per each visiting hour, barring husbands, and no children were permitted unless they were the parents own children). My MIL doesn't drive and was actually away visiting her sick father when I gave birth and we told FIL and step-MIL to wait until we were home. My dad and sister, aunt and cousin came and that was it. My mum was in hospital herself so couldn't. When I learned we'd have to stay an extra day (DD had a mahoosive bruised head which they were worried might make her jaundiced as it broke down) I told DH I only wanted him to visit as I was upset and he passed that news on.

We pretty much told everyone before the birth that we would want to be us at the hospital, but everyone was welcome once we were home; staggered of course. We were quite firm and clearly had reasonable relatives as this worked out well for us.

eurochick · 02/02/2012 11:56

In my view it is your husband's job to "protect" you when you are vulnerable post-birth. This means making sure that your wishes are respected.

If he is not willing to do that, then you will have to do it for him and make sure people know your wishes before birth, and then stick to them.

I do think you need to be fair about it though. For example, I think it would be unfair to allow your parents to come and see you but not his. Otherwise you will just end up creating a lot of resentment.

igggi · 02/02/2012 12:04

It's a minefield, isn't it. I have been thinking the opposite of you, that if all goes well this time round I'll invite friends to visit in hospital (rather than coming when I'm at home) as at least there are set hours for visiting, so they will be ejected if staying too long!

Original poster

kickingking · 02/02/2012 12:12

To be honest, igggi, I found it not much easier at home. We had visitors every day for weeks. I was ill with a chest infection afterwards and still they kept coming. I felt that I couldn't say no, I wish I had now.

There seemed to be this idea that I could schedule visitors between the baby's feeds and sleeps. Erm, doesn't really work with a breastfed 5 day old baby!

I suppose at home, I could retreat to my bedroom to feed the baby. My in laws just sat there in hospital when I said I needed to feed the baby now. And sat there. And sat there. Finally the penny dropped and they realised it meant I was asking them to leave!

OP posts:

Pootles2010 · 02/02/2012 12:19

You need to get dp onside. Let him know what you need, and work round it. So, you might say yes to mil and fil visiting early on, but it is just them and they must come at a certain time, allowing you a chance to prepare. Then maybe agree something with dp like when you need to bf, he take them for a coffee or something at the cafe (if your hospital has one!)?

igggi · 02/02/2012 12:24

Oh Kicking, it shouldn't have to be so hard should it! I wonder will I be able to follow advice I've seen on MN to stay in your pyjamas all day as it reminds visitors you are supposed to be resting! Would bf scrare your in-laws away? (Especially if you just took your top off to do it!)

Highlander · 02/02/2012 13:12

You may have to go a bit OTT in order to keep everyone at bay. I told the midwives to make it clearly visible on the patient board that I didn't want visitors. I told them to pass this info on at shift changovers, and if they let any visitors through I would regard it as a blatant disregard for my privacy.

bobbledunk · 02/02/2012 18:30

If you have no visitors of your own would you not be more irritated by other people's visitors. You'll have nobody to distract you.

Tbh, I found it preferable to have loads of visitors in hospital than to have everybody descend when I got home.

igggi · 02/02/2012 20:05

At least visitors in hospital aren't judging the state of the house, expecting coffee etc.

mousebacon · 04/02/2012 17:03

My MIL seems to think it is her right to be there when dc2 is born this spring. She's already said she wants the date of the section so she can book the day off work! Obviously I said no way to DH but he can't seem to see a problem with her knowing.

I've just told him I don't want ANY visitors that first day or anyone until catheter etc is out and he's agreed with that so I'm just going to keep reminding him until the big day (he has a habit of forgetting this sort of conversations...)

Original poster

kickingking · 04/02/2012 17:23

mousebacon my SIL was the sane first tine around. Wanted to travel up with her children and sit outside the theatre to see the baby as soon as he was out. It was like she got carried away with having prior knowledge of the birth date and had no concept of what a cs actually involves, ie. that it is major surgery and you can't just turn up and peer through the theatre doors.

And that is exactly why I don't want people knowing the date this time!

OP posts:

Waswondering · 04/02/2012 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJRT · 04/02/2012 17:31

It's not really up to the midwives to police your visitors and it's unfair to expect them to do so, they have enough on. Plus as someone else said parking etc is extortionate so it's also unreasonable not to give potential visitors prior warning they will not be allowed in. I also think it's unreasonable to let one set of grandparents in and not the other.

cowboylover · 04/02/2012 21:54

This is defo something you need to discuss with your DH beforehand there it is unlikely the staff will have the time to check who they are or on your acceptable list or not! Maybe a chat with the family is needed as well and be firm.

My hospital you only have 2 (seperate) hours with partner only visiting and 1 for others max 2 per bed so it was not a problem for me but I would have loved to see DH more.

mousebacon · 04/02/2012 23:03

In a way I hope I am bumped waswondering! At least then I get 2 day's grace IYSWIM...

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