When your dd/ds was born did you..........?

[pepperpots]

Have them delivered straight onto you? ie skin to skin And do you think it affects bonding if not?

It's the only time I can be really sure he was listening to me...

Hi Moondog, I'm fine! I'm on the Due in August thread.

With ds1 a baby was the last thing I wanted at that moment. I intensely hated ds1 & dp for about 20 minutes and told dp he had to have the first cuddle etc. I had also written into my brithplan that dp should be the first to hold the baby anyway - I'd been cuddling it for the past 9 months, whereas dp had shared it all with me but never felt or held the baby before!

With ds2 the delivery was more painful (not enough time to get any painkillers in) but much much much quicker. So I was very excited when he popped out and begged to hold him.

Like all things with giving birth, though, I think it is important not to make any firm plans. Both my labours and deliveries were completely straight forward but both times the babies had to go straight onto the ressuss table because there was merconium in the waters, so if I had been desperate to hold ds1 I would have felt sad.

I think its difficult to say whether it affects bonding if you don't, as you would never know how you would feel if you had iyswim.

DS was, DD wasn't, and it hasn't affected bonding at all.

Moondog - slight aside here - but when baby #1 pops out next month I WILL be wearing my glasses!! (even if I get my way and have a water birth )
I can't see without them - I think bonding might be affected if all I can see is a blurry pink blob and my child gazes up at me to see a cross-eyed moo squinting back at her!!

"cross-eyed moo"!! Love it!!

Nope - ds was taken off to be checked by the neo-natal nurses so didn't get to hold him for a good 20/30 mins...
did go skin to skin after that...
Don't think it effected the bonding

i personally think that the importance of those first few minutes is rather exaggerated. I have four, and only one of them was delivered straight onto my tummy. He wasn't a pretty sight, and I really was not interested! He was a big baby and it had been a long, hard labour. All I wanted to do was rest, and I was quite happy to let daddy have him for the first half hour while I recovered a bit. It didn't affect bonding in the least.
dd (my first) was all wrapped up and presented in a nice fluffy towel, and I held her for ages, havign lovely cuddles. the dts were by section so I onyl got a quick look before they were taken away and checked over. Then after that they were taken to recovery while I was stitched up. I hated that, but it still didn't affect bonding. And I breastfed them all no probs.

I think its difficult to say whether it affects bonding if you don't, as you would never know how you would feel if you had iyswim.

It's also diffivukt to say whether it affects bonding if you do, as you would never know how you would feel if you hadn't.

People posting on this thread who've experienced both don't generally seem to feel that it made a difference, though.

OP was querying if you hadnt though, and this is what they say can make a difference.

DD1 was plonked onto my stomach after a nightmare emergency ventouse, and all I felt was 'they've put this gelatinous thing on me, please everyone go away, including the baby, I've got years with the baby, just go away everyone now and let me sleep at last'.

It may or may not have affected bonding; I found the whole motherhood experience a bit weird and difficult at the beginning.

DD2 whooshed out in the birth pool and was put into my arms and I gazed woozily at her through a hormonal/drugged state of blissed-outness and then her dad took her while I delivered the placenta.

She asked if you thought it affected bonding, so it's not really relevant whether you can be 100% sure or not. I don't think it affected bonding in my case. That's answering the question. I don't think I could have bonded any more, or any more quickly, with DS if he'd been delivered skin-to-skin onto me. I can't imagine that that's possible given the instant and incredibly strong bond I felt. I don't need to have been able to rewind time and replay the whole experience with a different outcome in order for that to be my opinion, and I think it's a valid one.

I had emergency c-sections with both of mine. I got a quick look and a kiss before they were taken away for the things they do, and dh got to do the first half hour or so (I'm pretty sure this was within my hearing though, as I remember people laughing about ds's huge cloth nappies - although dh might have just told me this as it is a bit hazy). Then with both of them they were brought back, and I do remember being slightly surprised with ds (first baby) when the nice midwife sort of manhandled him into latching on position for his first feed (being slightly incapacitated myself). I think that it was fairly similar with dd, but she was born at midnight and I was very stressed, so I can't remember much. I took a long while to fully bond with dd, but I was fairly miserable at the time. Now ds is still a little bit special, but I love them both very much.

Leah, if you had a strong and immediate bond with your DS that's a wonderful miracle, whether you had skin-to-skin contact or not. I think it's supposed to be a useful and nice thing for parents and children if the circumstances are right, not a box that has to be ticked before you can love your child.

As far as I can see the "bonding" process varies enormously and there are so many different factors including the mother's personality and her birth experience. It would be sad if anyone felt their bond with their child was being slighted or unfavourably compared with someone else's. I think the love between mother and child is very complex and unique in each case. It would be a very silly thing to compete over.

Haven't got time to read all posts so sorry if we've got past the original question or anything but in answer to original post pepperpots - yes, had skin to skin contact straight away with both dd's.

DD1 - was laid on bed as I was standing to give birth and after DP cut cord I breastfed her while delivering placenta and then we lay on the bed together before she was then taken off to intensive care.

DD2 was better skin to skin as was born at home. She was in my arms immediatley and the cord cut after a while and she wasn't out of my arms again until a couple of hours later. 20 mins after the birth and lots of in the bud cuddles we had a long bath together and she breastfed the whole time.

Can't see how not having that immediate skin to skin would affect your bonding though. My DD1 was eventually taken into intensive care and then SCBU for 5 days and it didn't affect my feelings to her. I'm sure mums whose kids get taken off imm due to probs don't necceserily have a problem with the bonding thing.

Neither of mine were delivered on to me (at my request) and I had to ask dh what actually happened after the birth of ds1 as I can't remember - it was all a haze of pain and pph and shakes and vomiting and then 100s of stitches that I don't really know what happened. Apparently dh held ds1 until he was needed to put in my canula and ds1 was in a cot by my bed and I held him about an hour later. Can honestly say that it didn't affect bonding and certainly didn't affect bf - he would feed for up to an hour each time! Ds2 was an infinitely less traumatic birth and he was cleaned and loosly wrapped in a blanket for me to hold within a minute of delivery which was very nice but then the whole birth was nicer. Feel no more bonded with ds2 than ds1. Not sure it really matters - just another stick to beat yourself with.

I don't think there is such a thing as a "perfect" delivery with boxes to tick - it's whatever works for you be that straight to tummy (that wouldn't be good for me - don't want to see/feel the gore), with/without pain relief, at home or in hospital = whatever makes you feel most comfortable is more likely to enhance the first moments but I don't think it's something where there is a right answer.

I have incredibly clear memories of the first seconds of both my children's lives and of what they looked like (ds v v cross, dd calm and rosy) and how they reacted. Was madly, insanely in love with both instantly. I use the word 'insanely' wisely - I spent a lot of time wondering what I'd do when ds got persistent offers from baby model scouts on account of his preturnatural beauty and charisma.

it was my biggest fear actually.

i was going for a vbac with dd (i didnt have any choice with prem ds).

i had these visions of some midwife whipping up my nightie and exposing me to the world, slapping on little slimy baby. (sorry for putting it like that, but its how i imagined it).

anyway i had another cs and they took baby away, weighed her etc and brought her back. they put her in my arms on the bed as i was wheeled back to the ward and i can safely say bonding was not a problem at all. in fact, it was far more difficult to bond with ds who was in scbu for three weeks and who i didnt get to hold for three days after his birth. i always got the feeling with him that he belonged to the hospital and not me, although i suspect the fact i was young and he was my first had quite a bit to do with that aswell.

I had a drink. Wot waqs trhe question?

You are incorrigible

Oh Aloha, I remember feeling like that about ds. I wouldn't leave him in my living room while I went to the toilet, because anyone who walked past my window would climb in and steal him.

I really believed that for about 2 weeks! I did go ever so slightly strange after the birth though.

eh wot?

Go to bed you lush