Is it easier 2nd time round?

[OlivesIncubator]

I am not sure if this posting is a good idea or not, but am going to go with it anyway...
I felt quite traumatised after the birth of DD and swore NEVER AGAIN, but now she is 12 weeks old and such a darling and I am even missing being pregnant a little bit, as that was a lovely time and a fairly easy ride for me SO I am thinking that maybe a second go shouldn't be completely ruled out.
I would like to hear about other peoples experiences the 2nd time around. Any easier?

For me the 2nd was a dream, the first a nightmare.

The 2nd is usually much easier for most people.

For me the first was not great.

2nd was loads better :)

I had a very traumatic time 1st time round. EMCS after a long labour and a lot of intervention, baby in a v difficult position.

Physically, 2nd was exactly the same. Premature rupture of waters, 38hr labour, baby in weird position, EMCS.

BUT I couldn't have felt more different. DC2's birth was a positive experience and I bounced out of hospital. My attitude, approach and feelings were a world away from DC1, after her birth I had ptsd and pnd.

Decent care, working through your feelings from first time and truly accepting it's out of your control were the things which helped me.

Well that is a great start! Thanks! Now if there is anyone else with a different experience please stay off this thread! I would like to hear lots more stories following the same theme.
Seriously though, this is really helping me feel more positive already. Smiling. :)

I found the first one fairly 'easy', to be honest. (well very intense and fucking painful, but over quickly).
The 2nd was only very painful for a very short time and was a walk in the park compare to the first.

The first one is usually the most difficult. Thankfully, you only have to give birth to your first baby once.

First time round was 20 hours, felt like I was going to die it was so painful, ended up having an epidural and ventouse delivery.

Second time was 4 hours and managed on gas and air - even though I had stitches again, it was such a better experience, even to the extent that I actually "got" why some people say they enjoyed their labours / births. The high I felt afterwards was amazing. And it really must have been ok as I went on to have no3 - which was 2 hours and even better.

Not to say that any of that is now tempting me to have a 4th, but honestly my 2nd and 3rd births were just so so much better (I do recommend more active labours though, for me the key to it all was being mobile I think).

Good luck, and enjoy your dd! xx

Yes - even dh keeps telling everyone how much easier dd2's birth was

My first pregnancy was fine, I was a bit sick during the first three months, but then it was ok...put on loads of weight, mostly due to my hugely increased consumption of cake! I had a pretty difficult labour though - in the end ds1 was a forceps delivery, I had an epidural, lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion.
During my 2nd pregnancy I was seriously knackered. For the whole 9 months. I really struggled. But the birth? Not really a problem. ds2 was 9lb13oz, back to back, and I managed with just a little gas and air.
I looked pregnant much sooner with ds2, and I felt him kick sooner. Maybe just because I recognised the sensation though. I found bfing easier 2nd time too - just as well, as ds2 was v hungry!

Hi Olives congratulations on DD.

As everyone has said second time is normally much easier. Largely because your body has had a bit of practice and also because you've been through it once before and know strongly what you do/don't want.

It might be worth, when you are ready, trying to deal a bit with DD's birth.

The birth crisis helpline (see www.sheilakitzinger.com/birthcrisis.htm ) is well worth a call.

If you decide to have another baby, you may want to put some things in place to make this a different experience. For some it's having a clearer birth plan, or deciding to stay at home. But at the root of it a lot of women want to make sure they feel they are being listened to, get to back decisions and are treated with respect.

A doula is something to consider next time around and details on local ones are here www.doula.org.uk.

I've got a nice birth story of a client who had a lovely second birth after a tricky first one here on my website hackneydoula.co.uk/?page_id=421

First labour was 22 hours ended up with epidural and episiotomy and ventouse delivery, but as i didnt know what to expect i didnt find it traumatic in any way.

Second labour was a whirlwind, first contraction immense and less than 2.5 hours later DD2 entered the world (just gas and air, no stitches). The second was much better as i was able to get up straight after and felt completely normal. I didnt like how fast it was as I felt out of control and i did find it painful but i was scared and that wouldnt have helped!- but that was down to me not considering that my second labour could be so fast and intense.

DC3 due in 2 weeks, I have been reading about hypnotherapy which has really calmed me down, and hoping again for a quick, easy labour! This time I will be more in control! And hoping the pain will be more bearable as I now understand how my body is working with me and not to panic!

First 10 1/2 hours. Thought that was pretty good going.
Second 59 mins! That was only because they wouldn't let me push in the lift!

First - long and hideous. ARM and syntocinon miserable. Horrid midwives.

Second - fab. Hard work - more warrior woman than calm hypnobirth, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

First was horrendous, truly horrific. Second was a breeze in comparison. Infact 2nd labour was the easiest of all four by far.

Wow. Thanks everyone for all of your stories. Definitely seems to be a theme running through and has made me feel a lot more positive at the thought of a 2nd round. I now kind of feel like I want another go to 'do it properly' this time. If there is such a thing.

Same as the other positives above - first was 30 hours resulting in epidural and episiotomy, second was 4 hours with no pain relief. Went home from hospital same day and ducked out to get dinner that night whilst DH stayed at home with the DCs. First time I was in a state of shock for weeks!

Second time was so positive that I would love to have a third whereas after the first I was dreading the thought of any more.

For me, much

First: four days incl ARM, syntocin, epi. Long haul tbh.
Second: 1 hr 19 mins start to finish, with just a bit of G&A :)

First: 48 hours start to finish, 28 hours established labour, ending in ventouse and forceps. G&A didn't cut it and had an epidural. Felt quite damaged down there.

Second: 13 hours start to finish, but only bad pain for one hour, 11 MINUTES official established labour . G&A for the last hour only. Before that breathing (from the hypnobirthing book I had half read) really really helped. I was on a high after. Bit of tearing but no lasting damage.

Good luck.

Statistically second labours are shorter and less likely to end in assisted delivery/ CS. IME, having a second baby is delightful - you are already a parent so there are less adjustments to make, and you are more confident handling a baby. However, I'd not jump in with one child only 3 mths old. You could end up with 2 under 14 mths, which would be pretty hard work - one toddling and one feeding constantly... But depends on individual circumstances. Good to hear you are enjoying it so much! I couldn't have considered a second in my first year of motherhood !

In my experience, it wasn't that the second was easier as such, it was more that I had practiced telling anyone who touched me to back the fuck away please desist, hence leading to less intervention, and less trauma.

yes, second miles easier and a lovely birth. First? I barely remember it! But the outcome was 2 beautiful DC so after a while their births don't matter so much

Oh I love this thread. Am 38 weeks with 2nd dc and am absolutely bricking it about the birth. This thread is helping maintain some control over my sanity! Thank you!

Another one here who found my first birth a nightmare. I couldn't get over how bad it was for ages. I kept replaying it in my head for about a year afterwards and I'm sure it affected bonding in the early days.

The 2nd felt like I'd suddenly clicked on what to do and how to do it. It was totally different and a much quicker experience. I felt much more in control.

1st - had 10 minute apart contractions for 3 days! episiotmy.

2nd - waters broke, contractions started 30 minutes later, DS2 born 1.5 hours later. I was very suprised by the speed and when the midwife in triage (never made the delivery suite) said one more push and we'll have a baby I replied 'are you f**king joking' .

1st - felt like a marathon in lead boots, unbelievably painful, truly thought I was going to die, back-to-back baby, induction, epidural, me muttering never again, flashbacks after, just UGH.

2nd - called DH to come home as thought was in early labour, had a bath, thought better go to hospital as it was slightly painful and contractions seemed to be every 5 minutes or so. Got to hospital, assessed, midwife couldn't find cervix and said "oh, hang on, that's because you're fully dilated!" DP, midwife and I all had a look of on face. DS born 30 minutes later. I hadn't even realised I was in proper labour so that was a bit of a surprise!