Got to have a CS- but can't do it!

[secondtimemum]

Hi
I posted in pregnancy about being breech at 34 weeks, and having to have an ECV at 37 weeks. Just had scan and been told that ECV would not probably work due to size, position of baby and fluid and everything it felt like.
I've been told that I've got to have a CS. I know the risks of a natural birth and I know a healthy baby is the most important thing but...
I just can't have one. It's really freaking me out, could not explain to the consultant without sounding loopy, so said nothing and asked no questions. But I just know I can't have one. I just want to run away. please can someone reasure me that they felt like this but was then ok when it happened.

Your partner will be home for a bit after the birth though won't he? If he has a couple of weeks paternity leave, then you should be fine with taking your dd to nursery after that. If not, try asking another mum at the nursery if they would mind helping out. Most people are only too happy to help, a neighbour took my dd to school for weeks while I was laid up with a twin pg. And, it isn't inevitable that you will suffer pnd again. I got it first tiem around, but was fine second and thrid time. It's not so bad second tiem around as it isn't such a huge adjsutment as it is with a first born.

Is a postnatal doula an option? They can help with your older child, help with the baby etc etc, and I think they'd know all about recovery from CS.

I saw no more of my gp/hv than anyone else after my cs. In fact, getting breastfeeding going was much more of a problem than my cs, and I'd breastfed before. And really, don't believe the hype about not being able to do anything. My ds was 3 but has dyspraxia so is roughly a year behind in his physical abilities so still had to help him, lift him into the car etc and it was NOT a problem. I HONESTLY did not feel incapacitated. What specific things do you believe you won't be able to do?
Also, why not consider a postnatal doula if you are afraid?

I thought she meant the GP/HV would be in her face because of her history of PND?

If she expects them to be involved, because she had a CS, I say the same as Aloha, only I'll shorten it to "ha!".

Hi, maybe it would put your mind a little more at rest by doing some 'preparation' for the C/S. There are some tips in 'Homoeopathy for midwives (and all pregnant women)' (Dr. Peter Webb) on remedies to use before and after to assist quicker healing. There are also some tips in 'Blooming Birth' by Lucy Atkins and Julia Guderian. I am sure there are other books as well but these are the ones I happened to come across.

Maybe that would give you some sense of 'control' back?

Good luck.

i have had 2 c-sections. I was adament first time round that I would not have a c-section but had no choice - baby needed to come out.

Despite the urgent nature of hte first c-section - both times I felt totally in control and relaxed. I had one c-section in the Uk and one here in Aus. Both times the surgical teams were fabulous. It really was over in a matter of minutes... in fact - first time surgeon told me it would be four minutes from him starting to cut to dd1 being born - and he was right... in no time at all I was able to cuddle and hold my baby ( dd1 had to go off to ICU - nothing to do with c-section) btu with dd2 - I was able to breastfeed in recovery and skinto skin also.

I was up walking both times the next day. I healed fairly quickly. With no2 - I had a 2 1/2 yo with down syndrome to care for at home - dd1 was not walking, not toilet trained. Yet I managed. a couple of friends took her to playgroup for me ( should be child and parent) but they were more than happy to have her whilst I stayed with dd2 - by week 3 I was fine to drive and had healed very well according to GP.

Arnica tablets are fab for healing and I bathed my stitches in warm water and dried with paper towels - wound was clear had no problems either time.

C-section 1 was the first time I had had any surgery or been in a hospital and it was fine.

I think too many horror stories are told regarding complications and for me - the c-sections were what was needed for my babes to be here alive and 'well'.

The atmosphere in the operating theatres was very relaxed and calm - you could take in your own music to be played etc. I chatted to the surgeon first time round... he was curious as to what an aussie was doing living in the Uk and so we chatted about travels etc... second time round the theatre sister chatted with dh and I - dh stood up in time to see dd2 being born.

It really was a calm peaceful experience in which I felt in control - both times.I did have a momentary panic when I was being wheeled in to first op and oculd not see dh - he was hard to distinguich from medical staff in his theatre garb

FWIW - i do not feel I have missed anything by not having a vaginal birth - I just look at my two gorgeous dd's and am thankful I have them. To me - the baby you take home and the rest of my life was far more impirtant than the birth iyswim. But that is just me.

By the way - they do not chop - as someone else has said - a very neat incision and then a bit of moving of bits and then babe is out.

As has been said by others, my c-section was a total breeze. Being in labour 36 hours with an undiagnosed breech was what traumatised me, not the surgery. You are so lucky that you know ahead of time and can get your head around it. It really isn't that bad of a recovery, not at all like I had feared - and believe me, I was terrified of having a c-section (until hour 35 of labour )
And, I had to go into the office (an hour away) to see a patient of mine at 4 weeks post-op and drove with no problem! I know it's not really recommended but really, I was fine. If I am lucky enough to have a second I will schedule a c-section with no hesitation whatsoever.

I can definitely see where you're coming from - I had an emergency c/s first time round (ds is also 2.5) and was told that I would be advised to have an elective second time around. I was dead against it for exactly the same reasons as you - not being able to care properly for my son, not being able to drive therefore being stuck at home etc. The baby was posterior and for the last few weeks I did everything I could to change her position, which meant that I didn't relax and enjoy the last few weeks. I was allowed to go 1 week overdue to see if I would go into labour in which case we had agreed that I would try to deliver naturally but nothing doing. I had my c/s 10 days ago and I can't tell you how different it was to my expectations. I was up and about the following morning, picking the baby up less than 24 hours following the c/s and home 2 days later. My insurance company were happy for me to drive when I phoned them after a week so I'm back to "normal" really - also picking ds up when the need arises which is a bit naughty but, like I said, I feel fine. I spoke to the midwife about my fears and they tried their hardest to make the whole thing as enjoyable as possible, with the consultant lifting Lili out of my tummy and up above the screen so that I could see her straightaway.

I left the hospital at the same time as two girls sharing the same 4 beddder as me. When my husband saw them walking out he said "so they were c/s too were they?" because they were walking so uncomfortably. In fact, they were both vaginal births! I, on the other hand, was prcatically skipping out of there!

I know it's a disappointment when things don't go the way you'd like them too, but concentrate on getting better following the op and most of the things you're worried about won't even be an issue. Good luck! x

secondtimemum,
ive only skimmed your thread so i apologise if i repeat anything but i thought i would tell you my story.

i had my ds by c section, at 33 weeks. i didnt have a choice. now im a HUGE wimp..i cant stand the dentist. when they sat me up to have the spinal i cried like a baby but everyone was lovely and no-one laughs! they dont just dive in either if that's what you're scared of. They do test you first to see if you can feel anything (a big tray of ice they used on me). it was a strange experience, i felt slightly sick but that was all. there was a very relaxed atmosphere and they had the radio on..i can still remember the song that was playing when ds came out! he did have to go to SCBU afterwards so i didnt really know about what we should have been doing together. i do remember healing really well and not feeling much pain afterwards.

i had a cs with dd too after a trial of labour which didnt work out. again, i was so frightened (silly really when i knew what i was in for) but it was fine. this time they tested me with some sort of spray. both times they never told me that they were about to start so there was no moment of fist-clenching-omg-the-knife-is-here. they started then told me a couple of minutes later. that helped a lot i think. after dd was born my mother (birth partner) took her away while i was stitched up and then they put dd in my arms as they wheeled us back up to the ward. they will give you medication for the pain (if you desire it, you dont have to take it).

i was up and about the next day in both cases and perfectly able to care for dd. the first night she was restless and they did take her away for a while so i could get some sleep. the key is to not do too much even if you do feel fine as you may set yourself back. ive been a single mum from day one of having dd and i admit i did wonder how i would cope after having her by cs. i had my mother stay with us for two weeks and she got up in the night to fetch the bottles for me so i didnt have to keep getting in and out of bed. i was fine to do all the feeds etc and more or less anything else. (youre not allowed to pick up wet washing apparently so i just kicked the basket across the floor to the dryer ) after two weeks we were on our own and i cant say there were any problems. we got by fine with just two weeks of help

as for the emotional aspect. i admit i felt like i had taken the "easy route" and i was very disappointed that i couldnt experience giving birth how i had wanted to. but that feeling doesnt last forever. in fact, i dont even think about it now.

hope it all goes well

thanks everyone
off to see consultant on Thurs so assume will agree date then. Had no idea you could meet with anaesthetist or look round theatre beforehand so will ask all these sort of questions.
still not at all happy at thought of it though.

yes just worried that HV would pop around more often due to PND last time, and if I was low due to CS this time then she would be even more on my back - did not find her at all helpful, I'm sure if I'd told her to get lost sooner I'd have felt better!