Got to have a CS- but can't do it!

[secondtimemum]

Hi
I posted in pregnancy about being breech at 34 weeks, and having to have an ECV at 37 weeks. Just had scan and been told that ECV would not probably work due to size, position of baby and fluid and everything it felt like.
I've been told that I've got to have a CS. I know the risks of a natural birth and I know a healthy baby is the most important thing but...
I just can't have one. It's really freaking me out, could not explain to the consultant without sounding loopy, so said nothing and asked no questions. But I just know I can't have one. I just want to run away. please can someone reasure me that they felt like this but was then ok when it happened.

I was up the day after - showering rather gingerly with my nice Dr Hauschka oils and making my own tea - and home after two nights. Felt fine. Really. Yes, it hurts a bit, but not as much as labour. Nowhere near!

I'm with Aloha on this. I've had 2 elective c/s at 40 weeks for medical reasons that were boring and completely unthreatening to mother and child (babies with heads so large they looked like Mekons). Both of mine were positive, serene experiences - full information on what was happening, music playing, everyone chatting, baby with me in a matter of seconds and breast feeding shortly afterwards. I had DD at about 10.30am and was standing up at 5.30pm. Was driving after about 3 weeks. I think there is a huge difference between emergency and planned c/s in your healing and general recovery time.

I am familiar with the feeling you are experiencing. I am VERY afraid of the idea of a major op and contending with new-born. I faced the prospect of a CS with DS1 but he was born vaginally at the last moment (3 minutes before the scheduled section).

More recently, I was told that I needed to have a breast abcess surgically drained and I just knew that I could not possibly go through with the procedure. I flat-out refused to be seen by the surgeon and insisted on another opinion. Amazingly, I did actually find another consultant that was willing to attempt another non-surgical option. What I am trying to say is that if you are convinced that this is NOT the right option for you then you really need to make that clear to your midwife and consultant. There may be other choices if you summon the courage to ask.

I hope you find the perfect solution for you and your LO.

I had an "elective" CS with DS1. I really really didn't want a CS. I hate needles, and I don't sleep well in public places, so a hospital birth, of any sort, wasn't what I wanted.

But DS1 was footling breech. We had the ECV, it didn't work. (He was big, but there was lots of fluid.) I did moxibustion, funny positions, the thing with the frozen peas, the thing with the flashlight and the talking, the somersaults in the swimming pool. I am really not kidding about any of these.

I was so upset after the ECV. I burst into tears at my yoga class when I explained that my CS had been booked. I Do Not Cry In Public.

And the CS was a bit of a nightmare. DS1 did end up in SCBU overnight. (He was fine, though! We were pretty sure he was, but hospitals are twitchy.) We were all fine, though. And although how your baby will arrive is the biggest thing in your mind when you're pregnant, it quickly fades into insignificance, once the baby is here.

NQC - thought the flashlight "trick" was an old wives tale. My aunt suggested it when one of mine was breach, and I nearly weed myself laughing! Don't tell me you really tried it!!

I really wanted him to turn. I was willing to try anything that couldn't harm him or me.

Oh, did I mention having his father talk to him about turning?

Oh, also forgot to mention hypnosis, only I couldn't find a hypnotist who specialised in turning babies, unfortunately.

Oh, and the flashlight was much less annoying than the moxibustion, the somersaults in the swimming pool, the goofy positions, and the frozen peas.

Did you go somewhere dark with the flashlight? My aunt suggested the cupboard under the stairs....

Look, what do you do with the flashlight? Or do you do what I think you do with it?

Yes indeedy!

I'm not saying what we did with it, until you tell me what you think we did with it, MI.

Let's just say that you put it where the sun doesn't shine.

thanks for all these helpful comments. I guess I'm just going to have to face my fears and see exactly what it entails instead of hiding away refusing to think about it.

Seems that an elective section is not too bad (relatively) - I think the thought of being out of it and people chopping me up is what is freaking me out - cos in my mind that's what will happen.

After very difficult long labour and problem birth last time I would not consider a breech natural birth - but I am coming round to the idea that the baby does need to come out!

I guess the way forward is unbiased accurate info from the hospital. i just want to know what to expect/do/be prepared etc rather than be surprised and feel total loss of control

Yes. You don't insert it anywhere, but you do shine it somewhere.

More usefully, STM, your local NCT branch should have a Ceasarian contact who will be happy to talk through your fears and concerns, and discuss what a section is like, and what prep you should do. (Alternatively, there are plenty of threads on the subject here.)

Secondtimemum - you are so NOT 'out of it'. You have a spinal anaesthetic, which sounds far worse than it is (I can't remember any pain tbh, though I am sure it smarts a bit) and your lower body goes numb really quickly. This is odd, but that is all. You are ENTIRELY yourself. Not 'out of it' - the anaesthetic works on your lower body, not your mind. You are totally in control, totally yourself, able to think and talk absolutely as normal. You are not 'chopped up'. You are completely numb so you feel either nothing or a slight pressing, moving sensation, with no pain whatsoeer. Then the surgeon makes a small incision (about 4 inches) and moves your stomach muscles aside to reach in and lift your baby into the world. No chopping. Nothing brutal. Very serene and incredibly quick. You could have the baby delivered on to you, then he or she is quickly checked over and given to your dh to hold for a little while while you are sewn up (again, very quick) - he could give the baby skin-to-skin while this happens or you could put the baby next to you and talk to him or her. Dd turned to my voice, and opened her eyes to look right at me within a couple of minutes of birth - magical! Even though dh was holding her,she turned the second she heard my voice. Then you go to recovery, where you can breastfeed and do skin to skin. The absolute worst thing about it is not being able to have a cup of tea straight away.

Also you get the benefit of the obstetrician giving your insides a quick once-over - very reassuring - and they take away a lot of the blood that would otherwise come out the normal way so the aftermath is less messy.

Moving around and then getting up for the first time after the spinal wears off is honestly the worst part of the whole thing

NotQuiteCockney - I remember my DH "talking" to DD saying things like "look luv, you're the wrong way up and upsetting mummy, so do a spin for me". I fear the not listening does not bode well

Oh I second JanH about the bleeding. I'd been grossed out about people talking about how much blood they lost after the birth "ohh, it was running down my legs" and comments like that (love it how people start telling you the horror stories once you're pregnant and dont have a choice!). I hardly bled at all.

One thing I will say is that I was sick a few hours after the section. I think that's because I was drinking juice and not just wather, so if you drink plain water you may be fine.

DD was born at 2:45 on a Thursday, back on the ward having a visit from my sisters at 3:45 having breastfed in recovery, showered the following morning and was up and about from then onwards, home on the Sunday.

secondtimemum you poor thing

I think what you are saying is that you fear the loss of control? If this is the case then do get all the info you can from the hospital. I recommend acupunture to relieve stress and help you with a positive mental attitude.

I KNOW you will be fine and it will not be as bad as you fear.

Aloha I found your comment about being raped truly shocking - you do realise that not everyone fears labour like you do don't you - I would hate to think first time mums who read that post are put off labour.

I feel exactly the same as Aloha, having had a very similar experience: nightmarish "natural" labour lasting 23 hours, ending in an emergency CS which was blissful by comparison. I would do anything to avoid going through natural labour again. The CS was very quick (they got the baby out in 4 minutes) and pain-free, and I felt very reassured by the presence of a senior medical team of 6 as opposed to the one mw I'd had before. I agree with Aloha's comments that I felt much more in control with a CS than the horrible out-of-control feeling of natural labour, where excrutiating pain couldn't be diminished.

Enid, I understand what you're saying, and I wouldn't post these comments on a thread for a first-time mother about to go through a natural birth, but this is for someone about to have a CS who needs to know the truth about how (relatively) easy they are.

I was scared when I had my section. I was petrified when I was on that table waitign for it! I had the most gorgeous anethistist tho! He was tall, dark, and had the most sexy voice ever. He really helped, he put me at ease no end. And when it came down to it it really wasn't bad at all. I actually thought the worse thing about it all was not being able to dribk beforehand, and for a bit afterwards. I cheated, but I still got very thirsty. It was all rather calm and surreal in the the end, especialy after two vaginal deliveries. I couldn't quite belive how quickly and painlessly two babies appeared. The afterwards was uncomfortable for the first day, but I didn't feel helpless. I had their cots right next to my bed, so I could pick them up, and feed them, change them. I had a supply of food and drink for me, and I was sorted. I had the section teatime, and was up the next morning sometime. It was uncomfortbnle for a few days, but I could do what I wanted - jsut a bit mroe slowly. I'm sure you will be fine, and you are doing the best thing for your baby.

I was very scared when I was told I had to have a CS for DS who was breech. I remember sitting on that bed, shaking, My mum and Dh were there trying to calm me down, because I was shaking so much, the anethistist couldn't do the spinal injection. They managed it and then I was taken through to the theatre. I remember lying there with DH cracking jokes, and getting told off by the surgeon because my tummy was moving when I laughed. DS was born very quickly and then I was stitched up, and back in the recovery room before I knew it.
The worse thing was the first time i got out of bed, I was terrified that my stomach would burst open (which of course it didn't) I was home 5 days afterwards, I was actually ok-ed to go home after 3 days but DS needed some extra help with feeding and he had low blood sugar so we were kept in longer.

I had to have an emergency with my first child and was absolutely fine after. (probably because i knew no different and hadn't heard all the horror stories that people seem to put about).Exactly a year later i had an elective one which was a little more painful after because-as i said- i knew to expect a little bit of pain. Exactly one year after that I had another elective one and I was perfectly fine afterwards. Was pushing a double buggy around quite happily-with a toddler by my side within the first week.(hubbie was working away so I had no choice!). I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine. Just try not to worry about it so much...although easier said than done i know.

Enid, that was my experience. Not my 'fear'. And I mean every word. And if we can't talk about our experiences on MN for fear of putting off hypothetical readers, where can we talk about them? Are people not supposed to post about miscarriage of the death of their babies in case it upsets pregnant women?
And the whole point is that this thread is for someone who is going to have a caesarian.

thanks again for everyone's comments. I suppose I'm also worried about my DD who is 2.5, that I won't be able to lift her, take her to nursery 3 mornings a week cos i can't drive and I'll have to rely on other people - and there aren't really any around. Partner works away a lot, don't really know people here well enough to ask. also I know - for me- I will feel a letdown (that's my personal opinion due to my circumstances- and no reflection on anyone else who chooses/has to have a CS) and I had PND last time round, and i just know if I have a CS I will again this time, and have the whole GP/HV in my face and cos I'll be more incapacitated I won't be able to do anything, and I feel I can't really talk to anyone how I really feel and I could go on and on and on..