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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Having a doula. Would you consider it?

41 replies

Kayzr · 25/10/2011 14:50

DC3 is due in June next year. Long time away I know but I like to be a bit prepared. DP works away and although we've worked out that he should be home it could change.

All being well I'll be having another homebirth and I wad thinking about looking into a doula so if DP is away I'm not alone.
I would ask my mum but she'll probably have the DSs unless it's the middle of the night. My best friend said she'd come but there's just something strange to me about having her here when I'm in labour.

Is it worth looking into a doula just in case DP ends up being at work or would you go with the friend?

Thanks

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ALotToTakeIn · 25/10/2011 14:58

My DH is definitely going to be here and we are still having a Doula. She is fab and has been a mine of support and useful info (this is our 1st). Did consider a friend or Mum or just DH but realised the many advantages of someone who is v experienced with births but also not emotionally attached to me so she can remain calm if things do start to get stressful.

NotJustClassic · 25/10/2011 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

An0therName · 25/10/2011 15:27

is your BF a mum or knows a lot about labour? I had a friend but she was like a doula - and had been at the birth of her nephew. I would meet some doulas and decide

Thomcat · 25/10/2011 15:30

The best thing I ever did was have a doula with DD3. Go for it.
Here is the - Doula I used

worldgonecrazy · 25/10/2011 15:39

I had a doula and she was fab. To be honest, it didn't feel like she did much during labour, but just having her there as a constant steady resource was amazing.

Having researched the hindrance that men can unwittingly be during labour (pretty new research), I'd agreed with DH that he would leave me with the doula for labour and just attend the actual birth. If we had any reason to switch to a medicalised birth then DH would take over and the doula would support my parents. This is what happened. It all worked beautifully and I felt empowered during what could have been a very traumatic situation.

dinkystinky · 25/10/2011 15:44

I had a doula for DS2's birth and she was great - DH was there but she was just a calm reassuring presence when we needed her.

Pancakeflipper · 25/10/2011 15:47

I would have loved a Doula for my second kid. I discovered that my DP was utterly useless and uttered nonsense when in labour with my 1st child. I

Original poster

Kayzr · 25/10/2011 16:06

BF is not a mum. All she knows about labour is watching One Born Every Minute.

OP posts:

Yorky · 25/10/2011 16:41

I had a doula for birth of DC3, I thought I was having her as a favour to her as she needed a certain number of births to complete her training but as things turned out she was a really useful source of information, especially when I was 11 days late and resisting being induced.

Would be very about having a non-mum asa labour companion unless you are very confident in their calm and supportive approach, and very comfy with them

ghosteditor · 25/10/2011 16:51

[waves at kayzr]

My antenatal yoga instructor is also a doula, and a mum of 3. She's also had a hospital birth, a water birth, and an EMCS (in that order) so she's pretty experienced. I would love to sign her up if it wasn't for the cost - she works with you and your partner before the birth and is a veritable font of wisdom (she is the author of a book on childbirth). Apparently doulas will also keep you company in the early stages of labour and will work with you to create the right environment for each phase. Sounds like a great idea, especially if there's a risk your DP may not be able to be there.

In any case, I don't have any experience of using a doula but the only one I know is fab and from what she talks about I would recommend the idea!

Original poster

Kayzr · 25/10/2011 17:07

Its the cost thats putting me off a bit. I also worry that DP will feel like a spare part if he is at home.

OP posts:

Indith · 25/10/2011 17:24

It could be worth talking to a few local ones, some will do discounts/work out payment options for low incomes.

Dh works away, hoping that a combination of holiday and paternity leave will mean he will be here for the birth but no guarantees and tbh I'd rather he miss the birth and be able to use his paternity afterwards than have him home for 2 weeks while I merrily go overdue and then not have him around after! Perosnally while I think that doulas are absolutely fantastic the very thought of having anyone else at my birth freaks me out. The thought of dh not being there and it just being me and a MW is perfectly fine and dandy.

Talk to one, discuss it. Most will be happy to have sort of a meet and greet type session free of charge for you to be able to ask questions, see if you get along well etc before you decide to take the plunge.

worldgonecrazy · 25/10/2011 17:34

You can also get doula vouchers - I had these as a maternity present from the office, so that took care of a big chunk of the cost.

Secondtimelucky · 25/10/2011 21:18

I had the amazing Hackney Doula (although I just took a peep at your profile and that's not much use!).

Having done it with and without a doula, I would definitely have one if we go for no. 3. She genuinely made the difference between the amazing home birth I had, and me giving up and going into hospital (long back story, but lets just say I seem to find the latent stage the worst bit of labour).

A good doula will not make your DH feel a spare part. She is there for both of you as a couple, and one of our doula's best aspects was helping DH be the best birth partner he could possibly be.

On cost. Trainees are only allowed to charge expenses of up to £250. Would that make it more affordable?

NationalTruss · 25/10/2011 23:17

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Withdrawn at the user's request

sylvia247 · 26/10/2011 14:58

i've been browsing for doulas in my area. it's soooo expensive!!! >>> Kayzr Tue 25-Oct-11 17:07:09 Its the cost thats putting me off a bit. I also worry that DP will feel like a spare part if he is at home.

wolfhound · 26/10/2011 15:00

I had a doula for all 3 of my (hospital) births. They (2 different ones since we moved house between DC2 and 3) were fab. DH did not feel like a spare part at all - doulas are there to support you both and IME they are excellent at not usurping. DH and I interviewed potential doulas together and chose ones that we both felt comfortable with - think that was important.

ALotToTakeIn · 26/10/2011 15:08

Try a trainee doula, that is what we are doing and she is being amazing so far. Really supportive in the antenatal stuff and I have high hopes that she will carry on being a star for the birth.

Original poster

Kayzr · 26/10/2011 15:14

I've found a trainee that costs £350 which includes post natal visits. Might send her an email.

OP posts:

pippala · 26/10/2011 23:16

If the trainee doula is following Doula UK guidelines she should only be charging her expenses up to £200 for a birth, up to £10 per hour post natal.
£350 for a trainee seems OTT as some recognised doulas charge that.
Please bear in mind that a doula only needs to attend four births to become experienced!
You may well find some trainees have never even supported a MTB in labour! The doula course is also only 18hrs long over three days and they call themselves doulas.

Ellefabulosa · 26/10/2011 23:26

I have never had a doula so I speak for the idea of not having one. For a home birth a mid wife would be present and I think the doula is unnecessary to me anyway as my husband was perfect.

Original poster

Kayzr · 27/10/2011 04:18

Pippala it's £200 for the birth and then £150 for 20 hours worth of post natal visits. Which I'd find very helpful to get help with BF.

But I doubt we'll go for it now. £350 is a lot of money when there is baby stuff to buy. Plus if DP is at home I'd rather it was just us. There is no way to guarantee he'll be home. But hopefully he will.

OP posts:

Secondtimelucky · 27/10/2011 09:57

Elle - I take your point, but for me the latent phase has been the hardest both times (first time round ending up with augmentation). At that stage, the midwives wouldn't be there, and having a doula who I knew would be was a great comfort.

Kayzr - if you're looking for breastfeeding help from your doula, do just check what training she has undertaken in breastfeeding support.

Prunellabream · 27/10/2011 17:40

I couldn't speak highly enough of my doula, in my first birth

Husband was fine but more scared than me. It's asking a lot of a bloke to remain calm and collected if he's never seen anyone give birth before. I mean, it's not like I would've been much use, when I'd never seen anyone give birth (and still haven't). Also my doula ensured that I got the epidural I wanted when I wanted it - I'd said fairly bluntly that that was the main reason I was hiring her, because I didn't trust the hospital to deliver - she agreed and she got the job done in fantastic style, a pain-free, quick (six hours according to the hospital, 10 hours according to me) very happy delivery. She also spent two blissful (for us) weeks looking after all three of us, cooking breakfast and lunch and cleaning the house. It wouldn't remotely have been the same without her

The second birth, after such a fantastic first experience, I didn't have a doula. That was how confident she'd made me feel :)

Prunellabream · 27/10/2011 17:47

PS find one that's right for you though. I interviewed about six doulas. I remember that two of them were lovely people, obviously adored children, but didn't seem to hear a word I said. I felt bad about not hiring them as they were so obviously lovely! - but not right for me. Pregnancy can make you feel that way - over sensitive - but you won't get this opportunity twice, so get the right person for you

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