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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Having a doula. Would you consider it?

41 replies

Kayzr · 25/10/2011 14:50

DC3 is due in June next year. Long time away I know but I like to be a bit prepared. DP works away and although we've worked out that he should be home it could change.

All being well I'll be having another homebirth and I wad thinking about looking into a doula so if DP is away I'm not alone.
I would ask my mum but she'll probably have the DSs unless it's the middle of the night. My best friend said she'd come but there's just something strange to me about having her here when I'm in labour.

Is it worth looking into a doula just in case DP ends up being at work or would you go with the friend?

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

EdlessAllenPoe · 27/10/2011 17:56

you can get good quality and cheap/free baby stuff by the bucketload off ebay/ freecycle/ NCT sales - once you know other mums many give you stuff for free! ..good peri-natal care on the other hand is invaluable.

my husband has annoyed the crap out of me in labour a few too many times - he gets scared and says stupid things.

thinking about it, though i had a HB with all three...maybe it'd be a better experience with someone present who is on my side, and doesn't say things like 'no-one listen to Edgar for the next few hours, she's off on one'...

also i didn't particularly warm to the last attending mw (just not someone i gelled with, she was still polite, professional and invisible)...

if they know how to do a good back massage, that would be worth a few hundred. Dh buggered my back by applying pressure during the last few contractions and it only came right a few months after birth....

whinge

Technoprisoners · 27/10/2011 18:10

When you meet her, if you feel you could give birth with her there, or somewhere in the vicinity, helping/supporting as needed, then go for it.

I hired a trainee doula. She was very enthusiastic on first meeting and very warm etc. But, as birth drew nearer, I began to feel that she might 'take over' (probably drawn from the fact that she had questioned me quite stringently on some false-labour symptoms and rather made me feel like I had to account for myself as to why I did/didn't call midwife etc) which began to put me off. I had other dc to consider whilst having third child, so having her as a back-up for the other children if necessary was invaluable, but by the time I went into labour, I most definitely didn't want her crowding us out, and ended up just me, DH and an occasional mid-wife.

What I'm saying is ... think carefully about why you feel you'd need one. Is it because you're worried DH might freak out somewhere along the line, is it because you are worried about other children and their care, or is it because you are worried about midwife support/continuity during labour? I would recommend a doula, as long as you are clear what type of support you have in mind and make sure she will provide that. Good luck.

Original poster

Kayzr · 27/10/2011 18:17

Techno I only want one as a just in case DP is away at work when I go into labour. If I could guarentee he will be here then I wouldn't consider it.

OP posts:

Technoprisoners · 27/10/2011 20:27

I pretty much hired mine for the same reason - DH working considerable journey away and with 2 other DCs at nursery and school to worry about should I have gone into labour. No immediate/reliable support or anyone to call on in the neighbourhood and in a fairly rural location too. So, in that case, it was a huge peace of mind to know that I had the doula on call to look after the home or get me to hospital if necessary - not needed in the end but really put my mind at rest, even if I didn't actually want or need her at the birth. If you would worry very much about your DP possibly not being there, then I would recommend it, and a trainee doula can be very reasonable.

Original poster

Kayzr · 27/10/2011 20:30

He works at sea for 5 weeks and then 5 weeks off. We've worked out he will be at home but it changes a lot. He did 6 weeks last time due to being stuck at a rig in bad weather.

But if he was away they wouldn't bother to rush him home, just whenever they next came into port. So feeling slightly worried.

OP posts:

Technoprisoners · 27/10/2011 20:46

Hmnn .. that would worry me a bit too - especially as plus or minus your due-date is a window of several weeks. If you can afford a doula/trainee then perhaps start investigating it - the good thing about them is that they will pick up any sort of support you need, whether during the birth itself, or back home keeping things ticking over. When are you due?

Technoprisoners · 27/10/2011 20:46

Sorry, I see you're due June next year.

Original poster

Kayzr · 27/10/2011 20:47

Not until June, so I have a while to think about it.

OP posts:

Technoprisoners · 27/10/2011 20:49

... and just reading your OP properly! With a home-birth, I would consider having a doula even more strongly, just so that you have a professional with you, in your own environment, who you know from the outset.

Technoprisoners · 27/10/2011 20:52

I would also worry about maybe inconveniencing my friend during my birth ... bit silly perhaps, but that's just me, and I would much prefer to have my support a bit more official ifswim. Friends are great, but if you're labouring in the middle of the night and they have their own dc, that last thing you need is to be worrying that they've left their commitments to help you ... Go for the doula!

Original poster

Kayzr · 27/10/2011 20:57

Friend works night shifts so if I went into labour on a Sunday, Tuesday or Thursday I would be screwed.

My mum has said she would do it but also said she would have the boys if I need her too.

I think that I might just email a few and see how I feel.

OP posts:

Technoprisoners · 27/10/2011 21:08

Well, it can't be a bad thing to have a few more options and it is a good idea to start looking into your support system now.

sylvia247 · 28/10/2011 10:50

amazing how these people actually have the face to overcharge and they are just trainees! >>>> pippala Wed 26-Oct-11 23:16:47 If the trainee doula is following Doula UK guidelines she should only be charging her expenses up to £200 for a birth, up to £10 per hour post natal. £350 for a trainee seems OTT as some recognised doulas charge that.

squiggleywiggler · 28/10/2011 11:22

sylvia the poster confirmed that it was £350 for birth and postnatal support so not overcharging. For the record Doula UK have recently announced a bit more flexibility in the trainee rate. It will be up to the Doula and her mentor to agree what is reasonable - if a couple need lots of hours of support and there are lots of petrol costs,childcare expenses etc it may be that the trainee will need to charge a little more. Some will continue to charge less and even work for free when they can and all will be up front about their charges in advance.

This way doulas who may have to do a year as a trainee will be able to cover their expenses at least and won't have to opt out of the process of feel they need to rush it - a good thing all round I think.

'These people' are usually only just managing to do that and working well above and beyond what they have to. I'm a recognised doula charging a lot more than that and I struggle to make a living from it!

That being said, a being a trainee is a wonderful experience and we're all happy to do it to learn and gain experience.

OP I reckon emailing and chatting to a few is a good plan - you'll get a bit more of an idea of what they can offer and who you might click with. Even if DP is there you might find the antenatal and postnatal support really valuable. I've got some birth stories with doulas on my website (which secondtimelucky has already kindly linked to) if you want to get a sense of where we might fit in to the picture.

Secondtimelucky · 28/10/2011 12:59

That's interesting Squiggley.

TBH Sylvia I think most people who have used a doula would probably agree that, even if they were charing £350 (which this trainee isn't) , for what you get it is an absolute bargain. Think about it, you probably get a couple of preparation sessions, a post natal visit (or quite a few in this case), plus the labour itself (however long). Plus you have someone who is on call for you for a full four weeks. They can't take on lots and lots of clients to bring the cost down, as they need to be there when you go into labour.

The post natal visits are, if my maths isn't deserting me, working out only around £7.50 an hour, so hardly charging through the nose.

I understand that it is still a lot of money, so obviously (sadly) not everyone who wants to have one can afford a doula. But I do take exception to the implication that it's a rip off.

happykaz · 21/12/2011 10:55

Hi everyone. I'm a trainee Doula and I charge £250 for the total package which includes the antenatal visits, birth support and the postpartum visit. For me, it's not about the money, it's about being able to support and comfort women and their families to help make their birthing experience a happy one.

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