Can partner stay with you at night (postnatal)??

[AllyZ]

Im trying to understand exactly how it works and what will happen at the hospital. After your baby is born and you are transferred to a ward, what is it like? Can you see the other women or are there curtains between? How far to the bathrooms? Are there showers etc?

I understand the partner cant sleep over, but if the baby is born lets say 10 pm does that mean he needs to leave?? Or can he sit with us as long as he wants? all night?

Maybe stupid questions but trying to get the picture:)

Many people assume because of my name.

I made no assumptions, other than thinking what a strange (and sad) thing it was to say.

All I can say is that my own experiences of the NHS, including two hospital births and one ERPC when I had a missed miscarriage, and my mother's years of chemotherapy/radiotherapy, surgery and intensive care treatment before her death, have been overwhelmingly positive.

There were some things I could niggle about, but the care that I/we received was second to none. Even the food was good!

So I would say, actually, that the NHS is a pretty good example of a free universal healthcare system.

So what is it about the NHS that you hate?

I had both my babies around midday. Both big London teaching hospitals. One hospital booted DH out at 9pm (visiting hours ended at 8pm), despite the fact I had my own room (by some fluke). The other let him stay until almost midnight, as long as we were quiet.

There were three other women on my ward and there was plenty of space between beds and we were allowed to draw our curtains whenever we wanted. However, I recently visited aferiend in another London hospital and the postnatal ward was tiny, hot and the MWs kept whipping the curtains open randomly.

Different hospitals different policies/culture, I guess.

The NHS is amazing, in my books. You'd be hard pushed to find better medical care anywhere else in the world to what i received during my second pregnancy and labour at UCH. It is world class. But no, it isn't a hotel. If you want hotel standards of surroundings and 'customer care', you really will have to fork out for private.

DC4 was born at 7:40pm at 9:30 the MW's started muttering about transferring me to the post natal and DH going home, so we went with him

TransatlanticCityGirl - you can't leave it like that! You very much make it sound as though you have experience of a free universal health care system that, in your opinion, is much better than the NHS. I, for one, would be fascinated to know where it is so that I can read up about the differences :)

At least the NHS has curtains. In France I was in a room with an antenatal patient and no curtains. Really nice when having your stitches checked with another woman's DH sat there 2 feet away

Hi AllyZ! My DS was born at Chelsea & Westminster about 6 weeks ago in the afternoon and DH had to leave in the evening. I had a very rough labour (3 days in the hospital in labour, epidural + spinal block and finally forceps delivery) so I don't remember much from the first night, but I remember being wheeled back to the antenatal ward from the delivery suite due to lack of space. After a few hours I was transferred to post natal, where there were 6 women in a bay separated from each other with curtains. There were two bathrooms/shower rooms within a walking distance from the bay and they served the meals to the bed, but apparently there was tea and coffee available all the time in the hallway outside the bays.

Personally I found it very hard that DH had to leave, as I was so complitely knackered and ill that I kept begging them to hold the baby, because I was afraid I would drop him. I don't want to scare you, but all in all I found the whole experience rather shocking, especially as it was my first baby. They had had about 30 deliveries in each of the two nights we spent in there before DS was born and were really busy all the time. Women were "queuing" in the antenatal ward to get to the labour ward and for example there was one lady, who had been there for two days already taking gas&air without anyone really checking on her when I came and all of the sudden she started hallucinating. She was still on the antenatal ward after I had had my DS, nearly three days later.. All the time there seemed to be someone coming in, who was more urgent than you, and although my waters had broken in the night between Friday and Saturday, no one did a vaginal check on me before Monday morning. While I of course understand that they have to prioritise and admittedly, once I finally got to the labour ward (by then they wanted to do an emergency c-section, but I managed to deliver vaginally in the end after begging them to let me give it a try..), they were brilliant, I felt like they had no plan B so to say. Everyone was really friendly and nice, including the MW, who had lied to everyone individually in my antenatal bay before her shift ended on Sunday evening, that they were going to be the next one to be brought to the labour ward ..

Sorry I really didn't want to hijack this thread...

Tangle - I have experienced free universal healthcare in Quebec (Canada), which is my opinion, is comparable in quality to the private care I receive here in the UK, both generally and in terms of women's reproductive health which I find particularly poor on the NHS. NB: every province in Canada runs their own healthcare system and while always free and universal, I cannot state from experience that every province operates the same.

For example, women are offered smears every single year from the age of 18 or whenever they become sexually active, whichever comes first. Here in the UK you are only allowed every three years from the age of 25. The NHS may come up with all sorts of arguments as to why further screens are not necessary, but Canadian doctors seem to disagree.

When it comes to childbirth, you have access to an obstetrician for all your care - not just a midwife. And you will will get continuity of care throughout, not see a different midwife each and every time. (I often hear arguments that midwife led care results in better outcomes for mothers and babies, but the mortality rate for mothers and babies is lower in Canada than the UK - this includes perinatal, stillbirths and neonatal rates).

Until I moved to the UK, I never heard of husbands being given the boot out of the post natal wards after visiting hours. When my friends and family have given birth, they almost always had a private room.

BecauseImWorthIt In addition to the reasons stated above, I find the NHS inadequate in their level of care / knowledge for a number of reasons including:

• My midwife (as lovely as she is - I do actually quite like her) is not able to answer very basic questions such as "is it ok for me to have the flu jab if I'm pregnant?". She had to phone a friend for the answer - and she is the unit's team lead!
• Many women I know here in the UK have had similar experiences with their midwifes (one was told to "google it") and have subsequently hired independent midwifes.
• On several occasions I have seen an NHS GP regarding different issues, and when the problem persisted, I went to see a private GP instead for a second opinion. Usually the NHS GP had overlooked something. In one case, she completely missed the fact that my eardrum was perforated and required surgery.
• It can take weeks or even months to get appointments for care needed, whereas privately (or in Canada) the wait is usually shorter or non-existent.
• I cannot get an appointment to see my NHS GP very easily, so more often than not, I go to the private GP at work instead. I'm lucky to have this option!
• I also don't like the fact that I cannot choose my GP on the NHS, or choose one in a location that is most convenient for me (e.g. close to work which is more or less my home). In Canada you can have any doctor you like.

So overall I am not terribly impressed by the NHS. Yes, it's better than having no access to healthcare at all, and in spite of the fact I'm getting sweet F all out of the tax dollars I put into it, I still support its existence.

But it doesn't meet my expectations most of the time so I end up paying twice for my healthcare.

The only thing I think the NHS does better than Canada in my opinion is free birth control and condoms (you pay a prescription rate in Canada for the former) and that community midwifes will do home visits.

Hope that clarifies where I am coming from!

Fazerina: Thanks for your story! Im going to ask my MW about the birthcentre at my next appointment, hopefully my pregnancy will be uncomplicated and I can give birth there. Fingers crossed it wont be too busy on the day my little one decides to arrive.

Transatlantic: Im from Sweden, a country famous for its healthcare system, even more so than Canada I believe. I am very happy with the NHS. My GP has always been great, everything is free (most EU countries you pay a patient fee, a small percentage of your treatment cost). My friend who has just recovered from cervical cancer was diagnosed 3 days after she went in to an open clinic for a contraceptive prescription. I have never ever heard of a diagnosis being given that fast. The doctor also called her on a Sunday to give her the appointments for CT and mri. Her care has been outstanding in every way. Based on this I have trust for the NHS. Yes, the hospitals look run down and like old school dorms with ugly interior and well used furniture, but the doctors and treatments available are world class in my opinion - which is more important to me than what the surroundings look like or if the toast they serve is a bit dry.

AllyZ, I think the key reason to the care or the lack of it I received at the hospital was that my labour wasn't considered high risk. A friend of mine, whose baby was also born there received excellent care all through, but she had had some complications..

Oh, by the way, I'm also from Sweden (born there and raised in Sweden and Finland) and also coming from that background think that the NHS is very good. My experience with the NHS labour aside, has been excellent. E.g. last summer I was diagnosed with a condition of the eye called uveitis. My GP referred me to an opthalmologist the same day I saw her and the opthalmologist also saw me straight away the same day. All medication has been free and all test results etc. have always arrived within days. Also I have found that the doctors here tend to show more concern and respect than back home, which I find very reassuring.

That's great that you are happy with the NHS - please note that my initial comment was that "I hate the NHS" and then I was pressed to explain my reasons why.

And my reasons do not include dry toast or run down surroundings!

I've had NHS smears before the age of 25. You can request them and they will do it. It's the 'compulsory' screening programme which is rolled out from 25, every 3 years minimum.

The only thing which bugs me about NHS care is how variable it is. When it's good it's very, very good - outstanding care, excellent patient choice, accessible, fast etc. When it's bad it's terrible.

When I had DD I did nothing. Buzzed MW everytime I tried to feed her, if DH wasn't there got them to do the nappy changes etc. First night was because I had had a spinal for stitches. DH was allowed in a for a while, there was no pressure for him to leave and he left when he felt ready. I wasn't in the delivery room long after as taken to theatre for stitches. This as good as ILs turned up after I had gone to theatre I was taken straight to the ward afterwards.

When I went to the toilet etc. I just told the MWs on desk that I wasn't there and if she woke could they tend to her.

It wasn't bad care and it wasn't amazing care.

Ally if you're unfortunate enough to end up in a recovery room they don't kick your partner out so my dh stayed the night with us on a chair.

Also it really depends on the mws involved. Some will overlook things. I know that in the birth centre in the hospital I'm in they have double recovery type rooms and partners can spend the night.

Transatlantic - the NHS tries to put resources where it's needed most. I generally get a rolls royce service because I had the misfortune to develop type 1 diabetes when I was 3. This makes me high risk in just about everything and means that I get to see a lot more doctors. So for example when pregnant I get a preconception appointment, seen at 4-6 weeks by an endocrinologist and obs (often consultants of both in one appointment), then seen every 2-4 weeks until end of 2nd trimester when it goes down to 2 weeks and then every week from 32 until the end which is 39 weeks. The reason I get all this treatment and extra scans is because I am at far higher risk of having a baby with all sorts of defects and stillbirth. In addition, personally I'm at more risk of developing complications which will result in the loss of my eyesight, kidneys and limbs and pre-eclampsia to boot. So putting more attention on me at this point minimises the spend the NHS may have to put up if it all goes wrong.......

Yes if I get through all of this safely I'm still subject to dry toast and the usual poor care on post-natal but where it really counts I know I can rely on the NHS. In fact, if anything was to go truly wrong I wouldn't want to be near a private hospital. Nice meals and polite attitudes don't make up for 1st class neonatal and special care facilities which the private sector doesn't have in this country.

Saying which there are definitely improvements that could be made in the NHS (less point scoring among the lower levels to show their importance would be a huge advantage to patient care) and it's by no means perfect. The way waiting times and care are inconsistent from trust to trust is also problematic. Sometimes you're lucky sometimes you're not. But most of the time if you really need it it does a pretty good job.

Also I'm surprised you can't change GPs. I've managed this within the same area. We were slightly outside catchment for one but the head GP said to let us in. It was the best GPs I've ever been with and I refused to leave it when we moved out of the area for over a year. I've also registered for a GP while at uni so there's probably a way around getting one close to work. The only thing you'd have to bear in mind is if you did ever want a home visit (which they do within working hours) you wouldn't get that if you are outside the catchment area. It's worth having a talk with someone higher up in the practice than a receptionist over this (IME GP receptionists are invariably unhelpful, rigid and often idiotic)

I had my baby in Canada, and it was single occupancy rooms (private bathroom beforehand, shared between two rooms bathroom after), DH allowed to stay the whole time (although on a fold out chair, so not exactly the most comfortable. Epidural within 20 mins of asking for it (24Hr anesthetist), EMCS within 30minutes of the decision to do it, nurse with me the whole time I was being induced, midwife lead care up until it all went wrong at the last moment (and they kept popping in to make sure I was OK during, and then did my followup care after).

Contrasted very favourably with my sister's UK experience (which although OK, wasn't anywhere near as nice as my Canadian birth - even though hers was a normal, natural birth, and mine had every intervention going)

The difference is that in Canada I don't get free prescriptions, or dentistry, or childcare as you do in the UK, so they can spend the money making my birth experience nicer.

Fazerina: Forgot to say congrats on your DS:) Nicw with a fellow Swede.

When I had DD, it was more or less assumed that you would start at the birth centre and then transfer to the more techy bit if necessary.

When it comes to doing stuff without your partner around... you just kind of do! If it helps they often sleep more than you'd expect, and at our unit you were given an opportunity to have a shower/bath before you went over to the postnatal part and then the toilet was just at the end of the little block of four beds so babies weren't very far away when you were on the loo!

Good luck, btw - hope it all goes well.

DH stayed with me overnight on a camp bed next to mine in my room. I was in 5 nights and he could have stayed every night but tbh I was glad to have a bit of 1 on 1 with DD when he went home at night. He could come and go as he pleased. 1 of many advantages to going private.

I don't want to hijack the thread but I do have a question to ask regarding this!

I'm 34 weeks pregnant, and suffer from an anxiety disorder amongst other mental problems. I'm very worried about being on my own without DP after the birth, in a hospital full of people I don't know? Does this make sense? I have no idea how long I will be in hospital, as I'm low risk/had an uncomplicated pregnancy but I am anaemic and this is my first child, so don't know what's going to happen of course. Do you have to pay a lot for a private room/to have your DP stay with you? I could just about get enough money together to stay for one night if it's expensive, but any more than that and I'd be stuck.

Yukana have you considered a home birth?

I'm Erika Thompson. An independent midwife but I also work in the NHS. Usually the partners can stay the whole time you are in labour and as long as needed for you after the birth. Usually after the birth it will take a couple of hours to get you sorted, baby fed, weighed and checked etc anyway beore transferring to the postnatal ward. Of course Daddy stays for this. I can't imagine he would be chucked out! On the postnatal ward you can pull curtains around your bed for privacy or you can have them open. Some units have private rooms too. I'd really recommend you call your midwife and ask for a tour of the unit so you are familular with it when you arrive in labour. This would really reassure you. You can also contact me on my facebook page Beautiful Births if yo need any more advice.

threefeethighandrising I have, but wouldn't be able to afford to hire a birth pool and sort everything out before first DC is born. I'm thinking it'll be a good idea for my second. :)

I'm moving house in a week so will have to change doctors, midwives and such, the hospital is an hour away and with my spd I doubt I'll be out the house much before LO is born. :(

I gave birth at Whiston a month ago, a fabulous, spotlessly clean unit which is only a year old.

Single ensuite rooms for most, 4 bed bays with shower and seperate loo, if not, i think if you have CS you are in a bay. Food served to bedside.

I gave birth at 9.30pm in theatre, after transfer from pool delivery room, due to needing spinal block for forceps, prepared for possible EMCS if unsucessful. DH allowed in theatre, stayed with me during stitching, he held DD. Then transfered to recovery and then post delivery room where I was helped to feed baby. DH stayed until midnight, then went home to sleep.

I was transferred to ward at 12.30 told not to try and get out of bed without buzzing someone due to spinal block. Had catheter in until 9am. Was awake at 3am and mw checked on me, brought cup of tea and helped out of bed whilst bed was changed and i was cleaned up, spinal still not completely worn off. Checked again at 6 and brekkie served at 7.

Visiting for partners 8-8, other visitors 2-3 and 6-7, DH arrived and i had a shower. Needed help lifting DD due to being unable to sit square on my bum because of where my stitches were. Stayed in another night and went home 3 pm following day. Midwives and HCAs were amazing, if you needed help it was there within minutes of you buzzing. Breast feeding advisors visited and still contact me at least once a week for support. They rang everyday for a week or so.

Only part i can fault slightly was post natal midwife care once home, my midwife was away on holiday and hence i got forgotten about and had to chase them up to come and do heel prick. Had 2 home visits, day 3 then day 6 then opted to go to them at childrens centre so that i had an appointment instead of waiting in all day. This also meant i saw my own midwife.