Can partner stay with you at night (postnatal)??

[AllyZ]

Im trying to understand exactly how it works and what will happen at the hospital. After your baby is born and you are transferred to a ward, what is it like? Can you see the other women or are there curtains between? How far to the bathrooms? Are there showers etc?

I understand the partner cant sleep over, but if the baby is born lets say 10 pm does that mean he needs to leave?? Or can he sit with us as long as he wants? all night?

Maybe stupid questions but trying to get the picture:)

Had dd at 3am, was terrified of hospitals so had a private room. DH still had to go home as soon as I went up though, about 6am. Got really scary after that though, blood pressure went through the roof and was rushed back down to delivery suite. Had to take all my fucking bags with me on the end of my bed. Was super pissed off about that.

DD was in scbu for a little while and on the first night she came back to my room she screamed all night. I rang for help as I couldn't feed her but no one came. It was shit. I am really dreading doing it again. This time I swear I'll be out 6 hours later if it kills me.

Showofhands: Thats awful! nightmare! I hope you at least complained or had a go at them.

We had to take the baby into the shower with us (well, wheel the cot into the shower room). Or another mum in the bed next to me asked me to keep an eye on her baby whilst she had a shower. There weren't enough mws to check up on everyone's babies.

On the other hand, meals were delivered to our beds!

sometime you can move to a birth centre after the birth if you give birth in hospital -where partners can often stay- worth bearing in mind
and it they are not too busy midwives will often keep and eye on your baby while you go for a shower -
with my 2nd baby stayed in the delivery room for ages after baby was born - it had an ensuite and I had a shower then - lovely - DS2 was born at 5.30pm - we went through to the post natal ward about 9.30 and DH went home then
what I found about nights was more that it was hot and noisy -people arriving more than the babies -
my hospital brought food to the end of the bed which was much nicer -

At Warrington Hospital where I had DS dad/birth partner was allowed on postnatal ward 10am-10pm. If DS had been born at night he could have stayed until I was settled on ward then sent home. As it was I gave birth around 10am, however it was about 3 hours til I ended up on the ward anyway so he would have been with us for a good few hours anyway (had time as a family in labour suite after the birth, then bath and transfer to ward). As it was, I sent him home for a shower and sleep once I was on the ward as I wanted some time alone with my baby boy, and wanted some sleep! Food was brought to our beds, and mw was always on hand to help with anything.

It depends on the hospital, how the birth goes and what your plans are.

With ds1, dh, ds and I were all put in a lovely 'recovery suite' just down the corridor from the delivery suites, because I had noted on my birth plan that I didn't want to be admitted (am terrified of hospital wards) but would rather have the 4 hour discharge, as long as there were no complicating factors.

The room was lovely, big pine double bed and ensuite shower room. Dh had a good sleep, while I gazed at my pfb, then I was checked over by a mw, ds by a paediatrician and we were allowed to go home. Ds was born at 12.30 pm and I was back in my own bed tea time.

This wasn't a posh or private hospital, just a bog standard NHS trust in Lancashire and I didn't have a straightforward birth either (epidural and kiwi ventouse after 3 day back to back labour).

By the time I had ds2 we had moved to the Midlands. Ds was born at 1.30 am and dh wasn't allowed to accompany me up to the ward, we said goodbye in the corridor about an hour after her was born and dh was allowed back when partner's visiting hours started at 8.30 am the next morning.

With dd - same hospital as ds2 - she was born at 3.00 pm, but not on the labour ward (very fast induced labour). She couldn't maintain her temperature, so we were transferred to a labour room where she was put under a heat lamp and I was stitched. We stayed there until 8.00 pm, so I got to have a shower etc in the ensuite bathroom, then again we dh had to leave and I was transferred up to the ward by a porter.

Fwiw, both stays on the ward were nowhere near as scary or bad as I thought they would be (and no-one could have been more scared than me). It was too hot and noisy, yes, but everyone is only interested in their own new baby really and too exhausted to be taking much notice of anyone else. If you keep the curtains round you, you have your own little space and if you're anything like me you will just spend the whole time gazing at your beautiful newborn anyway. If you are really worried about being on a ward, enquire about booking a private room - it doesn't cost all that much.

I second taking a stash of nice foodie treats - I didn't bother with the hospital food either time and after having dd had a large bar of Galaxy stashed away - never has a simple bar of chocolate tasted so good! I also took some decent mineral water, energy bars (granola honey and nut ones), some of those pre-packed packets of maltloaf and butter and some bananas and apples and grapes. Then when dh came in in the morning, he brought me a fresh sandwich from home and a flask of decent coffee - much nicer than hospital food, imho.

I had all the same worries as you, its only natural, but it will be fine and when the time comes, all that will matter is your beautiful baby. I've done it three times now, if it had been as bad as I worried it would be, ds1 would still be an only child and/or dd would definitely never have been!

Yet again I am left feeling very lucky about my booked hospital.

Fathers can't stay overnight, but visiting hours are unlimited and when I was amitted whilst pregnant, DH stayed until 11pm some nights and there were Dads turning up at 7am. They also put everyone in siderooms if possible, which there is no charge for.

Wards are 4 bedded with a changing station and 2 showers and 2 seperate toilets per ward.

I had DD at Kings at 11pm. Dp stayed until I was taken down to the postnatal ward at 4am, then he had to leave. He came back at 8am.

I had an epidural, and I remember DD crying in her fishtank, and trying to get up to get her but my legs giving way. A midwife came to help me. My meals were brought to me, and I was helped to the shower in the morning, DD stayed with the midwives on the desk.

Not easy but you get through it. They kept us in 4 days, and dp came 8 am to 10pm every day.

The hospital I was at has a hotel where the families can stay together, providing the birth has been straight forward and not a section.
Unfortunately I had a section with both by babies, and most people I know have had some sort of problem that has meant they couldn't stay in the hotel. Which is a shame.

When I had DD (my first) she was born at nearly 3 in the afternoon, DH was able to stay from then until 8, all other time was usual visiting hours.

When I had DS, he was born at 1 in the afternoon, DH again able to stay until 8, then it was usual visiting hours.

When I had DD, it was a private room, just had to hobble to loo/shower

When I had DS, it was a normal ward, so four beds separated by curtains. One shower room / loo was in the same area so shared by us four.

If you have had a section or are in pain/need help, remember to buzz for help!

I had my first son at around 9pm by emergency c-section. I was on a high dependency ward afterwards (3 other people I think) and hb was kicked out at around midnight.

With the other two things were a bit more relaxed as they were vbacs. With DS 2 My hb left of his own free will! We were both happy with the time spent together (he and DS1 came into the bathroom and chatted to me while I had a lovely bath while bil looked after ds 2) and were keen to get DS1 home and settled.

With DD hb stayed quite a while (both DSs were at home with my aunt). He left late evening after spending a good few hours with us and having tea and sandwiches from the kitchen on the ward.

I had a private room the 2nd and 3rd times - not sure if that makes a difference

x

I think it totally depends on where you give birth. Our local hospital kicks partners out from 8pm to 8am, but the birth centre in the next city has double pull down beds so that mothers, partners and babies can stay together after the birth. They allow as many visitors as you want and have no restrictions on visiting hours. They also have a kitchen you and your visitors can use to store and prepare food, birthpools in every room, flat screen TVs etc. Wow!!! We're going to drive the extra half an hour to get there so that DP can stay with me and bond with baby.

I know you said that you're worried about home births or birth centres in case you'll need an epidural, but I'm hoping I'll be so much more relaxed there that I'm less likely to need intervention and if I do, well the main consultant led ward is just on the next floor of the hospital so I'll scream the place down and ruin the lovely atmosphere until they take me for there for heavier drugs!

I had DS by emcs at 11.40pm. Things went wrongish in recovery and I started fitting and haemhorraging in front of my horrified DH. It took about 1-2 hours to pump me full of fluids and stop the bleeding, almost went back into theatre, they then wheeled me into the HDU, and told DH cheerio you can come back first thing tomorrow. My worst memory of the birth is waking up in the middle of that night, on my own in a darkened strange room,gasping for air, surrounded by life support gear and no idea of where DS was. He was in a cot by my bed, not even dressed, and no one helped him to feed from me all night. Poor bugger. I do understand why they have to have that policy. Lots of vulnerable, largely unconscious women, who've just been metaphorically dragged through a hedge backwards do not need 'strange men' aka someone else's hubby wandering around the place in the middle of the night.

I had DD at QE11 Welwyn Garden City. I was in for 9 days and by the 5th day I was so stressed out and frazzled that they moved me into a private room and I didn't have to pay. They got special permission from the senior midwife and my DH was allowed to stay all night - but he wasn't allowed to be seen or leave the room, not even for a wee! They were quite accomodating, but to be fair, I was going out of my mind and needed the help. I think the midwives are reasonable and can be flexible in bending the rules when necessary.

I would love a home birth or in a birth centre where its more relaxed but its my first and not sure how I will handle the pain so think i have to go with hospital in case its unbearable and I need the epidural.

OP - you can arrange a home birth or birth centre birth, and then transfer to the hospital later on (via ambulance) should you decide that you want an epidural. If you think you would be more relaxed in one of those rather than the hospital, go for it - if you are at ease and relaxed, labour is generally (not always) easier. This labour and birth is not a trial run, this is the real thing, so don't make arrangements to see how it goes this time (if you plan to have more) as every labour is different. You might equally handle the pain absolutely fine without an epidural. Once you're in a hospital, it's far easier to get swept along with their policies and procedures and to have intervention.

DD was born at 6.39am, DH came into theatre with us straight after (stitches, MROP) and then stayed until I was settled on the ward. I sobbed when he left and then fell asleep holding DD in my bed, a lovely ward assistant spotted me and suggested I put her in the cot and left a sandwich for me in the fridge.

We were expected to all trundle to the meal area to eat, but the babies were all left in the main ward by the bed, no space for them in the eating area :( I felt petrified at letting her out of my sight for more than a few seconds - especially as her ASBO tag kept falling off her leg.

On the issue of homebirth/birth centre, I agree in lots of ways with Flisspaps - this is the real live actual birth of your first baby, not a practice run for any future children you might have.

If its just the pain aspect that worries you, then have you looked at HB as just a very delayed hospital transfer?

If you plan a hospital birth then you'll most likely be told to stay at home during labour for as long as possible, during which time it will just be you and your DH trying to work out when you should go in. If you plan a HB then you are also staying at home for as long as possible, but this time you get to do it with a MW (or two) checking up on you every so often to see how things are going and staying with you once things are really getting going.

If you plan a hospital birth then once you're admitted its very hard to discharge yourself before the baby is born. If you plan a HB and change your mind it is very easy to transfer to hospital (either in a car or in an ambulance, if the MW is already there, recommends it and you agree).

The only pain relief that you can't have at home is an epidural. You can hire TENS and a birth pool (and so be sure of being able to use one, if you want to), the MWs will bring gas and air and can usually administer pethidine (although you may have to organise a prescription through your GP). And if you feel you're not coping and want an epidural, you always have the option of re-locating to the hospital to get one.

Booking a HB does not commit you to having a HB - but it does give you the opportunity to have a MW with you at home while you labour and see how things go (technically you can do that whether you book a HB or not, but its much easier if you give them warning!)

We did consider birth centres, but the two near us are a longer drive than the hospital (and then at least as long a drive as home - hospital if we needed to transfer). For us, staying at home was a better option.

DD1 was a planned home birth (breech). She was 9lb 12. Active labour lasted about 6 hours. I got through the 1st stage with TENS and breathing, getting in the pool for the last few contractions before transition. The 2nd stage was on dry land with no pain relief. I genuinely don't think I was being stoic - for me, labour wasn't an unbearably painful experience. The only time I started to think I couldn't cope was right at the end of the first stage - but then I got in the pool and 5 or 10 minutes later I hit the "rest and be thankful" stage and it was all OK again. I did wind up having to transfer in (in a very relaxed way) due to low blood pressure after a niggling bleed from a tear. DH could have stayed with me as I was in a delivery room for the duration, but he went home for a few hours and tidied up (and I was more or less asleep). He came back just in time for the MW to say they were either kicking me out or moving me to a ward - and we opted to come home.

Im thinking more and more about birth centre. There is one at the hospital so it would be easy to be transferred if I need epidural or emergency section. My ideal would be to try tens machine, birthing pool, gas and air and have a lot of support from midwives (not feel left alone because they are busy or stressed, which i've heard happens at the hospital). But if I'm really struggling I'm not ruling epidural out. Is this an ok plan or will they tell me not to take up space at the birthing centre if I'm not sure I can stick with it?

That sounds like a perfectly normal plan :)

IMO, women who are completely and utterly sure that they will get through labour with minimal help are extremely few and far between - if Birth Centres would only accept those with that level of conviction they'd all close down!

If one of the things you're hoping to achieve is use of a pool then ask a lot of questions about how many rooms have pools, how often they're used and how many of the MWs have training in waterbirth. Re. 1-to1 support, I think the kind of information you need to find out is what ratio of MWs to women they operate with when they're at max capacity, how often are they at max capacity, what would be a more normal operating ratio... Just to make sure that you're making a decision on valid information (I've been caught out too many times by making assumptions!)

Good luck :)

showofhands - sounds pretty much like my experience!

had DS at 6.10am in theatre by vontouse, wheeled to ward once stitched up, very heavey epidural couldnt move. DH went home to shower/sleep once we was settled.couldnt move, GP popped in to meet DS then had to leave as out of visiting hrs.
bearing in mind I couldnt move, the mw`s were really sweet, got my DS dressed, fed him as was very sore and tired..then left me to it. They came and told me I would be down to the ward about 10 am but they were short staffed, it was 4pm before they finally found someone to "help" move me. I was still very numb from epidural, very shakey and poorly but they insisted I got out of bed and into a wheelchair then gave me DS to hold even though I was so weak and frightened I was going to drop him.
they got me down stairs after making a snide remark as to why my DH wasnt there to help and they popped us in a bed by the window.
Didnt tell me where anything was, about the cot alarms, didnt know about breakfast/drinks, showering etc.
One of the NN came to offer me pain reflief but that was it, I was left alone even though I felt awful! They were really unhelpful to be honest.
I felt abandoned, had a catheter in still and just awful spending 3 days on there as I needed to observed due to my BP and stitches.
anyway, they discharged me, only to find once I had got DH to come get us, they had missed I was aneamic (hence why I felt so rough since having him! nearly passed out etc!) so decided to send me home with massive doese of iron tablets.
All in all taking into consideration my useless midwife that asked my DH to change the epidural syringe because she couldnt...It sadly wasnt a great experience...
Im sure however this is an exception and I hope to god if we have anymore that midwife is long gone!!
:)

Had DD2 at the Rosie. I was in a 6 bed postnatal area, people tended to keep the curtains closed a lot of the day and most of the night.
I would love to have agreed about having your own bit of space but the woman next to me had about 7 visitors at once most of the time. Their arses kept appearing in my space and even pushed DDs cot out of the way- eventually I used to ram the cot into their ankles till they got the message.
Loos - 3 loos and 3 showers plus a bath for maximum 11 mums so not too bad. Dads could stay till about 11pm.
Meals - had to fetch from dining room and eat at your bedside. If you wanted a shower you could put baby in the nursery and let the MW know. You could even go off the ward or into Cambridge, just stuck your name on the board and let them know. Very liberating - and they even did the night feeds!

None of this occured to me with dd1. She was born at 7.37am and the mw ran me a bath in the delivery ward (she suggested it would be better than a shower due to my tearing) and put a chair in the room for dh to sit on holding dd so I wasn't parted from her. They even let dh have some toast (they offered it he didn't ask). Partners had to go at 10pm on the ward and I think it's from 9am. I only showered when dh was there but to get food I wheeled her cot up the corridor and ate in the communal room (couldn't figure out how to carry a tray of food and wheel dd back to my bay). I was only in one night and went home 4pm the following day.

Also, at 32w we had a scare when contractions started (they stopped them) but wanted to keep me in over night on New Year's Eve. I went in at 9pm. At 10.30pm dh went to the chip shop as we hadn't had dinner and they said I could eat. He even bought the mws chips!. I was really upset and scared and said I didn't want dh to leave. I wasn't very forceful and fully expected them to say no but they agreed. He said he'd sleep in the chair but the MW got him a bed from the ward brought up and put the two beds together.

Reading the stories on here, I feel truly spoiled.

This is what I'm most terrified of. Being left alone with baby in a room with 3 strange women and their screaming babies. (yes, mine will cry too, but that's different!)

Besides, being a single mum for a few days was never part of the deal when I became pregnant!!!

I hate the NHS.

You hate the NHS? What a strange thing to say!

Go privately then, then you won't have to worry about it.

I had DD at 10.28pm, we were allowed to stay in labour room for 2 hrs after. I had shower whilst DH 'looked' after DD - he had no idea what to do and MW was upset that I had gone to showers on my own (as had epidural but could feel my legs) and DH hadn't dressed DD. Not sure what she was expecting after she left the room as we had had 2 days of latent labour (ie no sleep!) and 21 hours active labour. We were both shattered and not really with it at all.

No private rooms were available and DH came up to the ward with me (shared with 3 other women, seperated by curtains). DH stayed 2 mins and I stared at DD thinking 'what do I do!?!' So shattered but kept waking up to check DD was still breathing. She didn't wake up until morning and MW was upset that I hadn't breastfed DD. Didn't think about it but was so shattered I thought she would wake me when she needed food .

They kept me in longer, as I had an epidural, to make sure my water works were working properly

BecauseImWorthIt - I usually do!!!! You probably made that comment on the assumption that I'm American, which I am not.

If you had ever seen a free universal healthcare system that works, you wouldn't think that comment was so strange. I guess if the NHS is all you know....

What has that comment got to do with being American?