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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

do you have any regrets over your birth?

46 replies

lia66 · 05/05/2011 14:07

such as you wish you'd tried this or that for instance.

I really wanted a hb, ended up transferring for pain relief, got to hospital and delivered without pain relief 20 mins later.

I so so regret going in, I had no faith in myself and my support didn't know how far to insist I would be ok at home.

last baby too so no chance to do it again. :(

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Paschaelina · 05/05/2011 14:11

Mine was fast and full of blood but ultimately an ok experience. I really really wish I'd been able to labour in the birthing pool downstairs in the MLU, but was transferred up to the main delivery suite due to ongoing bleeding problems.

If I ever have a next time (almost certainly not likely) I would go for a home birth.

frakyouveryverymuch · 05/05/2011 14:16

I wish I'd had the confidence to pick DS up just as he was delivered but I was just in shock and shaking too much.

izzybiz · 05/05/2011 14:16

I would have loved to have had a water birth.
First Dc I was 16 and too scared to ask for anything.
2nd Dc I was induced by ARM and had to be monitered all the way through, not even allowed off the bed
3rd Dc was a 3 hour labour and the MW left me to it for pretty much the whole thing, when she came back in I was ready to push, then she told me I could have had the poolif I'd asked sooner!

Oh well, they all got here safely and relatively easily, so for that I'm lucky!

Debs75 · 05/05/2011 14:20

I wish I had stood upto drs with dd2. I had developed diabetes in the last couple of weeks and they went into overdrive, bringing me in for tests and then inducing when we were so not ready. in the end they induced me 4 days before my edd, after telling me that some babies of diabetic mums just die at term.
With dd2 she had stopped growing by 36 weeks so she had to be induced, it still took 24 hours to get me into labour and I feel like we didn't get the birth i so wanted

mosschops30 · 05/05/2011 14:25

My 3rd and final birth went horribly wrong. I regret most of the decisions i made that week and have suffered with ptsd since.
I am getting over it slowly and am grateful everytime i look at ds2 that hes healthy and we both survived

bigbumum · 05/05/2011 14:27

I WISH that i had insisted on having a scan prior to being induced.

That would have saved me labouring till i was 10cms
Then discovering by ds was breach
That would have prevented them from slashing his bottom and lower back till it bled by trying to break my waters with his bum blocking the exit.
He still has scars of these slashes now aged nearly 8.
That would have prevented me having a general anaesthetic to deliver my baby.
That would have meant i could have had a calm, well managed and safe delivery. And my son would not have scars on his perfect little peachy bum and back.
There are loads of things i would do differently, but i cant have any more children, so that is my one and only experience.
mucho crapola.

Original poster

lia66 · 05/05/2011 14:29

moss :( for you

I am grateful and compared to you ladies, I had an easy, 3 hr very intense from ctx#1 labour and a beautiful healthy dd but just the part of me that is so disappointed in myself for "not trying" hard enough, and a bit cross with dh at not supporting me. (unreasonable I know)

OP posts:

BeeBopBunny · 05/05/2011 14:30

I regret not asking for a water birth as soon as we arrived at the hosp. I foolishly thought there would be plenty of time to talk about birth options once I'd settled in, which was true, it's just that there were no mw's available to talk about options with! I also wish I'd not accepted the mw's excuses for not giving me gas and air until I was in transition. She said I had to have a internal examination before I could have G&A and there were no mw's available to do the exam.

headfairy · 05/05/2011 14:31

bigbummum I had a real battle to convince the mws ds was breech. I'm so glad I stood my ground.

Sometimes I regret I didn't try harder for a vbac for dd... I was 10 days overdue, placenta was looking ropey, it was Christmas, the weather was horrendous, I was horribly tired and my parents were about to go away for three weeks so I leapt at the chance of another section. Quite curious to know whether I would have achieved a vbac.

NotJustKangaskhan · 05/05/2011 14:32

I regret consenting to the after birth injection. No matter what I said about having done well without it in the previous birth, they were very eager for me to have it and I wasn't in much mood to argue after having just given birth. I wish I'd trusted my instincts as I ended up having a severe adverse reaction to it, hospital transfer, manual placental removal, being treated like it was my fault by members of staff. Awful.

Imnotaslimjim · 05/05/2011 14:37

I'm glad I insisted on a 2nd opinion when MW insisted DS was breech, as he wasn't and she was booking ELCS without a scan

I wish I'd stood my ground when I said I thought my waters were leaking - 5 days later, DS arrived dry and I tore badly. We were both in shock for a few days afterward

I wish I'd asked for more help with breastfeeding. Then maybe they would have noticed he wasn't latching cos there was no milk. DS nearly died at 3 days old due to severe dehydration/malnutrition and no-one noticed til he was very sick

With DD I wish I'd insisted on being allowed to labour even though I was crippled with SPD. I'd done a lot of research and hoped to deliver naturally but got pulled along on tide of "we know best" from cons and ended up with ELCS. Thankful that she arrived safely but wish it had gone differently

sillysow · 08/05/2011 18:29

I can honestly say that my 2nd and last birth experience ( 2 weeks ago) was a very positive experience. I trusted myself ( to a degree) and avoided the heavy handed high risk approach that was being thrust in my face. I actually ( part intentionally and part accidentally) ended up with a v quick hassle free home birth. The hosp ( who my dh had phoned) sent an ambulance which arrived 10 mins before lo. Glad of the gas and air at that point.
Comparitively, I regret my first experience. DC was born after a 37 hr traumatic labour and a forceps delivery. I, sadly, regret trusting the hcps involved at the time, I regret accepting CFM etc, but most people probably trust hcps the first time.

But, I can be thankful at least, of ending this on a good note.

gingercat12 · 08/05/2011 18:41

We are both alive and that is a result.

Should have demanded a consultant. MW only brought in one after 5 hours of second stage.

tigercametotea · 08/05/2011 19:02

Of course I did. I still wish I had a homebirth for my first DC! And that I had stood my ground and went into the birth pool for a waterbirth for DD2 even though the ignorant inexperienced midwife refused on the grounds that the water temp was 1 degree lower than the "recommendation". But my children are alive and well and I'm thankful for that.

Flisspaps · 08/05/2011 19:08

I regret going in to be induced.

Perhaps without induction DD would have been born when she was ready to move into a bettter position rather than being forced out when she was still at a bit of an odd angle and I would have had a HB and wouldn't have ended up with forceps, 3rd degree tear and MROP.

upahill · 08/05/2011 19:12

No regrets with either.
Once they were delivered and I was home I hardly gave the birth a second thought. Both totally different births but I was treated with care and the boys arrived safely.

I couldn't ask for more.

DuelingFanjo · 08/05/2011 19:17

I regret not insisting they check how dilated I was and not asking for gas and air. I was 6cm dilated before I got it.

I regret not asking 'so should I push now?' a bit sooner than I did.

What I regret the most was not having that photo of me proudly holding my baby after delivery.

NoWayNoHow · 08/05/2011 22:31

I regret listening to anything the night midwives said. I regret not getting DH to drag a consultant in to listen to my concerns. I regret being so exhausted that I don't remember DS being born.

I regret most of it, except having a baby at the end of it.

CrispyTheCrisp · 08/05/2011 22:35

No regrets at all. First a CS for Placenta Praevia and second an elective CS. Both great positive experiences

Sorry to all those who have suffered though, I just couln't imagine that much sadness surrounding a supposedly happy event

Chynah · 08/05/2011 22:54

It wasn't your birth - it was your childs and I doubt he/she cares less.

HipHopOpotomus · 09/05/2011 00:38

I wanted DD2 to be born at the birth centre, where DD1 was born, in pool if possible. Birth centre was full. So had to be delivery suite. No pool, no ball etc. Fast labour. Gave birth almost on my back (I was trying to get on all fours but mw objected as it messed with the monitor). It was ok labour - fast and straightforward but I can't believe j gave birth on my back on a bed!!!!!

kickingking · 09/05/2011 00:46

Yes and no.

Yes, because if I wasn't T1 diabetic I probably wouldn't have ended up facing induction at 38 weeks with a big baby. I might have had a water birth or a home birth. I will never know what my body could do if it was left to its own devices. I still get upset over what could have been sometimes.

No, because I think I was right to say that I didn't want to be induced and ask for an elcs. And the elcs was a very postive experience.

Overall, I would say no regrets. It's not like I could have done anything about my crappy pancreas anyway.

Pootletrinket · 09/05/2011 08:21

Yes first birth - booked for home, water birth, bullied into being induced for PIH at 40+4, resulted in 3 day induction, forceps delivery and loads of trauma for DD and I.

This caused a lot of anxiety during second pregnancy, I also had no faith in my body or ability to labour/get baby out; I used a doula who helped us process what was really important etc. As it was, 2nd birth ended up in the 4 worst case birthing scenarios we could have imagined, but the fact that we were treated respectfully by the healthcare professionals and that we felt empowered to make our own choices second time around, no regrets about second birth - made all the difference despite the hideous set of interventions, this time we felt informed, involved and that they were necessary; first time we just didn't.

The combination of doula preparation and also some discussions with the SOM about "what if..." where we negotiated some parameters for what we wanted (compromise) even though it wasn't in line with hosp policy (didn't end up using them, but it was nice to have them) really worked for me.

Good luck.

NoWayNoHow · 09/05/2011 08:33

chynah what an ill-informed comment! I can tell you that my DS most CERTAINLY cared when his entry into the world was one hour of a metal cap puling him out and cutting his head open in 4 places.

He cared when he spent the next 6 weeks in constant pain because of recoil compression.

Think before you write, and if you don't have anything useful to say, don't say anything at all.

Poppyella · 09/05/2011 10:35

Chynah - how dare you make such an inflammatory comment on a thread where lots of women have plenty of regrets and feelings of sadness. You horrible person.

It is a woman's birth, as much as a childs. It's a woman's body that is birthing the baby. The mother 'gives birth'. It is her experience too. There are two people involved in birth (or three or four sometimes). Don't be so bloody flippant!

In fact, I am quite speechless about your comment.

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