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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

do you have any regrets over your birth?

46 replies

lia66 · 05/05/2011 14:07

such as you wish you'd tried this or that for instance.

I really wanted a hb, ended up transferring for pain relief, got to hospital and delivered without pain relief 20 mins later.

I so so regret going in, I had no faith in myself and my support didn't know how far to insist I would be ok at home.

last baby too so no chance to do it again. :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

charlottery · 09/05/2011 10:44

I really regret being induced at term. I wasn't ready and you could have written the script for the cascade of interventions ending in EMCS that followed.

Chynah · 09/05/2011 17:13

It is a woman's birth, as much as a childs. It's a woman's body that is birthing the baby. The mother 'gives birth'. It is her experience too. There are two people involved in birth (or three or four sometimes). Don't be so bloody flippant!

Err but only one is actually being born therefore its THEIR BIRTH . Everyone elses birth experience - which is quite diffent which is the point I was trying to make (obviously lost here)......

NoWayNoHow · 09/05/2011 18:05

Pedantics, chynah. You didn't qualify or clarify, and your point has perhaps been lost because you never had one?

Chynah · 09/05/2011 18:12

"It wasn't your birth - it was your childs"
So what exactly was ill informed about at?? Unless I have my biology extremely wrong it is a factually correct statement

"and I doubt he/she cares less"

NoWayNoHow -" He cared when he spent the next 6 weeks in constant pain because of recoil compression."

Well sorry to hear thatd but until you can ask him you'll never really know if he even remember let alone regrets it will you ? AND that wasn't the question OP asked so you didn't really add anything there - it was abot YOUR regrets. Maybe YOU should think before you write too and if you have nothing usefgul to add don't add anything at all.

DuelingFanjo · 09/05/2011 18:19

got to laugh at the pedantry! is there really ant point?

theborrower · 09/05/2011 18:43

Chynah I can only surmise from your comments that you're not a mother, or if you are, the birth of your child was such a lovely experience for you that you can't understand why some people wouldn't be ecstatic about theirs or not be happy with how it went. It's such an obvious thing to point out, but the birth of a child can be overwhelming/underwhelming/traumatic/plain-sailing/energising/draining... every person's experience is different.

In response to the OP's question - I'm not happy with how the birth of my daughter went (EMCS) but I can't regret it because the circumstances surrounding it was outwith my control. But I can certainly be sad about it.

ChristinedePizan · 09/05/2011 18:47

I had to have an ELCS and I am really, really sad that I never went into labour. And no, it really doesn't bother my DS Chynah but I'm not going to have any more children so I'm sad I was robbed of that experience.

mrspear · 09/05/2011 18:59

The fact that my stupid body failed DS and i had him at 30 weeks. It meant i never held him after birth, i don't have one of those photos of me knackered and sweaty with a bundle. All i had was a face thrusted into mine as they ran out of the door. Also i didn't really understand the medical staff - they kept telling me that it should have been discussed at antenatal classes but they were booked for 38 weeks.

But the actual labouring was quite normal i believe although i did have 10 people in the room.

Chynah · 09/05/2011 19:07

Pedant maybe but aren't we all on here to one degree or another? And if thats the way you feel is there any real point regretting something you had no control over anyway? Could you have changed it? Probably not - you pretty much get what you're given with childbirth.

madwomanintheattic · 09/05/2011 19:10

dd2 cares because she ended up brain damaged and physically disabled. she'd like to have got more oxygen, please. (i know this becasue she tells me she doesn't want to be disabled).

personally, i would have insisted that the senior midwife carry out checks and monitoring, rather than the student. or at least as well as.

with dd1, i'd have chosen to labour, rather than believing the multiple scans that led to elcs as she was supoosed to be elephantine.

and with ds1, i would have insisted they examine me earlier. much earlier. because they kept telling me i wasn't in established labour. and wouldn't give me any pain relief because i wasn't in established labour. and then only examined me to shut me up, and found out i was 7cms.

a lot of it is about being listened to, i think.

NoWayNoHow · 09/05/2011 19:10

chynah I've never in 3 years of MN said this to another poster, but FFS grow up. You are being utterly ridiculous and childish, you know perfectly well what the OP meant by her original question, you're just being trying, contrary and difficult. Reminds me of someone I gave birth to - not a great comparison when you consider he's 3 years old.

madwomanintheattic · 09/05/2011 19:12

you get what you're given?

well, er, obviously. sometimes it's not you asked for though. so it's obvious people might have wanted something else...

WentworthMillerMad · 09/05/2011 20:47

Regret having an epidural with DS1. Slowed my labour down, catheter, venthouse, episiotomy etc
DD2 was 9lb 6oz but I had a midwife who taught me how to use gas and air properly / that pethadine won't harm your baby unlike NCT.
Fab birth, same for DS3 even though he was induced at 42 weeks.
Wish I had done my own research rather than listening to scaremongers!

folkandsparkles · 10/05/2011 13:40

Hi, I regret trusting the HCPs who kept thrusting intervention after intervention on me without any discussion or consent, there were 3 people pinning me down on the bed at one point because I kept trying to get away, I just wanted someone to talk to me about what was happening. In the end they told me my LO was dying and took me for EMCS, now I'm pregnant again its clear this was a complete lie to shut me up, he was fine. I think anyone can have a less that perfect pregnancy and labour but so long as you're treated with respect and care it should never be traumatic or fill you with regret or sadness to look back on it. All these stories are so sad, good luck to all you ladies.

SummerRain · 10/05/2011 13:45

I don't regret anything that I had control over.

I do regret the fact that in this country HBs are impossible unless you can afford to pay a few grand

I do regret a few bad decisions made by HCPs

I do regret that two of my three babies didn't have the best start to life due to complications

Carrotsandcelery · 10/05/2011 13:46

I regret not drinking more water.

I regret letting her catheterise me because I had not been for a wee, when I hadn't been for a wee because she had not let me drink anything.

I regret not making the midwife understand just how much blood I had lost. Dh and I kept telling her but she wouldn't pay any attention.

They realised afterwards but afterwards was a bit too late.

lynehamrose · 10/05/2011 17:58

I would have liked to have given birth without en epidural but I wimped out. First time I didn't feel so bad, because most of my friends had epidurals with their first baby, so I almost kind of assumed I would, but a lot of them managed second time without. I'm not good with pain though, and got to the point where I was struggling.

My ds's were both fine, so I havent got any regrets on the scale of some of the ladies here, who have had scary experiences. It's more about my own feelings, but I'm not planning on having more kids, so will just have to live with that regret

bemybebe · 12/05/2011 11:36

Fantastic thread! Thank you very much OP for starting it. I am actually very reassured with the common idea here - trust your caregivers or change them and trust your own body to give birth naturally or to tell you when you need help.

EgonSpengler · 12/05/2011 12:19

I actually regret not being catheterised.

I hadn't been for a wee for the whole of my labour (it was 20 hours in all) and the MW wanted to catheterise me for fear of my bladder blocking the baby's descent. I refused as I'd had a bad experience with a previous one in the early weeks of my pregnancy.

I finally accepted as a last resort before intervention and my DD flew out. Got torn to shreds and, as a consequence, I lost two pints of blood and sex is nigh-on impossible as it's still so painful 8 months on.

DD was fine apart from a sore head as I'd been pushing for two hours.

onlyjuststillme · 12/05/2011 12:39

chynah - With all the stuff I have read on MN over the 4 years I have been here I cannot believe you are the first person who has led me to report a post!! Congratulations.

ffs you dont just get what you are given!! countless decisions affect the outcome. Right from choosing where to give birth right through to post natal care, not to mention positions, interventions, pain relief, monitoring......

PelvicFloorsOfSteel · 12/05/2011 13:12

Both DSs arrived safely and, in retrospect, I would say I had good birthing experiences but there are a few things I wish had gone differently (not sure I could've changed much though).

DS1 - ambulanced into hospital and ended up not needing anything I couldn't have had at home. I had a canula inserted which was never used and that was one of the most painful bits of the birth because I was made to lie on my back for it.

DS2 - gave birth at home but the MW said stitches needed to be done in hospital, got to hospital only to be told it could have been done at home.

In retrospect there's nothing I could have done to change things, I didn't know how my first birth was going to end up and I couldn't have told the MW it wasn't a 3rd degree tear and in fact barely qualified as a 2nd [you stupid incompetent idiot] second time round. I do wish things had been a bit different though...

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