ELCS a week today - calm me please

[geisha]

Just looking for some reassurance and non-hormonal common sense. I am booked for ELCS next Tuesday and I am petrified. I shouldn't be as this will be my 3rd CS (1 x emergency, 1 x elective) so I should know what to expect in all respects. I didn't have any particularly traumatic births to account for my irrational fear. The only thing I can put my finger on is that I don't want to die and leave my 2/3 children without a mummy. How am I going to say goodbye to them next Tuesday, just in case?

Gosh, I'm in the same position as you and now you've got me even more worried. My section is on Monday but I hadn't even thought about how to say goodbye incase I die, I was just worried about leaving DS for two nights and the pain.

I'm sorry I can't reassure you but wanted to let you know your not the only one. I'm sure we'll be fine.

Good luck for Tuesday

Before each of my births I've written a letter to each of my DC and updates the one to DH, and hidden them, in case I die. Saying all the things I want them to know, in case I'm not here to say it any more. So I know how you feel.

Made it through 4 deliveries safely though! Rates of maternal death are very, very low. You'll be fine.

I have had EMCS and ELCS so understand how you feel. Try to remember that despite all the fear about CS you are in very safe hands and as checkmate said, maternal deaths are very low. I really think that you have to try to go in thinking about your 2 almost 3 beautiful children and trust that just like with the other two, everything will be fine.
Good luck

Sorry to scare you Gruffalosgirl. In my rational mind, I should be less anxious this time than any other as I am experienced! I am putting it down to hormones and just think I need support from others who have recently been through or will soon be going through it. How old s your ds Gruffalo? Thank you Checkmate and Luce81, thank you for replying. You are right, of course you are. I thought about writing letters to dd's and dh but then thought I'll be giving in to my irrational hormonal mind!

My DS is only 2 so I didn't want to write a letter as i wouldn't know what to put in it and then i'd end up wanting to do videos and write lots of different letters for diifferent times in his life and then would i write one for DC that's not born yet, and how left out would they feel if you hadn't - it's ended up a bit of a minefield in my head so I'm going to go for the naive it's all going to be ok approach I think and just tell my DH to tell them I loved them very much if anything happens to me.

Gruffalosgirl sounds like a plan to me. What are you doing with your last week before B day?

Can I join the 'petrified about CS' club? Mine will be in 2 weeks - had an ECV today to try to turn my breech baby but it failed - I kind of knew it would. I don't even have other DCs to think about (it's my first), but still have a deep sense of dread. My rational mind knows it'll be OK, but another part of me thinks 'what if....?'. It's giving me comfort knowing that people like you have come through it OK before and obviously haven't been put off having more children... so thanks in a way, if that makes you feel any better

Lol diyqueen - glad to be of help! If I think rationally for a second I can tell you that an elective cs is calm, well resourced and a safe operation in the context of whose who have been advised medically to undergo it. Even my emergency cs after failure to progress, was calm and I felt safe. I think it's just the anticipation that allows my hormonal mind to wonder to strange places which is very silly. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this in RL other than DH who I am trying not to stress! Would be ,odeon for us all to hear lots of recent positive cs stories to keep us going.....

diyqueen I was booked for a section due to complications from my last delivery but I went for my 38 week appointment today and my little one is still breech so I would have needed a section anyway so am feeling better. It must be harder when you've got less time to prepare for it. I'm sure it will all be fine though.

My plan for the next 5 days is to cook up some food for the freezer, buy a big shop and do some more tidying in the next 3 days while my DS is in nursery then to take my DS out for nice day out at the weekend. Oh and sleep.

How about you guys? Any good plans

I wrote letters to my then 2yo DS before my ELCS with his little sister .

Remember the theatre staff will have done hundreds of cs's between them. You are allowed to be nervous, it would be weird to not be worrying about it. I managed to get so uptight before my ELCS that I knackered my neck and shoulder muscles up. Never mind the pain relief for the wound, it was pain relief for my poor neck that was more important.

You will be fine and hearing that baby cry before you know it .

Meglet - you are right. In 6 months time I will be at the fuss I am making! I am trying to refocus my anxiety on breastfeeding as my milk always takes about 6 days to come in (not helped by CS) and both DD's got frustrated, hungry and unsettled whilst waiting. I have strategies to deal with it this time but at least it gives me something else to worry about!

GruffalosGirl - I'm doing much the same as you, last minute sorting and organising at home and had though about doing something nice with DD's over the weekend - maybe swimming. I'm not telling them that baby will be born on Tuesday as they will go to school worrying. My mum will collect them from school on Tuesday and bring them to visit in the evening so that they can see what (sex) they have got (their request1)

Can I just say I was exactly the same as you all were. My DD is now 12 days old.

The night before the CS (my second) I was a wreck, tearful, you name it. I was so worried about having a medical procedure I worked myself up into a right state. I was upset at not being able to take my DD to school, or be able to play with her after.

However, I explained all my anxieties about the operation to the very very lovely anaethestist (sp) who reassured me completely throughout the operation, told me as much or as little as I needed to know, constantly monitored me and gave me extra medication where necessary and put my mind (as much as possible) at rest. I must admit I wasn't 100% relaxed during the procedure, but what it is is fear of the unknown or what might happen.

They said to me "even though this is a new experience for you, all of us do this day in/day out. Don't worry" and it did make me feel a little easier :)

The thing that helped me and this sounds corny, but was to take very deep breaths in, hold it for a few seconds and slowly breathe out. It completely calmed me, especially when putting the canula in and doing the spinal block.

11 days on, when I think about it, it does make me anxious and feel squeamish about it, but I'm here, DD is here, my other DD is fine and I'm being waited on hand and foot - which helps alot :)

You will get through it and be okay. Remember, they have dealt with Csections regularly and are very experienced in them, mine wasn't straightforward either - I am considered high risk and had other things which could have caused problems.

HTH. You will all be fine and congratulations!

ididnamechange, that's really helpful - and congratulations on your new daughter. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling scared - I'm finding mumsnet a big help at the moment. I feel a bit frustrated when well-meaning friends start saying things like - 'oooh, lucky you, you won't have to go through the pain of labour' - actually I really wanted that and find the thought far less scary than the thought of going into theatre 'cold' and fully aware and having my baby cut out of me. But am resigning myself to the thought that it's the safest thing for the baby, I could try for a breech birth (and was considering this for a while) but would never forgive myself if it did go wrong and my baby was brain damaged or worse - after a long time trying to conceive and now feeling it wriggle and kick, it is so precious.

I'm planning to fill my last couple of weeks with trying to get the house and the baby's room organised and cleaned (we are complete slobs and the place is a tip, lol), and doing things like having a haircut and buying birthday presents in advance for family with birthdays in the next couple of months. Well, that was the plan - after not getting much sleep last night (the usual discomfort plus a ton of worry and a couple of awful nightmares thrown in) I slept til lunchtime today and am struggling to sum up the energy and enthusiasm for housework! DP is being lovely though, after waking him up in the night by sobbing louder than I could help in the bathroom he gave me a good cuddle and he's trying really hard to understand my distress though obviously doesn't really get the hormonal/emotional side of it all. I'm also trying not to stress him out too much as he has a demanding job and I know he also has worries and is trying to be strong for me.

Ididnamechange - thank you for sharing your encouraging story and congratulations on your little bundle of joy! It really does help to hear positive stories of mums who have come through the other side iyswim.

diy-sorry you had such a terrible night. Is there anything particular worrying you or is it the whole thing? You're definately not alone worrying about this. There is at least Gruffalo and I in the same boat. When is your section date? Gruffalo and I will be done and dusted by then and I will make sure I post to let you know how everything went x

Thanks for that Ididnamechange - it does really help knowing yours all went well. I'm scared I'll get to Monday and really want to cancel and just go for a natural birth against medical advice. It seems much harder to just go in and do it. At least when I went into labour last time I had no choice and just had to get on with it.

diyqueen you need to try and relax, especially if you are finding it really worrying like that. Is there any way you can get some help with tidying and stuff like that? My mum came round and did a big clean with me which really helped and we've arranged a cleaner to come in for the first 8 weeks to help once a week with a hoover, mop and to clean the bathroom which costs about the same as my travel to work was costing which will be a big help. She comes tomorrow for her first session - I can't wait and it's meant I can focus on the other jobs you never get round to cause the cleaning is so tiring now like the cupboards and behind the radiators.

And don't ever feel guilty for sleeping - it's the most important thing you can do at the moment.

I'll come back next week and let you know how it all goes, hopefully with great news. We're all in the same boat and I'm sure it will all be great. Plus oncethe baby is here we won't care how they got here as long as they're all ok.

You're absolutely right Gruffalo, we won't care about the rest as long as the babies are all ok. I'd quite like to read any other recent section stories like ididnamechangeforthis is the meantime though! Gruffalo - are you going in on Monday morning?

I'm glad it helped. Believe me, I am the queen of worriers :) I'd even spoken to the anaethestist the week before (I called the hospital and they got him to call me back) and went through what I was worried about, what my medical requirements were etc etc.

I've had other procedures before (steroid injections, IV's) and been worse than I was with the csection. (Think crying, sobbing woman) I think talking it through with the medical team, the consultant, the midwives at the pre-op appointment beforehand will help you - it won't completely calm your nerves but TBH nothing will, thats only natural and you need to expect a little bit of anxiety.

I understand very much the feeling of wanting to cancel the section - I felt like that too. It feels that you'd be more in control by having a 'natural' birth. But there is a reason you're having a section and don't get caught up in feeling like a fraud because you didn't have a natural birth. I have friends who've said they'd prefer to have a section, but in reality, any which way you have the baby is never great, because you are scared and there's a certain amount of discomfort involved. Once you see your baby though, and you're in recovery - it gets better - I promise.

Just make sure that you don't try and act like superwoman, don't do too much after -seriously - as your hormones are all over the place and if you are BFeeding you are trying to get that established too.

I'd also say - stay in hospital for as long as you can, and if you can get your own room. It helps. Plus buzz the nurses whenever you need help, changing the nappies, putting baby back in the cot - that's what they're there for. The midwives honestly don't mind :) Also, make sure if you're BFeeding, that you get the midwives to check how baby is latching on and get help. It doesn't help to feel rubbish from the section and have problems feeding.

When you get home, rest, sleep and rest some more (I apologise if it's not your first and you already know this) but I didn't do this with my first and it set me back ALOT.

I'm now 12 days down the line, only been out twice, and have naps every afternoon. :)

HTH and all the best for you all

ididnamechange - you really are the Queen of worriers, but as I am too it's really helpful to read about how you were feeling and to know that you are doing well. Your advice is all really valid too. I suspect as a third delivery they may want to discharge me after 2 nights (as with DD2 previously). However, I already have it in my mind to ask to stay for the third night just to help me establish feeding, especially in view of my milk always having been significantly delayed previously. I'm really lucky that DH has 2 weeks paternity leave from when I am discharged and I have DM around the corner to help take care of DD's while I'm in hospital and after. Thank you so much for sharing, it's really helpful.

I decided to watch some CS videos on Utube last night. I knew that it would go one way or the other in terms of being very helpful or disastrously worrisome. As it happens, I found it quite helpful and it reminded me how calm and controlled the environment is during an elective section. I'm not suggesting that watching videos will be helpful to everyone but it's worth considering.

DD's were asking last night about pancake day! I realised that this baby will be born of Shrove Tuesday so we need to fit an early pancake day tea into this weekend!

Def stay in as long as poss - I stayed in 3 nights, could have even stayed an extra night! My milk didnt come in til about 5 days after, maybe that was because of the csection too?

I know the feeling about worrying about your other children too though, I kept getting teary - thinking what if I didn't see DD again, how would she be, etc..... :(

But, then I decided for the last few days we'd have little treats - we went for ice cream, we went out as a family together, we had lots of cuddles and sleeping in our bed! Just enjoy the time with your other children before the little bubba comes and you are juggling a newborn in the equation. Although if it's your third I bet you're a pro :)

Just remember, yes there are things that could go wrong, they could happen to you, but you can't worry about things you cannot control. Worry about packing your hospital bags, getting the washing done before you go in, getting the shopping in, all stuff that you do have control over. You will be in controlled environment, where they have everything to hand to help you out if needs be. I have had friends who have had difficult deliveries, problem csections and not very nice experiences - but they are all still here. What I'm trying to say is that yes these things do happen, but its NOT 'sods law, it's going to happen to me'. Honestly.

Enjoy the few days of sleep before little one gets here!!! :)

The paragraph before the end sounds a bit negative, what I mean is, DONT WORRY. :)

Gruffalosgirl - good luck for tomorrow! Will be thinking of you. I'm sure everything will go smoothly and you will soon be holding your little bundle of joy. Do let us know your happy news and how you got on when able.

ididnamechange - thanks for your words of experience. Not taken negatively at all.

Unfortunately yesterday snowballed into a bit of nightmare beginning with finding someone had crashed into my car and taken a whole wing out but not stopped at the scene (we weren't i it thankfully). Followed by the man who has half refitted my kitchen deciding to go AWOL leaving it unfinished and a mess (we have already paid). FInally my dad who suffers a bit with his mental health has got stressed about something and is heading in his annual downward spiral to depression and blotted out by alcohol. Si I didn't get to spend much quality time with DD's yesterday, so will aim to do that today. At least I didn't have too much time to worry about my section on Tuesday!

Thinking of you today Gruffalosgirl. Hope everything goes smoothly and look forward to hearing your news!

Hi ladies! Just popping in to wish Gruffalosgirl and Geisha all the best, and looking forward to your announcements! My ELCS is this Wednesday.

My biggest stress is that we will be moving flats 10 days later, and I don't like the thought of bringing baby chubbers home to this place filled with boxes (though he won't notice)! I'm also not too keen to have others unpack our boxes in the new flat, but clearly I don't want anything to happen with my stitches (ewwwww)!

I'm sure our surgeries and recovery will all be fine and our babies will be healthy, chubby, bundles of joy! :)

Yes, looking forward to hearing Gruffalosgirl and Geisha's news too and hoping all goes really well. Good luck too ckny1 - and respect for moving so soon after! I am feeling a bit better now, coming to terms with it after being a bit of a wreck for a couple of days when the ECV failed. The hospital's agreed to wait til 40 weeks as well which makes me much happier - just in case the little one was planning a last-minute somersault (though I know that's not likely)!