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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

dignity during labour

52 replies

kittenstorm · 25/02/2011 17:52

how have you managed it? If things go well I'll have a home birth but in case of having to go to hospital.... I wouldn't allow any students etc but what can you do to minimise the number of mw/obs watching/being involved? I want as few people as possble there (and I hope to go sans epidural, pitocin etc, no intervention unless needed) I worry about all sorts of people coming to 'help', esp male HCPs. I really feel I'm not one of those people who won't care due to pain, pain I can handle (I think) but not a bunch of people concentrating on my bits!!

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Mahraih · 25/02/2011 17:58

Do you mean privacy, rather than dignity?

I had male HCPs and didn't/don't feel any loss of dignity - they were professionals, and it was all very medical. I didn't even think of my bits as 'my bits' and I'm normally quite prudish about that sort of thing. More importantly, they were the only people on duty; it would have been silly to say no.

From my (one) experience, I was attended by just one midwife at a time, until things got complicated, and then they brought in the consultants etc. Nobody came just to have a little look or mooch around, everyone involved was necessary.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 25/02/2011 18:03

It's up to you who attends your birth. No-one is able to do anything without your consent and you can make requests that no students / others can attend.

But really - no-one cares about your bits! (Except you and your DP) Half the gynos & obs in north london have seen mine.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 25/02/2011 18:04

I mean - no-one cares about seeing your bits - obviously they do all CARE about them.

SarahScot · 25/02/2011 18:05

I was worried about this too before I had my first, am normally quite prudish and embarrased easily, but to be honest once I was in the throws of labour I couldn't have cared less had they trooped every visitor to the hospital through my room.

NotSoPukeyMummy · 25/02/2011 18:19

I'm also someone who was worried about this...but honestly, didn't give a monkeys once I was in labour.

Do what you can to prepare to make you feel nicer - have a bikini wax, and a pedicure (the midwives kept talking about how nice my toes looked - they didn't mention my bits once!) and look for something to wear that comes down over your bum when needed (that you don't mind chucking away if it gets ruined).

Original poster

kittenstorm · 25/02/2011 18:41

@ notsopukey, I was planning on NOT shaving so they see as little as possible!
I'm not prudish when it comes to my man, but I feel scared of others, they are strangers afterall. Yeah, I want privacy and dignity, as few people there as possible!

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stitchmeup · 25/02/2011 18:44

I was worried about this, but found any sense of dignity left the second contractions started!
Had "normal" birth with 2 midwives and 2 students - I just felt they were trying to help me, and had no qualms about weeing, bleeding, sweating and screaming in front of them. Then there was a stitches problem and various drs and the anaesthetist (sp?) came to look to. I honestly just felt relief that I was being looked after.
Had planned wax and pedi beforehand, but tbh this was the last thing on my mind during the birth!

Piccalilli2 · 25/02/2011 18:57

I honestly doubt you'll care when push (hah!) comes to shove. When I had my forceps birth with dd1 there were 14 people in the room (dh counted). Some male, some female, possibly some alien, who knows. All I was bothered about was that they were there to help me get my baby out healthy. And that's all they care about too.

I did have a 'moment' with dd2 when there were 7 people in the room prepping me for a c-section, flat on my back, legs in the air while they measured me for support stockings. I wasn't contracting particularly hard so had time to think 'hmm, THIS is dignified, not' but again, they were prepping me because dd2 was in distress so I had bigger things to think about.

If everything goes to plan, there's no reason why there should be lots of people there - resources are stretched, they won't waste them if you're having a straightforward delivery. And if things don't go entirely to plan, by that stage you probably won't care.

Sparklies · 25/02/2011 20:19

I am seriously very, very private but when I went into labour with DC1 precipitously and slightly prematurely at home, when the ambulance arrived I would have been quite happy walking out in the street with nothing on to get in it with all the neighbours gawping! I did put a nightie on, but that's only because I thought I probably ought to and the ambulance crew were suggesting it. Labour does weird old things to your brain.

Having said that when I was at the hospital they kept leaving the door open after the birth with my legs everywhere and everything on display and I was not very happy about that. But that hospital was shit for so many other reasons too and that was probably the least of it.

shmoz · 25/02/2011 20:37

Dignity - oh dear, that gets left at the door when you go into the labour ward...BUT...you really won't care when it comes down to it. All that matters is a healthy you and a healthy baby.

I was paranoid building up to the event about pooing myself during the delivery - quite frankly during labour I couldn't have cared less. As it turned out I had no idea whether I had or not (MW later confirmed that I hadn't)

Try not to fret about it, there will be so much going on that I doubt you will be bothered.

Good luck!

FourFortyFour · 25/02/2011 20:40

I didn't want a student (previous complications) and wouldn't have wanted a room full.

Reality was I had a student midwife who was lovely, amazing, brilliant, intuiative and perfect. Later I found out the room had been full of doctors.

My baby was alive. THAT was all that mattered.

KidderminsterKate · 25/02/2011 20:44

lol! I am a prude but I didnt care once it all got going. I was also scared of pooing but did not care about that either.

I think the best plan is to not have a plan and to go with the flow.

RitaMorgan · 25/02/2011 20:48

I had planned a homebirth. I had a birth pool at home and was naked it in by the time the midwife arrived, but I felt very comfortable and dignified enough!

Eventually I did transfer to hospital and had a midwife and student midwife with me - I was in a gown as I'd had an epidural so I could sleep, so wasn't exposed at all. A (female) doctor was in and out a couple of times to check how things were going, and after a couple of hours pushing and a stuck baby we went to the theatre.

By that point I had a spinal block, I'd been in labour for 30 hours, I was exhausted and worried about my baby, and I genuinely didn't care if it was digified or not! I couldn't feel anything from my chest down anyway so a room full of people seeing my muff seemed a bit irrelevant.

Scaredycat3000 · 25/02/2011 21:08

There's not always loads of people coming in and out. I gave birth in the Midwife only ward within the hospital and as far as I am aware the only people that entered the room during the 5 hours I was in there was me, DP, Midwife and one student (with my permission). If anybody else came in I didn't notice them.

Original poster

kittenstorm · 25/02/2011 21:43

yikes! based on posts, I'm actually feel more scared now- how did you feel afetreward??

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Sparklies · 25/02/2011 21:46

I actually feel fine with having been a lot more exposed than I'd normally be comfortable with. For some reason because my brain thought it was alright at the time, it sees it as alright now.. beats me why because you wouldn't think that. I think that is the same of a lot of women. Perhaps because as I wasn't traumatised by being undignified at the time, no "damage" was actually done.

Since my first birth I have become a lot less self conscious in medical situations although I am just as self conscious as ever in non-medical ones.

emsyj · 25/02/2011 21:48

I felt really about the prospect of internal exams - by ANYONE, let alone a male HCP!! But I had an internal by a male gynae and a clip put on DD's head by him and was fine. I didn't feel any loss of dignity, it was really ok.

I know people tell you 'you won't care' and that it's irritating cos you think you will, but really, honestly - you won't.

Portofino · 25/02/2011 21:50

Honestly, when you are sat here on a Friday night, in front of the tele and a nice takeaway, you cannot imagine how you can share your bits with a stranger. I totally understand that.

After many hours of contractions, I swear you don't care who sees! It is truly NOT embarrassing. You are in the care of professionals who have seen it all before. You won't care what they see/don't see. I had my waters broken and flooded the labour suite. A bit later I think I weed on the bed. It didn't really notice. Everything was warm and wet at that point.....

emsyj · 25/02/2011 22:00

Oh, meant to say - it wasn't a case of me not caring due to being overwhelmed by pain - I found contractions very manageable and was not in agony (or anything close to it) when I had the exams etc - for me, it was more that I was in a bit of a zone and everything was quite surreal. I had gas and air at that point too, which was great, and felt quite relaxed.

Original poster

kittenstorm · 25/02/2011 22:03

Portofino, I don't have a nice takeaway or tv and YOU might not care who sees your bits but I do... FFS

OP posts:

Portofino · 25/02/2011 22:04

You won't though! take it from me

Portofino · 25/02/2011 22:07

That is the whole point. No need for the FFS. Honestly - the whole of MN probably stripped naked and flashed their fanjos at whoever was passing by. In labour, your focus is on getting that baby out alive. Your furry bits and flabby thighs don't even get a look in.

emsyj · 25/02/2011 22:10

But people aren't 'looking at your bits', they are monitoring your baby and helping you to have a safe and comfortable birth.

It is a very weird experience, being in labour. I was totally focused on meeting my baby and people 'seeing my bits' just was not part of the experience at all.

Portofino · 25/02/2011 22:12

I had a student MW with my MW during labour. She didn't do much as I recall other than observe and make tea for the MW and DH. It wasn't intrusive in any way. And how are future MW's supposed to learn anything otherwise? She was lovely. They both did lots to put me at my ease.

FirmBottom · 25/02/2011 22:16

to be honest, after i had been in labour for a few hours, i would have been quite happy to have my dd on the top deck of the 29 bus, as long as she was healthy and it was all over quick.

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