dignity during labour

[kittenstorm]

how have you managed it? If things go well I'll have a home birth but in case of having to go to hospital.... I wouldn't allow any students etc but what can you do to minimise the number of mw/obs watching/being involved? I want as few people as possble there (and I hope to go sans epidural, pitocin etc, no intervention unless needed) I worry about all sorts of people coming to 'help', esp male HCPs. I really feel I'm not one of those people who won't care due to pain, pain I can handle (I think) but not a bunch of people concentrating on my bits!!

How did I feel afterwards?

Well, I spent two nights in the hospital and paid for a room with an ensuite shower room. Had a shower, left the bathroom door open, the male obstetrician walked in and saw me full-frontal naked as I stepped out of the shower. He had just walked into the room with the midwife (they did knock, I didn't hear).

I honestly didn't care - after all, he had seen everything already!

And I'm never going to see these people again. Not that I would recognise them if I did anyway.

DH knows one of the obstetricians at our nearest hospital this time around (we've moved house since) and it's one of the reasons we will probably go to another hospital.

Honestly, I felt a lot like you. Labour will take care of it for you. Outline the importance of privacy in your birth preferences and remind staff on the day. But you asked how people managed it - the fact that everyone has said the same thing, that you won't give a shit, should tell you something.

I don't agree that you won't care. Maybe you won't, or maybe, like me, you will. Just make sure your wishes are known but accept that if the labour doesn't go according to plan you may need a male doc there. It's not the end of the world, what matters is that you get a healthy baby at the end of it :).

Honestly, it is different once you are there doing it.

I suppose normally women are aware of their pelvic region as a sensitive, private and special zone of their body, something you want to protect at all cost, but when you are in labour you just somehow view it differently. It just becomes the means through which you are trying to achieve something else - the gateway to the castle if you like. So if someone gives you an examination you are not thinking about them seeing or feeling you, what you want to know is how many cm you are dilated. It is all happening for a purpose. Also, everyone asks you first so you get a bit of warning.

Also, they are generally quite good at placing bits of blue cloth over your nether regions when needed.

NotSoPukey I had a private room too and it was BOILING - about 26 degrees and I was doing skin to skin. I recall sitting my bed having a heated debate with 2 junior doctors and a midwife wearing only a pair of pants with DS hanging off my boob. The 13 year old junior doctor was pink and very intently staring at my face.

To clarify: I was only wearing the pair of pants. The midwife and jnr doctors were fully dressed.

at the 13 yo Junior doctor. I think I met him.

I dont like how you suggest it is a loss of dignity...how many women here have done it and still remained dignified? sounds like all have done!... I'd call it a loss of inhibition or embarrassment rather than make these other ladies feel like their dignity has somehow been taken away from them.

I understand you're apprehensive about people being present. You can request no students. However if there is an emergency and the only person on hand to treat you is a man, you'd be naive to think he is there to cop a look of your bits. He is a professional, like any woman in the same role.

the fact of the matter is, this process is primarily about getting your baby out safely, and keeping you safe and healthy in the meantime. If this means a man putting his hands up your fanjo, well sorry, that will be the reality. They don't do it for fun.

As everyone else has said, you really really won't care when you are in labour. If you really don't want male attendents, and this is understandable to me, then make sure it is stated on your notes in advance.

I cared about dignity in labour. I had a hospital water birth and was very aware that it was assumed I would be naked, so I wore a tshirt in the pool which had the lovely side effect of being cooling across my chest when it got wet. You don't have to be naked if you don't want to be.

You are well within your rights to request no students. However if you are in the UK a student would generally be a student midwife and not the 6 medical students prying at your nether regions, which was a fear for me too. You can request no medicals students but student midwives ok if this makes a difference to you.

If you transfer to hospital and are having a vaginal exam ensure your birth partner knows to guard the door so nobody unexpected walks in mid examination. This should help you feel more dignified during your birth.

Good luck

Our NCT trainer recommended we say ''yes' to students at the birth and TBH I'm glad I did - I had DS at a very busy and crowded London hospital and the midwives there are extremely busy and running from room to room. The student midwife (who was lovely - a woman in her 30s, not some fresh-faced teenager) was a lovely, calming, consistent presence who could dash and get the midwife if necessary. She played a very active role in the birth, helping me get into the right position to push. It certainly didn't feel like having someone in the background gawping at me.

As for modesty - I am normally someone who gets changed under a towel at the gym but in active labour I was naked the whole time. I did have a gown on at one point but I tore it off in frustration - it was just irritating me and getting in the way. I have recounted this more than once on MN but basically DS didn't want to come out so he was delivered by ventouse courtesy of a male doctor. I was lying there strapped to the monitor, starkers, and the midwife told me the doc was on his way and threw a blanket over me. I told her I honestly did not give a shit at this point who saw me naked - I was in a lot of pain and worried about DS getting out safely. She replied, "oh, that's fine dear - it's just that the doctor gets embarrassed by naked women."

I saw him in the corridor later as they wheeled me into the maternity ward with DS and I thanked him - he looked more embarrassed than I was

at Tondelayo

BTW, the key thing (IMHO) is to make sure your DH/OH/birth partner is well-briefed on making sure you are well covered-up in any photos, or certainly in any that get published on Facebook/websites. Ditto the new baby.

i.e. don't let my DH be in charge of that bit. at the memory of a friend contacting my DH to suggest he take down a couple of the photos he'd posted.

I'm going to go against the grain and say that you might very well care a lot about dignity and privacy on labour. I know that I certainly did. I had an epidural and I think that was a big factor in it - I never felt "high" or "out of it" as some people do with opiate painkillers, so therefore I was able to think about things in exactly the same way as I would normally do iyswim. Just because you're in labour doesn't automatically mean that you won't be "you".

If I was you, I would have a good long think about what exactly it is that you think will make you uncomfortable. Then have a think about what you can do to minimise that e.g. you could wear a bra during labour, you could wear a long nightie, you can insist on no students, whatever you think will make you feel more comfortable. If you find that don't care on the day, that's fine. If you find that you do care, then you'll be prepared. You might have to accept that labour can be unpredictable and some things will not necesarily be completely in your comfort zone (eg if you request no male staff, but there's an emergency and the only doctor available is male, then you wouldn't have the option of a female dr).

I suspect that you might find that the HCPs are keener to protect your dignity (well, modesty at any rate). I was past caring, but people kept helpfully draping bits of sheet over me .

Also, there is something weird about a labour room, it is like a little area separated from the real world and real time. Everyone is working towards the aim of safe, happy birth for you and baby and there really are no other considerations. Whatever happens in the labour room remains private and almost secret. I think it is one of the reasons why people don't really talk about their births to outsiders.

Think about what would make you comfortable, but be prepared to be flexible. You may want/need an epidural, and find the only anesthetist is male for example. Or you may find that you don't really mind and you can tell people to ignore those bits of your birth plan.

I didn't care one bit re who saw what, but in all four labours there was much propping of sheets going on - the MWs make every effort to only reveal what has to be seen. No one's going to having a gander ubnless it's strictly necessary.

I understand I do. I'm such a prude. I can't even say certain words. I certainly wouldn't let anybody else see any of my body if I didn't have to. I despise medical examinations. I'm shy and when people said 'oh in labour you won't care' I thought oh give over, you have no idea how worried I am about this. I'm having a baby, not a personality transplant.

The thing is I'd never laboured before so I just didn't understand what happens when it happens. I had to transfer after 6hrs of pushing at home. An ambulance pulled up outside and I trudged, naked, bleeding and contracting out the front door and over the neighbour's lupins. The midwives chased me with a sheet and futilely waved my knickers at me, begging me to put them on. I. Did. Not. Care. I didn't give two hoots if the entire cast of Les Mis, my grandparents and my childhood crush happened to be wandering past. My world contracted down to giving birth to a live baby and surviving it. There was room for nothing else.

And now? I'm me again. Prudish.

We moved btw. Sort of had to after that.

I ended up naked and I'm still not entirely sure how (seem to have said that before a fewtimes...)! I think I just kept stripping layer aftre layer off cos it felt too restricting. Various people wandered in and out, but they it's not youthey're interested in, it's whatever you're doing.

I pooed too, something I'd been worried about before. By that point I really didn't care. Althouhg Dh says he's not feeding me beans during my next pregnancy.

I think yours is a good quesion, OP.

I've had 4 babies, and maintaining my privacy and dignity has been important for me with each. Most importantly, for me, is declining internal examinations. I know how my labour is progressing from how it feels, and with DC1 found internals painful and awkward. I've had lovely natural births since then, with no internals at all. (A lot of midwives prefer doing it that way, but are meant to do them unless the woman requests not).

I've mostly had midwives who are very good at helping me to maintain diginity - its an important part of their job.
Things midwives have done that have helped are;

• not pointing out that I've just pooed, but whipping it out of the way before I barely noticed it.
• getting angry with another hcp who walked in without knocking.
• Turning lights down low and keeping a serene atmosphere.
• Sending out 2 students who turned up as I was in transition (telling them they could either be in to watch a labour from start to finish, or not at all. Couldn't arrive just for pushing as "her woman" would feel "on show" and it might impair pushing.)

I had bad flashbacks after the birth of DC1, who was a forceps delivery with loads of people in the room.

I think it makes very good sense to plan in advance things that can help you avoid a feeling of loss of dignity. T-shirts, briefing of dh, a quiet word with the midwives- anything like that you think would help. I found my loss of inhibitions did give me a totally new sense of dignity- but that might not work for everybody.

OP, a couple of thoughts I had reading (most) of these posts. If you do allow a student mw to be there, it means you'll have 2 staff attending to you in labour - btw, if you're going to have a home birth I believe many areas expect 2 mws to be present for delivery, so really, there wouldn't be a great difference. As others have said, you're very unlikely to care who's around if you're in the throws of labour, no matter how you feel about it right now. I've only ever had 1 mw (on one occasion it was 2 - a newly quailifed mw had a more experienced one with her) with me at any time. It might help you think about any male staff as HCPs rather than 'men' iyswim. I have to say that the staff I had with me did maintain my dignity in the sense that they kept focused on the task in hand, kept me clean and covered as much as was possible/appropriate and made everything feel very normal.

I found the midwives were good at keeping things dignified. For example after I'd had the baby my midwife looked away as I waddled to the shower, even though she'd seen me in all my glory a bit earlier on. What pissed me off later (at the time I was barely aware of them) was the bloody medical students who turned up for the forceps delivery without any introduction, or even a hello, and then left without a word. They were positioned so I couldn't really see them, but afterwards i felt I had lost my dignity by being observed like that - there were a lot of other people just watching too and when I think back it's quite horrible. I would advise anyone consenting to students to specify in your birth plan to ask first - I am still kicking myself for assuming that the obstetrician would do this. Next time I will consent to midwifery students only, I feel I've done my bit for the next generation of GPs.

Kittenstorm - I am totally with you my dear. I am due in the next two weeks and share ALL of your dignity/privacy concerns. I have read all these posts and talked to people who have been through it themselves in the non-cyber world and understand that all I will care about is the safety of the baby and they are all professionals etc. Still, "please just jump up on the bed and whip your knickers off" fills me with dread too.

All my midwifery care has taken place at the hospital so I am pretty familiar with most of the MW and Students - I know exactly who I am prepared to let in that room! I guess it is a case of wear something long and button through to help you feel as covered as possible then grin your way through it. I think most places now are more sensitive to the concept of digity/privacy than they were in our mothers' and grandmothers' time so let's just keep our fingers crossed and our eyes on the prize.
Good luck.

And whatever happens, you WILL be fine. Honest.

I sort of feel a bit sorry for anyone who thinks that giving birth is 'undignified'. On the grand scheme of things it is the most dignified thing you will ever do and the delivery of your healthy baby should be all you focus on. My midwife was a student and my dd was the first child she ever delivered on her own. it was probably worse for her than me! at the end there was approx 15 people wandering in and out and a very young student making notes at the back (i think she may have been doing her geography homework lol) but all that mattered was my dd arrived safe and sound. my floss on display was not an issue. In fact it felt a bit liberating