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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

One born every minute-question about midwife

46 replies

littlebylittle · 08/02/2011 13:55

I'm pg with number three and watched last night's programme. Makes me nervous about hospital birth. I had near home birth with no 1 and same midwife transferred to hospital with me, then home birth with no 2. Ideal for me, once I had a midwife, they were there the whole time. Is it usual for hospital midwife not to be there, assuming no other emergency comes up? If I were the nervous third time mum I'd hope my midwife was with me, not chatting about me in the staffroom. But I know I've been lucky. It just didn't seem to be a staffing thing- there were four midwives all sitting down. Breaks aside, is this normal?

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Secondtimelucky · 08/02/2011 14:06

In my hideous London hospital, yes, sadly that would be totally normal behaviour. I bearly saw my midwife until I had the epidural. Once you have the epidural and they have to sit and monitor the frikkin machine they stayed with you, but before that, she just popped in, wrote in the notes and walked out again.

Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear.

However, you can be more demanding. Specifically ask her to stay with you if she doesn't have to be with another patient, etc. I was a first time mum and very naive.

Have you thought about, and could you afford, a doula?

Crawling · 08/02/2011 14:07

Yes IME it is normal, on ds I was in hospital for 24 hours giving birth. I was checked every 6 hours until the end. On dd I was checked every hour as it was my second and moving quicker.

Nippolopolis · 08/02/2011 14:09

My midwife stayed with me at my hospital water birth.

I was left alone for my 2 dry land deliveries for much of my labour.

Doula might be a good idea?

Lulumaam · 08/02/2011 14:11

it is pretty much normal that unless there is an issue or delivery is imminent, you won't have a midwife with you the whole time.

most MWs have several women in labour to look after at one time.. they are allowed a tea break now and again

if you want constant one to one support before and during the birth I second teh suggestion of a doula

or a homebirth ?

Original poster

littlebylittle · 08/02/2011 14:16

Planning a homebirth but know that these things def don't go according to plan always. We'll see. I suppose it also doesn't help hearing the women discussed. I can't bear it when a frightened woman is somehow seen as not doing as well as one in control. But I'm an idealist.

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 08/02/2011 14:16

WIth my first, a 14 hour induced birth, they came and went. I don't think the last one even bothered introducing herself :(
With my second, the experience was fabulous. I called the labour ward when my waters broke and contractions started immediately about every 3 minutes. A community midwife came to my house and said she was with me til the bitter end :) SHe went after about 20 minutes, telling me to stay at home as long as possible nad give her a bell when we were on our way to hospital. I only managed about half an hour before we left, and then ds was born 1.5 hours later, so a 3.5 hour labour in total. It was a massive relief for me to be told right at the start that she was there for the longhaul, but that midwife was a real gem, and something of a legend here I have to say that with my first, I didn't mind so much being left to it, what I really disliked was that I never saw the same person twice, they came in with no kind of knocking, and I just didn't feel cared for. I really think it was a factor in my labour being so long actually, I didn't feel safe

Secondtimelucky · 08/02/2011 14:18

Lulu- I do agree with what you're saying, and I know everyone deserves a break, but I know that my midwife was only looking after me (we asked her) and we could hear her at the teapoint outside my room for hours and hours (she had a very loud voice).

She was a locum and it's obviously not fair to tar everyone with the same brush, but just as in any caring profession, there are some midwives out there who seem to be missing the caring gene...

Original poster

littlebylittle · 08/02/2011 14:27

There's a difference between a tea break and basing yourself in the office rather than with the labouring woman. Would be like teacher just popping into classroom now and then to check on the class instead of teaching them. just seemed to be no relationship with midwife which might have helped Sara. But who knows if it was a fair portrayal. I felt I knew my midwives well both times, the time between contractions was the time to chat and feel normal. Maybe I was just exceptionally lucky.

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BUnderTheBonnet · 08/02/2011 14:41

I'm glad other people felt like this too - I felt really sorry for the poor Sara! She was so scared and just when she needed some reassurance from the person who was supposed to provide it (after all, midwife does mean "with woman") she was abandoned. And the silly midwife sat in the staffroom telling everyone else how scared Sara was. Doh!

Another reason I go for homebirths for myself.

Secondtimelucky · 08/02/2011 14:41

It's sad isn't it Little.

I'm hoping for a homebirth with DC2, but I've hired a doula for exactly that reason (well, it's one of them). I want someone I have a relationship with and trust to help me feel normal and supported. I can't trust the NHS to provide that for me.

Now if only I could shake the guilt for not realising that first time round and putting DD through a nasty forceps birth that I truly feel could have been avoided with better care.

Still, there's something for my doula to work with me on in one of the preparation sessions (she's a MNer, so I might have just added it to her agenda!)

nunnie · 08/02/2011 16:33

I have been quite lucky I think, with my first my midwife left the room after internal showed I was 5cm's but had to return 15 minutes later as I was ready to push and she didn't leave my side she even was there in theatre when I had to have a manual removal of my placenta. She came down onto the ward with me and signed me over to maternity unit and said her farewells.
With DS I arrived pushing at handover time, so was alone for 5 minutes tops, but they did handover outside my room incase there was a problem, then that midwife only left my side to get on call consultant when it became obvious there was a problem, she was due to finish shift at 4pm, I delivered DS at 10.31am by EMCS and she was there in theatre, recovery (took a while longer due to complication), she took me down to maternity unit at 9.15pm then ended her shift.

I have no complaints whatsoever in both cases my midwife was fantastic.
Like I said though this may well have just been luck.

ChessyEvans · 08/02/2011 16:46

I'm giving birth at a MLU all being well so hopefully will be a better experience than on OBEM. I felt really sorry for Sara, looked like she was told at 3cm it was too early for an epidural, then basically left completely alone until midwives changed over (I thought the 2nd one was much nicer!) and by then it was too late for an epidural. Poor thing!

I suppose these things are edited though and the ladies did appear to have call buttons so could have asked for someone to be there. I think with a water birth they have to stay with you? Generally though that's one of the ways the MLU was sold to us as you're far more likely to know your midwife and have them in attendance for the duration if that's what you want.

maltesers · 08/02/2011 17:05

I asked for any Epidural with my 2nd birth and was told it was too early.....I think i was fobbed off really and was cross. My DH wasnt even there to support me and I didnt use the Gas and Air properly . Not a nice birth at all. [angry[
You can have early epidurals I learnt with the birth of my 3rd child. . . .and got one, and it was the best birth. . .

sunndydays · 08/02/2011 18:11

My midwife stayed with me the WHOLE time. From 10:30am when I was rushed in for induction until 11:15pm when dd was born (OK not the same midwife all the way and had half an hour when they changed over). I was so thankful for it. She just sat at the end of the bed writing notes and was there if I needed her.

Original poster

littlebylittle · 08/02/2011 18:27

The thing is, I think my midwife was pretty much in tune with how I responded to things because she was with me for all the contractions and could see how the pace of things was building. A bit like the way you get to know babies and how they respond. You might not be actively doing stuff all the time, but she knew pretty much without examining me that I was ready to push because she'd seen a really obvious transition panic after I'd been breathing and having gas and air pretty happily. And it was so obvious when the second midwife appeared that my relationship with the midwife was good- the second one couldn't do right for trying (not that I let on!). I'm not saying this to brag about how fab it was, just to say what you gain from having someone there even during the bits when nothing much seems to change. And as a side issue, what's with taking away gas and air for pushing? They did that to me first time and nit the second and wow was I happier with!

OP posts:

Firawla · 08/02/2011 19:11

i think i've been lucky then as never been left alone at all for any noticeable amount of time for either of my 2 births so far, even though was in a busy london hosp. i really wouldn't like to be left while the midwife just chats and has tea, part of their role is for support and i just feel better with them there.

TheVisitor · 08/02/2011 19:15

I did feel that Sara was fobbed off, even DH who was forced to watch it with me said that the MW seemed cold and uncaring. The second one was better.

Ciske · 08/02/2011 19:23

I don't think we should get too hung up on what was shown in One Born Every Minute. They have to condense several long labours into a one hour program and rely on clever editing to create dramatic effect. In this case, the contrast of the panicking woman and the tea drinking midwifes.

There's a lot that we didn't see of Sara's labour and we can't assume they never checked on her in between, just because the editors didn't feel those checks were worthwhile viewing for us.

Talk to your hospital/midwife about the labour and what you can expect. There is no point worrying about a TV show if you can get just go and get the facts yourself.

RoaryBear · 08/02/2011 20:00

I have to admit, I was disturbed by Sara's labour. You would think that because it was her third child they would have paid more attention to the fact that she was so anxious and distressed, as a first timer is more likely overreact and be dramatic (as seen in the first episode of this season!). The midiwfe didn't come across as being very understanding whatsoever, and did little to comfort her. She didn't even say bye one her way out when her shift finished.

I am 39 weeks pregnant with my second child and this has got me worried as with my first labour I was lucky enough to have the same midwife by my side from start to finish and she was fantastic.

A few questions I have is, how many cms dialated to hospitals normally make you wait until they will give you an epidural? Is it common for them to refuse to give you one as the midwife did in last night's episode of One Born Every Minute? And why did they not allow gas & air when pushing? I was allowed it with my first and it was a saviour.

I'm panicking a bit now that I will be left on my own, refused an epidural and have gas & air taken away from me!

cornishshelley · 08/02/2011 21:00

Firstly I have to say that i think the majority of midwives are fantastic and that they work under what can be very difficult conditions

Secondly i do think that one born every minute probably played up the anxious mother v midwife having a cup of tea for dramatic effect.

However it was interesting that having taken handover the second midwife seemed suprised that sara was fully dilated and baby op. It does make you question how well sara was supported by the first midwife if these things hadn't been noticed!

saltyseadog · 08/02/2011 21:12

I didn't like the way the midwife told Sara to 'get a grip'. As if being told that is going to have allayed her fear .

NinkyNonker · 09/02/2011 07:47

Some people like to be left to it I suspect.

FutureNannyOgg · 09/02/2011 09:11

The NICE guidelines say that a labouring woman should never be left alone except at her request.
It shouldn't happen, but it does, I expect far more often due to staffing issues rather than deliberate neglect.
A doula is really your best bet, short of hanging on for a quiet night and handcuffing yourself to a midwife.
Also asking for intermittent monitoring and no ve, means they have to keep a closer eye on you.

RoaryBear · 09/02/2011 15:45

What is no ve please?

Ushy · 09/02/2011 16:10

VE is vaginal examination.

The down side of refusing VE is that it can mean they cannot properly measure progress and there are risks if labour stalls for a really long time. If anything awful happens, they'll try to say it was your fault.

Wouldn't risk it - not a midwife myself but I am involved in medical litigation.

Good ways of getting one to one care are by asking for the pool or getting an epidural (they will have to stay with you). Hope that helps.

Finally, I do hope Sara complains about that midwife - that was appalling and unethical behaviour.

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