Scared of giving birth!!!

[Paula30CWR]

Hi,

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I'm due to give birth at the end of Feb in Kings College Hospital.

I think I am quite ready for this as I have read a lot in between my work breaks and I have bought all the necessary things to be prepared for the hospital and when my baby arrives (the first one).

However, silly me, I turned the TV last night to watch some random programs and I ended up watching 'Chanel 4 - One baby born every minute'. I don't know if they choose these women to film their experiences but she screamed of pain, had no position in bed, moved around like as if she didn't find any comfort. Her partner was with her and she was inhaling gas as a sort of pain relief. However, her screams were freaky.
It was silly of me. My husband just watch the news after work and we immediately watch a DVD like 24, Lost, Fringe...but I don't know why I watched a bit of this program.
I'm not going to say giving birth doesn't scare me, but after watching just 10 mins of that program made me wonder if I will cope with it.
My husband says: 'Look, I support you in every decision you make because you will feel the pain. You have the control of it and if you think the pain is too much for you to handle and you need the epidural - despite you want to control the pain - ask for it babe'. I will try to avoid it but I will consider it as well.

My point is, is anyone scared about it?
I'm getting closer to the date and I just try to concentrate in doing my job but I can't!!!!!!

Please let me know what your experiences are.

Anyway, I'm based in SE London - Dulwich. So, if anyone wants to go for a coffee, please let me know. I work from home.

Thanks!

Paula

have you done your antenatal classes?

In my mind, having a "good" birth is being happy with whatever happens, and for me that means being in control, making my own informed decisions, and not dancing to someone else's tune. Let me give you an example of the last bit - at one of my births I was experiencing the foetal explusion reflux and I was hypnobreathing. A midwife walked in and demanded I start holding my breath and explusive push on demand. She was completely ignoring my wishes, any research demonstrating that coached pushing has worse outcomes than natural pushing, and was doing what she was used to in a labour. I'm also a fan of informed consent

Read as much as you can, and watch some more "natural" programs like www.mybirth.tv/ that show you that it's not all about screaming on your back on a hospital bed while someone tells you when to push.

Do not worry - that woman made a ridiculous fuss as she got herself panicked - for most women it is not like that (just have a look at the other threads on last night's programme!). You can do it, I promise. It does hurt but it is not like any other pain from "hurting yourself" - it feels quite different, and there is no pain betwee contractions, and it all stops instantly once the baby is out. Most people feel a HUGE sense of achievement which you never get from anything else. Try to keep calm and to keep an open mind and you will be fine. Good luck!

Oh guys thanks a lot!!!!
I will indeed read the reviews on last night's programme.

And yes, I'm happy for having my baby. My husband and I were very happy with the info obtained at the antenatal classes and he was surprised I was upset last night but well.

Thanks a lot for the support. I will try to read about controlling my pain and relaxion techniques.

Thanks again.

Paula

I was a proper screamer. The screaming was like a coping mechanism. I could manage the pain perfectly well if I screamed. I was singing along to the Smiths in between screams, I really was fine, but if you'd have seen/ heard me I would have terrified you!

Hi paula, just to let you know I am 40+2 with my third baby and still feel nervous about giving birth, despite having two striaght forward deliveries. I think it is normal to feel nervous, especially the first time.

Have you written a birth plan? That may help you feel more relaxed and in control. I did for DC1 and it helped. It gives you a chance to think about all your different options, how you'd like to labour, what sort of pain relief and techniques you could use etc. Sometimes getting thoughts and ideas down on paper helps. Maybe talk to your MW about your anxieties too, she might be able to reassure you and go through your birthing options.

Labour is hard work, but nothing beats the feeling of doing all that work and holding your new baby in your arms.

Good luck.

Just to add....I made very loud mooing sounds last time I gave birth and making those noises enabled me to cope with the pain (G&A helped too)

Also, it's completely normal to be scared, it's like me saying, "in 4 weeks I'm going to cut your leg off, it's really going to hurt and it'll take about 8 hours to do."

You have no comprehension really of what will be happening to you. In reality it's nothing like me cutting your leg off. You are designed to do it. It does hurt, but your endorphins etc kick in, and you get through it. My only explanation is that your body is magic.

I was scared the first time of how labour would be but as the baby was crowning I knew I could do it again, and I wasn't scared at all the second time, even though I had a back to back labour with DC1.

There's usually a point in pregnancy IMO where 'the fear' kicks in, and at that point literally anything a person says can terrify you even if they mean to be reassuring. It is a big deal going into labour, it IS going to be a big physical event and because it is new there will be bits that you're not sure how to cope with at the time.

Slight at 'ridiculous fuss' and 'getting herself panicked'. You sound like an old-school midwife. Labour can be pretty frightening, let's face it, whatever kind of person you are. There was a point for me, and for a lot of women, where you kind of stop running and turn to face the job you have to do (it was transition for me, I guess that's kind of what transition is from a mental point of view). Actually thinking about it, I had to do it several times. Labour tends to require more of you than you think you have. But you are far more of a warrior, or a power source, or whatever metaphor you like, than you think.

if someone had even insinuated to me that I was making a 'ridiculous fuss' there would have been trouble

We all deal with things differently. The last thing anyone should have to worry about is being inhibited when the're labouring!

I don't understand why people say 'I will try to avoid an epidural and only have it as a last resort'.

If you are in pain take the epidural! It is a gift sent by science and will help you beyond belief.

If you are in pain, it's a no brainer in my book.

I think everyone who has to give birth is scared to some extent... its going to hurt somewhat!

However, by the time you are to the end of your nine months (or go over, as with one of my dc), you are soooo ready to get the baby out, you really put the fear behind you!

Good luck.

x

That woman screamed even after the epidural had taken effect she even screamed 'I can't feel anything' at one point, and the mw had to remind her that she was not actually in pain! AND she said that she would do the same 'next time' - so even straight afterwards she is considering a 'next time'!. That tells yu something!

I wasn't actually in pain, it was hard work, and sort of wishing I wasn't in the middle of it, much like when you're on a killer stretch of an uphill fell walk - but you don't give up. I wasn't in pain, but i still went 'eeeuuurgh' a lot on a sort of unearthly way!. Get your endorphins going at the earliest opportunity with TENS, keep moving, upright and leaning forwards, kneel up facing the back of a sofa and lean on the back, and if you feel it is getting too much request an epidural - problem solved! I suspect that all her carry-on actually delayed her making a calm considered request for an epidural earlier on.

I didn't see the programme last night, but thought I'd give you my experience.

I was so bothered about being a wimp and having an epidural (!) that I put it off for as long as possible, by which time I felt I had lost control.

G&A is wonderful, but if you feel it's starting to get too much, just ask for an epidural. You may not need one, but I did because I was exhausted.

How ever your birth pans out, you should be really proud of yourself, and as soon as your baby is given to you you'll feel on top of the world!

Good luck x

Hi Paula,

There is an informal group meeting up for coffees in East Dulwich, all due Jan/Feb. Go to www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk family room section and look for the winter babies club.

Hope to see you!

As others have said your fear and nervousness are completely normal - after all you're facing into something completely new and unknown. I was quite scared before my baby was born but by the time I actually went into labour, five days overdue, I was so ready to meet him I was delighted when it all started. Also I screamed and shouted and roared through labour but only because it really helped not because I wasn't coping. I used gas and air, which is what you saw that woman sucking on, and it was fabulous. It really really helped to distance me a bit from the pain so that it was totally manageable.

The only advice I have is to try not to think about it too much as you can tie yourself in knots imagining things when you really don't know what it's like until you experience it. Then when it all happens just go with the flow and for goodness sake get the epidural if you feel you need it, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting pain relief!

to those who think I am being mean saying she was making a "ridiculous fuss"......of course I would not say that to any woman in actual labour!!! I am not that unreasonable! She was frightened, hence her screaming. However, I was just trying to put OP's mind at rest in that the pain that woman was feeling was manageable, it's just that she wasn't coping very well for whatever reason - she carried on screaming blue murder even when she was feeling no pain at all after the epidural! And FWIW I make a lot of noise in labour too.

Thank you all for your words!! It really helps.

I think that anyone can scream!!! But I always thought, I rather not to. I want to be in control but at the same time, I will try not to scream...well...I guess that's something I won't be able to control. Oh dear, poor my hubby!

I watched the programme too OP, and would like to draw your attention to the contrast between the two women in labour.

Yes, one was screaming a lot - she even screamed when the pain had stopped and she was handed her baby - it was obviously her way of coping with the whole situation.

The other woman barely spoke or moved and that was how she coped.

Learn all you can about labour and birth, attend classes if you can (I found breathing exercises really helped, surprisingly) and take all drugs offered - if you find you want them.

As other posters have advised, the best thing is to go with the flow.

God, just watched last nights One Born Every Minute. She was unbelievable! Everyone copes differently but I think she was verging on hysteria. She was panicking herself and not listening. I think you have to TRY to stay calm and put in to practice what you learnt at ante natal classes.

The breathing helped me enormously. Not saying it took away the pain, but it helped me focus and concentrate on what I was doing rather than flail around and panic.

I also used a TENS machine and that helped massively during the first stages of labour. I used it right up until I got my epidural.

Do whatever you need to to get through it, but remember that screaming and shouting is taking up your energy and it will tire you out when you need your energy to push at the end. Listen to your midwife, she will help you and if you don't listen to her you make it much harder for yourself. The girl in the programme was not listening or taking advice and was getting herself distressed. She needed a good slap in order to calm down. I honestly think her partner or a midwife should have talked her down from that state and tried to calm her properly.

Sometimes you need to be talked down from hysteria as once you are over the edge you can't come back on your own.

Oh yes, you're totally right!

When I was watching her scream - and this was just 10 minutes - my husband asked me from the kitchen: What are those screams? What are you watching? hahahaha Hilarious! I find it funny now after reading all this comments. It truly helps me.

This Thursday I have my last ante-natal class and I think it will summarise everything we need to know.

I take on board everything you have all said like reading, keeping control, breathing techniques and focusing on what is really going on.

I think I'm ready and I the reason I aked these questions early on was to express my concerns as I really am enjoying the last weeks of pregancy and I don't want to be put off by this woman!

Anyway, thank you all for the supportive messages.

Have a good evening!

Paula x

Also Paula I think part of the reason she found it so hard to cope might have been that she was lying in a bed. There is no way I'd have coped lying down, I found that rapid manic walking helped hugely. The room I was in didn't even have a bed, it just had a "birthing couch" a sort of foam thing to lean against when on hands and knees (which I did for some of the time). At the end I unfortunately had to get into bed as they were concerned about his heartrate and wanted to monitor him but it was ok at that stage as I was tired from all the walking! Remember that movement can help really well with the pain and that you shouldn't be afraid to get into whatever position feels right for you. Moving about can also speed up labour, I think it definitely did for me.

Hi Paula,

Just wanted to say please do not worry!i couldn't believe what I saw on one born every min if I saw that before I gave birth I would of been petrified. I had my first baby 9 weeks ago, I tried to have a positive frame of mind. I have a nice birth story, I went 3 days over due was in labour for 6 hours had no pain relief up till 7cm and the 4 mins it took me to get from 7cm to 10cm i had a bit of gas and air. I didn't scream or swear although I felt like saying a few bad words lol I gave birth to a healthy 8lb 3oz girl and you forget it all.

Good Luck :) xxxx

Hi Paula. I was so nervous with my first baby-and I had worked as a nurses aid on a labour ward,and was a trained nurse at that stage,. As everyone has said it is very common to be nervous/terrified,especially with your first. I had nightmares all through the pregnancy. With my second I was fine...until the last few weeks when I became very worried about how I was going to cope again.
Luckily I had very straightforward births. Thanks to the fantastic midwives at the UHD near Belfast! But they were big boys!
You cannot totally be prepared for birth,as each one is different,and you have never done it before so don't know what to expect.
It is common to lose control and panic. I tried really hard to stay "in control" of my emotions. When I "lost it" I would say out loud "come on Woopsi,focus.FOCUS!" Which made my best bud-who was my birth partner laugh after!
I agree that you need to know about the stages of labour and delivery so that you understand where you are in the process. Knowledge is power.
Lots of people make weird noises,if it helps it helps. But sometimes people lose it-understandably-and start saying "Ican't...",etc,and lose focus. This will get you nowhere! It is wasted energy. Just focus on getting to 10cms, then pushing,listening to what your body is telling you,and listening to your-hopefully-good midwife.
Good luck!

Hello I watched OBEM and I have had one baby and am 28 weeks with 2nd. With the first I was very scared and I delt with things different I did not want information about labour the stages and all that and what to expect I found for me anyway that being ignorant and not wanting to know was a good thing I looked into drugs for the pain and read up on the bits I wanted to know about. I left all the labour stuff out I felt knolwage was not power for that situation. With this being my second I kinda know what to expect but each one can be different. So im just going to go along with whatever but will make a birthing plan. Mine consists of well drugs drugs and more drugs. I dont get it when women say I dont want an epidural. Why? My god I had everything I was in a slow labour for a week then when it really kicked in I was knackered I had not had much sleep. I was in hospital for a week and would listen out for the drugs trolley and was very sad when it was only coffee do what you need to do I think most women grunt as your having to push and its hard work. You can be pushing for a bit and feels like nothing then when you hear the head is coming its great it gives you energy from no where and you just want to see baby. Have what you want for the pain you dont need to prove anything to no one just make sure you and baby are comfortable being a mum is great and the best thing I have ever done.

Ha Ha I have put that I found knolwage was not power for me and whoopsidaisy said it is power I did not read that thread whoopsidaisy think I was still typing mine as you posted yours! He he. Everyone is different and handles things different this is a good example. Good Luck