This thread has brought it all back...
With DD1 I was in for 10 weeks, but had a private room for some of that time (they just took pity on me). Before that was on the ward from hell.
Next to me was a woman who was on her 4th baby, but this one was with her new partner. She was about 30-ish, he was 18. She was very keen to tell everyone how he couldn't read or write, but was madly in love with her. Just to show how madly in love with her he was, he used to phone up in the middle of the night and demand to talk to her. She was in because she had bad morning sickness and was diabetic. The sickness was genuine because she threw up loudly and repeatedly the whole time she was in. But she used to tell the midwives she'd had nothing to eat, and then would send her toyboy out to get her crisps and coke, which she would eat loudly before throwing up again. The midwives came to check her blood sugar levels every half an hour through the night, which was great for getting any sleep.
Opposite me was a woman who was in because she kept getting attacks of breathlessness. It had been suggested that these were panic attacks, which she denied, claiming that there was a history of heart problems in her family. However, she was always fine and quite able to yell across the ward to Puking Crisp Woman until a midwife appeared, whereupon she would mysteriously become unable to raise her head off the pillow and would start gasping for breath dramatically. She claimed repeatedly that she was obviously too ill to give birth naturally and they'd have to give her a c-section. I am convinced (probably very uncharitably) that she was scared of giving birth and was just going through an elaborate bit of play-acting to try to get out of it and get a c-section, preferably under general anaesthetic. They kept trying to send her home, and every time anyone mentioned it, she would 'faint' and they'd change their minds. She even had herself hooked up to an ECG machine for 24 hours, which showed precisely nothing wrong with her.
The other bed was occupied by a series of teenage mums, all of whom smoked like chimneys.
Puking Crisp Woman and Hypochondriac Woman both kept their TVs on (without headphones, although headphones were provided) from about 7 a.m. to 11 p.m., sometimes tuned to different channels, and then they talked over the top of them - well, yelled - they didn't bother to get out of bed, they just screamed across the room at one another.
Midwife came in one day to find me with my head under the covers crying my eyes out (I blame the hormones) and begging to be allowed home. The next day they found me my private room, for which I am eternally grateful.
With DD2 I was in and out in 12 hours. Not keen to repeat the previous experience!