Booked for ELCS and really scared

[YellowCecil]

Hi all

I'm 37 weeks with my first and my baby is footling breech. ECV failed (and was ridiculously painful). Consultant talked through possibility of vaginal breech delivery but made it clear that at the hospital we are using it would be considered very high-risk and full of intervention. Basically there is no possibility of having the natural birth I imagined. VB would also be more dangerous for my baby, and so the only sensible thing to do is have a Section.

So, why then am I so terrified of the operation? I keep bursting into tears at the thought of it. It isn't just having surgery, but I also feel like I've already failed in some way because I can't bring my baby into the world "properly". I just never thought I'd have a Section. My DH is being very supportive but he doesn't understand, which is perfectly reasonable as I don't understand either!

I just wondered if anyone else felt this way about having ELCS, and whether the experience was as bad as they imagined? Did it really not matter how the baby came into the world once you had her in your arms? Or did it feel like the baby had been taken from you somehow and you'd both been denied an important experience?

Any thoughts or advice would be very welcome. I don't want this to stop me enjoying my new baby and at the moment it feels as though it might.

Thanks!

Hi

I had an emergency c-section last time and it looks very much like I am going for an elective this time - breech baby like you.

ALthough I was high on every kind of drug available last time I can honestly say that the operation was fine and although a longer recovery than a 'natural' birth, the painkillers they give you after are qute something and I did not feel that suffered in that respect.

However, I can see that you seem more concerned that you have failed in some respect. I think that you need to look at it from a difference perspective; your responsibility at this stage to your baby is to do the best for her and that includes bringing her into the world in the safest way for hers (and your health) and in this respect in certainly seems that the ELCS is that.

I found, as you quite rightly suspected, once you have your baby in your arms you kind of forget the pregnancy and the birth and it becomes all about all the new baby things that you have to do and how precious your new bubba is.

Some people do have a different experience of sections, recovery and a sense of failure and I do not detract from how they feel in any way, for some people it is a shock and a slow recovery but I do think that trying to get your head round it now and repeating to yourself that the most important thing is getting your baby out safely and healthily for both of you is the aim of childbirth.

There are no medals for giving birth at the end of the day - just a baby, but it's the best medal you can have!

All the best
xx

Poor you. I have done it both ways - vaginal first and ELCS the second. What I will say is giving birth vaginally is nothing to worry about if you miss out on the experience!! We had real problems and as a result my daughter was born with a nerve injury to her arm (hence why we opted for a section second time round). If labour and birth go well I'm sure it is a wonderful experience and I do look back on the birth of my daughter with real fondness but in reality I was exhausted after days of being in labour and my daughter was very distressed for a few weeks afterwards and we were unable to establish breastfeeding.

My ELCS was a completely different experience. Yes I was so terrified and 4 weeks later I'm still a bit sore but I was sore after all my stitches vaginally and this time my son is so chilled out which has meant I am. Nothing is a bad as you think it will be and whilst it felt a bit strange it was very quick and the team around me were wonderful. I don't regret opting for a section for a second (and my son was born with no nerve injury which was the purpose for us of a section!)

I get quite cross at the pressure we all put on ourselves to give birth naturally because ultimatatly you have to do what is the safest for you and the baby and there are no prizes for how you do it. This is the safest way for you and you have no control over it. You really are not missing out on much and I promise once you get that baby in your arms the tears will flow and if you're honest you won't care how they got there.

Good luck - you'll be fine!

Ds1 was born in feb by elcs. It was a lovely calm experience and in my opinion how they get out makes no difference provided they arrive safely. I'm sure you'll feel that when you hold your baby :-)

Try not to see it as failure but as our good fortune to live in an age where medical science means potentially difficult - and in your case life threatening for both of you - deliveries can be identified in advance and avoided.

That said, you feel how you feel and don't give yourself a hard time. However I'm sure you'll find it much better than you imagined and will get a gorgeous baby into the bargain

I also am booked for an ELCS on Tuesday as I am frank breech with my first and had two failed ECV attempts. I am also a bit worried, and I feel a bit sad that I am losing out on an "experience". Do you plan on having more DCs? I am consoling myself with the fact that it is probably likely that I will be able to go on and have a vaginal birth in the future. Can't offer any advice but you are not alone, and I can really relate to how you're feeling! If it helps, since I have been given the actual date, I've kind of got my head around it and mentally prepared myself and feel a bit calmer. In fact, if I arrived on Tuesday and they told me the baby had turned and sent me home to wait to go into labour I would probably be a bit pissed off now as I am going in 8 days before my EDD and I am actually quite fed up of being pg! Hope you start to feel better about things soon x

DD was breech but it was not diagnosed until I was in labour. If I had known beforehand I think I would have felt exactly like you - I'd have been horrified at the idea of a CS. But actually it was a lot better than I expected. I'm not pg with DC2 and considering asking for an ELCS although I haven't seen the consultant yet so don't know what they'll say. But it can't have been that bad if I'm thinking about doing it again!
There are things to think about after a CS - for example it can make bfing a bit more tricky as your milk can take longer to come in and obviously it's harder to position the baby. But it's perfectly possible.
Good luck!
stargirl30

I have heard that it can take a day longer for milk to come in. But yes I had mega milk too and fed for nearly 2 years so it's not a problem!
Yes it could have been emotional trauma though.

I has ELCS with twins, one breech. I was nervous too, and a bit sad not to have the VB I had thought I would, but as soon as they were here it really didn't matter how they arrived!

Breastfeeding was fine. Get lots of pillows and your 'bossy voice' on!

Hi there.

I had a c-section and can say with absolute honesty that the operation itself was superb, the staff caring and despite everything, a positive experience all round, with imediate cuddles and bonding and an alert, untraumatrised breastfeeding baba at the end of it.

Any bad feelings I had was the nagging doubt that it was not really neccesary. I'd suggest that you give yourself all the info you can on your situation and talk to anyone and everyone you need to to ensure you have no doubts either. Once you're 100% behind your choice, heart and mind, you can get on with making the c-section a satisfying and fulfilling experience.

Music choices, dropping the screen at last moment so you can see baby first, a cuddle with baby before it's cleaned or swaddled, along with all the other normal stuff, like settng out it's first outfit and taking a camera into theatre can all help to make this a great experience.

Good luck. The recovery is slow, daretodream is spot on- get your bossy voice on and demand anything you need! Non-hospital tea, snacks, someone to just sit with....

PS I found mastering breasfeeding lying on my side the most useful position during the first few sore weeks.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I imagined I would have a treehugging whalesinging natural birth with possibly a recreational whiff of gas & air, if any pain relief at all - I didn't even read up on sections properly because that was never going to happen, right? Well, I ended up with an EMCS, and that was actually the only part of the birth I remember in a positive way.
I recovered quickly (home within 2 days) and breastfeeding wasn't an issue either.

Don't worry about having "failed" - it saddens me when intervention which reduces the risk of serious damage to child and mother is regarded as failure. It's not failure, it's really really lucky that you have that option.

Good Lord don't feel you have failed, that's just ridiculous. You are doing the best to have a healthy baby, you will be a nurturing and lovely mother - that is not failing.

If you feel you are missing out on a natural birth, try sticking a melon up your butt, should give you an idea...

Haha, great reply discobeaver. I for one was very pleased to miss out on the VB experience!!

I'm another one that had tonnes of milk straight away - very uncomfortable as ds had a tongue tie that meant he looked like he was feeding but in fact took nothing and my boobs just got bigger and bigger!!

I have nothing to add to QTPie's post, apart from to say.... Ditto!

I had a home water birth planned, but I couldn't have it, had to have an ELCS in the end. And it was wonderful.

I breastfed for 11 months, only stopped because of returning to work. I never had any problem.

Hope you fully enjoy your birth experience.

Thanks everyone for your amazing messages. You are all so supportive, it is really lovely to hear from you and be reminded that this isn't a negative situation at all. In fact, as a couple of people point out, it is fantastic that medical science can make a potentially dangerous situation into an almost completely safe one.

I am coming to terms with it now, and looking on the bright side. It is nice to know in advance the day that the baby will be born, and that it will be quick! Also, now I think about it quite pleased that my lady bits are going to remain undamaged (until no. 2 at least!).

Also nice to hear that not everyone has difficulty breast feeding afterwards.

Thanks guys!

I have had an EMCS (op fine, recovery hard going) and a planned cs.

FWIW I was scared in the run up to the planned cs as I had time to worry about it. At least with my EMCS it all happened in a whirlwind so I wasn't actually that worried about it. The theatre staff were lovely and chatty both times and happy to explain what each monitor was going and what machines they had me hooked up to. They will probably have done hundreds of cs's between them so you will be in good hands . One of the nurses bought the placenta up to me so I could see it.

Make sure you rest afterwards and get a private room if you can. Before you go home check what time you need to take pain relief (best to stick to the hospital schedule IME) and enjoy quiet time at home while you recover. If you have visitors do not make cups of tea, they can do it!

My milk came in fine both times, although DS took 3 weeks to latch on after the EMCS. DD fed like a dream after the planned cs.

Wishing you a lovely, calm cs and a good recovery.

... and no, I don't feel like I have been denied an important experience. Having heard what some mums go through even my EMCS was getting off lightly.

I had DD by a basically problem-free VB, then DS got wedged transverse and I had a planned CS.

I like to think of it as DS failed to find the way out , I think he inherited his father's sense of direction.

But it does mean I can compare uncomplicated VB vs ELCS, and I can really reassure you that you're not missing much with the VB. I was worried about stuff like having a catheter with the CS, but that actually turned out to be fine, they put it in once the anaesthetic had kicked in, and taking it out was painless - and it was really cool not to have to get out of bed to wee for the first time in six months.

Um, what else... DS breastfed fine... oh, yeah, do take all the pain relief pills/shots they offer, don't breezily say 'I'm fine, thanks', and then have to call them back a few minutes later when your current dose wears off

Having just re-read my post, I hope I haven't worried anyone about what I said about milk coming in later after a c-section.
QTpie is right, it is much more likely that the delay was due to the trauma of the birth than the c-section itself.

This is a very helpful website:
www.kellymom.com/bf/start/concerns/c-section.html

Would echo QTpie really, after being induced with dc1 and long labour ending in crash section I had ELCS in July with dc2 and it was AMAZING

Totally painfree, very very quick and the team were fantastic.

Like you I was very very nervous but had a hypnosis session the week before and it helped me so much to stay positive and actually enjoy the experience.

Recovery was very quick too, much better than with emergency cs. was driving 6 weeks later.

Its the removal of the placenta that triggers the breastmilk, I had no problems. Agree that lying down is best position ( also great for co sleeping which I found worked well with both mine)

Wishing you all the best.

My last baby was breech and we didn't find out until the last minute. Also had a failed and extremely painful ECV. Consultant said no way would they consider a VB because nobody in the hospital was experienced enough.

I have needle phobia and was petrified. But it was a fantastic experience. No labour pains. No "is this it?" panics in the night. The team were fantastic and aware I was scared and did everything they could to relax me.

When they lifted her up we both burst into tears, just as we did with the others.

Having had 4 VB I can tell you they are over-rated

Great post as im seeing the consultant about one Monday and am nervous too. How far in advance do they book you in now before your due date?

Great post as im seeing the consultant about one Monday and am nervous too. How far in advance do they book you in now before your due date?