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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Having 2nd baby and have no one to look after DS whos 5

35 replies

Scruffyhound · 27/12/2010 09:51

Has anyone taken their other children to the hospital when in labour do the hospital offer help for this or am I just being stupid? I have moved away from where I used to live and we have no family to help here well accpet DP mum and step dad but after going around chirstmas day and thier stupid dog biting my DS hes not going there ever again. So there is no one to ask really. My mum has taken some time off but we cant tell baby to come whilst she is here!! I just wondered what other people have done and Its starting to make me a bit nervous.

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DreamingofFour · 27/12/2010 09:57

We had similar dilemma. My parents would not be able to get to us quickly enough (although they could come) so we approached neighbours, who were really helpful and offered to do the first hour. obviously need to check neighbours are sane and safe, but actually it made us all friends! (and in the end we didn't need to call them).

So it might be worth at least getting to know some of your neighbours.

Otherwise, I would take 5 year old with you. Most importantly make a plan (aand a back up) before you go into labour as I found it hard to think straight about this once I was in labour!

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 27/12/2010 09:57

could you ask anyone from DS's school? lots of mums from dd1's toddler group offered to help out when i was pg with dd2. even if you don't know them well, perhaps they could just hold the fort while you wait for your mum to arrive. or a neighbour? again, the lady next door to me offered to have dd1 while we waited for MIL to travel over to us.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 27/12/2010 09:58

It depends what time the baby starts to make his or her appearance I suppose.

What about having DS looked after in your home (away from IL's dog)? If it's at night time the easiest thing would be perhaps to have someone cme in and sleep over, leaving your DS where he is.

Original poster

Scruffyhound · 27/12/2010 10:24

Thanks for all your input. I have heard of people who take thier kids with them and can watch the childbirth but I dont think that is right and if something went wrong I dont want my DS there. I just dont think its right. But everyones different. We do have my DP's cousin around the corner and my DS has stayed there a few times. Myabe ask them? Thanks for the support. I just dont want my DS going to that house after dog bit him I would not rest. I would prefer him to be with me in the labour suite!! I have tried social events at the school to try and meet parents but it failed there were not enough there. I have tried to speak to parents there but nothing. I would love to move back home to be honest but DP's job is here and its a family firm and ok pay. My mum would take a while to get here as she can drive but no good on motorways. Also if it starts at 3 am or something then I dont know. Thanks again

OP posts:

eviscerateyourmemory · 27/12/2010 10:28

Most people would want to helpout in this sort of situation. IF you dont want your DS in your DP mums house, would your DP mum come round to your house?

If your DP is about then if there were no other options he could watch your DS. Not ideal, but it could be an option.

ben5 · 27/12/2010 10:31

my dh is navy and was due to be away for ds2 birth. i moved to be closer to my parents althogh they were still 45-60mins away, when i was 20 weeks pregnate.
i asked my neighbours soon after i arrived if they could house sit with ds1 until my parents turned up.
as it happened dh turned up 36 hours before i went into labour so he took me to the hospital and was with me. dh asked neighbours if they could be with ds1 ( it was 4am). as he was asking them my parents turned up but it was good they were there and i made good friends with them

Original poster

Scruffyhound · 27/12/2010 10:38

Thanks. My Dp's cousin lives around the corner and he works nights but his partner works days so I would feel bad but I would be happy for my DS to be there as he loves it there. As for Dp's mum coming to us that will never happen she never leaves the house. So Im not relying on any of his family mum/sister as I feel we may be let down. I feel let down aready by them to be honest but thats another thread.

OP posts:

violethill · 27/12/2010 10:54

We live 200 miles from nearest family, so relied on a neighbour to help out. I think you'll find most people will be willing to lend a hand in the circumstances.

I wouldn't take an older child along to the hospital - you need to focus on giving birth, and hospital staff will need to focus on their jobs, not worrying about supervising children

ninaprettyballerina · 27/12/2010 13:56

We have no family wihin 100 miles and DS2 came 6 weeks early in the middle of the night and so I had to get a taxi in and deliver baby on my own whilst DP stayed home with my sleeping DS.
DP then came to the hospital to meet DS2 when he dropped DS1 at nursery.

imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 27/12/2010 14:02

I would be 100% certain that anyone would be delighted to help out in circs like this!

I know I would be

coldtits · 27/12/2010 14:34

i'd have practically ANY child in my home if it's mum was in labour, and I am not alone in this. ask at the school.

imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 27/12/2010 14:42

Coldtits- me too I would feel honoured and privileged that they chose to ask me

and yes I am a sad old gimmer

SmokinSanta · 27/12/2010 14:47

Could you have a home birth so it gets rid of the problem?

Or, when it starts go to hospital and leave DP with your elder son until your mum or someone can get there?

Manicmummyhavinabiccy · 27/12/2010 16:09

Totally feal for you as i'm in same situ' as you, moved here a year ago and was hoping to have home birth so dont leave dd (10) ad ds (3)at home with Dp whislt in hospital, but today the MW has told me im not aloud a HB :( so, as I have only my dad here, but is to ill to look after my kids, after a day of being very tearful, have decided to go through labour alone, am devastated :(
Im in bucks, if you were any where near, I would love to help you out :)
But it never accured to me about having the kids at the hospital (not sure my hospital would even allow this (they only allow one birt partner, and loo's only to be used by the woman, the men have to go off ward :/ super strict!) and not to mention NO visitors :(Hope you sort something out and every thing goes well :)

Original poster

Scruffyhound · 27/12/2010 16:26

Hello all thanks for your support. I find it amazing how many people are in this situation. And I am amazed at how many people have said neighbours. We have neighbours here a couple who are in there 60's and their daughter whos about in her 20's living with them the other side a man on his own the other side they have all been ok and we all say hello. I hope if were desperate we can ask. At least we have my DP's cousin near by. Sorry to sound like a drama queen but I like to be organised and if things go wrong a back up plan so I can concerntrate on giving birth. Maybe this would be a good buisness for someone? Staying at someones house for a week or 2 to look after the kids whilst mum can go to hospital with partner and have baby? Thanks for offers of help I would never mind looking after children for someone in that situation and your right I would be flattered as well. Maybe its just the cheek of asking or you feel cheeky? thanks all again

OP posts:

SilkStalkings · 27/12/2010 16:38

It does exist! If you can afford it, any nanny/babysitting agencies would be able to provide a short term service like the one you described.

I think the neighbouring family sound viable though, possibly a good mix of stamina and experience there. Bet they would be over the moon too.

Original poster

Scruffyhound · 27/12/2010 16:59

I think your right SilkStalkings I will approach them when it my DS birthday (in a few weeks) as they said they will be free for DS birthday and maybe we can all go out. They seem very happy around him and he loves them coming around and get excited!! I just hope they dont mind helping us out still feels cheeky!! But its gotta be done baby might come when DS is at his Dads who knows. Thanks

OP posts:

SilkStalkings · 27/12/2010 17:15

Not cheeky, it's the biggest compliment in the world!

Original poster

Scruffyhound · 27/12/2010 18:19

Yes your right I will ask them. Make sure DS is extra cute that day

OP posts:

dikkertjedap · 27/12/2010 22:26

manicmummyhavinabiccy depending on where you are in bucks I would be willing to help out

hastingsmum · 27/12/2010 23:24

I hope it works out for you with someone to look after DS, but if not, have you considered leaving him at home with your DP?

Guacamohohohole · 27/12/2010 23:30

If there was no one I could rely on, I would probably leave DC and DH at home and have the baby on my own.

SilkStalkings · 28/12/2010 12:50

That's a good point, you'd surely get more attention from midwives if you were on your own.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 28/12/2010 13:56

We were worried about this too - planned a hb but needed childcare for DS1 in case we transfered/inconveniently had the baby while he was awake! PIL held back by snow and 4 hr trip, my own parents were closer but snow and ice, ditto. We just moved in to a new house in new village, so didn't know neighbours. A couple of mates from old village (5 mins drive in non-snowey weather) said they'd try to help out.

However, when my waters went a week ago at night, I didn't go into labour right away and though my lovely MW was there right away, DH had to look after DS (2) all morning while I tried to contact friends. Eventually, one managed to dig car out of snow and her DH turned up to collect DS. 25 minutes before I gave birth! DH was there, but only for last 20 mins!! Actually, it was fine, but bloody lucky we didn't need a transfer. DH would just have had to look after DS in waiting area, I suppose.

What I'm saying is that while it's clearly not the ideal, you CAN do it without DH if you have to, and the MWs will be great with you.

Eralc · 29/12/2010 00:32

We are in the same situation, but a bit more extreme (family are all on the other side of the world!). We have only been here 8 months, and I don't feel like I know anyone well enough yet to ask them to have DS (3) while I'm in labour. The current plan is that DH will stay at home with him, and I will do labour on my own. I think I would be more worried about leaving him with someone he didn't know very well, than about labouring on my own. After an initial panic about this, I'm much happier with the idea now - the hospital have organised for me to have a student midwife following me, and she will be there for my birth, whenever it happens, so that I will know someone there. My midwife is also lovely, and hopefully I will go into labour when she is on duty. The hospital have been really supportive about the whole thing (there were a couple of other possibilities that we chose not to use as well). I would talk to the midwives about it all.

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