fretting about childcare for a homebirth.

[ReshapeWhileDamp]

DS is 2.10, and we're expecting a baby over Christmas. My parents (well, my mother anyway!) had been pretty supportive and ok about coming and getting DS and probably taking him out for the day and then to a local hotel, since it would probably be easier to have him close, than taking him back to their incredibly cluttered house. They are only an hour and a half away. PIL are nearly 4 hours away and currently still a bit snowed in.

My worry is that my mother has started making noises about how she doesn't think they might be able to make it down, if it's icy on the roads or snowy. I fully appreciate that - obviously don't think they should risk an accident! But I am getting the overall impression that she is also less keen even if the weather's ok. She said yesterday: 'Well, you'll have DH and your MW, so you will have cover for DS if you need it, won't you?' I need DH there with me, and the MW is obviously going to be doing her job. I've pointed out that my main worry is if I have to transfer to hospital. Then, even if it's at night and DS has slept through it all, we'd have to take him with us, and DH definitely wouldn't be able to be with me.

Not blaming my mother, I know she gets worried about road conditions (though as I say, can't help thinking she's trying to back out generally) but it's a bit of a nightmare, if we do get snow. What are other people planning homebirths in the (possible) snow going to do about children?

I don't really want to be in heavy labour with DS in the house - think it would inhibit me and slow things down. I've been preparing him for the sorts of noises I'll make, just in case, but don't want to freak him out, as he's not yet 3! I do have a good friend in the next village who has said she can take him during the day for several hours, but if it's very snowy, we might not get him there! (MW lives in another local village and is a star, has promised she'll virtually harness her dogs to a sleigh and walk over if necessary! ) And friend is away over Christmas (has actually offered our house to my parents and DS as somewhere to stay if there's no room at the inn) so couldn't take him if I start then.

What are other people planning homebirths in the (possible) snow going to do about children?

hmm well in the event that it's so snowy that your mum and the friend? can't get to you, i would imagine the midwives won't be able to either

in which case you'll end up in hospital anyway

if it's clear enough for midwives to get there then presumably it will be clear enough for either your mum or your friend?

I would just play it by ear, I know it's not easy, I like having things planned so find it tough to take things as they come. But you know, if there are no other possible people you can use then you'll just have to see what happens when it happens.

Could your mum come and stay with you for a bit? that way she'll be there already if necessary?

I would echo Yesterday's suggestion of getting your Mum to stay with you for a few days. This is what we did in March when I was pg with DD2. I had a hospital birth, but MIL was with us for a few days before I went into labour with DD2 and looked after DD1.

Can you call on any local friends to step in, if you need them? That's also what I did - have friends on stand-by just in case DD2 arrived before MIL did!

Well, the MWs (they're independent, not that it makes much difference in terms of snow) have said that the main road will be gritted and they can park there and walk the remaining 500 yards to the house. If an ambulance can get there, they say they can too.

My parents will be coming from further away and closer to the SE, where it might be snowier. Also, they're very risk-adverse and might not venture out when other people would give it a go. Absolutely their own choice, of course. Yes, she could come and stay (has just stayed for three nights while DH was away) but I feel it's a lot to ask of her again (and not sure we could cope!) so soon. We have no idea really when the baby will come.

We have no choice other than to plan it by ear - it must be a worry for thousands of pregnant women at the moment, wherever they hope to give birth!

Reshape, I was soooo worried about this earlier this year. I did even start a thread about it and everyone said, don't worry about it, it'll be fine! And of course it was. But it didn't stop me worrying.

The thing I would say is don't be scared to ask for help. This is not an every day occurrence - you're about to have a baby! Call on help when you need it.

Rindercella - One of my local friends has said she'll help if she can (she will be away, snow allowing, between 24th and 26th) and she's not far off, just the next village. (Am trying hard to forget that last time it snowed badly, last January, we couldn't actually leave our cul-de-sac, let alone the village! We're in a different house this time though.) I have another friend, again in that same village (5 mins 'normal' drive away) who is helpful but hasn't been forthcoming about looking after DS, and I can't say I blame her - she is pregnant herself and sick as a parrot! I think my other really local friend will be elsewhere for a week.

I suppose what I'm really fretting about is that, offers of help nonwithstanding, if it's really deep snow we won't be able to get DS to the friends/parents, and they won't be able to get to us.

Which is daft really, isn't it? I can't do anything about the snow - I am not a James Bond villan with a weather machine! Better tell DH some basic facts about giving birth and What To Do...

Did you read the thread last year of the MNer who went into labour and was snowed in? Twas fantastic!

Hi Reshape, I understand your worries and if its any consolation I am in a simialr situation, but not due for another 3 weeks with DC3. I don't really have a firm plan, hopefully it will happen when DCs are asleep, if not BIL is up the road and, like you, we could call on some local friends for help if necessary. I guess its one of those things you have to play by ear.

DC2 was born at home and DD (who was 18 months at the time) slept through it all. I think your body has an uncanny way of knowing a good time to give birth and my midwife told me that subsequent babies are often born during the night when it is quiet and siblings are asleep.

Hopefully the snow will bugger off anyway! Good luck with your birth.

rindercella Yes, I did! It was epic! Is it in Classics now, I wonder? I'd like to read it again...

Hackneyzoo, I bet there are loads of us. It's hard to cope with yet more uncertainty, but then childbirth is uncertain anyway, I suppose.

I'm really hoping DS will sleep through (he's not at the moment, he's waking up in the small hours and demanding to come into bed with us, has been unsettled since we moved house) and that I'll be distracted enough to just go for it! My MW is sure that I'll pick an appropriately quiet time to start labouring.

Snow has been snowing for a few hours now and is very pretty. (tries to concentrate on the pretty.)

Found it!

Happy reading and good luck

Thanks! I was looking forward to reading that again.

Have you not got any neighbours? You said you live in a cul-de-sac so there must be some? Surely in a real emergency, like you not even being able to get to your friend in the next village then one of them would be able to look afer him for a few hours?

We're in a different house and village this time, BIL. Still haven't really met most of the new neighbours, though DH met a family today who said they'd happily take DS for a bit (they haven't even met him!). So yes, we potentially have a sort of back-up.