did you feel you 'should try to do it properly' for birth of dc after a previous emcs?

[soppypreggyloon]

i saw a consultant about my birth plans for dc2 at my 12 week appointment.
he spouted generic staistics about chances of vbac - 75%, uterine rupture 0.5%. there was nothing really about my experience first time round - he didn't even have my notes from ds.

i feel i should try and do it properly - ie try a vbac.
BUT i don't want to! i had such a horrid experience (well for me it was but i know people who have had much worse and coped better!) and i very nearly ended up with pnd. i don't want a repeat performance at all. it scares me a lot tbh.

so i'm struggling with feeling i should do it properly but at the same time i don't want to but feel very guilty about it!

is this a normal feeling? does everyone who opts for a elcs go through this?

I wanted a vbac after having an emcs with my first but in the end i didnt get a choice as i had placenta accreta so had to have elcs. with my third i had to have cs again as the dr said that after 2 cs you cant have vbac.

sometimes i do think id liked to have had a vb just so that i had experienced it but i was in labour for 4 days before having the emcs and i think maybe that was as much experience of a normal delivery (it was so painful!)as id want!

all that matters is that you are relaxed and not anxious about the birth and if you feel a cs is better for you then go for it, its no better or worse than vb and doesnt make you any less a 'real' mummy just because you didnt push your baby out. most important thing is that your baby gets here safe and well.

An elcs can be a really lovely calm birth experience.enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to having a beautiful little newborn

Try not to think in terms of giving birth 'properly' - it's not a helpful term (though I know what you mean. It's still having a baby, whether through vb or cs

I have had a vbac, and I would approach your situation in two ways:
First, get proper advice on the statistics and risk factors. For that, you need your consultant to have the notes from your first cs, and to have studied them properly. You want stats relevant to YOU - not general ones. I found that really helpful in informing my decision. My consultant told me that overall, a vbac was a safer option than elcs. In my case, the reason for my cs with dd2 was specific to that pregnancy (IUGR). It didn't apply with my dc3 - it was a totally normal pregnancy. It was really helpful to hear that straight from the consultant, as at the end of the day, you want information on what's safest for YOU and YOUR child.

Secondly, you need to factor in your own personal fears/feelings. If you are really terrified of trying for a vb, then that in itself will make the birth more difficult, because you'll be scared and uptight. So, whereas another woman might happily go for it, if you don't feel you can, then you need to factor that into your decision.

I would book another appointment and make it clear you want a detailed discussion based on your previous birth though

Really please don't feel you should do it 'properly'. You should try to get the baby out in whatever way is safest and healthiest (physically and mentally) for the both of you. Babies do not care how they come out.

(I don't even have children, just find it really sad that people can feel guilty for having a life-savng operation in an emeregency)

(with less es than that obviously)

I do not understand the concept of "doing it properly". I gave birth to my ALIVE son by emcs - doing it "properly" he'd have died (so might I!). It doesn't even begin to make sense to me to want a vagina medal.

as far as i am concerned there is no proper way to give birth. you want to have a healthy baby at the end of it and if that means you have a section then thats what you do.

you sound like you feel guilty for have a section with your first. please dont. there are no medals handed out afterwards, no one takes the score. just do what needs done for you to have a safe delivery.

TS - fewer es, surely??
OP, I think you should go for a VBAC if you want to. You say you don't though - and surely that (as well as the EMCS last time) I reason enough to go for a VBAC? Sounds like you feel guilty for not even wanting a VBAC, iyswim.
One reason for trying though (as I'm sure you know) is the quicker recovery time - worth factoring that into your decision.

What was the reason for your emcs? Is there a likelyhood that the same thing will reoccur, or was it something specific to that birth?

I had a successful VBAC after an emcs, and it was a straightforward and fast delivery. However, I had delivered a previous child normally. Also, the emcs was due to retarded growth issues with dc2 which did not apply to dc3.

I second what others have said; while it is almost certainly safer for you both to deliver naturally you mustn't feel guilty if you choose an elcs. Just make sure you are comfortable with the pros/cons/risks etc.

speaking from my own experience, i found my em c.s a very traumatic experience, i did not feel involved in the birth, i felt like an outsider and an observer and my baby was surgically removed from me, i found it to be very distressing and led to severe PND.

i know this is not the case for many women who find a c,s a positive experience

i wanted, with ym second child, to go for a VBAC and try everything i could to deliver vaginally and then i would know even if i had tried it and still had an em c,s then i would not have felt as bad as the first time

i did lots of reading and reserach and there were key parts of my first labour that i know led directly to a c.s, so i could take positive steps to avoid those

my second delivery was a straighforward VBAC with no intervention and a quick recovery

for me i felt i would always wonder 'what if?' if i booked an elective section

i found my VBAC v empowerin g, i know it is not the case for everyone, and it led me on the path of being a doula, so it was a great thing for me.

i recognise it is not for everyone

a lot depends on why you had your c.s

"is this a normal feeling? does everyone who opts for a elcs go through this?"

I would say yes in a lot of cases it is a normal feeling. I had an EMCS for DS1 due to an undiagnosed footling breech presentation. I got to 8cm quite easily before they discovered his feet poking out so I can labour efficiently. There is NO medical reason for me having an ELCS this time round which I am going to have (11 days time!). Occasionally after having made the decision that ELCS for me was the right way forward I did/do wonder if I should have tried the VBAC but I think that is normal, there is always a what if factor to the choice you decided not to take.

I also disagree with SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood some VB births will have quicker recovery times than some CS births, not all.

I meant not go for a VBAC, obviously

Yes, sorry, I do realise that. On average, VBs have faster recoveries, but you obviously have to factor in the 75% chance of having one too.

No I didn't want to "do it properly" I wanted to aviod major surgery if I could do so safely. I had a vbac with forceps as baby was back to back which was completly different from dd1 c section

I felt a bit like I really wanted to experience a vaginal birth as I had had an emergency section with dc1. I have since had 2vbac's but it wasn't all plain sailing.

You have to weigh up the consequences and possible outcomes of having an elective section and a vbac and see what you can live with more.

I'd go for what you feel, not for some preconceived idea of what you ought to feel. fwiw I always felt more empowered by my emergency section than by my vaginal birth, not because the vaginal was really really traumatic, but because the recovery time was much longer in my case (badly stitched, infected stitches), so I was left feeling a bit helpless for a long time- obviously a totally different experience to what you are meant to have

Cheers all!

I know it's daft but I really feel I was brainwashed into thinking you could have the birth you had planned by our antenatal classes. (nhs ones)
I felt so responsible for the emcs last time. I know logic says it was not my fault but I believed it was at the time- through a pnd style haze. Doesn't help being labelled 'failure to progress' or having midwives who thought I was being a wuss with my contractions. Only after te epidural and massive dose of hormones did the realise I had op baby so was experiencing back labour.

It took me months to be able to think about the birth and not cry and cry.

I need more info on my particular chances of a vbac before I can even consider it.

Tbh I think if I'm not 100% sold on the idea I a vbac the chances of it working are pretty slim.

No. I had already decided that it was going to be a planned cs second time around. I never had any bad feelings about not having a natural birth and knowing I would never have one.

My elcs was lovely and calm. Yes, it's weird knowing what day you are going to have a baby on but in the grand scheme of things having a baby at the end of it was more exciting than trying to do it naturally as it could have easily gone pear-shaped. I might just be a teensy-weensy bit of a control freak too .

Meh. I swore quite violently at a midwife who offered me a paracetamol for the pain! She clearly thought I was faking it and it was only a passing consultant hearing my whimpers realised something was up... It is absolutely not your fault and "failure to progress" is just semantics.

I do rather agree though that "we" are led to believe we'll get the birth we planned with the CD we want and the aromatherapy oil we want. What a big bunch of bollocks! You got pregnant because you wanted a child - not a "birth experience"! Nice to have a plan - but be realistic - the babies come the way they come and all any of us want is a healthy mum & baby! You really musn't cry about this - you didn't do anything wrong!

Please try to stop torturing yourself about something which was beyond your control. Just imagine if you'd had a "natural birth" last time, chances are your baby might not have made it - is that really a preferable state?

I am over it now. Well 95%!
it just took a long time.

And I'm sure if it weren't for the wonders of modern medicine things would have been very different.

I just wondered if what I was feeling- all the angst and 'things I ought to do' were normal.

I had a VBAC, complete with epidural and forceps. It sucked, and I do not consider myself to have done it "properly".
OTOH I recovered very swiftly, newborn and I got the hang of life much quicker, and the balance of risk for both of us was much better, so I'm sure I made the right choice.
I don't think you're unusual to feel as you do, but you are irrational. I finally came to the conclusion that I'm just crap at giving birth, much like netball and salsa dancing, and actually, given that all three of us survived the experience, and I'm never going to do it again, it doesn't matter a jot.

Have had emcs,vbac and elcs.
However the baby comes out isn't particularly pleasant. Best experience was the elcs.

My vbac was a bit traumatic, but not overly so. My recovery down there took a while and it was quite painful and depressing.

I have no idea what business it is of anyone to make women feel any less for not having experienced a natural birth.

If I had another I would without question try to get an elective. It was such a pleasnt experience. Hardly any pain, recovered well, breastfed fine, no baby blues. Lovely and calm.

In my opinion a natural birth is completely overrated. You nevern know what you're going to get.

It's kind of like formula (I breastfed for over a year for each of my children). You have to do what's best for you and your family. There is nothing wrong with a formula fed baby !

I wanted to 'do it properly' when I attempted a Vbac in may.i didn't progress...got to 2cm in over 24 hours and I was begging for a c section!
I don't regret trying and when I eventually had my 'semi' elective c section it was fantastic and made me see how special an ELCS can be.
I now know my body just can't do it and if I'd gone for an ELCS I would always wonder 'what if'.I spent 9 months trying to decide what to do!

I think if you don't fancy vbac then go for the elective and it will be magical.