did you feel you 'should try to do it properly' for birth of dc after a previous emcs?

[soppypreggyloon]

i saw a consultant about my birth plans for dc2 at my 12 week appointment.
he spouted generic staistics about chances of vbac - 75%, uterine rupture 0.5%. there was nothing really about my experience first time round - he didn't even have my notes from ds.

i feel i should try and do it properly - ie try a vbac.
BUT i don't want to! i had such a horrid experience (well for me it was but i know people who have had much worse and coped better!) and i very nearly ended up with pnd. i don't want a repeat performance at all. it scares me a lot tbh.

so i'm struggling with feeling i should do it properly but at the same time i don't want to but feel very guilty about it!

is this a normal feeling? does everyone who opts for a elcs go through this?

Didn't have an EMCS, in fact managed to get away without any interventions when gave birth to DC1 a couple of weeks ago. But the experience was SO different (excruciating agony, an epidural and infected stitches) from what I had been expecting and what I had prepared for (MW led birthing centre, active water birth, minimal drugs) that I was left massively shocked. But what it has taught me is that there is no "properly" about any of this. There are no medals, no prizes. There's a baby at the end of it. You can prepare as much as you like, but you get given the birth you are given and sometimes this means that all your plans have to go out of the window. I don't think you should put any burden of expectation on yourself. Guilt has absolutely no place in this. If you don't want to go for a VBAC, then don't. Doesn't make you any less of a mother, any less of a woman, any less of a person. XX

I'm actually a VBAC coach in Mill Hill and Swiss Cottage London.
When I talk to my mums for the first time, I try and ascertain whether they REALLY want a VBAC. In my experience, this is absolutely key to achieving a VBAC. Preparing yourself emotionally as well as physically and practically is really important.
If you're not in the right 'emotional headspace', chances are it may not work for you.

There is no right and wrong about birth, as long as you are happy with your choices. Don't let anyone (friends, family, health professionals etc) shape your decision. It's yours. As long as you've done your homework and are happy with your choices then rest assured, you're doing the right thing for you. Try and push that guilt away!

Having a planned Cesearean can be a beautiful and calm birth experience. If you do decide to opt for one, write a birth plan. That way, you'll have some control still.

In terms of recovery, every woman is different. Many mums recover much quicker from a planned than an emergency cesearean, although you'll be aware that all surgery comes with risk.

Whatever you decide, best of luck!

Mads
Bump to Birth and Beyond

I think your feelings are totally normal, I had an EMCS with DS at 17 days overdue with a projected 10lber (was 9lb 13oz), early pre eclampsia, failure to progress (7cms) and meconium no waters when they induced. I am 11.5 weeks preg with DC2 and cant even bring myself to start the decision process elective vs vaginal and in all honesty I was not traumatised by DS's birth, I recovered fine and hold no residule guilt at all... and I STILL dont know how to decide how to bring my next child into the world!!!

I go around and around and around with the pro's and con's for each but TBH I am not committed to the idea of a VBAC, I'm not passionate about it like some other friends who have been that route and are so pleased with themselves for the most part (and I applaud them for fighting for what they wanted). All I can think of is my best friend who for over a year past her DS's birth had no pelvic floor at all, from pushing over 2hrs they say, ended up having to have a machine thingy to help her regain the muscle so the kegels (sp) would even have a chance.

I have a consulant appointment mid Nov to discuss further, I'll take my notes from DS and try and get to bottom of how likely it is that I'd actually be able to deliver vaginally (probs last time baby or me specific etc).

I wish you luck with your decision and once again will remind you the only 'proper' is having your baby in your arms, how s/he gets there is immaterial.

I agree with QT! I had 2 ELCS (no medical reason) great experiences. I have no wish to experience a VB!

Think your feelings are normal - I didn't have a problem with the fact that I had had 5 days of induction followed by an emcs, and hoped that the pre-eclampsia was a one off, so planned a waterbirth at home second time around.

Second bout of pre-eclampsia and the recommendation to be induced again as the baby had to come out pdq meant that I chose an elcs quick smart (this was after we'd blown up the birth pool at home!). I did feel more in control second time around though.