Does this Miriam Stoppard comment annoy anyone else?!

[chloemack]

I found this exert from the latest Miriam Stoppard book made me really cross! She say:
''Few labours are painless but stories about suffering in labour are often exaggerated & distorted. The amount of pain felt almost always has a strong relationship to what is expected''
My labour hurt like hell, no silly exaggerations or distortions there! My first baby I had gone in completely relaxed expecting it to hurt but to be able to cope really well, little did I know! I'm not saying this is the same for everyone but I feel her comments are quite patrionising not to mention innacurate.

YANBU (whoops, wrong section!)

Definitely inaccurate for most, I'd say.

She is a twonk. The fact she wrote an entire pregnancy book without mentioning SPD makes me . I ended up unable to walk from 30 weeks and on crutches and when I looked it up in her pregnancy book...nothing. Plus the women in her book all wore dungarees and hairbands. Truly shocking.

She is being a patronising bint. Labour hurts. A lot.

I have 5 tattoos. One is across a third of my back and took 3 days to do. It was literally a pin prick in comparison.

Each labour is different, and no one else can judge your experience of pain.

a friend of mine (who has a DD) recommended her baby and toddler years book to me. I have a DS

she is totally patronising about baby boys, apparantly girls are far more socially aware/loving/develop quicker etc etc. i cant bear to read it! she totally slags off boys

YANBU (even tho this isnt AIBU!!) i wouldnt recommend her books to anyone

Nope. Lost all respect for her when I saw she advocated controlled crying as a method to "encourage your baby to self soothe" in the 0-3 month Tesco baby club magazine.

And all the other things mentioned as well.

Just had to look up what yanbu and aibu mean, just getting the hang of things!

God, she's rotten.

I bought a book of hers when I was first pregnant with DS and even though I knew nothing, I immediately saw that I had wasted my money. Nothing insightful, nothing that didn't sound like it was designed to reassure morons rather than inform sentient women.

I seem to recall that she gave two sets of opposing advice regarding whether or not pregnant women could eat nuts. But that's just one silly example.

I really don't get how she's still such a bestselling author on these topics. Then again, I also detest the "What to Expect" books, and they're massive best-sellers too.

Without even reading the OP, I'm going to say whatever MS has said, I'm probably annoyed by it. Borrowed a few books from library and was given some others by a friend, and found her ridiculous and patronising.

That's really rude. Why would anyone exaggerate or distort how painful it was? What an unhelpful thing to say.

Try Sheila Kitzinger instead- she talks about how for some women the pain experienced is torturous but then explains how to make it as comfortable as possible. She's understanding and practical at the same time- MS is clearly a shit fer brains.

Crikey what a twat.

There will be someone along in a minute who breathed their baby out to whale music to agree with her and call everyone else wusses

these comments are making me chuckle!

Wonder if she has pain relief when having work on her teeth?

''Few labours are painless but stories about suffering in labour are often exaggerated & distorted. The amount of pain felt almost always has a strong relationship to what is expected''

I think there is an element of truth. Certainly Grantly Dick-Read and Ina May Gaskin would agree with her. It is a view that is shared by hynobirthing and natal hypnotheraphy advocates. If you expect pain, you tense and then you experience a higher level of pain.

I am sure that one or two women exaggerate their birth stories. Its only human nature.
However post traumatic stress related to chid birth is real. There are women who (rightly or wrongly) feel that their birth experience is like rape. Their opinons shoud not be belittled.

I think there is a psychological element to how we deal with pain - but she is not expressing that very well.

I also second what Summerbird said about her attitude towards boys. I have 2 DD's but was at her attitude towards boys.

I would agree with her. My labours REALLY hurt, but I wouldn't say I 'suffered'. And I think the expectation was worse than the reality. That's not to say it wasn't hideously painful, but it was MANAGEABLE, it wasn't Eastenders-style screaming, more of an 'Ow, ow, that HURTS'

"There will be someone along in a minute who breathed their baby out to whale music"

I've known people who did have painless births to background music (whale or otherwise) or used hypnobirthing to "breathe out" their babies. I've seen enough accounts of it not to mock the idea out of hand.

They're one end of the spectrum. People who have days of agony are at the other end. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. There's a massive range of pain experienced in birth depending on positioning of the baby etc.. It goes right from 0 - 999 and everyone's experience is equally valid.

Agree that Miram Stoppard's comments are idiotic though.

I agree there is an element of truth, but often exaggerated, almost always related to the expectation... she doesn't have children, does she?

She clearly didn't get the whole parenting thing right anyway as I read an article by her where she said she spent the first 7 years of her DS's live sleeping on the floor between their beds just to get them to sleep.

Good know where she get that smug holyer than thou attitude she has

this thread has given me the strength to give my book away to the charity shop

As OP said, I too went in completely relaxed expecting to be able to cope. It was overwhelmingly painful to the point of frightening (my DD was back to back which i'm told is more painful but still). Her methods are so old fashioned i don't bother reading her any more. Oh and don't get me started on Gina Ford and her "routine" which all mothers must follow if they want happy contented babies - such utter twaddle! My DD slept through from 5 wks using my methods - there's contentment for you and i did the opposite to what she suggested

how fucking rude and patronising!!

How the fuck can anyone tear their fanjo without it hurting?!

I'm usually have a high pain threshold but I cried and screamed my ds out

I used to work with someone whose good friend was a writer and my colleague said that her friend was writing Miriam Stoppard's latest book. "Yeah, but not ACTUALLY writing it? Surely Ms Stoppard is doing that herself - your friend is just helping her with the editing and finishing touches, surely??"

I presume I can't say much about exactly what she said or I might get sued but let's just say that my colleague raised her eyebrow in a big way and I was .

I hope that she has a MASSIVE baby and has to retract every piece of tripe she has ever written.

Cow

Elma, no doubt if you'd had a girl, she would have just slipped out with a smile on her face and carrying a bunch of flowers!

Never read any of her pregnancy and birth books but did buy a book on weaning which had had a bunch of stupid, complicated recipes which had to be in the shapes of animals, took hours to make and ds1 STILL wouldn't eat them!

bethjeff - as she's 63 years old I think it might be a bit unlikely