so I made the decision to have a c-section - feel a bit wierd!

[ginger2000]

had my 36 week appt with consultant today regarding VBAC v C-Section. Was totally convinced I would be saying that I was happy for a trial by labour and that I really wanted a VBAC. However, my old hospital had written to him regarding my dd's birth which resulted in a EMCS and after asking a few questions, his answers really made me think that an ELCS was the best option.

I just feel a bit strange now - I am relieved I have made the decision (and I do think it is the best option based on what the notes and the consultant said) but the 'failure' to give birth 'properly' is still praying on my mind and I feel somehow that i have taken the easy option.

Not sure what I am asking really - but I guess, how can I make myself feel better about this decision???

All that matters is the safety of you and the baby. You will give birth properly, just in a different way.

I can also tell you that my elective CS (after an awful emergency one) was a blissful, fantastic experience. It was lovely.

I used to tell people I was too posh to push, I wasn't going to go into medical details for anyone.

Well, it's not the easy option, is it!

It may be pain free initially, but you'll have a longer recovery time afterwards.

And just because the baby doesn't leave you through your vagina doesn't mean it's not a real birth.

If you feel relieved, you have the answer.

Anyway, better a planned C-section than an emergency one.

I have the exact same situation :( and am only 18 weeks gone. Was hoping for V-Bac but was informed that it would be risky and would be safer all round. Obviously health of baby and me comes first but also feel like a slight failure as a woman.

Please try really hard to quash those feelings of failure. It really does not matter how your baby came out.

No one else will judge you for it. Honestly they won't.

Lynette - 'better a planned C-section than an emergency one' - that's what made me decide in the end as it was made pretty clear by consultant that he thought that is the way it would end up anyway!

Thanks Humphrey, I've heard an elective is much better so thanks for confirming.

and ScMacBt - we just have to get our heads round it i guess!

x-posts Humphrey - I hope you are right. We are the best at judging ourselves - I just need to get over what I think the opinions of others will be - most likely they won't give a hoot!!

The main thing is to have a safe baby, and if you that is a CS, then you dont really have a lot of choice.

I was in a similar situation to you, and would have loved to have been able to deliver a baby 'normally', but that wasnt possible. I felt better about it by being glad that I had the option to have a CS at all, rather than if I had lived in a time or place where that wasnt an option and I would have just died. (Maybe that isnt very cheery, but it helped me get over it).

Sorry, missed out a word, should have started: The main thing is to have a safe baby, and if for you that is a CS

Ginger - Yeah we will, my mums pointed out that knowing a date baby will come makes it easier for me to arrange childcare for Ds and also means that they are prepared for anything going wrong like it did with Ds> Guess it doesnt make it any easier though

Bigstripeytiger - that is a good way to think about it. I appreciate i am lucky to have the choice really and you are right SCMacBt, I can now plan a few things (unless he/she decides to come earlier than 39 weeks!)

am a little freaked out by the clinical nature of it all now that I have read by little booklet but am trying to turn that into excitement about meeting the new baby!

I had one vaginal then two emergency c sections then elective and will be having another in Jan. I tried for vbac with no 3 no joy. Elective is lovely nice and controlled. I got over the guilt by realising that after 4 kids I can cough with full bladder ha ha good luck

I have had this going on too, am 36+5 , am enormous, in pain and have already been hospitalised due to low blood pressure and dehydration. Ds was vb, he was tiny, but dd was 2lbs bigger, and after 32 hours of active labour and nothing happening, she was an emcs, as she was stuck. I felt dreadful. But for her health, and mine, it was the right thing. a debrief with the mw helped a lot with my feelings of 'failure', though logically I knew I hadn't failed, and dd was perfect.

This baby is looking at being bigger, and I know i couldn't go through the same again. So, i'm booked for the 30th- not hugely early, only 4 days. I tell myself birth is not a competition, and i'm not too posh to push- just too short to shove! (am 4ft 8)

Hi
I went for a VBAC 2 years after an EMCS and ended up with another EMCS - I was the one in however many many who had a complete rupture, baby came out through the old scar into my abdomen. She is fine - as far as we can tell, she's 5mo now - but was in NICU for several days. It was traumatic and I feel guilty about it, that that was how she started out. If I had had an ELCS it wouldn't have happened and I did have cold feet in the run up and almost asked for one. Really really having a safe birth is more important - even though I am sad I never experienced a natural delivery. But there are many complications that can happen down that route too ... do what you need to do, just posting here not to scare people but to say that ruptures really do happen in trial of labour - and I almost considered a home birth! Good luck!

Would you consider contacting a local independant midwife for a second opinion on your ability to have a VBAC?
Cosultants are experts in the abnormal, but not the normal.
I have supported VBAC's as a doula where women were advised against them (unlikely to progress) which were successful.
Not sure why you were advised against, but if it was failure to progress then some info here-
www.ican-online.org/vbac/cephalopelvic-disproportion-cpd
Video on this type of thing from the US FYI.
www.ican-online.org/community/videos/laureen/question-cpd
Selina

When I start feeling a bit sad about not having a "proper birth" with DD after having my waters broken (twice), reaching 5 cms dilated after 3 days of labour, and finally having EMCS, and likely any other babies I have in the future, I console myself with all the perks of not having had a VB. Like a PP said, bladder weakness shouldn't be a problem, I'll always be able to wear small, comfortable tampons, I'll never need stitches, I can start having sex comfortably a lot sooner after birth...

My only sadness is that I won't get to that point of 39 weeks where it could be "any day now", and you jump with excitement at every little twinge, and go to bed every night thinking, "My baby might be on her way by the time I wake up!" But my DP says I'm looking at it through rose-tinted glasses anyway, as he reminds me I was ridiculously depressed by the time I got to my due date (until I went 2 weeks overdue) because of all the disappointment and desperation. :p

Thanks for all the replies and ways to make my peace with my decision! I know you are all right that ultimately a safe delivery is the important thing but I know I will still have the same feelings of 'what if'!

Selinadoula - thanks for those links. My EMCS wasn't due to failure to progress however. I was fully dilated, pushed for 5 1/2 hours, baby normal size and facing the right way, attempted ventouse and forceps before registrar declared that dd wasn't going to get through my pelvis! Maybe it wouldn't be the same but maybe it would. I don't really have the money for independent/private care especially if odds are stacked against me because of the shape/size of my pelvis anyway! Feel free to offer more thoughts!

SelinaDoula - just had a good read of that article you linked to. What is really interesting is that throughout my preg with DD (and for about 5 years before), I regularly saw a chiropractor and practised yoga in preparation of opening my pelvis for birth.

Thanks 1944girl and northernsky - really helpful thoughts and comments.

Can I please be really nosey and ask what questions you asked your consultant?

I have a meeting with mine in 2 weeks with a view to getting an elcs booked and am struggling to think of questions to ask (am trying to be organised so I get all my feelings across and ask all the right questions so I don't get bullied into a VBAC. Very worried about this.)

not nosey threelittleducks! To be honest, some of the questions were pretty specific to my delivery because I realised the consultant had received a letter from the hospital where I gave birth to DD. The main question I wanted answering was whether the consultant felt that because they couldn't deliver using forceps/ventouse, it was likely to happen again. Obviously, he couldn't give me an definitive answer and kept explaining it was my choice!

I don't think that will help you really! i guess you just have to think about your last delivery and why you don't want a VBAC. I would have been happy to give a VBAC a go if I was truely confident that it would work!!

Good luck with your questions!

Thanks ginger :)

It really does help though - you are right and I should be using reasons fom last delivery. So nervous about it. Felt so confident before, but as date looms nearer just feeling a bit more nervous and vulnerable, like he could so easily pull back his offer of elcs and I wouldn't be able to say anything.

You are right though - there is a reason why consultant is discussing this with me (letter sent from last time too). Obviously he feels there is a need for it.

:)

Good luck with yours when it happens!

Ginger - my DD1 got stuck and wasn't coming out so I had an emcs. With DD2 I went for a VBAC and, even though everyone swore blind it was highly unlikely, the same happened again. Only worse because DD2 got very distressed and it was all quite frightening. My emcs that time was under general.

I don't regret trying for a VBAC because coping fine with labour (no drugs!) all the way until they knocked me out made me realise that I could absolutely give birth if there wasn't a mechanical problem with my pelvis. But next time (if there is one) I will have a nice planned elective because, amongst other reasons, I'd really like to be awake and calm when one of my kids is born!

And I reckon once you've got the baby you won't give a damn how he or she arrived.

Hi,

My DS was born by EMCS after I developed severe preeclampsia. When I was pg with my DD, I was told by registrars etc all the way through that I would be encouraged to try for a VBAC. I wasn't sure how I felt but was a little worried because I had been sure I was told that they did a vertical incision inside (of my uterus) as he was born very early. I know this usually means they won't try for a VBAC. To be honest I don't think they could tell me for sure as it didn't say on my notes.

Well, finally I got to see my consultant at about 32 weeks and I had my turn speaking with the diabetic registrar, and then it was her turn to speak with me and she just came out with it and said "So...do you want me to book you in for a C section?" and straight away the word "Yes" came out of my mouth (to my surprise). As someone else said the clue about how you feel is in the reaction once it is decided and I too felt very relieved.

The one thing I would say is that the ELCS seemed to be so much easier than the EMCS. I was given a pre-op appointment with the anaesthetist who went over what would happened and answered my questions. On the actual day someone else came along and went through everything with me (someone who would be doing the op itself) and I was able to state my preferences in more detail. At the time it was all very relaxed and I felt comfortable and 'included' in the theatre and they spoke to me like a human being (unlike last time). My requests were all carefully followed - DD was placed on my chest within seconds and was able to calm down and look around at her mum and dad. They then asked me gently if I would mind if they took her off to be weighed and dressed and given to DP in the recovery while I had a procedure done intended to reduce pain, which took maybe 10 minutes. I was then wheeled into recovery and (as requested) encouraged to latch DD on. Then I was wheeled along back to the ward where I was greeted by the midwives. It really was much better than the EMCS.

My recovery was much better and I was really itching to be up by the time they came to get me for my shower 24 hours later! I went home without needing more than paracetamol!

I am sorry about the ramble but I hope it has reassured you .

This thread has made me go all comfy-shoed militant! It doesn't matter how you choose to deliver your baby - it's absolutely your choice, obviously made in conjunction with the best advice available, and ANYONE who makes a judgement about that, isn't supporting your rights as a woman.
I always think that people who make comments about other people's childbirth experiences and choices are utterly crass and uniformly ill-informed.
Best of luck!