positive stories about childbirth please

[DuelingFanjo]

I've been reading the thread in the feminism about childbirth and found it really interesting but also a little scary.

I am mostly scared about being induced and then starting a cascade of intervention and also being treated like my opinion doesn't matter or is irrelevant. I am going to have a birth plan but do understand things don't always go the way you want, however if the plan changes then I would like to be kept informed by the midwives/medical staff.

So - can anyone tell me their positive birth stories, the ways in which they made themselves heard and about the good care they received in hospital.

thank you :)

Good god that was long! Sorry!

Hi fanjo

Don't be too precious about your birthplan. I had visions of a calm water birth with only breathing to control the pain but in reality was induced (16 days overdue) with both pessaries and syntocin, strapped to a monitor so couldn't move around a lot and had to have an episotomy, forceps delivery as I was too knackered to push anymore!. My DS is lovely!

I went in thinking that pethidine was the devil's drug having being told (brainwashed) by the nct about how bad it was. A few hours in and far too early to have an epidural, I needed something stronger than gas and air. The midwife suggested that I had pethidine to which I threw up my hands in horror. She gently pointed out that it wasn't a competition and if I was struggling with the pain that it could be remedied. It was great and allowed me to sleep for a few hours.

Whilst the monitoring limited my mobility, the midwife was so accommodating in my constant attepmpts to find a comfortable position. The birth was certainly not what I envisaged but the care I had was brilliant. Had I been able to walk I would have hugged everyone in the room!

You might not be in a fit state to say what you want so make sure that your DH knows so that they can speak for you or write it down in advance and make it clear that you wish to be consulted before any interventions. Give your plan to the midwife but be prepared to deviate (possibly a long way) from it. I think you need to trust the medical staff to a large extent but if they deem interventions necessary ask why, what the alternatives are and if you are strongly against what is proposed, ask to wait a half hour say. I think this was covered in the nct classes.

Even if the epidural kit was in the room, you will have to wait for an aneasthatist (sp?). I decided I needed an epidural but by the time the anaesthatist arrived, it was too late as I was ready to push.

Very best wishes for you come December!

With DS, my waters broke and took a while for labour to start, and once it did it wasn't progressing much - didn't dilate past 3cm so had to be augmented. Had also been scared of either ventouse/forceps or episiotomy so kept wanting to delay epidural/medication. Finally had an epidural put in some 18 hrs after waters broke, then the syntocinon drip - and went from 3cm to 10cm in under 2 hours. The epidural was fantastic - relaxed completely, was a mobile epidural so could get up and go to loo and feel all contractions to push, although was monitored most of time for signs of fetal distress (didn't have any). Managed to nap even before pushing. DS was born after 20 mins of pushing in perfect condition, lay on my left side not back to push, had tiny tear requiring a couple of stitches, no other intervention or episiotomy. Found whole birth experience really positive despite (or because of?) being medicalised, esp once I had the epidural in.

I loved giving birth and the feeling once your baby is in yours arms is the most intense amazing feeling in the world.

Don't get too worked up about it and just take every minute as it comes.

It is a beautiful thing :)

I agree with bumps. the best thing is to relax and try not to be too scared! I read the very old fashioned, but very helpful "childbirth without fear", its DOES remind you how natural this all is , and it managed to calm me down. anything, books, hynpo, do it!!!!

I had a very medical birth, syntocin, epi, ventouse, and you know what was the worst thing? how scared I was...

at the end of the day there is nothing we can do about the birth, as things change. so saying @I dont well forceps@, well sorry sister but you might need them! I hope not tho

but what we can try to do is breathe, stay calm etc..

I am 5 days overdue, so also facing possible induction so am staying CALM

some lovely stories on here too

at no point do you have to be induced- it is a procedure for which you give your consent.
and before that procedure you have every right to ask questions about why they want to do it and weigh up the pros and cons yourself. The same is true for pain relief.

I had three good homebirths - at no point was the pain unbearable - and my last one the recovery was really fast.

someone on here recommended that whilst in labour, try and focus on your breathing and giving birth, and let the midwife worry about the possibility of anything going wrong - that's what they're there for.

i found that helpful.

Loads of good stories and brilliant advice here already, but just thought I'd add my bit. I had a homebirth - I am a total pain wimp, wasn't at all sure that I would end up staying at home, but anyway...

It all worked out brilliantly, despite a fairly long labour, two hours pushing and an episiotomy. I think the main thing is having flexible expectations (e.g. in my case I had a hospital bag packed and was quite prepared for a different kind of birth than the one I'd hoped for), which you sound as if you do, and being listened too. I was quite surprised but pleased when the second shift of midwives arrived and I made a joke about 'here's my birth plan, but I'm sure it'll all go out the window', and the lead midwife said there was no reason why it should, and she'd do everything she could to follow it. When at any point she wanted to deviate from it (breaking my waters, epiosiotomy rather than tearing naturally), she consulted me and DH, and it felt like absolutely the right thing, and I had complete trust in her. She even did a fantastic job on my stitches - I lay on the sofa holding DD while she did them, and the pain was manageable, as I trusted her completely.

The last poster makes a very good point about fear, and at the two points where I started to feel negative (one after around 14 hours of early labour, the other just before pushing stage) I consciously made myself change what I was doing (put on some music, find a new position - in my case getting out of the pool), and that really helped. I didn't do hypnobirthing but have heard it's brilliant. I did however have lots of acupuncture, which made me feel more confident about managing the pain.

I do think that there is a large element of luck in the type of labour/birth you get to have, but as others have said a 'good' labour/birth is about your perception of it as anything.

I would do it all again tomorrow.

it's funny, lots of people say 'don't be scared' ad yet all I seem to read and hear from people is how scary and awful it is, so it's nice to read the stories on here about nice births.

I had the classical cascade of intervention with my first baby - long 32 hour labour, was exhausted and anxious, had to be moved from midwife led unit to consultant unit at nearby hospital by ambulance which was really stressful as they thought baby was breach, then broke my waters, syntocinon drip, couldn't cope with pain, epidural, episiotomy, ventouse, PPH - very traumatised afterwards, but...

2 years later DS was born, and the labour on paper was pretty similar, what was different was (a) my approach and (b) my birth plan. I absolutely refused to have syntocinon to 'speed things up' as I remembered how I couldn't cope with the pain once things were artificially speeded up. My community mw briefed me on this beforehand, explaining that if it were an emergency I'd have to have a section anyway, so the only reason for wanting to 'speed things up' would be if I was tired and wanted to, iykwim. I had a week of on/off contractions, then finally went into hospital on the Wednesday night and was admitted to the antenatal ward. Spent the night and all of the next day with contractions 10 minutes apart and increasingly painful. Was quite emotional and feeling like I was making no progress, then they examined me at tea time and said I was 5cm. I was moved to the labour ward where they started to monitor me (lying down) and things started to slow down. Then shift change, new mw arrives, reads my birth plan and gets me off the monitor, off the bed, and within a couple of hours ds was born. She encouraged me to try the TENS machine again as it said so in my birthplan (although I'd ripped it off hours ago convinced it wasn't doing anything and was only irritating me). DS was back to back, so the TENS machine really helped in the latter stages. She also encouraged me to have a bath, which I did 5 minutes before ds was born - really relaxed me, and am sure I dilated those final cm's pretty quickly because of the effect of the warm water. I did find the pain really, really hard to deal with, but totally different to first time around. I had gas and air, and ds was 9lb 13oz, and when he was born I couldn't really believe I'd done it because the first birth had seemed so difficult! Totally understand that birthplan's should be flexible etc, and that if its your first you don't really know how you'll cope with the pain, but if you're worried about certain things, say in your birthplan you'd prefer to avoid them, and if you want to try certain things say you'd like to be encouraged to try them, that way the mw's get a feel for where you're at and can work with you. I had pethidine first time around, and stated I wouldn't have it second. I did say that if the pain got too much I'd have an epidural, because first time around I knew that I just couldn't cope, and was very worried about reaching that point again. Now I see that although whichever way you look at it its going to hurt, fear plays a huge part in how you deal with the pain, and if you feel in control and that you're being listened to, the pain is more manageable and you can be encouraged rather than given negative messages about e.g. not making much progress, 'only' being xcm dilated, not pushing 'well enough' and thant kind of thing. Good luck - hope you have a nice clear birth plan, and you get plenty of support when the time comes. Try not to worry too much, but I know that is easier said than done!

I've been lucky enough to have two really positive births - the first was an induction at 10 days overdue. Only needed a pessary to start me off, contractions started off very regular and close together, labour started properly at about 8pm ish and my daughter was born just after midnight. Midwife was lovely, kind and supportive but also a leetle bit bossy just when she needed to be!

Second birth: also ten days overdue, this time labour started spontanously at home. Apart from the wacky-races eleventh hour car journey to the hospital (where we also parked in stupid far away car park), the whole experience was everything I'd hoped for - midwife-led unit, relaxed atmosphere, lots of attention paid to my birth plan. Another quick labour (hence dash to hospital, where I was 9 cm dilated on arrival), labour started properly at about 7 and second daughter was born at 10.30pm. Skin to skin afterwards, put her to the breast and she latched on straight away like a champ! It was a wonderful experience.

Just gas and air for both. Don't get me wrong, it was pretty damn sore, but I found the gas and air gave me something to focus on and really helped with the breathing too.

Good luck!

further to my last post - re the induction I had, it was really nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. Now I've laboured twice, once induced and once not, I wouldn't say there was anything to choose between them in terms of pain etc. I felt more "in control" second time around, but I think that had more to do with it being my second time rather than it being a spontaneous labour.

happynappies thank you so much for sharing your story, I am really grateful.

I don't really know much about syntocinon but will look into it.

Thank you too EmmaBemma :)

I was 39 weeks and woke up at 5am with heartburn, promtly threw up and contractions started (in my back and 2 minutes apart right from the beginning), called the hospital who sait I wasn't in labour as contractions start at the top of your stomach and go down (mine never did) and that it could still be a couple of weeks yet.

By midday I called again as contractions were much stonger and tens machine/baths/moving around were no longer helping, so called hospital again and was told I could go in to get checked if I wanted to but they would probably send me home.

Got to hospital at 1pm, first midwife who saw me said something along the lines of "She's definately in labour now then" as I stopped to hang off the handrails they have on the walls every minute until I could stand up again. She examined me and was very surprised to find I was 7cm dilated.

I got the gas and air and took 3 breaths and threw up again, carried on with gas and air and I don't really remember the rest until I was pushing and they kept taking the gas and air off me (which was very mean of them). Baby was born at almost 4pm and I met the other midwives who I had no idea had been there as I was so out of it, but I did get an apology from the one who told me I could have weeks to wait yet :o

I had no tears/stitches and will forever be singing the praises of g&a as it pretty much knocked me out and my body did it all on it's own without me being there!!!

So overall, nowhere near as traumatic as I expected it to be and no that I'm over the initial shock, I can't wait to have no.2.

Hi Dueling

My birth plan for DD sounds very similar to yours - no pethidine, yes to G&A, yes to active birth, yes to epidural if I need it.

I was induced with my DD and although the labour was quite quick, it did not lead to lots of interventions. I had 2 sweeps in the week prior and was already about 2cm when I went in for induction. They gave me a hormone tablet rather than a pessary and told me to go for a walk so DH and I went out for lunch , contractions started about 2 hours later and 7 hours after that DD was born. Once my waters broke about 4 hours in, it was very very quick indeed - no G&A until the pushing stage unfortunately and I wish I had asked for it sooner tbh. I tore in quite an 'interesting' way as everyone told me at the time but all stitched up OK though quite uncomfortable for a week or so, it probs would have been neater if they had done an episiotomy but hey ho.

FWIW I would say the things I focussed on and which helped were:

1. staying mobile - insist upon it and make sure your DP does the same. I know everyone's different but whenever they put me on my back to assess me, I thought I was going to die, I have no idea how women have ever given birth on their backs.
2. dealing with the pain in your own way but not being afraid to say 'I want pain relief NOW' if it gets too much and definitely keep the epidural option open if you want it
3. if you want and are able to have a waterbirth then keep asking for it. Only one of my NCT girls got a waterbirth and it was because her DP is really pushy and kept saying 'have you filled up the pool yet? how's that pool coming along?' and wouldn't take no for an answer
4. this might sounds silly but you need to make sure you trust your midwife and if you have one with you who is not helping you then get your DP to get rid of her and demand a different one. I had an amazing one who then had to leave and was replaced with a horrid one. Apparently I actually said 'get rid of this shit mw, I want the nice one back'
5. probably the most important thing to make sure of is that they TELL YOU what they are up to at all times. I was pushing away when I noticed a whole load of medical-looking instruments being laid out on a table and I completely panicked, only to be told 'that's for the delivery, you're only about 2 pushes away' which frankly would have been useful to know as it was quite motivating!
6. make sure your DP is clued up as much as he can be because he will probably be speaking for you as things progress and you need to be on the same page

and GOOD LUCK! Whatever happens it will be completely unforgettable and life-defining

I highly recommend the HomeBirth Reference Site for positive stories. They have lots of Birth Stories under all kinds of situations, with plenty of people who had to transfer for whatever reason, so it's not just home births.

My births were a bit crap, TBH, but what made them bearable was my DH being really supportive. I had a midwife who thought she could bully me into cooperating (won't go into details as to why she felt she needed to) - I'm not a good person to bully, I yell back and get really bolshy, which did not bode well. My DH took her aside and 'explained' to her that she was just getting my back up and that she had bloody well better stop.

Hi Fanjo! All three of my previous labours and births have been straightforward and really positive, and all three in the midwifery led unit of Abergavenny Hospital (and all three were late, first was 8 days over EDD, second was 12 days over and third was 10 days over, I politely declined induction each time and agreed to be monitored if I reached 14 days over). My first was 3 hrs labour and two pushes (one for the head, one for his HUGE shoulders!). My second was 2hrs and two pushes (even bigger shoulders, ouch!), and my third was 45 minutes and also 2 pushes. No assistance or tearing with any of them and no resusc or anything like that, all the babies were healthy and big (9lb 1, 9lb 6 and 8lb 8). I didn't write a birthplan as such for any of them, but was pretty confident about what I did and didn't want on the day. I was laying on my back in the last few minutes of contractions before my first was born and the midwife asked me three times if I wanted pethidine and three times I had to say NO, thank you (I couldn't work out why on earth she kept bugging me, I was busy having a baby!). I was really glad to have used no pain relief for my first and third babies, and just gas and air with my second (though convinced it did nothing whatsoever except make me giddy and out of it). But I was also fortunate to have quick labours that progressed steadily on their own and no pushy intervening staff. In fact, each time I was left on my own with my hubby and he had to run and fetch the midwife to catch the baby since each time they'd checked me not long before and assumed I'd be another few hours before giving birth. I'm 30 weeks pregs with my fourth and most likely last baby, and planning a home birth if it works out. Giving birth can be really relaxed and if you can believe it enjoyable, if you aren't harrassed and pressured into something you don't want. If you are worried about not being able to speak for yourself, write a birthplan, make your partner read it and make sure he'll speak up for you if medical people start trying to make decisions for you, without asking you first.

Hi, just wanted to add my tuppence!! Have had two births both really positive but the most positive was dd2 - the dreaded induction!!! I was given gel packs in the morning, read, slept, when awake kept moving, listening to ipod etc, had a million baths!! Went into labour at 4.00pm, had dd at 6.45pm, was monitored for 15 mins earlier in the day but apart from that had no restriction on moving, no other interventions, no forceps etc, had dd kneeling at side of bed, most relaxing as far as it can be birth ever.

PS I had pethedine in both labours, suggested to me when having dd1, labour was very long, obviously resisted initally because of the horror expressed at using it at my "practical parenting" class (practical my arse!!), took it and really helped. Expecting dc3 and still really nervous!!

Great post by Bumpsadaisie :)

Am at work so will just do a quick post, but my labour with DS was almost all lovely and laidback. The only time it was bad for me was when I felt scared and out of control during transition - I had laboured happily up to that point, dozing off in between contractions, chatting with nice MW, in peaceful birth centre surroundings. Was v keen to use the birth pool but once I got in it really slowed my contractions down and I had 2-3 hours of fruitless pushing trying to get DS into the right position. Ended up totally exhausted, so tired that my arms and legs were numb, so was transferred to hospital. I was so grateful for the chance to lie down in the ambulance! Anyway the ambulance ride seemed to do the trick as DS was born 30 minutes after I arrived

Hospital care was great and I transferred back to the birth centre for a day to get breastfeeding established - they were truly wonderful. Had nothing but TENS and a bit of gas and air for pain relief, which I was happy about as I didn't want an epidural BUT I put in my birth plan that I would accept one if it was made clear to me that there was a real need. In fact the main points in my birth plan were basically 'please talk to me and DP throughout and explain what is going on', and this was well adhered to by everyone involved.

If you are low risk and want to drastically reduce your chance of having interventions such as CS and forceps, reduce your need for pain-relief and guarantee your use of a pool, all without increasing risks for you or your baby - definitely consider a homebirth.

For staying in control try hypnobirthing as others have said. Don't just wing it and rely on drugs - build up a toolbox of contraction-coping methods - breathing techniques, concious deep relaxation, going to your favorite place in your head, shaking-the-apples. Someone on here once mentioned some good hand exercises to do in labour? in some book or other? It is also worth putting in your birthplan that you might need quiet, even silence, during contractions in order to focus on getting through them. I think excess noise can lead to feeling out of control as it makes it more difficult to concentrate.

Music can be lovely too - definitely plan to have music. Even if you feel at the time you can't be bothered, make sure you have music with you and prime your birth partners to put it on unprompted. You can always shout at them to turn it off if you don't like it!

FWIW, had dd2 at home - music, pool, no drugs, it was lovely, felt very under control, I'd love to do it again. dd1 was hospital, a few interventions (I think unnecessary) but still overall calm and untraumatic and didn't put me off at all.

I agree with the point about excessive noise/distractions. One of the things that contributed to my slowing of labour was the fact that other MWs kept popping in and out of my labour room to chat to their colleagues about shift change etc., completely ignoring the sweating naked woman in the room It's only with hindsight that I realised this, and if I'm lucky enough to have another baby I will certainly make sure I escape to a private place if something similar happens. A friend who used the same birth centre spent a lot of her transitional period hiding in the toilet because she just wanted to be left alone. I wish I'd remembered that at the time!

The best bit of childbirth is that I got to stay in hospital for 2 days where someone else cooked and bought food to my bed. Fantastic.

Marie Mongans hypnobirthing is quite useful as well...

Hi,
I had a very positive experience from a situation that should have been very bad indeed. I was induced and had a forceps delivery due to lots of other problems. However I had a good idea of what to expect as I had done some reading. I think that because of this I felt in controle. I was lucky in a way that becuase I had so many complications I was prepared for the worst. This resulted in me being able to be quite honest with the midwives who I have to say through my delivery were amazing. I would say be clear and firm about what you would like but also ask lots of questions and advice from your midwives. You are going to be fine and just you wait untill you meet you little one - all so worth it.

My labour was Jekyll and Hyde, but I did feel cared for and recovered quickly. I went home the next day and took her out for a walk with the dogs the day after. I've had days where I've been tired and sore, but all in all pretty good! So whatever happens (more births go swimmingly than not remember, we only ever hear the horror stories!) 'this too will pass' (as I kept repeating in my head while bobbing round the pool during contractions) and you will soon be home with the new addition!

Hi Fanjo,

My DD is now 8 weeks old and i had a great birth. We had been very relaxed during the whole pregnancy and had moved back to Cornwall from Dublin when i was 24 weeks. We hadn't really thought too much about the birth until during one of our ante-natal classes when we had a talk from a yoga teacher. I had always thougth i wanted to have our baby in a hospital but soon changed my mind after listening to this guy. I also wasn't going to have a birth plan but wrote one and was quite adamant that i didn't want pethidine or epidural unless entirely necessary. however, i would consider if it should the need arise but both DH and i wanted to be totally informed of what was going on.

My labour was quick and very simple and although it can be a little uncomfortable at times, i found it totally manageable. my waters broke at 10pm and DD was born at 3.22am. i stayed at home until 1.50am when we drove to the birth centre (abt 55 mins drive from where we live) at this stage we thought my contractions were not consistent, but as we started driving they were 3 mins apart and about 20 mins into the journey i needed to push. My husband was fantastic and a huge support, encouraging me to keep breathing and manage the contractions in the back of the car (despite the fact that he was panicking while driving and almost pulled over to call the paramedics for assistance :o) i arrived at the birth centre at 2.45am and walked into the delivery room. I was asked to give a sample, which i was not able to do (no wonder her head was ready to crown!) so at about 3.05am they asked me to get on the bed to examine me, which they did. We had wanted a warterbirth, my DH asked if it was possible to get into the pool, to which the MW replied that there was no time for that! i lay on my left side and delivered DD. I had about 15 mins of pushing, they offered me G&A which i took, and it did help - more of a distraction and a focus when her head was crowning. she came out and i had 2 hours of skin to skin and Bfeeding with her before they weighed her. It was great and i would do it again tomorrow.

My suggestions to you are:

1. research what you want - drugs/interventions etc. and what they mean for you, your partner and your baby.
2. ensure your partner understands what you want and can speak for you as you may not be able to vocalise your desires.
3. be flexible with your plan, you may need to have drugs/interventions.
4. think of the whole experience positively. this really helped me, focus on breathing, going to a happy place, golden thread/breath into baby yoga methods
5. be mobile, this really helped me
6. stay at home as long as you can (more relaxed environment)
7. do yoga before hand for as long as possible ( i didn't and wish i had done)

Think positively about the whole thing as if you are scared or worried then this will naturally slow things down and will slow the release of oxytocin, which is needed in labour. Also, if you can chose a MW led unit as they are more relaxed than the medics can be in a hospital. I was not told when to push or not, it was entirely my own birth and i pushed when i needed to.

i was lucky that i was quick with my first one, but it was great overall.

Good luck and hope this helps. (sorry it's so long!)