positive stories about childbirth please

[DuelingFanjo]

I've been reading the thread in the feminism about childbirth and found it really interesting but also a little scary.

I am mostly scared about being induced and then starting a cascade of intervention and also being treated like my opinion doesn't matter or is irrelevant. I am going to have a birth plan but do understand things don't always go the way you want, however if the plan changes then I would like to be kept informed by the midwives/medical staff.

So - can anyone tell me their positive birth stories, the ways in which they made themselves heard and about the good care they received in hospital.

thank you :)

in the feminism section

Have you tried searching? There are lots and lots of threads on here asking for positive birth stories.

You are doing the right thing in acknowledging the fact that some of it you just can't control. Your birth plan should allow for this and help you prepare for what you would do in each scenario. I think a positive birth experience often comes not from what actually happened but how you engaged with it and what you took from it. A woman can have a straightforward vaginal delivery and be traumatised as hell and a woman with an intervention-heavy labour and all manner of 'problems' can be very positive about the birth.

I thought rather than bump an old thread it would be nice to have a current thread running at the same time as the one in the feminism topic but will have a search and see what I can dig up :)

Oh no, nice to have a current one. Didn't mean you shouldn't ask. Just that if you want lots and lots of positive stories now, there are hundreds of them in the archives.

I had 2 fab births ... My second was particularly great

I had a water birth

Thhe MW was just a comforting presence in the room and left me to labour how i needed to

She barelytouched me or exammined me and when i said i needed to push, she listened and helped me stay calm and focused and literally a few mins later, DD was born

I had one hour of skin to skin and feeding before she was weighed and measured

It was wonderful

I made sure both my birth partners were fully aware of my wishes so if i couldn't tell the MW what i wanted then they could

Is this your first birth? I think the element of the complete unknown in a first birth means it is often quite a daunting experience - even the most positive birth experience can at times be quite frightening and surreal. If you are prepared for the possibility that you may feel quite out of your depth and that it is likely to be quite an overwhelming experience at times, you are half way there. make your wishes and fears known to your birth partner, too, so that you have a voice even when you are totally out of it!

If you've got a few weeks left, get yourself a natal hypnotherapy CD. It's no miracle worker, but I listened to it a lot in the run up to my second birth, and it definitely helped with breathing and staying calm.

Good luck!

Agree with PYT re doing some hypnotherapy prep. I think the "out of control" feeling is one of the worst aspects of labour (whether straightforward or otherwise). Practicing breathing techniques, having little "mantras" etc, can all help to stave off the feelings of panic.

IME when you panic it hurts more!

My first birth was fine - at home, gas and air, 5 hours, no complications BUT I was so scared and it hurt. A lot.

Second time round I did some breathing prep and I really believe that helped me to control my fear and relax my body. Less panic, less pain. I had an amazing 3 hour homebirth and can honestly say it was one of the most fantastic experiences of my life.

Our midwife just left us to it and I think that helped me to feel that it was MY birth not THEIRS!

DuelingFanjo please try not to worry (easier said than done I know). I can only tell you how it was for me.

I wrote a birth plan for both of mine but did add at the end that I fully understood interventions may be required but that I wanted to be kept fully informed if anything was going to be done to me or the baby and DH and I to be consulted if an either/or situation arose. I discussed this both in advance and also during the early stages of labour with DD1 (DD2 was too quick).

I was induced with DD1, had the pessary at tea time, went into labout at midnight and delivered her just after 9am. Had quite a bad tear that was stitched for quite some time and stayed in hospital for two days.

With DD2 I had a sweep on the Thursday, followed by a show on the Friday and then woke up in full blown labour at 1am on Saturday. She was born by 3am and took only two pushes to come out . Tiny tear - 1 stitch only and I was back home by 4pm that day.

I had fantastic care both times and felt that the midwives very much worked with me. DH was also a brilliant advocate once I'd got the point of not being able to cope any more (had gas and air with both).

Everyone wants to tell their horror stories but their of loads of women like me for whom it is quite straightforward (still bloody hurt though ).

Good luck

thank you :)

PYT it is my first and to be honest I haven't been that scared about the physical pain of labour but seem to be getting more scared of interventions and in particular uneccesary interventions. I want to have the strength to ask for information during hte birth if I feel I need it to make an informed decision. A friend was recently induced and then had a forceps birth. Her husband said he could see panic in the eyes of the medical staff but was left with very little information during the process. I don't want me or my DH to be in this position.

I was planning on just having my DH there but wonder if I should ask for someone else. My sister has been a birth partner before.

I'm not due til Dec so plenty of time to look into hypnobirthing.

I won't tell you about dd's birth then suffice it to say despite her scaring the living daylights out of us it was differant to how i imagined it, more intense, but was manageable.

ds1 was a breeze, despite choosing to come out back to front with his arm over his face! I went from 5cm to having him in less than an hour and he was practically enjoyable to birth.

ds2 was far more intense than the other two, faster labour, but he shot out in record time and I felt great afterwards.

After both boys i was up and walking around within a very short time and althogh a bit tender felt mostly fine.

All three of them I went without any paind relief... no epi, not g&a, no tens and no waterbirth available... it wasn't too bad... a bit tough during transition but that never lasted long.

Make a birth plan, be prepared to fight for the bits that are important to you but also be aware things can change in a heartbeat. I wanted a physiological third stage with dd (had one with both boys) but as she needed to be resussitated obviously the cord had to be cut immediatly. Also, with ds2 i wanted to go home straight away and didn't want him to have the Vit K (the other two didn't, although i had to fight that point when ds1 was born) but as he was admitted to SCBU we were there for 5 days and due to him needing lots of needles it was safer to give him the Vit K.

Be prepared for some midwives and doctors to be quite patronising and make comments like 'And you found that "research" on Google I take it Mum' if your requests are anything other than 'I'll do what ever my HCP tells me to do'

I was planning on saying no to Pethadine but yest to gas and air. I don't want an epidural but would like one to be available incase I change my mind (is this stupid?), I would like to avoid an episiotomy unless there is a medical need. I also want an active birth and access to the birthing pool if possible. do I sound like an idiot

to me this all sounds reasonable but I wonder what Midwives really think when they see this kind of thing. Almost every health professional I have spoken to about labour has said 'oh that's what the drugs are for' or 'that's why an epidural is so great'!

Thanks for this thread Duelling. I'm 36 weeks and share the same concern re intervention etc.

I've been using the hypnotherapy CDs and found they really help.

Where are you planning to give birth? Our local Midwife Led Unit seems great - very supportive of non intervention/active birth approach etc. Obviously things can change but it does reassure me that at least I'm starting off on a sympathetic path. Having thought through some of the possibilites with my DH for our birth plan helps as well - they do need your consent so I'm hoping doing our research in advance will help us make a decision if intervention is needed.

Just crossed posts Duelling.

Your birthplan sounds great (almost identical to mine so I would say that ). Have you discussed it with your midwife?

i was lucky, i think, because me having high bp meant that i was never able to think about water birth etc, mine was always going to be a monitored birth in a medical environment. i bloody loved it all, though. (although it was a bit nippy). your plans sound perfectly fine to me. i loved my medical staff, though, both times.

I had two lovely healthy babies at the end of my labours, and no lasting health problems - does that count as positive?

You don't sound like an idiot. But like I said, you do need to prepare for eventualities. For example, you say you would like an epidural to be available. I assume you're not going private? I needed an epidural (had to have an em cs) and waited 2hrs for one to be available as the anaesthetist was busy so if there isn't one available immediately then it might end up being too late. That's what I meant by being prepared for eventualities because you have an idea of what you'd opt for and when that doesn't happen, you can be rather thrown. In that case (not coping with the pain but no epidural available), you might be open to other options such as pethidine. You may not like g+a either, I certainly didn't. Ditto, the birth pool. If somebody's in it or there are no midwives present who are trained in waterbirths, the option might not be available.

As far as episiotomies are concerned, you don't want one without medical need and fortunately I don't think they're performed without medical need tbh. But all of the things you list are normal and fine. They won't laugh at you or think you an idiot.

Hi there thefatladyscreams :)

I'll be at the new Midwife led centre in my local hospital, though lots of people including my mum think I should have a home birth.
We're going to NCT classes as I think they will be useful for letting my DH know more about what happens.
namedaftertheband I wonder how I should phrase my thoughts on the epidural, should I say I would like one to be there but I don't intend to use it?

I did plan on being mobile with dd but as i wasn't progressing they broke my waters, there was blood in the amniotic fluid so i ended up on constant monitoring. It's still possible to move to a certain degree though, I kneeled, squatted and generally shifted around on the bed like a loon.

tbh, when i had the boys, much as i was glad i could move around, i also found that i was grateful of the rest between contractions and really don't want to move around all that much

Make sure your birth partner is aware of your wishes, your reasons for them and has the balls to speak up for you.... I lost the ability to communicate after about 5/6 cm and only regained it after they were born, dp had to speak for me.

I went in with the same 'plan' all three times and ended up with three quite differant births. But i was happy with how each one went (aside from minor irritations and glitches) and ended up with three happy healthy babies which less face it is the key point.

I don't think you can have an epidural in most MLUs can you?

And in terms of wanting one 'there', it doesn't quite work like that. If you want an epidural they'll see if an anaesthetist is available to site one. They don't hang around on the off chance.

I had a lovely birth experience.

DD was induced, she was not that late, however it was near Christmas and I think they wanted me to be induced rather than have a Christmas day baby. Bit about that, as I really did not want to be induced, and was dreading it.

I went in, had the gel pessaries, then passed 6 hours or so watching daytime TV. No pain whatsoever at this stage, just very mild lower back ache. I did want to keep moving though, and really disliked the heart monitor thing strapped to me, so I asked the midwife to take it off whilst I went to the loo, then when I came back said that I did not want it back on as I felt restricted. Midwife was fine with this.

After 6 hours, was examined and 3 cms dilated. They then broke my waters (the funniest thing ever, a really funny sensation and I roared with laughter), then full blown contractions started immediately. Very painful, yes, but bearable. After about 40 minutes of this, I really wanted to push, midwife said don't be silly, but then examined me and was fully dilated. After 40 minutes of pushing (not painful at all at this stage, the contractions, just a burning sensation as dd crowned) dd was born. Very quick, easy labour and I wasn't scared or worried at any stage.

not sure, my MLU is attached to the main local NHS hospital in Cardiff. The other nearby unit possibly doesn't do them though.

so should I mention the epidural in my birth plan at all I wonder.

more stories please :)

I assume then if you want an epidural, they'll transfer you into the main bit of the hospital where care will become consultant-led. There's no harm in putting it into your birth plan, but bear in mind that it will mean a transfer (if only from one bit of the hospital to another), a change in the people looking after you, a change in mobility etc.

I'd make sure whoever does end up being your birth partner/s knows all of your wishes because when I'd got to the point of needing fast intervention, there was no time at all for reading of birth plans, especially as my care was transferred from community midwives I knew and who knew my wishes to consultants I'd never met before in my life who were working fast to deliver dd safely.

hi FANJO, i know how you feel at the moment,i didn't have a birth plan at all coz first where i live,as soon as you announce you are pregnant,the lovely care begins,you are monitored constantly and the only thing i didn't want was vaginal exams,and i shouldn't have worried because they don't do any anyway,

i went two weeks overdue and they only allow you to go up to 42 weeks,after than the baby comes out,that for me was the only intervention by doctors,but i felt it was ok coz i couldn't get out of the couch anymore,

i was induced and the first 6hrs nothing happened,may i add that each time the nurses had to do something,either check if anything was happening down there,i was told,every step,so i felt respected,but for me it was worse than the actual birth,

after 6hrs i got another pill and then the contractions came,one on top of the other,i asked for an epidural but i had to wait till i was 3cm dilated to get one,i got it after 5hrs,as soon as i got it the baby's heartbeat started going down so in the end i had to have a c section,horrible to some but i have to say for me it was way way better than i had expected it to be,an epidural has its pros and cons,so you just need to know what you want and hope that they will listen to you,good luck,it will be great.

another positive for me was even if i had a c section,it healed nicely and so fast,,breastfeeding,a story for another day,,for me all was wonderful really

Fanjo

I was induced with DD (now 15 months) and it was absolutely fine.

And that is coming from me who planned to have her at home in a pool! I had to be induced on her due date as the amniotic fluid was very scanty.

The reality is that your experience will depend a huge amount on how it goes on the day, and this will be affected by a huge range of factors, eg

• how you as a labouring woman manage labour - some women don't find it too bad, others suffer more and find the whole thing scary which probably makes it more painful.

• what the midwives are like. An induction with a sainted midwife like the one I had will be a much better experience than a home birth with someone who you don't feel so good with. My midwife was great - maternal and so caring - she stayed four hours over the end of her night shift to see DD born, and was a very good advocate for me with the consultant, who was worried, after 3.5 hours of pushing already, about me taking an extra 30 mins to see if I could push DD out before getting robed up for trial of forceps and theatre.

I am sure there are plenty of people who have had bad or disappointing experiences with hospital interventions. I am sure needless intervention to fit in with the hospitals bed needs does happen. I am sure some midwives and doctors are less than good.

But I still think the best attitude to have in labour is one of trusting the docs and midwives, and being confident that they have the baby's and your best interests at heart. If a woman approaches labour and childbirth in a suspicious mindset, thinking they just want to get out their forceps/scalpel and get that baby out pronto, its not helpful to the woman or fair to the medics! Its one thing to debate the hospitalisation of childbirth as an intellectual topic on these boards, but you have the reality of having a baby coming at you soon, and it is far from an academic question.

The other thing is if they say, "your baby is OK at the moment but there are some signs that s/he is getting tired and that is usually a precursor to greater problems - to be on the safe side we think you should go for forceps/induction now"- what will you say? All you can do is go with their recommendation - you will do anything rather than expose your baby to even the minutest risk! So you have to trust them - you're not the expert, unfortunately, and even if you are very well-informed, after god knows how many hours of labour you won't be in a position to think clearly.

So I think one needs to accept that giving birth necessarily brings with it a certain vulnerability, as par for the course. I am all for empowerment, but I think the reality of childbirth is that you are vulnerable - its painful, for your first it is a totally unknown experience. Of course this is balanced out by a sense of doing something very powerful and amazing, and having loads of people running around after you while you are the focus, so it is not ALL about feeling vulnerable, but some feelings of vulnerability are unavoidable, it seems to me.

My DD was induced on her due date because she had lost most of her waters (not sure where they went - perhaps she was quaffing them!). This wasn't a huge problem at present, said the doctors, but it was one of five factors that potentially lead to problems further down the line if we waited another week or two for things to happen naturally. Also there was some evidence that labour with scantier hind waters can be more painful for the baby as there is less cushioning. So, what could we do? Of course we accepted the induction - there was no question of proceeding with a homebirth knowing that poor DD might be aching and sore in there!

If you end up with forceps, it will be in a similar situation where things have become less optimal for you and the baby - you will have been pushing for ages and getting exhausted (I mean clinically exhausted - so tired you fall asleep between contractions and your body shakes!) and the baby's ETC trace will start looking like it is distressed and tired. In that situation you just go with it - you are exhausted and you are concerned for your baby. In my case it was try the forceps first and then if that didn't work, a CS. I can remember really clearly - I didn't care at all. In fact I said, that's fine, lets just do whatever! I think if they had said they were very sorry but they needed to cut my leg off, I would have said, well, OK, fair enough!

You won't know how you will feel in labour till you get there. I mean both in terms of how manageable the pain is (so good idea to keep the epi in reserve just in case, but very sensible to start off from the premise that you'll try and manage without) but also in terms of how you feel in the environment. I planned to have DD at home but actually loved it in hospital, felt safe and cared for and was very glad about how it all worked out. Next DC will definitely be a hospital birth! And I had an induction, epidural, episiotomy and forceps - and it was really fine, honest! I don't think I had any more post-birth healing issues than the rest of my NCT classes who didn't have an epiosiotomy.

Best thing to do is yes, have your preferences at the moment, but keep a very open mind and go with the flow.

best of luck!