Dads/birth partners sent home soon after birth?

[sunbeam85]

Hi,

I'm pg with my 1st and worried about my husband being sent home soon after I've given birth. Really really hate the idea of being left in hosp all alone with newborn, and him missing out on important first few hours bonding time. Has this happened to anyone? What is the usual timescale for Dads being sent home after you've given birth? MW told me that I won't mind at the time, but I'm sure I will.

Thanks!

sunbeam, really don't worry about the bonding thing - it's a total myth that it has to happen in the first few hours after birth! You and your DH will continue bonding with your baby for weeks and months.

We were told that the hospital where I gave birth was very strict all the way through my pregnancy. In reality they couldn't have been more flexible. Luckily it's all private rooms where I am - you labour, deliver and stay in the same place. DD was born at 1am but DH went home about 4 as we were both exhausted. The time I spent giving DD her first proper BF and cuddle though all by myself was amazing.
I really did think the same as you about leaving quickly but ended up having to stay two nights due to some complications with the birth. I learnt so much in those first days, the midwives checked I knew how to do everything and they really helped me to establish BF.
Good luck and don't worry!

my local hospital now lets DPs stay if they want to. We had dc3 at home so didn't try them on this. DH didn't have much bonding time with dc3 as we all went to bed and to sleep 2 hours after she was born which was very nice.

I think it partly depends on the timings and where you have the baby. I agree with the few though that if you are fit enough for the post natal ward you are fit enough to go home (I guess unless CS) - at my hospital they let you out after 2 hours if it was straightforward and they need you out of the delivery room and you don't want to go to the ward.

My 12 hours on the post natal ward with DD were dreadful and I'd never want to repeat. I got no sleep as everyone else's babies were crying and no one spoke to me (I don't think they spoke english!)

DC1 born at 1pm. At 10pm I was taken to the ward so DH had to leave. The mistake I made was not pushing to go home, but it was first baby and I didn't know better!

DC2 born at midnight. They said I was entitled to stay in delivery room for 6 hours and then I might need to go to ward. I said that I wanted to go home and if DH had to go home me and the baby were going too. We all stayed in the delivery room until 10am and went straight home.

DC3 born at 7am. We all stayed in delivery room all day and went home at 9pm.

DD born at 2am. They let us stay in the delivery room for the rest of the night. No suggestion even that DH should leave so he was with me until the next evening. (DD and I in for a week). After the 1st night men were supposted to leave at 9 but weren't very strict, DH was often there a lot later. We did have a private room after the 1st night (not paid for, but only us iyswim) which meant they could be more relaxed about timings.

I had my second labour in a room with 3 strange men. It was officially after visiting hours but there were no staff to kick them out (or attend to me in labour). It was without a doubt the worst experience of my life. I would like to have my DH with me but everyone else's DH/16 yo bf is awful so third time I picked the hospital based almost exclusively on their strict visiting hours. You will def get at least 2-3 hours in recovery before you go to the ward.

At the hospital both dc were born in he didn't have to go, as long as we were quiet he could stay as long as he liked. He only went home when he couldn't physically stay awake anymore.

PantsVonStinky I can see the other side of this now! I can't imagine trying to get through labour in the ompany of a whole load of strange men!

I've got an MW appt next week, so I'm going to try to get some clear answers then, but its sounding increasinly like either I'll be up to going home around the time dh is likely to be packed off, or I'll be so tired when I get to the ward, that it'll be a relief to have a bit of time to myself and dc! Either way, I'm feeling much more calm about the whole thing.

DD was born at 11.45pm, but then had 'retained products' so was whisked off for spinal and removal... DH was allowed to sleep on a chair in the delivery room and then the MW sent him home at about 9am to get some much needed sleep. Good luck!

DD1 was born at 2.30am DH was able to give her a feed in the delivery suite, whilst I was looked after (it was a difficult birth). Then when I was ready he helped push me back to the main ward and went home for a much needed sleep. DD and I also slept well. He was back the next day when the ward opened for partners and certainly had no problems bonding with our DD

sunbeam, it will depend on the time of day - most hospitals have long visiting hours on the post natal wards. At the hosp I was in dads could visit between 12.30pm and 9pm. I felt awful seeing my DH being left at the ward door. Think it was made worse by the fact that we were not told he wasnt allowed into ward until we had arrived at the ward door! If we had been more prepared it would have been ok - it wasnt very nice saying goodbye to him in the middle of the corridor. You live and learn though, I wouldnt let it happen again. My DH prob wouldnt have stayed much longer with us anyway as we were all exhausted, so he went home to bed...it was just the way that it was done, all so last minute and abrupt, that upset me.

sunbeam85 - this is the thing that scares me the most ... not the giving birth part but my OH being made to leave 30mins after and me being on my own. I'm glad someone else feels the same! x

sunbeam85 which hospital are you at?... if it is OK to ask