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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Dads/birth partners sent home soon after birth?

38 replies

sunbeam85 · 29/07/2010 10:48

Hi,

I'm pg with my 1st and worried about my husband being sent home soon after I've given birth. Really really hate the idea of being left in hosp all alone with newborn, and him missing out on important first few hours bonding time. Has this happened to anyone? What is the usual timescale for Dads being sent home after you've given birth? MW told me that I won't mind at the time, but I'm sure I will.

Thanks!

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Hazeleyedbaby · 29/07/2010 10:57

Hi - I think it depends on what time of day/night you give birth.

I had DS at 4pm and had a couple of hours in the labour room to bond as a family, skin to skin etc which was lovely then up to the ward at 6.30pm, visiting was 7pm-8pm and DF was asked to leave at 8pm, I was gutted but they were very strict.

The time did pass quickly until the morning when he returned, I spent most of the night in awe looking at DS feeling on top of the world!

Good luck x

oopsandbabycoconuts · 29/07/2010 10:58

Hi DH and I spent about 2 hours on delivery suite after DD was born, he held her whilst I had a bath and got dressed then we had more tea and toast before transferring upto the ward DH stayed for a few more hours and went home to get some sleep. DD was born at 3am so they didn't chase him out but we decided that we both needed some sleep.

megonthemoon · 29/07/2010 11:01

DS was born just before 7pm and we were in delivery for 3 hours I think - a bit longer than normal as I had a PPH that needed dealing with and they were trying to decide if DS needed to be in SCBU as his bretahing was a bit irregular. They eventually transferred us to HDU and once we were settled DS was asked to leave - around 11pm.

megonthemoon · 29/07/2010 11:13

DH was asked to leave, even. At 4 hours old, I don't think DS would have been able to leave on his own

Original poster

sunbeam85 · 29/07/2010 11:14

OK, so he won't be sent off half an hour or so afterwards! This is the things I'm worrying about more than anything else about the birth at the moment, so its reassuring to know it probably won't be as bad as I think!

OP posts:

Original poster

sunbeam85 · 29/07/2010 11:15

meganonthemoon - I guessed that was what you meant

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SirBoobAlot · 29/07/2010 12:18

Depends what time you give birth. I had DS at 0220, I think (can't remember exactly) DP left with my mum maybe just after 3am? That was fine by me though, I had a bath, and was bloody knackered!

Marjee · 29/07/2010 12:21

Ds was born at 3.20am and dh didn't leave until 10.30 and that was only because he needed to pick up the car seat from home. There were no beds on the ward so we stayed in the delivery room until they discharged us.

Kity · 29/07/2010 12:30

I had DS by EMCS at 10pm and hubby went home at about 1am? We had been transferred to our own room by then and we were both knackered so it made sense for him to go home and get some kip.
I LOVED those moments with DS on my own, its so so lovely you just sit and stare at them (despite being beyond tired and sore) and my OH was back in the morning so it really didnt feel like we were parted for very long. Think midwife may be right, you prob wont mind at the time.
Good luck!

sunndydays · 29/07/2010 12:54

At my hospital dads get to stay with you both until you leave even if you are in for three days they have recliner chairs next to all the beds for them to sleep in, check your hospitals policy

Original poster

sunbeam85 · 29/07/2010 15:42

Thanks everyone - you've reassured me I just really hate hospitals and don't like the idea of being left alone by hubby, but I can see the advantages of him getting home and having some kip before we bring baby home!

OP posts:

LouM10 · 29/07/2010 16:49

Hey. I was really worried about this as I wanted him there overnight and I think it's pretty unfair on the fathers.

Bacause of this, I have decided to have a home birth if everything goes to plan. After I looked into it, it is meant to help with the length of labour and also pain as you are relaxed in your own surroundings, and you aren't being moved in th emiddle of labour which can make it last longer.

I know this isn't for everyone, but my mw has been really supportive and thinks it's great. Don't get me wrong, if I feel I'm not coping with the pain, then I will be the first one to say get me to a hosp. and give me an epidural, but ever since deciding I want a home birth, i feel really relaxed and excited about the birth as opposed to before, when everytime I thought about being in a hosp. I was feeling really anxious and worried.

It may be something to look into if you are a low risk mother, but if not, lets hope you don't have to stay in too long and can be with your OH in no time

TheNextMrsDepp · 29/07/2010 16:56

It depends when they transfer you to the ward (and what time of day it is). For example, I had dd2 at 4am, so when they transfered me a couple of hours later to a ward full of sleeping mums it was time for him to push off home. If you've had a long labour you will both probably need some sleep! He can pop back whenever he wants.

But you won't be lonely, I loved my time on the post-natal ward with all the other new mums.

Original poster

sunbeam85 · 29/07/2010 17:14

LouM10 - I did really want a homebirth, but unfortunately I've had a difficult pg so far and I don't think a homebirth is a good option for me any more. I was reading another thread earlier about how to get discharged asap and that made me feel a little better because hopefully it'll all go well and I'll be able to get out and get home in a couple of hours!

Best of luck with yours though - I have a friend who had a home birth a couple of months ago and she said it was just lovely afterwards - they all just snuggled up together in their own bed!

OP posts:

Lynli · 29/07/2010 17:30

In reality your DP has usually been awake for so long that they need to leave and get some sleep.

Loopymumsy · 29/07/2010 20:15

This reply has been deleted

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PrettyCandles · 29/07/2010 20:33

After my first was born, dh, ds and I were all together on the labour ward untilwe went to the postnatal ward 2-3 h later. They even came into the bathroom with me (which was good because I needed dh's help). One or other of us held ds all of the time.

Once I was in bed and ds and my kit were parked, however, dh had to leave - it was 3am. But TBH by then I was ready for him to go. I was knackered and desperate for some piece and quiet.

I had another good look at my new ds, gave thanks, and fell asleep. None of this 'too excited to sleep' business people had warned me about!

Don't worry about dh missing out on bonding - it's all sleeping, feeding, and acheing at that point.

Dh turned up again at about 10 in the morning. I went off to the loo and returned to find him nodding off on my bed, ds asleep draped over his chest, and a contented smile on dh's face. So I went off again for a shower. This time when I returned dh was sitting up with ds in his arms "I've just changed his nappy. He did a poo." No worries with the bonding there.

Emster30 · 29/07/2010 21:20

I gave birth 12 days ago at about 6.30pm in theatre. They took us to an assessment ward/bay and we were there until about 10pm when finally a porter was found to take us up to the ward. DH was allowed to stay and settle us in for a bit but we were both desperate for sleep so he headed pretty much straight off once we were up there. I didn't sleep much though - too busy gazing at DS and rerunning the events of the previous 24 hours in my head!

MarkStretch · 29/07/2010 21:25

I had DS by elec CS at 11am and DH was able to stay until 10pm that night. He didn't have to adhere to any visiting times for the first day, just day 2 and 3.

pebblejones · 29/07/2010 21:28

Depends on the hospital I guess, but I was very disappointed. I had an emergency c section at 6:30pm, was in recovery until 7:45pm and my husband was asked to leave at 9:00pm.
I think he found it harder than me... It had been a very stressful day and he had to go home to an empty house!

pooka · 29/07/2010 21:38

DD was born at lunchtime, so DH stayed until about 9pm and then went home until 9am the next day.

DS1 was supposed to be born at home but lack of midwives - so we went in. He was born about an hour later, at 9pm. Never found out when they would have kicked him out - probably when we would have been transferred to the ward. However I was very persuasive and ds1 and DH and I went home at about 11pm.

DS2 born at home.

harverina · 30/07/2010 01:03

My DD was born at 3.10am by c-section. DH stayed with me in recovery room. When I was taken to ward at 7am he was not allowed in and was vitually left standing at the ward door. We were not prepared for this and I regret not asking if he could just come in, even for 5 minutes, to see us settled in. Apparantly he was not allowed in because it was still officially "nighttime" on the ward.

Original poster

sunbeam85 · 30/07/2010 07:08

harverina - that is exactly the sort of thing I dread happening! Being whisked off and being too out of it realise what's happened until its too late!

At the hosp I'll give birth at, there are some private rooms, but I've had conflicting information about whether or not hubby will be able to stay with us or not! Plus, of course there is no guarantee I'll get one.

PrettyCandles - I'm glad the bonding thing wasn't an issue. I hope it'll be one of those things that I can't understand why on earth I was worried about it afterwards (when dh and dc are happily bonding even if I have to stay on the ward alone with dc)

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PaulineCampbellJones · 30/07/2010 07:24

We were told that the hospital where I gave birth was very strict all the way through my pregnancy. In reality they couldn't have been more flexible. Luckily it's all private rooms where I am - you labour, deliver and stay in the same place. DD was born at 1am but DH went home about 4 as we were both exhausted. The time I spent giving DD her first proper BF and cuddle though all by myself was amazing.
I really did think the same as you about leaving quickly but ended up having to stay two nights due to some complications with the birth. I learnt so much in those first days, the midwives checked I knew how to do everything and they really helped me to establish BF.
Good luck and don't worry!

PaulineCampbellJones · 30/07/2010 07:25

Should have said, it's an NHS hospital I gave birth in!

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