WFH with a 3 year old and 1 year old

[Agapita84]

How do you do working from home with a 3 year old and a one year old around?
I started WFH, but İ don't want to come out of my office in fear that the kids will want to be with mum. They are currently been looked after full time by dad.

Any tips on how to make this transition for them and myself would be appreciated.

The idea of me not coming out is that I don't want them to missunderstand and think I am back with them, when in reality perhaps I went to pick up a coffee and go back to the office.

In essence, it’s impossible to be able to wfh with kids this age

I would agree - can you go into an office or workspace.

You can’t do it and your employer would not expect you to either. It’s not fair on you or the kids.

It’s impossible. Either your DP needs to take them somewhere else or you need to work somewhere else.

I think you’re misunderstanding - she’s not leaving them alone, their father is on childcare duties 😂

Coffee machine in your office, come out for lunch break only.

She has childcare - dc father. It’s like many of us who did the same with a nanny while wfh.

They will get used to it, you just have to be firm and tell them you’re working and will spend time with them later

Not if you have childcare in place, which the OP does (the children’s father). My husband has worked from home ever since we had our daughter and all holidays I’m at home with both kids for part of the day at least and he cracks on. I’m sure plenty of people do, though admittedly probably more dads than mums.

As PP said you (and your partner) will just need to be firm with the kids. ‘Mummy is working now and can’t play, go and do x with daddy’ (and daddy reinforcing this!!) will be vital. I’d probably try and avoid coming out of the room and seeing them other than when on a break for the first few weeks at least.

Be firm and also close the stair gate behind you when you go back upstairs. And let their dad deal with any crying, as you are working not on childcare duty.

Thanks everyone, big misunderstanding here. My husband is the main carer. I do not look after the kids while working. I actually stay upstairs in the office and go downstairs for the occasional coffee that I definitely need. I just want to know how other mums in similar situation have explained to their very young kids and what actually works or doesn't work ❤️

I know your DH looks after your DC, but is your 3 year old not entitled to any nursery/pre school hours? That could make things a bit easier! Also, can your DH take them out at certain points in the day?

They just have to get used to it. Starting from this age set boundaries etc and then they don't know any different. I know when my two were that young I was out of the house morning back got sleeps and back out for the afternoon. Parks playground etc
i would have gone stir crazy not doing that, can you look into those?

My DH takes my DC while I WFH. I have a lockable office so they can't burst in during calls. I use loop earplugs to drown their background noise out. You have to be strict with boundaries if you come out to get something or for lunch.

Where is your office? Mine is upstairs which helps as DC tend to be downstairs so I can leave the room for a wee without ending up with a child stuck to my leg.

Just set firm boundaries from the beginning (for you and them) and don’t come down when they cry for example or when you feel like it. Put a sign on the door when you are working.
for your own sanity, I recommend leaving the house occasionally and working from somewhere else too if you can.
3 old should also go to pre-school.

I don’t know why this is on this board but anyway… it will be challenging. Basically you just have to repeat yourself a lot, be strong about the boundaries and walk away from the chaos. I had to do this with a 3 year old during covid and it was not ideal but thankfully temporary. Can you setup coffee upstairs if that’s the only reason to go down?

Yes, be really firm with that 1 year old.
Even the 3 yr old won't truly understand why mummy can't play or cuddle if she goes for a cuppa.
It's confusing.

Its not that confusing. When mummy's office door is shut then she can't play.

She wants to leave her office, I presume to go for a oee, lunch, a cuppa, a general wander around to stretch legs

I think it’s unlikely to work well if my own experience is anything to go by. My DC are teens and work feels different when they’re around in the holidays or after 4pm, it’s hard to just ignore people in the house, you inevitability get interrupted or distracted. I simply can’t imagine with a 1 and 3 year old, they won’t understand.

I do this with my 2 & 4 year olds - I just go to the “office” and they know mummy is working, take what I need with me. If I pop out to get something from around the house, it’s a quick hello ooh mummy needs to be quick I’m still working and carry on. Done this since my eldest was 18 months, before my youngest was born. It isn’t a full day though so maybe not the same situation as you, it’s just 3/4 hours at a time. It’s great, since no commute / time save / kids still know I’m at work so no issues boundary wise.

I don’t feel like this is that difficult tbh. We do it during school holidays with a 3 & 6 year old (3 year old is in a term time only nursery). During holidays there might be a week where I’m on leave and DH wfh, and then the next week it’s the other way round. We’ve done this since they were born. The parent not wfh, in OP’s case her DP, needs to be proactive and take the lead on distracting and entertaining the children without involving OP. Plenty of SAHMs will manage this.

This is the perfect reason to get a coffee machine and stash of snacks in your office.

Will depend on the physical layout of the house - open plan is going to be more difficult than slipping along the hallway when they are in the living room - or you could
a) put a coffee machine in your office
b) take a travel mug / flask up with you
c) message your dh to ask him to distract them when you want a coffee so they don't see you
d) only have coffee when they go out (they say water is better for you anyway!)
e) just ignore the upset and crack on selfishly, leaving your dh to deal with them getting upset

Make it the norm and it will be become the norm.

@Agapita84, Are there any times during the day where your DP/DH can bring the kids in to see you in your office, to see you working, and then let you get back to it? So the kids can see and begin to understand that Mummy is working and not available to play?