Just found suicidal DD with knife

[HebburnPokemon]

14 year old autistic (largely non-verbal) DD has had thoughts of suicide for a few weeks but no plans to do anything - until now. She’s been self harming by cutting her arms and thighs. School are aware. GP is aware. Private psychologist is aware.

I have just noticed the largest knife was missing from the knife block in the kitchen. Daughter had locked herself in bathroom with it.

Luckily I seem to have caught her before she did anything.

I am completely out of my depth. I don’t know what to do.

I phoned 111 spoke to crisis line. They said a nurse will phone back. I have no idea when. I’m too scared to sleep in case DD does anything.

hand hold please. Any advice?

Most important thing you can do is to stay calm.
Lock any blades in the house away, in the car for now if that's the only option.
I'll find you some info to help you both

Support for young people (and parents)

www.kooth.com/

www.4yp.org.uk/

youngminds.org.uk/find-help/get-urgent-help/youngminds-crisis-messenger/

www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/your-feelings/feelings-emotions/depression-feeling-sad/

www.thesource.me.uk/health/if-the-app-fits-health-and-well-being-apps/

moodwise.co.uk/

papyrus-uk.org/

https://sossilenceofsuicide.org/

0808 115 1505

Sending love.

I need to know what to do tonight.

she is non verbal with people she doesn’t know. She can’t phone a helpline and doesn’t want to text. She wants to die

Going forward, rather than trying to prevent low level self harm talk to her about safer ways to do it. If she is feeling that need for a release she will find a way and needs to be safe. There are some good things for her to think about here https://projectlets.org/alternatives-to-selfharm
It's also better to make sure she has access to clean blades and first aid kit to patch herself up rather than risk her using rusty pencil sharpeners or similar. I can tell you from experience through work and home that it actually decreases the cutting rather than encouraging it, knowing you understand helps.

Here for the hand hold, what a massive shock for you. Great advice about locking away all the knives.

Can you get your DD to a&e?

I would take her into A&E if she is actively suicidal and let the professionals help. Sending love and hugs.

As I said on my first comment, lock the knives in the car. Put things like medication/painkillers in there too if it helps reduce your anxiety. She will be picking up on that and it won't be helping. Parent of ND teens who has been there, I'm not coming at this from nowhere.

Hand her ice cubes, tell her to hold them if she wants to hurt herself.
Try and gather all the knives, razors and other sharp cutting objects you can identify and lick them somewhere safe, the car boot perhaps.
Sit with her if she will let you, maybe watch a film she likes ( if she has one)
Consider sleeping with her, or in her room if that would comfort her at least until she is asleep.
Pick up with her health care professionals in the morning.
It is really hard and frightening.

What are A&E likely to do?

Not lick, stick!

Is she going to cope with sitting in A and E though?

If I thought they'd whisk her up at A and E I wouldn't say this but it's a really awful place right now.

If you can encourage her out the bathroom can you tell her you will lay with her in bed together all night and talk or just let her lie there and you will listen to music, whatever. And she's not going to school this week. Can you do this OP? Work etc.

I'd be saying that there is a chance she will not always feel this way and you are going to help her. You believe there will be medicine that might help her and you will do everything to find the right one.

Then tomorrow morning emergency GP appointment. I fear you will need to find a private psychiatrist because the NHS are so hideous. The GP will advise and could possibly call through to get her seen quicker. I have been in A and E and it is traumatic as it is. I fear it won't help her.

I appreciate this may be risky advice. Only you know mum if she's planning to try end it or just release some mental pain.

Honestly? Make it worse. They'll have her sit and wait for the crisis team. They will either (most likely) send her home because they feel you can keep her safe and they'll do a referral to the MH team, or (very unlikely) they could section her.

I agree

They have on call emergency psychiatrists for exactly this situation. A friend went through this recently with their child and they were amazingly helpful. Not quite as close a call as you’ve had but they saw emergency psychiatrist in a&e and also given great aftercare with community mental health nurse visiting every day for months afterwards.

People are saying A&E as many will have a metal health place of safety (136 suite), where she can be assessed.

Horrible situation for you both to be in xx

I've been in this situation but many years ago. If you take her to a&e I'm fairly sure she will eventually be assessed by a psychiatrist, then depending on what they say the options are keep her in residential or send her back home with you.

Have you seen a section 136 suite? I've been the member of staff monitoring one and I found the environment (even without a patient) a scary place so can only imagine how terrified a 14yr old would be if placed in there.

Local Authority MASH team? Usually have combined team of police/ social workers etc on call. Might be worth trying if A&E not an option.

This sounds like really sound advice.

sending you so much love and strength OP
xxx

I've worked in both A&E and secure units.
This is a crisis situation and there may not be another suitable choice in an attempt to keep them safe.

To start with call 111, option 2 xx

In my experience (limited, I’m not a professional) the self harming is a cry for
help and this level is more of a scream. She doesn’t want to die, if she did you
wouldn’t be with her right now. She’s in pain for some reason and she wants it to stop. She can’t see a way forward,
but it’s there. Stay by her side throughout the night until you can get crisis support. Reassure her she will get the help she needs and you will fight through this together.

Lock away all the knives. Every single one. Boot of your car is a good place. Lock away all the medicines including otc meds in the house, and all alcohol.

But remember, she could use broken plates or glassware too if she's really determined, or throw herself out the window.

Can you bring her to A&E?

Nevertheless, it's better than the alternative when someone is suicidal.

Perfection can't be allowed to be the enemy of good enough.

I did. We explained situation. Still waiting for a nurse to call back. Who knows if/when they even will.