Feel so angry about Camhs

[AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]

I am so angry and upset. My daughter was referred to camhs for anxiety, depression and a possible eating disorder. It has taken four and a half years to get this far. She is now almost 17.
She was assessed by a nurse yesterday who believes my daughter has autism. She has based this purely on my daughter’s anxiety over friendships. She was bullied at the age of 10 by a boy which has left her traumatised.
The nurse wasn’t able to tell me about any common autistic traits other than autistic people struggle to make friends. DD has loads of friends and a wide social circle, does well in school, has a part time job, a boyfriend etc. Neither her school nor her private therapist have ever raised this. The nurse ignored all her other areas of problems - her very troubled relationship with her dad, her low self confidence and her difficulties over food and they are focussing on autism. Now she is on yet another waiting list and receiving no help.
I am well aware I sound like a parent in denial but she does not have autism. I have googled endlessly since yesterday and she doesn’t have a single trait. She is very sociable, full eye contact, no meltdowns, close relationships with friends, long-standing friendships, a wide range of interests, chatty, caring, affectionate. She is the person her friends turn to when they are upset or worried.
Surely not all anxious people have autism! I feel her actual needs are being ignored here.
Am I just being naive?
I don’t know what to do.

Yanbu. Camhs were hopeless when my son attempted suicide. He wouldn't tell them (or us) why he did it so they just guessed, and got it wrong. Gave us a leaflet and Sent us on our way. He was 12.

Orri are very good for ED but pricey :-(

CAHMS is absolutely useless. Mu daughter went as a teenager after self harming .. they didn't help.
Grandsons been.. unless again.
I have four Grandsons with ASD and what you have described your daughter does not have ASD.
Is the eating disorder Anorexia or AFRID? There is other specialist for this.
I'd honestly try The Mix .. for teens under 25 with problems.
Good luck.

My daughter is like yours. She is also ASD.

Often in females the first presenting symptom of ASD is anxiety. They are misdiagnosed as anxious first.

Eating disorders are increasingly recognised as part of the ASD spectrum. There was a study where they screened eating disorder patients for ASD. About 70% we’re ASD.

I agree that CAHMS are shit. But l wouldn’t dismiss this entirely.

Girls present differently to boys.

My Dd has ASD. I think the nurse has hit on something. Anxiety AND an eating disorder?

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow I have said we should continue with assessment since I want her to get any help she needs. But I just know this is the wrong road to go down. Thankfully she has been much better over the last 10 months so another delay will hopefully not be too much.

@wendyjoy i’m not sure since she hasn’t been diagnosed with anything. She is obsessed with calorie intake and won’t eat certain foods, such as pasta, because she believes she’ll get fat.

CAHMS are shit though. They did shared my dd. 1 week later she self harmed

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow I know people who have eating disorders and anxiety or depression who don’t have autism. They don’t always go together!

oh my goodness. and then when they raped thousand times these poor kids in Kent hospital and the the alarms being raised three times a day were ignored. What kind of hell pit is this?

If she has an ED is she getting help with that? The ED Camhs service is a completely different service and the wait is usually a few weeks (depending on the severity.)

My dd is 17yo and sounds like your dd tbh, she is sociable, has a job, has a boyfriend also has an ED and is autistic.

It is very difficult to spot in girls sometimes.

Camhs are useless. I have the opposite issue in that DD almost certainly has ADD but CAMHS will not refer her for assessment for some reason. She has no impulse control and her head is a very noisy place and this led her to put herself in a dangerous situation which ended in her being assaulted. She has since gone on to develop depression and a drinking problem which is also exacerbated by her suspected ADD and subsequent lack of impulse control. She has been on a waiting list for 18 months for trauma therapy re the assault. And was told she should try not to drink more than the recommended units per week for booze (helpful, not). But they will not assess the underlying cause of all of this and soon she will be an adult and it will be doubly difficult, and meanwhile more damage is being done. I could scream quite honestly.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies her GP referred her for anxiety then again for anxiety surrounding food. Camhs haven’t diagnosed her with an eating disorder and she isn’t receiving treatment for that. The nurse she saw focussed purely on her previous social problems and on nothing else.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies what traits does your daughter have apart from anxiety and an eating disorder?

CAMHS, in my experience, v he ave been a total let down.
Nurse could be wrong but don’t rule autism out. Eating disorders, other food issues, anxiety are all very typical with ASD. Sometimes, if you look closer at what appears to be a non autistic trait, it might actually be one e.g. high empathy.

I agree.

Anxiety, depression and eating disorders are highly present in autism and are often amongst the only outward signs in girls.

CAHMS are just unbelievable in their shitness.

They wouldn’t see Dd at first as she wouldn’t ‘engage’ She has situational mutism and was too terrified to speak.

They are so useless.

CAHMS are utterly useless. Can you perhaps get her seen privately?

As an aside you can be extremely social, do well at school, hold down a job, have a boyfriend, get married and be autistic. The idea that everyone has to present like rain man in order to be autistic, is the sole reason why so many women and girls go their entire lives undiagnosed until they inevitably fall apart in their 20’s and 30’s!

So my dd struggles with emotional regulation, she can get overwhelmed and completely shuts down. She has quite a few sensory issues, doesn't like certain clothes, struggles to know if she's too hot or too cold, she prefers structure and routine.

I'm not saying your dd is autistic but it can be tricky to see sometimes. I don't think you'd know my dd was autistic if you met her.

Has she lost weight or is she underweight? You may be able to self refer to the local ED service depending on which area you live in. You're welcome to join us on the teens with ED thread if you wanted more advice.

@SpaceRaiders DD has been seeing a private therapist on and off for four years. He sees autistic patients and has never raised this with me or DD. He believes her problems stem from her narcissistic dad and bullying which has led to low self confidence.

I’m sorry if my explanation of DD sounded offensive. I googled autistic traits in teenage girls and went by those. I was just trying to convey that she is your average teenage girl. She doesn’t struggle in any particular area. I work with several neurodivergent people so I am well aware that Rainman is not what to expect.

ASD would be a path to full discharge with no further input. I don't trust camhs. They discharged my son at triage. He was at 40% school attendance, he said it was 90%. They believed him and asked me why I was upset. I waited 3 years to be discharged in ten minutes on a lie

@Girliefriendlikespuppies thank you for explaining. My main issue with Camhs is that they couldn’t give me a single trait she has other than anxiety. It is really helpful to read your explanation. She isn’t underweight and hasn’t lost weight.

Imo you know if your child has SEN.

I listen to a podcast about late diagnosed autistic women and the one thing that stands out is that the majority have had various forms of therapy, in front of numerous Gp’s and consultant psychiatrists with years experience and still no one picked up on their autism until adulthood, where their own child perhaps starts showing traits.

Sorry if I came across as flippant btw. I can’t say wether she is or ain’t on the spectrum. All I’m saying is, be sure to question whomever is leading her care. Because mistakes happen and things get missed and it just prolongs your dc getting the right kind of support.

It could well be that your daughter’s therapist and the CAHMS nurse are both right. Dr Gabor Mate talks about autism, ADHD and many mental and physical illnesses being ‘adaptations’ to the environment around a person. He says that the diagnosis doesn’t explain anything, it describes the set of behaviours or symptoms.

So I’m suggesting your therapist knows where her behaviours come from (narc father etc) and the CAHMS nurse knows how that early trauma is manifesting (autism).

I'm also suspicious. ASD diagnosis. Long wait list. Diagnose. The end. It's an easy tick on the box for an underresourced service.