Smearing and playing at 13.

[GloomyOrion]

Posting because I am at the end of my tether and veer between desperate fear and fury.

Ds has always been a bit odd, but quirkyand coped. He's funny about food but will eat random shit. He's a chewer of many things. We suspect asd and have got a referral pending.

About 8 months ago, he started having issues with excrement. Long story short: he's admitted to playing with it. We find rolled balls mainly in his room. His clothes are often smeared. I try not to shout, but sometimes it's just too much. We were all sick this week. I'm never, ever sick, but I'm assuming his faecal matter is all over the house.

As a side issue if he doesn't want food etc he will hide it in random places, so that we then find rotting food in random places.

Is there a way through this? I feel like I'm living on a hamster wheel. Ds won't talk about any of it.

That's more than 'a bit odd'.

I know this is, but this is relatively recent. Or do you mean the eating random stuff?

I would say your DS has some deep rooted and concerning issues but as I don't know you or your child it is hard to give you any more than this. I would advise you to speak to your GP.

I would be making an urgent Gp appointment and demanding a referral asap. I think this falls into more than a bit quirky and needs serious attention, sooner rather than later.

I know how you are feeling
I have an 11 (almost 12 year old) who has global development delay and he can do the most strangest things
I will say he may be delayed in his development but has full understanding of what he is doing, he just doesn't know why he does these silly things.
Some of the things we have gone through
When he wets the bed he will hide his wet stuff (always been told he will not get told off for wetting the bed, but will if he hides it)
Submerged his nintendo in water and covered it in bubble bath because apparently it needed wiping (He has been told he will never get another electronic until he can prove he can be responsible)
Empties entire shampoo/bubble bath/shower gel/hand wash bottles because he feels like it
We used to have issues with him urinating in his bedroom but that seems to have stopped since moving home.

I don't have the answer for you but just wanted to let you know you are not alone in how you are feeling. I feel like I'm at the end of my tether most days

I've done the GP route. They have given me a form to give to school to refer for asd diagnosis, so currently I'm in limbo.
I don't think this behaviour is a bit quirky; that's just context. I'm terrified this is a reaction to something that has happened to him but I don't know what. He says nothing has happened.

itiswhatitis21 yes , have had lots of similar behaviour over the years. Punishments don't work, because there's no actual though t. The answer is always 'don't know'. No problems academically, so always flown under the radar. I suspected asd or add or crossover at various points, but he always seemed to be coping.

Hello, I've got experience of this, though my DS is younger. He's autistic. It's very difficult to find the right help. Is your son soiling himself? We tackled the soiling and the smearing stopped. For my son I would say it was mainly related to soiling and partly also stress/anxiety.

He was soiling, so we tried laxatives through the Dr and that seems to have stopped. But the playing hasn't. I know it's a compulsion, so I am trying really hard not to go mad, but it's the way he manages to get it everywhere that I don't get. Taps, edge of sink, floor, on the outside of his trousers, t shirt.....

His sister is 2 years younger and she knows about it, thanks to dh's not so subtle shouting at ds, so God knows how she's being affected by it. They barely have a relationship as it is a he's only interested in older people.

You need to get that boy to a doctor and fast. This is only going to escalate and not happily.You need to be prepared for him to spend some time in an institution too because these types of compulsion are extremely difficult if not impossible to undo. I would also check his internet search history as well and if necessary ban him from it. A friend of mine’s daughter was getting up to these sorts of shenanigans about 10 years ago it got to the point where we had to stage an intervention.

Stress/ anxiety would fit. I don't think he really understands his peers. He never goes out or even talks online anymore, although his hoy says he's got a good group of friends around him.

I keep seeing on MN, over and over, parents of teens in crisis and with quite severe difficulties who airly say “we suspect ASD” and yet seemingly have done nothing for a decade because…? They’d been hoping it could go away?

I despair, honestly.

No, because I didn't want to over react and be a parent putting a label on what could just be normal behaviour. He used to flap when excited as a toddler, but stopped in school. He had a dinosaur obsession, like most kids. He is imaginative, played with others and had a group of friends. Nothing that really ticked the boxes. Until recently. Hence going to the gp.

I just posted here to see if anyone was going through similar and found ways of coping. I accept we cannot fix this without professional help.

Wtf

I am sorry you are going through this OP.

I have no advice other than I think you should kick up in a big way with the GP and the community psyche team. This needs to be dealt with asap or it may escalate or become an impossible to break habit.

You could solve it by monitoring him when he goes to the toilet and going through the house rules with him. It will not help your husband screaming at him, it sounds like your husband has issues.

go back to the GP and tell him a referral for assessment that takes years is not going to cut it and he needs urgent therapy.

Also, you need to keep school fully informed.

I am. His hoy is great and I'm in regular contact.

We can't monitor every toilet trip because we leave before him in the morning and get back a couple of hours after. Our work hours are non negotiable.

I have lost count of how often we reiterate house rules. It's like reminding him to tie his laces or not lose his tie or turn lights off or not leave crisp packets in his room. He just forgets. And I admit, there are times when I scream at him too, even though I shouldn't, but sometimes when you get home late from work and then you find shit where it houldn't be, or another bowl of cereal hidden, it's just too much.

And my head can't cope with the sharp, funny kid currently watching a film with me, with the secretive kid doing this. Then I feel shit, because whatever I'm feeling, he's clearly going through hell, but I don't know how to help. I've tried talking him through why he does it- feel/ sensory etc. I've said I'm get him play dough. I've asked him to at least meet us halfway, by clearing up after himself... but then I go to open his curtains and find it on his windowsill.

Could be daft but is it worth checking he doesn't have worms or some physiological reason his bum is itchy or sore or something which is triggering his involvement with excrement? I have no experience with this and can't imagine what a stress and worry it must be. Was just hoping maybe there was a simpler solution (I mean, even if he did have worms it's an unusual way to handle the problem so it isn't a clear solution but worth r check?) Can you put wet wipes in every room, or key places, and try and get him to wet wipe his hands and clean up a bit? I'm sure you've tried this. Offering any advice I feel like one of those people who says 'try singing' when someone else's baby won't sleep... Good luck op.

My friends son used to poo smear, right up until early teens. She had suspicions of ASD but very very mild other than this. He grew out of it and never got an ASD diagnosis but did have some difficulty in teenage years with behaviour at school, maintaining friendships etc. You aren't alone x

Thanks people. And for any suggestions. I feel like I'm living a parallel life. It's so isolating. I've told colleagues (mainly cos they've seen me in tears) but not friends. Partly because my friends are some parents of his friends, or at least, kids he associates with in school, and talk happens.

Could he ever have been sexually abused?

It's crossed my mind. Older boys on the way home from school?
Ithink everything has crossed my mind. I've also wondered if he's been struggling with his sexuality.But unless he opens up to someone, I will never know. He only has 1 grandparent, whose social life takes precedence, so no use trying there.