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Mumsnetters aren't necessarily qualified to help if your child is unwell. If you need professional help, please contact your GP or local mental health support services.
Child mental health
Does anyone have experience of Borderline Personality in teens?
toodizzyizzy · 01/09/2021 23:38
I understand it's a complex diagnosis given by psychiatrists only. My daughter is 17 and her private therapist strongly believes that she has BPD. I understand that she is writing to the GP to ask that she be referred to CAHMS for psychiatric assessment and access to medication (for anxiety I believe).
I'm trying not to get my hopes up as she keeps getting declined by CAHMS (because she's not actually attempted suicide yet). Her MH is so poor that she's having to repeat her first year of A-level.
I have experience of BPD as my brother has the condition. I'm heartbroken my daughter may have the condition too.
I just wondered if anyone on here had any experience/advice. Thank you
WindowsSmindows · 01/09/2021 23:41
The diagnosis only makes sense when there was trauma, loss, abuse etc in her childhood?
Does that part fit for you?
Malteser71 · 01/09/2021 23:41
I work in mental health. In my experience, psychiatrists are not keen to diagnose PD until much later. My colleagues tend to wait until a person is in their early twenties.
BergamotandLime · 01/09/2021 23:43
Have a look at the STEPS programme for mental health. My DH is a MH nurse and has had a lot of success with clients with it.
toodizzyizzy · 01/09/2021 23:51
Thank you
My daughter lost her best friend to cancer when she had just started high school, the therapist feels that was the trigger point for many of her symptoms
It was my understanding that it was only diagnosed when people were older, so I'm sure sure why the therapist is pushing for this assessment when she's only 17
toodizzyizzy · 02/09/2021 09:42
Thanks @BergamotandLime it's good to be aware of the STEPS programme. I'm not sure if it's part of our 'local offer' where we live, but she's on a waiting list locally so it's good to be aware of this
overworkedrobot · 02/09/2021 13:29
Also have a look at ASD. Many young women are misdiagnosed with BPD when they actually have ASD.
Gingerkittykat · 02/09/2021 13:37
You really don't want her to have a BPD diagnosis on her file as it means a lot of Drs and mental health professionals will treat her really badly.
toodizzyizzy · 02/09/2021 13:55
Thank you @overworkedrobot I'd much prefer to be focusing on ASD assessment, her college are trying to help with this. I don't see anything happening with this until she's at least 18 as the waiting lists are so long.
I agree @Gingerkittykat I know my brother had some awful experiences.
My daughter is now convinced that she has BPD and I don't seem to be able to influence her in any way.
overworkedrobot · 02/09/2021 17:22
There are several articles online about misdiagnosed young women, would DD read some of them? She may recognise herself in some of them and it may make her question whether she has ASD, not BPD. Failing that would DD agree to not pursue a BPD diagnosis until after an ASD assessment?
lots33 · 02/09/2021 17:31
I think borderline has historically been an overused diagnosis for young women with mh issues.
I was diagnosed with it at 17, whilst in a mh hospital. I had a traumatic childhood.
Now in my late forties, i have just been diagnosed with bipolar and complex PTSD. My psychiatrist refutes the original BPD diagnosis.
I saw a private psychiatrist for 6 months as Gp would not refer to secondary mh services. Once diagnosis and meds were sorted, I was taken on by NHS services for continuing care.
Is a private psychiatrist an option for you? I paid 375 for initial appointment and 175 for each follow up. I am so happy to be correctly diagnosed at last.
I don’t think therapists can or should diagnose.
I wish you and your daughter well.
toodizzyizzy · 02/09/2021 23:15
Thank you @overworkedrobot that's a really good suggestion. We've spent months discussing ASD and she seemed satisfied that was the most likely framework to help her understand her feelings and behaviours until now... There's much to consider, I may yet have to consider paying for a private ASD assessment.
I've also considered paying for a private psychiatric assessment @lots33. I really appreciate you sharing your experience, it must have been a very painful journey for you. I'm glad you finally got the help you needed. I know from my brother how damaging incorrect diagnosis and medication can be (he has unstable personality disorder). It's been heart breaking. I don't want that for my daughter. I think family would help to pay for costs. It's just which to pursue first...I really value everyone's advice. I'm recovering from surgery, so not at my best at the moment.
toodizzyizzy · 02/09/2021 23:26
Just to add the therapist has told DD that she can not diagnose her, but the suggestion that she may have BPD is overwhelming DD's thinking. Maybe I need to tell the therapist this
wavecat · 02/09/2021 23:52
My 25 yo DD was diagnosed earlier this week with ADHD. Four years after being diagnosed with BPD. She had never agreed that BP was a suitable fit and had carried on regardless of an experienced and expensive opinion. The ADHD framework explains most of her daily life, with another 4 years of experience since the original diagnosis the coping and masking pattern is easier for all to see. She feels liberated, finally able to understand why life has been so difficult and unhappy. Suddenly everything in her head makes sense, hoping that drugs will help her focus on her masters dissertation. And where did the breakthrough come from...TikTok!
overworkedrobot · 03/09/2021 11:24
If you organise a private assessment ensure whoever you use is experienced at assessing high functioning women.
toodizzyizzy · 04/09/2021 17:34
I will do @overworkedrobot I really regret not probing the therapist more about her experience with ASD
Thank you for sharing you DD's experience @wavecat I am sorry to hear of the difficulties caused by her misdiagnosis. It must've been really hard for her getting through A-levels and then university, I wish her all the best for her master's.
I tried talking to DD last night, she's unwavering in her belief that she has BPD. She made a very articulate and passionate plea for me to respect her wish to get diagnosed - she tells me that she's thought she had BPD since she was 13.
She's about to reattempt her first year of college, it's an anxious time. Thanks for everyone's posts, I do appreciate it as it's all very overwhelming at the moment.
Sabire9 · 04/09/2021 20:23
Hi toodizzyizzy, my dd was diagnosed with BPD at 16 by a team at the Michael Rutter centre at the Maudsley. She had DBT therapy there. By the time she was discharged to adult services at 18 she no longer met the threshold for a bps diagnosis. She's 22 now and has worked full time for 4 years, has lovely friendships and is loving and affectionate to her family. She still has anxiety, depression and a panic disorder and struggles with boundaries, but is by & large doing ok at the moment. Ask me anything :-)
toodizzyizzy · 04/09/2021 21:31
Thank you @Sabire9 that's so wonderful to hear that your daughter had a positive outcome. I have heard of the Maudsley, I need to some more research. My DD has just started DBT with her therapist. She's such a beautiful soul, it's heartbreaking to hear that she thinks she has no future with BPD (as thinks she does). Was your daughter treated under the NHS, or did you have to pay privately?
Jas1985 · 04/09/2021 22:41
Just chipping in to say that I had the same attitude as your daughter back before my diagnosis. I was desperate for the diagnosis because I thought it explained why I felt so awful and I needed an answer. Unfortunately it’s an answer I think is far too easily diagnosed in young women and once it’s there it’s hard to shift. 6 years on, I’ve just been diagnosed with autism and ADHD.
I don’t like the way BPD is diagnosed regardless, but your daughter seems particularly young for that kind of diagnosis. Her brain hasn’t even finished developing yet.
toodizzyizzy · 04/09/2021 22:59
Thank you for posting @Jas1985
I'm sorry to hear that you too have had such a difficult journey. It seems that so many women with ASD are misdiagnosed with BPD. It must be so scary to be so young, feeling so anxious and lost. I just want to help DD, unfortunately though she thinks I'm working against her. Too many people have really suffered from misdiagnosis and I don't want that to happen to her (or any one). Best wishes for the future
Boomclaps · 04/09/2021 23:22
@toodizzyizzy
I’m not sure what the STEPS program mentioned here is but Just be aware in lots of localities STEPS is mental health abbreviation for S pecialised T eam for E arly P sychosis.
A different type of illness to BPD (which is now more generally within the NHS called EUPD.)
But many psychosis programs have a PD Diagnosis as a disqualification criterion
I’d strongly advise looking for help without diagnosis at such a young age, as it can be stigmatising.
DBT can be super helpful
Good luck to you and DD
BergamotandLime · 04/09/2021 23:39
@Boomclaps no, it's Systems Training for the Emotional Predictability and Problem Solving for BPD.
OnTheHillNotOverIt · 05/09/2021 00:06
I’ve known young people who have found the idea of rejection sensitivity helpful
www.adhdconsultancy.co.uk/adhd/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-why-dont-we-hear-more-about-it/
Sabire9 · 05/09/2021 10:09
My daughter was treated at the MR centre under the NHS, but only after three useless years of fannying about with CAMHS. She's paid for private therapy this year with a trauma informed counsellor amd has found it helpful.
So sorry for your daughter :-( hope she gets the help she needs to come through this ❤️
toodizzyizzy · 05/09/2021 17:28
@OnTheHillNotOverIt Thank you for sharing this, I'm starting to pick up that lots of people that go on to get diagnosed with ADHD get misdiagnosed too with BPD (as with ASD). I will certainly further consider the possibility of ADHD.
Thanks @Sabire9 that's helpful to know - do you know if your daughter had DBT therapy?
I was also curious if anyone had any experience of Maladaptive Daydreaming - that's something else the therapist has mentioned
MummyOf4Kids · 09/09/2021 07:19
My daughter is also 17, she's taken 2 overdoses in the last month.
She's with camhs who have suggested the possibility of OCD or BPD. She constantly has low mood abs phoned the camhs crisis team yesterday to be told they were too busy to talk to her but hope she gets the help she needs.
She's due a phone call from camhs today, they seem to be really dragging their feet at the moment with her meanwhile each day she's getting worse.
I'm sorry your daughter is also suffering, it's so hard as a parent
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