AIBU to consider having my 16yr old DD sectioned?

[Abiamber]

This really is last resort thinking.
A bit of background as full history would take too long.
Dd suffers anxiety and OCD. Just finished school but didn’t really attend during year 11 and only sat 2 GCSEs due to acute anxiety and meltdowns. We have spent about 2 years being passed between gp, school and CAHMS. Each one saying we need to contact the others. School refusal has meant DD was designated child in need and we had a social worker. Now 3 months later they have said she is not CIN and social worker removed. DD self referred to camhs over a year ago. Has been offered group support which she doesn’t feel able to cope with. I was led to believe she was on 1 to 1 waiting list but CAHMS have told social worker she isn’t on list!
My 34 marriage has ended this year largely due to the stress caused by this situation. DD also has some behaviour issues. She is very controlling and manipulative of me. This combination is toxic. During the gcse period she had numerous severe meltdowns. CAHMS advice was to call an ambulance if I couldn’t deal with it.
I’m now thinking that the only way to get any help will be to force a meltdown eg not to take my clothes off at the door or spray my feet with antibacterial spray before I stand on the carpet. DD ocd focuses on contamination from germs. If she had a meltdown, I call 999 and try to get her admitted under mental health act. I know this is extreme and not sure I could actually go through with it but I am desperate.
What does anyone think?

I think your being ridiculous and a hospital would send you packing.

Stop giving in to your DD, I had depression and anxiety at 15 and my DM never fed into it I got on medication and came out the other end at 18

Were is her dad in all of this?

So sorry op, I think your scenario is unlikely to get dd support, just waste nhs time and resources.

Have you explored CBT it’s good for OCD, or private therapy for dd?

What does dd want? What are her plans? Have you discussed options?

So you're willing to put your DD into extreme mental and emotional anguish in the hope that it might provoke an intervention? I know you're at the end of your tether, but the damage you may wreak from this could be irreversible.

OCD and anxiety are typically environmentally driven. Have you looked at yourself and your own family dynamics instead of laying the responsibility and treatment solely at your daughter's feet?

She's not going to get sectioned for a meltdown. I'm not doubting how difficult things are for her or for you, but it's incredibly difficult to get an inpatient admission nowadays.

Have you looked into private therapy? CAMHS are so underfunded that thousands of young people are not getting the support they need.

It might be hard (perhaps impossible) to acknowledge, but such neurotic behaviours are often directly linked to parenting and parental dynamics. Unfortunately, those parents who need to look at themselves are usually the last people to do so - which is why their children have to process the family's dysfunction in the best ways they know how - OCD being one of them.

OP sorry not my area of expertise - and hopefully someone will be along soon with good advice . But you are getting some tough responses here and you sound at the end of your tether. Sounds a really hard situation so thinking of you - and hope you will yet good advice soon from others

Well it's worth a try. You shouldn't be living under these 'rules'. It isn't bloody normal.

Dolores are you really blaming the OP for her DD's OCD and poor mental health?

Unfortunately it doesn't work the way you say.
I have autistic son age 19 who has over the years had severe crisis resulting in police and ambulances. He's attempted suicide/ self harmed and every time has spent a few hours in a&e to be released again. We have also had social services involved but they never did anything to help.
Dd also autistic age 14 tried to commit suicide due to anxiety but no support either even though she told Cahms she wanted to try again.

I'm pointing it out as a possibility that's worth investigating, yes.

I’m sorry that you’ve reached such a crisis point that this seems like a solution... is it that you need respite from the behaviours or that you feel this is the only way your daughter can be helped? Or both? It must be so difficult to see your child suffer from such anxiety and mental ill health. I certainly don’t think negatively of you for considering this as an option, it sounds as though all other supports have been tried and then some.

I'm also pointing out (perhaps harshly, and I apologise for that), that a family is an interdependent system, where things seldom happen in isolation. Therefore, the family as a whole should be involved in the healing process, and not just one child.

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-ocd-monster/201203/psychoeducating-parents-defeat-their-child-s-ocd-monster

I think some posters have no idea what it is like to live with a child with mental health issues and/or SEN. It can be absolutely disastrous for a family, a marriage and your health (I know!). You have a complicated situation which is incredibly difficult to deal with and wonder if you have looked at NVR (non violent resistance) which you can access through CAHMS in some areas. It might help you develop the boundaries you need to be able to cope e.g. you shouldn't be spraying your feet etc.

She wouldn’t be sectioned I don’t think (or rather I’m 99.9% sure) That’s only done when high risk of suicide. And saying you’re suicidal isn’t necessarily the same thing. Besides, I doubt there are any beds free anyhow.

She’d be assessed at A&E (although depends on how she may be presenting at the time - ie melt down at home May be different to after waiting 5 hours in A&E ) and it might be that the process of having this assessment means she gets seen by CAMHS sooner. But being seen by them doesn’t mean getting an intervention.

My advice would be to write a letter of complaint to CAMHS - check out the NICE guidelines for children and adolescents with regards to what should be offered. OCD responds well to a CBT approach. Make sure you explicitly state how bad it is with examples.

So many cuts to services - I left CAMHS because it got so difficult and unbearable in terms of stress.

... sorry pressed post too soon

I hope things start to get better soon for you both.

I'm so sorry, this sounds like an awful situation for everyone involved.

From experience, unless she attempts suicide or has a psychotic episode she won't be sectioned - there are such shortages of resource that the thresholds for inpatient treatment are so, so high now.

I feel awful I don't have more advice for you. CAHMs were shit for me and tbh I'm not even sure what made me get better. You sound understandably at the end of your tether and beaten down by the situation - are there other adults in your life (family or friends) who can lend you support? It's so isolating being in a toxic environment and I think people don't always understand that this kind of codependency can happen between family members not just within relationships.

Sorry OP you poor thing

Some harsh responses but I think I expected that. Meltdown is perhaps not the best way to describe her reaction. She doesn’t scream and shout much but will be sobbing curled up on the floor covering herself in a blanket saying she can’t deal with life. This lasts for hours. Of course I have blamed myself for this situation Delores but I have an older daughter who has no such issues. I can’t afford private therapy, since splitting with my H I am struggling to pay rent. DD is so bright, was on track for 11 GCSEs at level 8/9 until a year ago, that it’s heartbreaking to see such a promising future being taken away. CAMHS advice was to call an ambulance and ask for a doctor who could section her if necessary! It’s not something I have decided because I can’t face up to things. I have had family service involvement who arranged parenting advice but they focused on behaviour as a separate issue and didn’t relate it to the anxiety and OCD so it wasn’t really always appropriate.i already feel like a failure as a parent so would like advice please rather than being made to feel worse. If hospital isn’t appropriate what else can I do?

As a child with debilitating OCD, hysterical paralysis, depression, an eating disorder, and a generally neurotic outlook on life, perhaps I offer a perspective on the child's side. I may be wrong, but I think a systemic family approach is worth investigating.

My parents would have told you they had nothing to do with my behaviour, and that I was just a very strange little girl. I know now that that wasn't true, and that everyone was involved to a greater or lesser degree.

Family constellation therapy might be worth investigating, OP.

But first you may need to find a way of staging an intervention because your DD's symptoms are so acute, and then doing this once things have stabilised. If there is any way of paying for treatment, then that would be option 1 for me. If not, then I would be persistent with the MH team and I wouldn't take no for an answer.

The last thing your daughter needs is to be sectioned and it doesn't sound like she is detainable anyway. I don't know how much you understand about the Mental Health Act but you cannot "have her sectioned". One meltdown won't result in her being detained either as they won't even assess her whilst she's that distressed as it's a temporary state.

Stop and carefully think of the lifelong impact this will have. Once you are sectioned you are restricted from certain work and some countries will flag you on entry. You enter into a broken system which is on its knees.

She needs proper help. Therapy. She won't get that on an acute ward she'll be contained and then discharged to you.

Advocate for her. Chase the social worker and CAMHS EVERY.DAY.

Take her to the hospital yourself and demand to see the psych liaison team.

Don't send a severely anxious young person to a hospital with strangers. Ambulance will act as transport only, they cannot assess her mental health and they can't detain her. Police can if she is presenting a risk to herself or others in the community (but not at home).

She will get worse if you provoke her to get her in to hospital and she won't forgive you. Probably ever.

I get that you're at the end of your rope and I sympathise, the system is broken, but please don't do this.

Sectioning is terrifying. Do not do it. Especially if she is not in true need of it. If she becomes an immediate danger to herself or to others, then yes, that is an avenue to explore.

Phone 111 and ask for an emergency OOH appointment. You need ‘documentation’ on the system for every time you have asked for help and support.

There are other avenues out there too, environmental factors such as diet, fresh air and exercise, mindfulness and relaxation are all things that can be perhaps looked at whilst you wait for additional support. Lots of online resources for CBT, you and your daughter can begin applying techniques today.

Do whatever you need to do to get support and help for your daughter.

Some of the people who have posted haven't got a clue-if it was as simple as the obvious strategies suggested by some then I assume you'll have tried them all!

If you need to ring an ambulance then do so...I'd advise against forcing a meltdown though.

Dolores
Sounds like you know from experience. How did you manage to deal with your issues? I do blame myself, you don’t realise how you enable OCD until it gets to a severe level. However, the past is the past and I need help to move forward for both of us. I seem unable to find the support that we need and I can’t do this on my own because if I could I wouldn’t be in this situation. DD is very reluctant to engage with agencies because she knows it’s going to be difficult so I feel I need to take control of the situation somehow on her behalf.