To feel like a failure of a mother... poss triggering

[mindgoinground12]

Tonight its all getting on top of me and i just don't know what to do.
I had a thread recently about DS4 whose 11 and his broken arm, went to consultant today it's not heeling probably needs urgent MRI scan, they've had to put him in a cast from wrist to shoulder. DH is working so much at the moment and is picking up extra shifts because we are struggling finachely.
Now tonight DS1 18 (who i have done threads on quite a bit before) Self harmed (on his hand) a couple days ago, first time in a month, which isn't his biggest gap tbf (hes gone a year before) hes prone to infection and has a large lump and its red under the cut, he needs it looking at but Ds being DS is adamant he wont get it looked at at all (read previous threads of mine, he gets very ill with infection but is a adamant refuser and we've had to get ambulances, crisis teams and police out before) I know people will say hes your son just make him trust me i cant. Im worried hes goning to start to get really ill mentally and physically and once again im stumped because i dont want to push him to mental health crisis at the same time he needs medical help. (although i did speak to his MH worker and hes got a meeting on monday)
Then theres DS2 who's 15 and has mocks coming up and needs some space. I also have DS5 9 and DS3 13 who need a bit of time, but i cant give it cause DS4 in pain and DS1 almost in crisis.
DH just got home, hence 5 mins to myself to post here so he can help and tbh he is very good but not always good in crisis.
I should know what to do by know but i dont. I cant keep all my children happy. I love them dearly but wonder if im the best thing for them sometimes.
Im sorry if this seems ranting or bad, i just needed to get it out.
Thanks for reading if you got this far.

I don't know how to help you but you're not a bad mum. By the sounds of it you care deeply about your family. I don't know what I'd do in your situation. Hopefully someone will come along. In the mean time, you or your DS1 may want to talk to someone.

166123 Samaritans

You love them, they all know you love them, you are doing your best.
Sometimes your best won't be as good as your kids deserve because you are only human. Sounds like this is one of those times.

Give yourself a hug. Give everyone a hug. You are not a failure, you sound awesome.

You might want to explain sepsis to ds1, and give him an ultimatum between allowing you to clean and disinfect the wound or go to casualty.

Hugs! You're doing your best in really difficult circumstances. Can you get DS1 to at least take good care of his injury for now - TCP, sterile dressing, etc?

thats great advice @LadyBunker might try that. He knows about sepsis hes had it before
Hes actually doing alot better re wound care and he did have it dressed and steri stripped.
Its dressed and cleaned know, its the small things you need to find to be proud of

Ds 5 already in bed, DS4 has been allowed to take the laptop into his room, DS3 is with dad playing on the PS4 in our room, DS2 and DS1 are in the sitting room with me watching a crappy film, so i think we are making the best of it. Ill make sure to look at DS1 wound tommrow as thats the best i can do. Im still worried about him and i just worry that all my worring about him takes away from the other 4.

trying to think of a good page to send this to rather than AIBU? suggestions

I'm just going to use this as a place to vent and Wright everything down. DS2-5 are at school thank goodness, was worried they wouldn't be because of snow. But DS2-4 are back earlier. Ds1 is doing okay and helped me clean the house has a good chat in so many ways he's doing well, te wound is okay it's pretty swollen in one side and a bit red but apart from that fine. Cleaned and dressed. I fell bad about making DS4 go to school as he said he was in pain so I dosed him up with pain killers and phoned school to say if there were any problems phone me.

We have moved this to the Child mental health area of Talk.