Ongoing support thread?

[SouthWestmom]

Shall we have one?

It's so difficult to deal with.

Anyone raising a child or young person with mental health issues who wants to just check in?

Hi would love a support thread. My ds (19) has just gone on antidepressants 4 days ago. But has been suffering with anxiety for 4 years since a case of instagram bullying at school. It’s been a rough 4 years for us all but last couple of months things have got worse. He’s packed in college which we agreed as he’s done 3 years and hated the last year so much. He’s very much a loner by is very angry most of the time with the way life has turned out saying that is hard to get Him to make a change. Anyway dh has had enough and said he now can’t cope with ds not making much of an effort and if things don’t improve he will leave. I’m ranting from being upset to very angry as I feel he is abandoning us all and how dare he walk away from an ill son!

How do you feel? I keep thinking if it was cancer or something I'd cope much better . I'm so tired and resentful.

I feel a bit better today dh came home from work early yesterday and was quite upset but had a chat with ds. Says he realised he over reacted / reacted baldly and said some things he regrets /shouldn’t have. Ds has a phone call with local mind booked for next Wednesday How’s things with you ? I know what you mean it’s hidden illness and I’m finding my self very resentful of other people and there seemly perfect family’s that I can’t be around them ....I’m a crap friend at the momen t

I've admitted I'm not coping very well with it. I really miss the person he was going to be before this took hold if that makes sense?

I'm glad your dh came in and was calming, it's really important to give the right messages etc. Consistent and calm although it's so difficult to maintain.

Makes total sense. It’s like the future has been taken from them already. Have you thought of going to gp yourself ?

Hope it's ok for me to join. My Ds is nearly 15 and suffers anxiety. Been going on since he was bullied at the start of year 9. He's missing a lot of school because of it, and has severe performance anxiety. In most of his lessons he won't put pen to paper for fear of doing it wrong. Awful to watch him go through this as he's a bright kid. He hates leaving the house, doesn't have a social life and feels he's shit at everything.

I've never pressured him to do well at school, told him over and over it really doesn't matter as long as he tries. School have been completely unsupportive and are only worried about his attendance.

He has started counselling through the school but because he's not attending, he's missing his sessions. Don't really know what to do anymore.

I don't have any support with this. Single mum, no family around and ds's dad is a useless waste of space.

Hi Chippy, sounds awful. Have you any help beyond school? Is he in an exam year yet?

I have been to the GP very recently because the stress on me was too much.
It was really helpful actually although I spent most of it crying 

Hi thanks for the reply. I took him to the gp months ago and he was referred for counselling. Ds started the counselling but found it incredibly difficult and said he didn't want to go anymore. So he then started counselling through the school which he's had 2 sessions of. He has managed to go to school today which was stressful for both of us, it's his first day at school in two weeks. He only went because he has a counselling session today, but he told me this morning he hates it and doesn't want to go again.

He is in year 10 so GCSEs are next year. I spoke to the school yesterday and they said they will try to get him referred to camhs.

I am worried about how much school he is missing. The longer he's off the worse he is feeling.

So sorry you're feeling it too, it's just awful

The lack of school is scary isn't it, like times running out to catch up. I think we forget that there are options for adults.

Mine is getting worse, more and more scary thoughts and ideas. Not sure at what point it tips over and I need to go for more help.

I know exactly what you mean. I feel like I'm struggling to cope. Ds is refusing school again today and normally I'm sympathetic but for some reason I'm feeling angry about it today. I know that's not the right attitude but I'm sick of it. Sick of the battle every day, not sleeping properly, as soon as I'm in bed I'm worrying about what it's going to be like in the morning. I'm starting to feel depressed, don't want to go to work( but I'm self employed so I have to go) don't want to talk to anyone.

I think you've just summed it up for me really. Work and study are on the back burner he had a massive attack this morning and I had to go to work. He refuses to see a GP in the morning because of some school thing.

Hope things are ok for you all today. Ds has gone to school today and I'm already feeling a bit anxious for when he gets home. I'm expecting the 'I'm never going to school again' thing but we shall see. I've got an attendance meeting with school at the end of the week.

Hi Chippy do you think attendance will be supportive?

Mine is getting worse. Won't let me put bedsheets on as I may have 'done something' to them.

I am sorry to hear everyone's struggles. My 17 year old ds has had severe mental health issues for over three years. His m.h deteriorated even more two years ago and he has been diagnosed with psychosis and he also has severe social anxiety and agoraphobia. The anti psychotic medication he is on has caused serious weight gain as well as other side effects which has destroyed what was left of his confidence. He dropped out of school and college so has no qualifications and has just one friend left. He has such a sweet nature and good sense of humour when he's well and was a lovely looking boy and it does break my heart to see him now so unhappy and stuck. I also get incredibly frustrated with him as he doesn't really help himself in terms of self help and never does the 'homework' his psychologist asks him to do for example. I feel at the end of my tether today..been close to tears all day. He's had a bad week and been hostile and argumentative with me..accusing me and my boyfriend, who makes a huge effort with him, of not liking him and saying he won't spend Xmas with us and his siblings. I just feel despair of things ever getting better or him having any kind of future when he can't even leave house..Or even his bedroom today. He has good psychiatrist, psychologist and care coordinator but they all so overstretched he only sees them once a month. Just feel so low and hopeless this evening. Big hugs to all those other parents struggling with this..it's so hard.

Hi Jojo it's terrifying isn't it? I keep wondering at what point I could have changed this.

I'm so sorry for your son's position and the impact on you. It's like a loss: you miss the person they were and would have been.

Any chance of recovery? Is he any better than, say, two years ago?

Thanks nouef he is better in some ways in that the positive symptoms of hearing voices and hallucinations are well controlled and he has good insight, but it's the social anxiety which is so disabling. It's just been such a roller coaster with times that things seem to get a bit better and I have a bit of hope..but then he seems to go back to square one..after two years of this I'm exhausted. I work in mental health so have a good understanding of his illness but I don't seem able to help him and when I try to suggest things like doing some exercise or joining a support group he just gets annoyed with me. Think I need to get some counselling for myself as I can feel myself going under and as a pp said I also don't feel like talking to anyone as no one really understands. I have two other kids and full time job and I need to keep going, but I feel utterly drained and hopeless. All the best to you and your ds..please get all support you can and I tell myself education is not now or never so try not to get too hung up on college and qualifications issue

Hi, sorry I missed this . The lack of engagement is so hard isn't it.

And then everything seems normal until you look closely or ask them to do something 'difficult'

We've told school now - I can't hide it anymore.

I have been looking for a support thread. Can I join you?

I have a 16 year old DD with mental health issues which have waxed and waned since she was about 11. She is currently in a severe depression. No interest in anything, low mood, bad thoughts, some self harming, no joy in anything anymore. Sleeping too much or not enough and permanently tired. There's more, but that's it in a nutshell.

We have had mixed results with CAMHS (whatever they are now called), including some years ago a truly dreadful counsellor who did more harm than good and who's sessions we stopped going to. She thankfully no longer seems to be on the team.

This time we seem to have been referred to someone much better. We are waiting for an appointment with the team doctor (psychiatrist), who is likely to prescribe fluoxetine. We will also be trying to expedite DD up the list for counselling in school (at DD's own request).

DD wants to keep going to school as getting behind in her A Level studies scares her too. Letting her go though scares me, because of her alarming frame of mind and the journey she has to make to get there. I've tried having her at home for a couple of days this week though, and if anything it exacerbated the feelings of fear and hopelessness she has, so that didn't work either and she begged to go back for something normal to do.

I hardly know what to do now. We need the approval through for her to be prescribed ADs and we need to press the school to get her seen by their counsellors ASAP, as she is hoping. Our emergency mental health appointment was yesterday (Friday) where all this was discussed and the plan agreed. That's fine as far as it goes, but of course it will be Monday before I can really start trying to drive most aspects of it forward again, and already the weekend is seemingly an eternity.

DH doesn't really understand. He makes most of the right noises most of the time, but then after a time will ask me "but she got great GCSEs, she's in a great school and doing well there, so why can't she just look at that and be happy?" Which tells me that he just really doesn't get it. He hasn't actually said that to DD, but she knows how he thinks just as well as I do. He never understands why some things take so long to go back in their box, and it will take some work from me to get him to see that some of them don't. It isn't simple. It isn't black and white.

Sorry for the essay. I'm feeling out of my depth and anxious about my DD. It feels lonely here. I need to feel less lonely and that I can help get my DD through this.

God I'm dreading still being in this mess when he is sixteen. I am so sorry you are also struggling and welcome to the thread.

In my experience (work) it's better to keep them attending if you can.

I don't know what else to say - I am sceptical of accessing anything other than trained professionals (counsellors scare me with the lack of regulation).

Thank goodness you have someone better - I'd try the meds tbh.

We will be trying the meds. The GP said on Monday that they used to prescribe fluoxetine regularly to young people like my DD. The guidelines now though are apparently that they must refer to CAMHS first because of her age and the recommendation should come from them. It seems like bureaucracy for it's own sake to me. I have no problems with referral to CAMHS (providing the shit counsellor/nurse we had those years ago isn't there any more), but it would have felt better to be able to start some meds while waiting.

DD believes that she might also have felt better that way. She says she wants something to help her brain/mind to function like a normal person, that is how she sees it. She wants her mood to lift and feels powerless there. I think/hope she might become amenable to talking therapies again in time, but her first experience at CAMHS (when she was 11 and allocated to the shitty nurse/counsellor) has made her very wary. Basically the woman's approach seemed to be to wait until the parent had returned to the waiting room so that she was alone with the child (usual practice, so that child feels more comfortable to open up), then stare at them and tell them that there was nothing wrong with them, they had no problems and she could fill a large room with young people with far worse problems than them. DD took a long time before she told me any of that. We have since come to know several other young people from several different schools who all say they were treated that way. I am hoping that this person was sacked, though I don't know. Either way, she seems to be no longer there, which is as it should be due to the betrayal of trust.

So we await the prescription for fluoxetine. We hope it will be in the next week or so, and that it will be right for DD.

What a nightmare. Voice of the child is all very well but they quite often say what they think or want to be true.

Mine has deteriorated significantly this last week. We've been paying privately but can't find it anymore and he has got worse.

Today was dreadful.

I really hope the medicine helps ; I really believe it's a physical problem manifesting in mental illness.

Thanks. Mine deteriorated this week too. Hence the emergency GP and CAMHS appointments.

I too have a theory in my own mind that there can be some unidentifiable physical cause for a lot of mental illness. Maybe that is why the rebalancing of some chemicals in the brain (serotonin) is beneficial for many of these patients.

After all, it must have a cause, probably many causes, but they aren't easy to identify.

Dd is 19, has asd but her anxiety and low mood is the problem (asd isn't a problem). Came off meds during gap year successfully but is struggling now at university despite living at home.

Adult mental health services are non existent (still on wait list after 18 months) but camhs autism service was great. Dd is desperate to see her nurse again but gp can't persuade them despite the age cap being lifted.

Uni can perhaps be another trigger time, I think.

My DD1 was prescribed sertraline while at uni as she found some of it so much of a mental hurdle and struggled more than expected.

She had to fight for it though.

As a parent, it is so hard.