Anybody else struggle with driving?

[Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry]

Hiya, this is my first thread as I'm usually a lurker but really need some reassurance and help!
So I'm nearly 40 and never had a driving license. I did lessons in my 20s and really really struggled and my instructor pushed me to take my test when I wasn't ready and I failed. It massively knocked my confidence and I decided driving wasn't for me.
Fast forward to now and I have 4 children, one of whom has special needs and not driving is massively impacting my life and family and decided i really need to drive. I started lessons and decided to go automatic and I've massively struggled and had to have lots and lots of lessons and it's got to the point where I've done everything and so has my instructor but I still struggle. Without sounding predicable, I strongly suspect I have adhd and the struggles I have with driving reflects that..... I struggle with focus and concentration, I'm very nervous and anxious and forget everything and get confused during manoeuvres and whether it's in park or drive and whether the wheel is straight. I know these are common things with learners but I'm not a learner anymore.
I was just wondering if anybody else had similar struggles to me as it makes me feel like I'm stupid and a failure and that I'm never going to drive and perhaps I should just give up as its draining me mentally, emotionally and financially!!

You aren't stupid or a failure. Not everyone takes naturally to driving. I've been driving for 40 years and I still hate it. I'll avoid it if at all possible.

Do you live rurally or in an area with decent public transport? If I lived in an area with better public transport then I probably wouldn't drive much at all.

Persevere for a bit longer and see how you go? Would a different instructor help?

Hiya thank you for your reply.
I live in a very busy London Borough and close to Heathrow Airport, so this doesn't help as the roads are so so busy and it messing with my head even more, especially as people drive like idiots and there's so many uber riders popping out of nowhere and cutting you up and many multi lane roundabouts with sometimes 5 exits! Even writing that out makes me sweat 😂. Having said all this, I also struggled in my old town with was a small coastal town in Kent.
The transport is good but my son has quite severe asd and becomes overwelmed and lashed out and had meltdowns. My instructor is good and patient and has helped build up my confidence, so I don't think changing will help as the issue lies with me. I know there isn't really an answer to this, it's either start focusing or give up. I've had so many people try to help me and explain things, including my bus driver parents and my hgv driving husband but even they've lost patience with me as there's nothing more anyone can do for me. I've always struggled with multi tasking and having to concentrate on more than one things and it messes with my head and I get in a flap. This is why I'm thinking is it best I just give up as its my childrens safety and the safety of others I need to think about.

Yes, you sound just like me op. im late 40s and gave up years ago learning to drive after absolutely loads of lessons. Ive accepted that il never drive and im just not cut out for it. For me i struggled to cope with everything that was going on outside of the car, never had any idea of lane positioning, couldn't do mirrors, no spacial awareness, terrible at manoveres. Things just didn't sink in. I was just shit with terrible anxiety. My life would be so much easier if I could drive but its just not for me unfortunately.

Don't give up, seriously.

I was a late 'passer' and my advice would be to seek out an instructor who has an automatic car. Make life simpler for yourself - plus, all new cars being made are automatic.

I had a lot of lessons/fails in my 20s, in a manual. This time round, it was loads easier. Aside from the gears situation, modern cars are much easier to drive - cameras and alerts all over the shop. It's a totally different ballgame.

Cars with manual transmissions are still being made, and still account for around 20% of new car sales. Of all the cars on the road, less than a third are automatics.

Cars with manual transmissions are still being made, and still account for around 20% of new car sales. Of all the cars on the road, less than a third are automatics.

Useful contribution 🙄

@MemorableTrenchcoat https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/articles/cj0yjnv1ypyo.amp

It's a trend.

@MemorableTrenchcoatSo you agree?…..in the WESTERN would it won’t be long before manual transmission is a thing of the past. If only 20% of new car sales are manual transmission then they are a relic of the past?

I would try another instructor, some instructors may charge more but they get better results. It was on my third instructor that I clicked in and got the confidence. The previous instructor gave up and told me to try automatic but I passed in manual.

Try a car also with electronic parking brake, you will not stall or slip back as the car will release the brake for you.

I got an automatic car after I passed in a manual, don't see the fuss with manual. With automatic, you have time to observe around, less tired etc. I would buy a car with 360 camera, lane keeping assist etc.

A car for me is to get you from A to B with the minimum hassle.

And saying every car now being manufactured is automatic is a useful contribution? Sure, it’s a trend. But manual cars still significantly outnumber automatics.

OP how many lessons did you take? I’m in a similar boat, struggled massively, suspected adhd, similar age etc. it clicked for me after about 25 lessons. Struggled like crazy before that. Don’t give up and second the recommendations of others on automatic.

Sure, it’s a trend. But manual cars still significantly outnumber automatics.

Tedious.

Factual.

I am doing it in an automatic and I'm still struggling. I did originally do it in a manual and it is easier and less to worry about but I still have my issues. Originally I was stubborn and refuse to go automatic as I know it limits you and automatics are more expensive but I swallowed my pride and went automatic. I restarted my lessons in just before Xmas, so I've prob had around around 40 lessons and I wasn't even a new driver. I just feel I've reached a plateau with my driving and there's nothing more I can do as we've covered everything a million times over and done all the test routes. I have my test in September and I got that test in February after months of trying to get one.

I’m the same OP. I passed 5th time with about as many minors as you are allowed 20 years ago. Moved to London soon after and didn’t drive for years. I now NEED to drive so I’ve had some lessons on automatic. Much prefer it to manual but still dread the idea of going out on my own. My advice is little and often. I’m going to get a car and stick to the same short/local routes to start, and then slowly venture further afield. I’m crap at parking but have decided that if I can at least drive into a bay forwards I should be ok for now. I have been watching some of the conquer driving videos on you tube and I must say, they are helpful. I don’t like it but feel like I’m getting to a point where I’ll be able to do it for the sake of enhancing our lives. Good luck!

It seems like all the key things required for good driving.. focus, concentration, spatial awareness, good judgement, quick thinking and forward planning are all the things I'm rubbish at. 😬

I hate driving! I’m dyspraxic and have zero spatial awareness. But the freedom it gives me is amazing. Please don’t give up!

Do you have an automatic car at home? If so, does your dh go out with you driving that? Or are you only driving during lessons?

No one is a good driver when they just pass their test. It all comes with practice. In an automatic though it’s only in P when you have parked though. Rest of time it is in D when going forwards or R when reversing. I think you maybe overthinking it and it’s compounding you feeling you can’t do it. It is a skill but let’s face it, it can’t be that hard if tens of millions of people can do it.

You won’t stall in an automatic anyway. I also passed in a manual and drove one for 27 years and had an automatic for 5 years, I’m not going back! (I can and do still drive my husbands manual if I need to though!)

I did. I had lessons at 17 with an instructor that made inappropriate comments and insulted my driving and I gave up. I was terrified of everything! Narrow lanes, other cars, speed!

I never wanted to drive again and I lived in an urban area with plenty of public transport so it wasn’t an issue.

about 3 years ago though we moved rural, and my DH was diagnosed with cancer rendering him bedbound. After about a year of being reliant on other people yet us having a car just sitting there I decided to bite the bullet.

So, I started again in October last year. I had a 2 hour lesson weekly and went out with my friend weekly for practice. I took my test in April this year and passed first time.

I made a point of booking an hour ‘taster’ lesson to see what I remembered and if I gelled with the instructor. I explained my fears etc and we literally worked through them one at a time. Some things I spent hours on, making sure I totally got it. Other things came easily. I took a manual test as I have a manual car, but I sometimes drive my DHs BIG motability auto and it’s really easy to drive!

Honestly though, it’s revolutionised my life! I only passed April 29th so I consider myself a ‘learner driver’ still,but everytime I go out! And every new experience on the roads helps me learn a bit more.

Doesnt sound like your instructor is right for you though. Consider trying another one that understands you better.

I’m 52 btw, so better late than never!

Yep, this is me. My issue isn’t operating a car, it’s purely mental. Reaction times, observational skills, ability to process and respond to multiple hazards/situations, spatial awareness…you can’t teach these things. I had literally hundreds of hours of lessons between 17-25 and never got any better at it, in fact it stressed me out even more the more I tried and I’d come away from each lesson with a stress-induced migraine. Failed 5 tests. I’ve just accepted it’s not something I’ll ever be able to do. I have diagnosed ADHD.

I see this in ds - I don’t know how many lessons he had - I lost count. But I look him out to practice for 10 hours a week for quite a few months in an automatic- he passed but he isn’t confident. He uses p plates, he’s a good driver generally but he slips up occasionally, he’s not wreakless, he follows road rules and he’s careful. The more hours behind the wheel the better he gets - like everyone but it is taking him longer.

Are you learning in an electric automatic? Ds did his lessons in a Petrol auto - but we had a fully electric, it was so much easier, he said his instructor’s car was so clunky - he took his test in our car - he has ADHD and I think it was a big part of his struggles. We aimed for everything he did in driving to be practiced to the point of being second nature, so he could spend time thinking about the road and other drivers. It was hard for him, he passed first time though but he isn’t confident, and is very much aware of being still a learner.

You CAN do it! Agree with PP that you’re overthinking it but I totally empathise.

I started learning to drive in my mid thirties and it took me about a year and a half to feel confident enough to book my test. Some people take to it quickly, some people (like me) take time for things to really click into place. But I passed and now love driving and I NEVER thought I’d say that. I remember counting down the minutes until my lesson was finished even the day before my test!

Keep going. Progress isn’t always linear. The sense of achievement you’ll have will be worth it. I could barely do left turns when I first started lessons and now drive on motorways etc. if I can do it, believe me, you can!