Grade 1 breast cancer

[ohdoriswheresthesalad]

I have been diagnosed with grade 1 Non specific type breast cancer today with dcis in situ. Lymph nodes clear from ultrasound.

I am massively worried. has anyone had any experience of this?

• [Title and first post edited at OP's request - originally titled Stage 1 breast cancer]

I can’t even think of that. I can’t even think beyond my results on the 18th cos I’ve convinced myself now the mri is going to show my boob is riddled and I’m gonna need a single mastectomy. I can’t talk to anyone in real life as I need to pretend to be strong and calm for everyone else.

And then here again, like me, several years later.

having bought too many fuckit outfits 😬

I’ve got so much to do before Xmas I need to wrap do cards all that jazz but I keep thinking what’s the point. Xmas is ruined cos of this stupid fucking cancer and i can’t not do a thing to make it better

it is really hard I know. Scanxiety. That too gets better over time

Do you mean your cancer came back that’s why you’re here now?

No I’m here telling you it’s ok. My last scans were fine. And I fell asleep in my mri. It was like mini break from the week I’d had!

They can say all the right things to me but all I hear is doom. Doom and sadness and people looking at me with pity, my parents looking and soaking to me like I’m about to fall of this mortal planet.
my partner keeps staring at me thinking I need to remember what she looks like. Everyone I’ve told so far has been pitying me saying omg I’m so sorry I wish I could help you blah blah keep well, you’ll fight this, you’ll win this battle.

Oh ok good I panicked for you for a second!!

some of the attitudes and language around it all doesn’t help.

could they be concerned? What would you most want from them right now?

you can say what you need

I want people to act like this is a blip in the road. Not to panic. Not to say insensitive things like you’ll fight this, it’s a battle you’ll win. Surely I don’t need to fight anything? The lump will be removed with surrounding tissue I’ll have the treatment based on the results of that and monitoring?
when people say things I panic. Everyone around me panics I panic.

Spot on.

the battle language is not helpful

c and p what you’ve just written and text it to them

FWIW I’m sure there’s a lot of articles about the battle fight language but I’m struggling to find one. I think there may have been a thread on mn at one point.

But they need to do the work and Google what’s most helpful. Not you.

then they need to make you a nice cup of cocoa and a hot water bottle.

@ohdoriswheresthesaladi found that I had to control the narrative really early on. My DP is a catastrophiser. He burst into uncontrollable tears in my meeting where I was told I had Grade 1 cancer. I had to tell him very firmly that his response is not helpful for me. I made sure I gathered the information and articulated it as positively as I could to friends and family. There was no hesitation in my update that I feel positive because I know that the overall prognosis with treatment is positive. I don’t put up with the sad eyes and the woeful responses.
Make it very clear to people that you are being positive because on the whole, that is really where you are in terms of your diagnosis.
completely get your anxiety but how others respond is really going to shape how you manage this in the longer term.

I’m not fighting a battle. Other poor woman are fighting cancer who are in a worse position than me. But the more people make out it’s bad I freak out!

You need a sad face jar.

Anyone pulling a sad face must put a tenner in for your 40th birthday party outfit

you’re right, it’s just a blip in the road

I think this is some of my issue.
my sister is the only one who has respected my wishes about how we talk about it. I keep saying please don’t use the c word. And yet they still keep using it.
keep positive - well that isn’t going to help
u is it.

That is a bloody excellent idea 🤣
as soon as I think ok this is gonna be ok after talking to you guys and thinking ok this is not as bad as I’m thinking something comes and turns it on its head and I’m back to square 1. I laughed at your comment then a feeling of impending doom come to my stomach as if it was saying why are you laughing when you have cancer! That’s what it feels like

it’s very well known now that the battle language is incredibly unhelpful for anyone who is dealing with cancer diagnosis and treatment.

Make it clear those around you understand that and do their own learning as to why.

you’re not able to deal with their emotions as well as yours!

@Ikeameatballlunch this is it. I’m trying to be careful what I say in real life to everyone and my language to spare others feelings but are they sparing mine? No.
I don’t think my mum believed me when I said about the positive outcome, they are confident etc.

yes - I started apologising when I told people, which was ridiculous. It gets easier. As I said upthread, this is why some just put out a blanket announcement on social media.

(I’d add a ban on sad face emojis though if you decide to do that!)

You can totally laugh- it is the best medicine after all!

I made the WORST dark humour jokes at some of my appointments out of nervousness 😬 oh and was a high as a bloody kite after the op for ages. What ever I was given plus the builders tea made for some special ramblings…

my panic was about coming off hrt. I couldn’t see how on earth I’d cope. But I did and have even been better than I was when on hrt thanks to lifestyle changes. But I simply couldn’t see or understand that at the time.

I made some jokes in the ultrasound which I look back now and think why did I say that 🤦‍♀️
I think I said if it’s worse case and I need a mastectomy do you do reconstructive as well? She said yes I said cool can you make the other smaller and the the dead one the same size? Boob job on the nhs has to be a perk no?

im mortified now its not even funny 🥴

I think I said as well to the nurse on the phone im lived about the mri time im due to have my eyelashes done for Xmas, and my nails. So I could potentially have no eyelashes and look like a mole, no nails and no fucking left boob for Xmas what a treat Santa will have Xmas Eve 😳

I think people think I can’t do anything. My friends and family have asked me to cancel the stuff we have planned cos “it’s not appropriate now” which then makes me think oh god I shouldn’t be going out etc having fun or anything as it’s not right?

How does this sound if someone is patronising and says about battles and fights -

Thank you, but I’m not using the words fight or battle.
I’m just having some abnormal cells removed and a bit of treatment after.
It’s being handled, and I’m focusing on getting back to normal

is that what I’m having?

I absolutely despise the Macmillan advert with that stupid loud obnoxious tune. All these bald ladies crying in sync. So patronising. I have to mute it or turn over whenever it comes on.
My mother has stage 3 breast cancer in 2016. Double mastectomy, some chemo and now on hormone tablets for life. Never let it bother her, but hated being told she would 'win this fight' and 'you are so brave'.
She has been clear every year since and continues life as if it never happened 🙂

That’s such good news about your mum bless her.
you’re right about the advert. There is no need is there!

I don’t think you have to cancel anything tbh; I doubt your op will be before Xmas. Make the most of it all!

word of warning; they have to stick cod liver oil tablets on your nipples for the mri. Helps them show up on the imaging. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I quite like joking about that with ppl; their faces are a picture when you tell them 😈