My mother

[TealSwan]

My 86 year old mother has been in hospital having tests and she has some cancer lumps on her liver , they say that's it's not the primary one and it's somewhere else.having a full scan Monday to see where else it is.im absolutely heartbroken. I've not long since I lost my dad , just wondering if anyone else parents have been through the same thing and how long they got given to live.

Sorry to hear this- it really is a rollercoaster isn’t it. I hope your Mum is comfortable and pain free and you do whatever feels right to you in these times. There are no rights or wrongs- just whatever is right for you and your Mum X

so sorry OP there’s just nothing like a bond with a fantastic mum. I hope you have some support ?

Been to see her today she's barely hanging on but she very stubborn. She grabbed my hand today and said no arguing when I've gone.i said to her I wouldn't. Then she said she's just wants to go to bed with my dad. I said to her well hopefully if him upstairs will let me in I will come and find you and she said no me and your dad will come for you and also she said she will look after baby Lilly my daughter lost her a couple of years ago. I was absolutely sobbing.mums eh.

So sorry OP. It is devastating. Your mum sounds brave and loved and loving, and that will carry her through.

Oh my, your mum is being a mum as long as she can be, making you feel better, what a blessing she must be. I hope you find comfort in such loving words from her. So sorry.

Been to see her again today I'm one of six only one who's been yet so not sure on the excuses of the other five brothers and sisters. I don't have a lot of free cash but going up as much as I can it's about 20 pounds in taxis but mums priceless so she's definitely worth it.shes done no fight left think it's awful just laying there wishing to pass away .. held my hand again and told me she loves me I was a sobbing wreck...😭💔

@TealSwangutted for you. I am yet to experience anything worse than grief from a mother’s death. Hang in there

She's still hanging on but she says she's no fight left in her.always grabs my hand when I sit by her bed we've had some right heartbreaking conversations.i watched my dad die in 2021. Now my mum. It's awful just seeing her laying there waiting to die 😭 💔

I’m so sorry. Although the wait is hard just being by her side and holding her hand is a privilege. Tell her all the things you want her to know. Remind her of some happy times - when she is asleep just be still in her presence. I hope you are there till the end - my mum slipped away when we had left the room so did my dad 20 years later but I treasure the hours I sat with them though at the time it was hard. Take care x

I don't go up at weekends as I've an 18 year old with special needs and I don't think it's a place for him anyway. he wouldn't be going to the funeral as he won't understand . Can't get to see her until weds now but I ring every day.

She's still here just about hanging on I'm going to see her tomorrow,but my eldest son says she's not eating or drinking at all. I told her last week if you want to go mum you can as my dad will be waiting for her ,it's awful just laying there waiting to pass away you wouldn't let a dog suffer but yet humans have to.

Sorry to hear things are declining with your Mum and it’s so upsetting to see. I hope you have support for yourself and your mum is pain free X

My mother passed away this morning about 6:30am they rang me eldest son about 5:30 and said she was going downhill fast . I couldn't get there untill after 9am .but my oldest son was with her when she passed but,I'm absolutely devastated 😭 💔 heartbroken doesn't cut it I'm so lost not stopped crying since I got home from her care home. Rip mum xx

I'm so sorry. Cry all the tears you need but try and rest and eat/drink a little too. Even if it's just tiny sips of water. Sending you love

Sorry for your loss op 🌸You will have been a great comfort to your Mum since her diagnosis and have been a wonderful daughter to her 🌸

So sorry to hear this. I hope they can at least make her comfortable in the time she has left. Spend time with her making special memories.

So sorry just spotted your update. 💐

Thanks

Thanks

Sorry to hear about your Mum X

My mother has not been embalmed.so they funeral directors have advised come see now before she gets too bad, now I'm torn in two because I wanted to say my final goodbyes ,but don't want to see her if shes bad .I really don't know what to do.

Sorry Teal I just saw this. What a hard time for you I’m so sorry you lost your mum ❤️
Did you decide to go see her?

Been told to see her sooner than later as she's not getting embalmed... So note 100% sure saw her when she had passed away.💔😭

There are no rights or wrongs in this situation. Do what feels right to you. Most importantly she knew you were there for her at the end X

Oh, that's difficult. If you saw her shortly after she died and you're worried about possibly seeing her looking worse, would it be an option for you to have some time alone with her in her closed casket? If you just want a chance alone to talk to her and say goodbye privately?

I'm not sure if it helps, but I can share my experience in case your gut reaction helps you with weighing up what would be right for you. Like you I wasn't with my mum at the moment she died either, but I did have some time to sit with her a few hours later before the undertakers collected her. I originally wanted to go and see her again before the funeral but didn't in the end for various reasons. I think I still would have wanted another chance to see her even if I had gone, so I personally am glad that I didn't. I never felt ready to say goodbye and I personally would have found it harder having to do so multiple times. We're all different though.

Your mum knew you were there for her and loved her. Nothing can change that, whatever you decide.

There are no perfect answers in these situations, just make the least bad decision you can and be kind to yourself whatever you decide.