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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Original poster

Best friend has just been diagnosed with cancer

37 replies

IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 14:21

My best friend has just called me to tell me she was diagnosed with stage 1 endometrial cancer this morning.

I am so angry and heartbroken and feel utterly useless. I want to do everything I can to support her. I hate that there's nothing of any use I can do.

Please let me know what I can do to support her, as well as things to avoid.

OP posts:
devastatedagain · 17/01/2025 14:23

Do what you've always done - except do more of it and more often.

As a cancer sufferer, thats what I would want from a friend.

Original poster
IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 14:30

devastatedagain · 17/01/2025 14:23

Do what you've always done - except do more of it and more often.

As a cancer sufferer, thats what I would want from a friend.

Thank you❤I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

OP posts:
ramonaquimby · 17/01/2025 14:32

Juat ask her. I hated the phone calls, messages or texts that all started with 'just checking in'. Or the head tilts 'how are you?' Some people were googling stuff and telling me about outcomes/what I could expect. I mean, wtf??
also. No flowers. I had so many flowers , I actually cried at the delivery of one order as they were constant reminders of what I was going through. Threw those ones straight into bin.

food vouchers were nice. We could choose. Less nice was home cooked meals as then felt obligated to eat them.
it's all so personal, but the best thing is just to ask your friend
wishing her the best

Shetlands · 17/01/2025 14:33

Breast cancer survivor here. Obviously you'll be giving her emotional support but on a practical level, offering to drive her to and from appointments is a great help as it means she can relax on the journeys. Depending on the sort of treatment she'll be having, during those times she might appreciate help with some batch cooking, cleaning, shopping, dog-walking, child-care etc. Offer to take her out for coffee/lunch or a trip to somewhere she likes visiting.

Cynic17 · 17/01/2025 14:39

Just carry on as normal. Talk about the things you always talk about. As she is Stage 1, it should all be pretty straightforward, however even when my friend was at Stage 4 we still made a point of talking about The Archers (as we both listened every day).

Don't be patronising and don't be sentimental. Introduce a bit of "black humour", if you think that would work for her.

MorrisZapp · 17/01/2025 14:44

So sorry to hear that. She's your best friend so just keep communicating in your usual way, over the phone, messaging or whatever is usual. Ask her how she'd like to be supported. Some people just want to crack on and keep as much normality as possible, others will prefer to talk it all out and offload emotions. She knows you well so follow her lead. Does she have a supportive partner?

Winniethewee98 · 17/01/2025 14:47

Oh that’s so terrible. How old is she? Is she trying to juggle kids etc? Offer some practical help maybe x

AnnaMagnani · 17/01/2025 14:48

Just ask her but please don't go overboard on doom and gloom.

Stage 1 endometrial cancer is entirely curable.

She'll have her treatment and then get on with the rest of her life, cancer slowly becoming a distant memory.

Maddy70 · 17/01/2025 14:49

Please don't fuss over her. It drove me mad. I wanted my best friend so I could have laughs but she would fuss and get upset over my illness

I felt I was supporting her ;)

Be whi you've always been , laugh a lot , arrange to go out for lunch etc treat her normally

Original poster
IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 15:04

ramonaquimby · 17/01/2025 14:32

Juat ask her. I hated the phone calls, messages or texts that all started with 'just checking in'. Or the head tilts 'how are you?' Some people were googling stuff and telling me about outcomes/what I could expect. I mean, wtf??
also. No flowers. I had so many flowers , I actually cried at the delivery of one order as they were constant reminders of what I was going through. Threw those ones straight into bin.

food vouchers were nice. We could choose. Less nice was home cooked meals as then felt obligated to eat them.
it's all so personal, but the best thing is just to ask your friend
wishing her the best

Thank you, food vouchers is a great idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 15:07

MorrisZapp · 17/01/2025 14:44

So sorry to hear that. She's your best friend so just keep communicating in your usual way, over the phone, messaging or whatever is usual. Ask her how she'd like to be supported. Some people just want to crack on and keep as much normality as possible, others will prefer to talk it all out and offload emotions. She knows you well so follow her lead. Does she have a supportive partner?

Thank you.

Yes, her fiancée (who she lives with) is lovely and will be an excellent support.

OP posts:
Original poster
IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 15:09

Winniethewee98 · 17/01/2025 14:47

Oh that’s so terrible. How old is she? Is she trying to juggle kids etc? Offer some practical help maybe x

She's 34. No children, and sadly she's been told it's likely she will need a hysterectomy. She wasn't sure whether or not she wanted children, but having the decision taken away from her like this is so fucking cruel.

OP posts:
Original poster
IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 15:11

AnnaMagnani · 17/01/2025 14:48

Just ask her but please don't go overboard on doom and gloom.

Stage 1 endometrial cancer is entirely curable.

She'll have her treatment and then get on with the rest of her life, cancer slowly becoming a distant memory.

I really hope you're right.

OP posts:
TheDogsMother · 17/01/2025 15:19

Your friend will probably be feeling very shocked as she processes the news so to have a good friend ready to listen would be a great support. As a previous poster said, stage 1 is entirely treatable so the prognosis is good.

I had the same diagnosis at the end of 2023, had a total hysterectomy a year ago today and am feeling great.

Original poster
IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 15:50

TheDogsMother · 17/01/2025 15:19

Your friend will probably be feeling very shocked as she processes the news so to have a good friend ready to listen would be a great support. As a previous poster said, stage 1 is entirely treatable so the prognosis is good.

I had the same diagnosis at the end of 2023, had a total hysterectomy a year ago today and am feeling great.

Thank you for sharing- I'm so glad you have recovered and are feeling great now. I very much hope she's in the same position a year from now.

I just feel incredibly sad for her that, on top of the cancer diagnosis itself, the most likely treatment (the hysterectomy) will take away her ability to have children. She was undecided, but has been leaning towards having them over the last few years.

Do you mind me asking if you had any chemotherapy or radiotherapy in addition to the hysterectomy? Obviously please don't feel you have to reply.

OP posts:
Boffle · 17/01/2025 15:58

Breast cancer survivor here, surgery, chemo and radiotherapy.
I've seen these threads before and the problem is that we are all different, even cancer patients.
I would have loved flowers and more contact from friends.
Some "friends" melt away and you never hear a peep.
The good ones are those that still support you months later when you are still going through it but everyone else is bored by it.

She will have endless appointments, scans and treatment. I never wanted company for chemo and was glad it wasn't allowed at my hospital but the odd lift to and fro would have been helpful.

One of the kindest things a friend did was to go with me to get a wig fitted. She made it a fun day with lunch and was blunt and honest about the wigs I looked at.

TheDogsMother · 17/01/2025 16:02

@IButtleSir Ask anything you like.

It is incredibly sad that your friend has had her choices regarding children taken away from her. I'm older so this wasn't an issue but I have always felt desperately sad for younger women for this reason.

Prior to the operation they said if they found any stray cells they would do some radiotherapy but thankfully it wasn't required. Outcomes for this type of cancer at this stage are very good and I haven't heard of one requiring chemotherapy. As the cancerous cells are in the endometrium with a hysterectomy it is removed in its entirety. Often there isn't even any follow up programme and my consultant said she rarely puts these cases onto the five year follow up.

If she hasn't already your friend could contact MacMillan and their website is extremely helpful. There are also forums on there to chat to women who are going through the same.

ramonaquimby · 17/01/2025 16:03

IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 15:50

Thank you for sharing- I'm so glad you have recovered and are feeling great now. I very much hope she's in the same position a year from now.

I just feel incredibly sad for her that, on top of the cancer diagnosis itself, the most likely treatment (the hysterectomy) will take away her ability to have children. She was undecided, but has been leaning towards having them over the last few years.

Do you mind me asking if you had any chemotherapy or radiotherapy in addition to the hysterectomy? Obviously please don't feel you have to reply.

Show quote history

I know this isn't directed at me, but after my full hysterectomy I've needed additional radiotherapy (brachytherapy) treatments as cancer had spread. I'm stage 2. They have been ok. Things look pretty good though I'm struggling with a medical menopause as I can't take HRT

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 17/01/2025 16:10

My best friend had a similar cancer except hers was much more serious. I visited every week and told her daft things about my family. I messaged her every day or she messaged me. We bemoaned Trump and Boris etc and spoke about anything. I held her hand when she cried and hugged her partner when he cried. I was led by her. If she wanted to talk about it, then I listened. I spoke about things we had done together and how much she meant to me.

JoJothegerbil · 17/01/2025 16:13

I've had stage one endometrial cancer, albeit I was a bit older at 48. She's very young to have this type of cancer so I hope it's been suggested that she gets tested for Lynch Syndrome. I have this, diagnosed after my cancer. It's a genetic condition which raises the risk of other cancers; bowel and ovarian amongst others.

Practically, when I was diagnosed, I just wanted a shoulder to cry on. I had lots of flowers sent to me, and while it was a lovely thought, they just reminded me that I had cancer all the time.

On a positive note, early endometrial cancer is very treatable. I'm nearly five years on now, and apart from regular bowel screening because of Lynch, I'm fine.

Lorrymum · 17/01/2025 16:22

My friend is still going through her treatment.
She kept it to herself other than myself and her family for several months. When she finally told other people she couldn't stand the pity and sympathy. I was led by her. I know she hates fuss and I would ring, text or just meet for coffee as usual.If she wanted to talk about her treatment we would but usually she just wanted to talk about anything else.
She is your best friend and you will know what she needs from you.

Original poster
IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 16:36

TheDogsMother · 17/01/2025 16:02

@IButtleSir Ask anything you like.

It is incredibly sad that your friend has had her choices regarding children taken away from her. I'm older so this wasn't an issue but I have always felt desperately sad for younger women for this reason.

Prior to the operation they said if they found any stray cells they would do some radiotherapy but thankfully it wasn't required. Outcomes for this type of cancer at this stage are very good and I haven't heard of one requiring chemotherapy. As the cancerous cells are in the endometrium with a hysterectomy it is removed in its entirety. Often there isn't even any follow up programme and my consultant said she rarely puts these cases onto the five year follow up.

If she hasn't already your friend could contact MacMillan and their website is extremely helpful. There are also forums on there to chat to women who are going through the same.

Thank you so much for this information, I really appreciate you sharing.

OP posts:
Original poster
IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 16:40

ramonaquimby · 17/01/2025 16:03

I know this isn't directed at me, but after my full hysterectomy I've needed additional radiotherapy (brachytherapy) treatments as cancer had spread. I'm stage 2. They have been ok. Things look pretty good though I'm struggling with a medical menopause as I can't take HRT

Show quote history

Thank you very much for sharing. I'm really glad your prognosis is good, although the medical menopause sounds horrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
IButtleSir · 17/01/2025 16:42

JoJothegerbil · 17/01/2025 16:13

I've had stage one endometrial cancer, albeit I was a bit older at 48. She's very young to have this type of cancer so I hope it's been suggested that she gets tested for Lynch Syndrome. I have this, diagnosed after my cancer. It's a genetic condition which raises the risk of other cancers; bowel and ovarian amongst others.

Practically, when I was diagnosed, I just wanted a shoulder to cry on. I had lots of flowers sent to me, and while it was a lovely thought, they just reminded me that I had cancer all the time.

On a positive note, early endometrial cancer is very treatable. I'm nearly five years on now, and apart from regular bowel screening because of Lynch, I'm fine.

Thank you for sharing- I'm so glad you're fine.

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 17/01/2025 16:44

Just be there. Send treats or visit when she wants. Do not be too gushing or teary. My friend at times got a bit angry about it all so we had Tuesday rant club on WhatsApp where she could just say things like actually this is shit, i feel crap but with me giving no answers or solutions. Just a safe space. As she felt stronger I then used it to rant. Remember some days she may not feel like talking.