Is chemo always tough?

[peebles32]

My mother in law is about to have chemo pallitaxel and carboplatin. Besides this she is having immunotherapy alongside it before surgery for an aggressive lung tumour.
She think she will be ok after chemo and be able to carry on as normal and is refusing any help.
I am aware some people are ok but surely the majority aren't. She knows her hair will fall out and may be abit sick but she won't let me put any support in place. My brother in law has offered to stay with her and she won't let him.
So, I have little experience of cancer and chemo except a friend who found it tough and said it was horrendous.
Can anyone tell me what it is like the days after chemo and immunotherapy so I can plan in advance what might be needed?
She is so stubborn!

Mine was pretty rough tbh.

However you need to leave it up to her.

Cancer is bloody scary, and so many choices are removed while you go through it, so to override her choices and decide you're helping anyway may really upset her.

I also wanted space during mine and I really wouldn't have appreciated someone staying and fussing.

Just make sure that you message her, and offer specific things like going to the shop, making food, cleaning etc. She will accept if she's struggling.

I know it's scary from your side too, and you want to be doing something to help out, which is lovely of you, but it needs to come from her.

I had chemo 3 weeks apart. First week after I was really tired but could easily cook for myself something easy and the second and third week I was just tired. (and all my hair fell out). Any nausea I didn't notice as I got anti-sickness meds. I worked half days.
The Immunotherapy I had at a different time which did affect my kidneys and gave me an underactive thyroid so I couldn't stay on it. I didn't work during that due to the thyroid issue (although didn't know that was the issue at the time).
Many people work through chemo, many don't. Nothing you can do or should plan to do except perhaps have a stock of homemade soup in case her appetite isn't the best so she can just stick it in the microwave. It's lovely you're thinking of what to do but just take her lead on it.

It's pretty gruelling. You can still function. But just feel like shit. And it goes on for a long time and the effects are cumulative so you do feel pretty rough by the end of it.

Thanks for your replies. She is 70 and I believe it hits you a little bit harder when you are over 65.
It sounds dreadful and I suppose I will just have to respect her wishes.
I think it's just that I hate the thought of someone going through this by themselves. It's hard enough knowing you have cancer and time to overthink on your own. She did not take the diagnosis well and keeps breaking down which is why I am concerned.

The same it is going to be three weeks apart.

Hi Op,

A family friend is going through chemo ( a lot younger than your MIL). She was really optimistic that she would be ok and essentially refused to accept any help (e.g., family staying over). Unfortunately, she really struggles for the first 4-5 days. Can’t cook, in pain, nauseated etc. Whilst it’s important to respect your MILs wishes, I think it would be helpful if you guys planned who can step into help if and when she needs the help.

I had the same drugs on a 3 weekly cycle (albeit at 37 not in my 70s) and found it ok. I was quite bleurgh for a few days but then fine for the rest. My chemo was a Thursday, I'd be fine by the Tuesday. I would feel quite sick, tired, achey and just gross all weekend and did enjoy having someone to cook and clean but could've managed myself. I actually went back to work WFH full time after round 3 and managed well.

I think it's very much a wait and see, how the individual will cope or react.

@UnitedOps There are quite a few different types of anti-sickness meds so if your friends aren't working there are others available.

My dad had a totally different cancer but I wanted to add that he did, at one stage, go into septic shock quite fast.
if my mum hadn’t been with him it would’ve been fatal (as it was, the chemo gave him another 9 months of reasonable quality life so he was able to come to my wedding!).

I think it’s perfectly reasonable for your mum to want to assert her independence- and that fighting attitude that she won’t let it beat her will be important. On the other hand it’s reasonable for you to express your concern for her, and ask if she will promise to “let you help” as and when she needs it, and not let herself struggle. There is no point her wasting energy on housework and cooking when she could invest that energy in staying well.

Chemo and the concept of how long the treatment has to run, can make you feel low in spirits too, I think, so she should make sure she has someone to unload on and to help keep her as positive as possible.

Wish you and your family all the best on a difficult journey ahead

My mother’s gone straight into chemo after 7 weeks of radiotherapy. The first session of chemo has hit her like a ten ton truck.

Her second session is Friday. She’s exhausted but functioning, but has now admitted she really can’t be bothered with anything and everything feels like hard work. I live close enough to drop off some meals but I can see the decline.
I know she found trudging around the supermarket very difficult but insisted she had to go with my father.

It’s very difficult to be the bystander @peebles32 and find the balance.

I still managed to hold down a full-time job between my chemo sessions, but I also had plenty of days where I couldn't get out of bed or times I needed to stay in hospital. It's impossible to tell how any person will react, it is really for them to experience and find out.

My Dad had chemo for lung cancer, he didn’t seem to have any side effects apart from being sleepy, but he was 86. My father in law had chemo for bowel cancer, every Monday for several weeks, Tuesday and Wednesday he just stayed in bed feeling rough, but a bit better by Thursday. Friday to Sunday he was fine, he was 65.

My DM had the pax one and it was rough. She was stage 4 and it was to buy some time but she couldn’t take more than one dose, she had ‘the rigors’ after that one .

My DM had intensive chemo last year for an aggressive cancer. She's mid-70s. She handled it really well - the main issues were a couple of nasty infections between cycles and a horrid taste in her mouth the whole time. We kept her topped up with mints! The tiredness was generally manageable for her and she didn't really have any nausea.

And the best news is that we just heard she seems to have beaten the bastard thing 🙌

I felt the same-I had chemo and radiotherapy nine years ago and I had two different immunotherapies in the last 3 years.Chemo was tough-especially the taxel ones-and I have had to stop both immunotherapy early because of potentially fatal side effects s as nd I’ve been left with organ damage .I would let her be for now.it may be her way of coping but you might find she asks for help once treatment is underway

Dh had that combination, it was tough and he'd had cancer before as a teenager.

A family member is on a 3 week cycle at the moment. He is 79 and usually fit and healthy. He finds the first week really tough and needs help, he can manage most things in the second week and is fine in the third week. It may be that she just needs a little help or can manage with some planning (deliveries, pre prepped meals etc) in the first week.

This has all really helped. The first lot of treatment is tomorrow so I will keep an eye on her for a few days and just check in.

Sounds like most people have had some sort of struggle but we will see. The consultants seem to breeze over the immunotherapy it I know that can cause some complications it really is a case of wait and see.

I felt ok on the immunotherapy compared to the chemo but I did lose over 2 stone in weight on that so even that was pretty intense too.

Each and every person reacts and deal ls with cancer differently. Chemo
for me, was 15 years ago, I was 38 with tiny kids and it was bloody brutal if I'm honest.

15 years on and the fucker is back. Different treatment this time, different side effects and scared as fuck because it's travelled to my lung.

Take each day as it comes. There may be good and bad days ahead.,

I think that one is known to Be a tough combo though.

Let her try, she’ll probably need help eventually but you have to let people find out themselves.

It is tough. I too had chemo 3 weeks apart. The first week after was awful and spent mostly in bed. Week 2 I could potter around the house a bit and Week 3 I just felt exhausted but stronger. I certainly think someone needs to be ‘on call’ if only for moral support. Hope that helps.

I'm probably a bit of an outlier here. I had four cycles of chemo for breast cancer (also Paclitaxel). I used a cooling cap for my hair (which meant I kept about 90% of it). I found it fine. I didn't have any sickness fortunately but I found the steroids difficult as they made me very hungry and my skin very blotchy. What I did do was speed walk 3 miles to the hospital and then the same home after treatment. I was told that this would mitigate many of the side effects and it worked a treat. I was already fit. I was 50 at the time. I was very fortunate to be honest.

To add, I also had a year of weekly immunotherapy injections and had no side effects at all. I avoided alcohol completely during chemo as it didn't feel like the right thing to do but that was all. She may well be fine. She might not. You need to let her find out for herself and know she can ask for help. My friend put a brilliant basket together for me with blanket, woolly socks, books, lip balm, hand cream, Simple hair and body products, boiled sweets. I was cold during treatment even though it was lockdown summer and I really appreciated being able to snuggle up while having my treatment. I also took food. Keeping my stomach full helped a lot.

I think it must vary between people. I know people who found it very tough but also another person who worked the whole way through their treatment, with just time off to have the treatment.