Child strangled at school

[Starlight987]

My son who’s 7 was involved in a serious incident at lunchtime last week. Another child put both hands around his neck in a chokehold my son said he couldn’t breathe, and other children witnessed it. He was left with a red mark on his neck.

I met with the headteacher and safeguarding lead. They acknowledged the neck-grabbing but described it as “rough play” and said it was “a reflection matter, not an exclusion matter.” They also told me it wasn’t classed as strangulation. The other child has only been given a reflection consequence and the school insists it doesn’t go further than that.

I feel this minimises the seriousness of what happened and that the school are brushing it under the carpet. I’ve already reported the incident to the police so that is on record. I have also spoken to social services but they said they can’t do much without me giving them the child’s full name and surname or address which I don’t know, I only know his name. My son has been complaining about this child since he was in year 1 and there have been multiple incidents where he has hurt my child. The school has previously said they will keep a close eye on them and again have said today they can’t control other children’s actions.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? Should I escalate straight to governors, or wait until after a second meeting with the head later this week?

@SprayWhiteDung It’s not a safeguarding issue as we now understand it. Behaviour like this is dealt with by schools following their behaviour policy and possibly their sen policy. They won’t be looking at the safeguarding policy in this instance.

The schools minimising and reluctance to put things in writing is not exactly reassuring is it.

TBH even if this child does appear on SS radar, and the school agree to watch him more closely etc you still know now that this child is a real danger to your child.

I think in your shoes I would move my child. It's a real shame to have to do this, but safety is the first thing. He's not going to learn well with a child in his space that has strangled him, threatened to stab him, etc. 😢 Plus you know you can't trust the school.

Non fatal strangulation is a very serious offence carrying a sentence in the adult court starting at around 18 months custody. This offence is also treated very seriously in children so no suprise that the police are following up
I agree that the school is handling this badly and as PP have said , you should escalate this to the highest level . Also please get your DS checked out with his GP as the non visible injuries of strangulation can be serious & long lasting

My advice is to enrol your son into martial arts. My DGD has been doing Tai Kwondo for 5 years and a boy attempted to strangle her (not in school) I'm pleased to say he never tried it again.
Its a great way to instil confidence in children and in this day and age they need to be able to defend themselves

He’s already been doing martial arts for some time but my poor boy said because he came from behind and put him in a chokehold he wasn’t able to defend himself

@Blogswife The police will do nothing about a 7 year old! There no action going to be taken because they are not an adult or old enough to understand the consequences. It’s down to the school to deal with the dc via their behaviour policy and the sanctions the head can impose. The op won’t get to interfere in this. Neither will SS. The op can contact the area LADO of course. However I usually find being clear about who can do what is the best way forward. Then if you don’t like the outcome and feel you are at a dead end, time to go to another school where there’s probably similar dc. Any dc learning marshal arts will be seen as a tough kid and up for it. That’s just how it is.

Sorry, but I don't accept that at all.

Any safeguarding policy that is worth anything whatsoever will be focused on guarding the safety of children (and other vulnerable people) from violence and other forms of abuse or neglect. The big clue is in the name of the policy.

If this same boy turned up at school in the morning with the same obvious strangulation marks around his throat, are you genuinely telling me that the school wouldn't instantly flag it as a safeguarding concern and investigate/report it to the authorities? Would they brush it off as his family giving each other 'rough hugs'?

Even though it could have been a similarly-aged sibling - who may also have SEN - who did it to him?

I don't believe a word of it.

If you are unhappy with the safeguarding response, then you feel the DSL/head are not safeguarding your child. Speak to the LADO at the council. Not social services.

ask if they have a risk assessment in place.

That's good news about your DGD... but do we really want to live in a world where little children have to be taught how to physically fight off attackers, because adults who run supposedly child-centred organisations aren't interested in protecting them, in case it looks bad for their own statistics?

Martial arts are great as a hobby, for fitness and for learning self-discipline; but they really shouldn't be the only way that children have available to them to stay safe.

Why don't we just take it to the logical conclusion and start sending our little kids into school with a big sharp knife, so that they can defend themselves in case of attack - because they learn that adults certainly won't do it for them? Is that what we truly want for our society?

This happened to my child the other week. Also aged 7 with the other kid the same age. Wouldn’t have occurred to me in a million years to go to the police tbh and I’m amazed they didn’t tell you to let school/governors deal with it in-house.

Some fussy parents just prefer not to have their children left terrified of attack at school and frightened for their life - as being able to breathe is traditionally very helpful in ensuring this.

Did you report it to the school? Did they just fob you off, deny that it had actually happened and tell you it was no big deal? Did you tell your child that school is just a place where you may be physically attacked and in fear, but you have no choice but to go there and just run along now and accept this?

In my case the school have minimised it at every turn and tried to brush it under the carpet. I’ve stood my ground because this was a chokehold around my son’s neck it’s not something I can just accept as “rough play.”

The police have actually been really supportive. They came to my house this morning, took full statements from both me and my child, and wrote everything down. They were completely in agreement with my concerns and confirmed that they will be going into the school to speak with staff and investigate further.

I’m fully aware the other child is under 10, but that’s not the point I reported it so there is a formal record in place should anything like this happen again. The officers said I had absolutely done the right thing, because it means there is now a documented trail and they can investigate beyond what a couple of teachers choose to say, especially given how much the school have already downplayed the incident.

The police still cannot tell the head what to do with this child.

This may well be the case but the school will not like the arrival of the police and the fact that the police consider it a serious attack might just make them realise that what they like to downplay as rough play is not going to be accepted by others and that they need to do something about their safeguarding policies. Perhaps - shock, horror, - they might even begin to realise that the victim is in need of sympathy and understanding rather than the vicious bully.

I don't disagree, but I also think turning this round and looking at it slightly differently, there is also scope to comment that sometimes these interventions are counter-productive and schools might find it easier to tackle things if given a bit more room to manoeuvre in order to do so.

They did not take statement from you and your child. The police would not take a statement from a 7 year old even if there was an evidential reason to do so (which there is not in this case). They would, if required conduct a video recorded interview. Sometimes I think people say police have taken statements when what they have actually done is listen and make some notes.

I’ve only called it a statement because that’s the wording the police call handler used when speaking to me. I’m fully aware my son is only 7 and that the police wouldn’t be taking a formal statement from him in the same way as an adult. What happened is that the officer came to my home, spoke with me, took down the details of the incident, and gave me a crime reference number.

@Violinist64 The school have a duty to educate the other child too unless the head, and only the head, decides to exclude him. This action has not been taken. Schools won’t give a fig about the police turning up. It’s just been given a crime number. This child needs to be handled by the school.

Honestly op .
i think it's clear there is no way back for you with this school. Have you thought about what you would want A safeguarding report to look like. Even if they allocated him a 1.1 ( which they would never do without him being allocated that resource) it's no guarantee that he wouldn't get away from his minder and hurt someone again, you see it on here all the time. They simply can't guarantee that your child will never be hurt by this child ever again.
The school are using different language to you about the incident and seem to think you're over reacting so I think you're best bet is to find a new school.
Kindly, the policeman was just been nice to you when he visited you. The police don't involve themselves in 7 year olds behaviour regardless of what he told you particularly when the school are classing it as a bit of rough play. You will simply look like the 'neurotic mother'
Dont waste your energy on this any more and find a few school ( maybe with a zero tolerance approach to bullying etc.

Definitely report to Ofsted. We had an awful incident in an Ofsted outstanding school when dd was 9 and only in retrospect discovered the school covered it up, didn’t report it to social services which they should have done due to the nature of it and didn’t document it fully because they would have lost their outstanding status. You should report directly to Ofsted as well as governors, social svs etc. That head teacher sounds as ineffectual as ours was and likely more concerned with the outstanding status than with child safety.

I hope your dc is ok. So sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s a terrifying feeling when you know your child isn’t safe at school.

@lizzyBennet08 Best advice - I agree. However a primary with zero tolerance of bullying isn’t actually possible. The school will have a bullying policy and there will be sanctions.

However if this dc has Sen, that’s a tightrope for the school too. They must take that into account. They are probably working with ds and parents already but the op won’t be told this. Most schools at primary level do this and it’s systematic bullying that the school must address. Thats not necessarily the same as one incident where both dc were playing. We don’t know what the exact behaviour profile of this DS is, but the op isn’t a fan of the school snd presumably DS doesn’t want to go back. They cannot force other dc out or get 1:1 supervision. So they should leave rather then seek retribution.