1st ginger comments

[RebeccaRedhat]

My daughter is 8. She is very shy, has high anxiety, doesn't get involved with much as she might need to talk to people to do that. I am asd and she is possibly too. She's also ginger.

She's came out of school heartbroken tonight because someone has called her something to do with her hair. She didn't hear what it was so someone else repeated it to her. She still didn't hear/understand, but then someone else piped up that its true, because her hair orange. I'm assuming ginger nut/carrot top or something along those lines.

Please help me approach this with the school . My son was bullied all the way through primary school and I believe they really let him down. I hate confrontation and due to my asd I struggle with my emotions. I need this stopped before it leads to anything else. Is it best to grab the teacher in the morning when there are kids and parents pottering about, send an email and ask for a call, go direct to the head? New head who did not deal with my son previously.

When you're nervous/concerned how do you not cry? I just fall to pieces and would really like to not do this as my daughter needs me right now!

Any tips?

What was said? My daughter has red hair, she calls it orange or ginger herself. It’s not meant in a derogatory way. It’s how she describes herself she says why do you say redhead when my hair is Orange 🍊 kids are literal . What we may feel is an insult due to how redheads were bullied when i was younger might not be how it is. She loves her hair as do I. Not sure what to report when you don’t have the facts, someone may have said you have orange hair or ginger which isn’t something to report . I’d say try be calm and chill unless it’s an ongoing problem where she is actually heard insults and maybe say to her to be calm and explain maybe they were saying your finger hair is fantastic which it is. If she sees you crying and flaking due to hearsay it’s not setting her up well.

Red heads are the best! Teach her some come backs: "Are you a comedian?" "You're funny." "Jealous?" "That's original." "Never heard that before.""Yawn."

If the bullying is getting worse then speak to her teacher. The NSPCC has good advice on their website on how to handle bullying.

Teach her to love her hair as it's gorgeous. She's very lucky.

@RebeccaRedhat you tell her everyday that she is beautiful, both inside and out and how the world would be a boring place if we were all the same.

Help her embrace her hair, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, as for the mean comments I’d have a word with the teacher xx

But what was actually said?? You don’t actually know that what was said was derogatory or unkind ( as far as I can tell). To go to the head, expecting him to do something about it, you need to know what actually happened. It’s very hard for them to do anything if all they’re going off is ‘she said something to me’
You need more info.

As others have said, you need to work on teaching her some comebacks/resilience because all the school involvement in the world, won't necessarily stop nasty comments of any kind.

But to answer you're question, if you're afraid of getting emotional I think an email is the best way to start the ball rolling.

This. She’s going to meet asshats all through life so teach her to have confidence and resilience so that she can be sure in her self. You can’t control what other people do or say but you do have power over how you feel yourself

sorry she felt they said something unkind though that’s really sad xxxx

I think instead of going to the school you need to work on building up her confidence and resilience.

You might need to dig deep because you say you fall to pieces and cry when you’re nervous, which isn’t really what you want for her, I’m sure.

Won’t be long before she’s off to secondary school and that’ll be a vipers nest. Do this now and give her a chance. Clubs, involvement with other kids to boost her interactions, and a few comebacks for the next time her hair is mocked.

You can't control what idiots say about her hair colour but you can really influence how she reacts.
Make sure she knows how beautiful her hair is. Tell her that people that make nasty comments are probably jealous. Try to fill her with so much confidence that she is really lucky that she has such a wonderful hair colour, then the horrible comments will just bounce off her.

Your opening statement of her is very negative and to top it off you finished it with ‘she’s also ginger’ like it’s a bad thing?
I’m a redhead, and my hair is beautiful.
i would work on building her up and showcasing what’s naturally wonderful about her.

Thanks for the advice.

I just mentioned to her teacher this morning and I said she was a little upset by a ginger comment from one of the boys yesterday, although we dont know exactly what said, she did say it didn't sound very nice and then a couple of then other girls were laughing at her. As a child with severe anxiety the fact that she still went to school today was a massive win for me!
It doesn't seem to matter how often we tell her, her hair is beautiful, she noticed herself that people comment on it and not on her blonde sister.
I am in no way negative to my daughter, I was just listing her vulnerabilities and why I think she may be an easy target, mainly because of the way she is, she will never speak to an adult at school or say anything back to a child. She just goes more into herself, it's how she copes.

Ah she'll realise as she grows that being a redhead means she will never blend into the background- she'll always stand out! And the boys that tease now will be changing their tune 😂
I'm a redhead. Teach her to love it, tell her people remark on it because it is remarkable. You can't stop people doing it but you can try to bolster her through it.

Hopefully it won't happen again. Dd is 18 and a redhead. She had one mean comment at primary school but never had any issues after that. I don't think ginger bullying is as prevalent as it used to be. Although my sister didn't have issues with it either in the 70s/80s. You were right to flag it with the teacher though.

Wonder if it's worth talking to her about how proud you are that she mentioned it to you ( and maybes a little reward for her bravery / doing the right thing ) - and that although it made her sad she is clearly strong enough to cope with people being nasty and that makes you proud of her to

The world is full of nasty people and if people develop a "victim " mentality rather than a "brush it off " one they seem to struggle with mental resilience

I'm pleased I mentioned it now. School have just rang to let me know that they had a little chat with her and the 2 girls who were there and apparently she was called a ginger c and that she should f off and die! Can you believe that comes out of the mouth of an 8 year old boy.
He's being dealt with (apparently) so I am definitely heaping the praise on that she did the right thing in telling me, even if she doesn't feel like she can tell a teacher, she can tell me anything. A little treat may also be needed, for both of us!

As a fellow redhead you defo need to help her prepare some comebacks.
IME the insults get worse as they get older but now I’m much older I’m not going grey and loads of people around me are dyeing their hair the colour I was teased about!

My favourite comebacks were asking if I could comment on their appearance too or asking them if they realised they were making a discriminatory comment (I don’t think it is probably but it would stop them in their tracks!)
Or failing that if they were being particularly nasty, a quick sniff and eww did you brush your teeth this morning or eww have you just farted both work very well.
Probably a bit extreme but I would definitely teach her to fight back!

Ginger abuse, I believe, is the only form of harassment still allowed.

My dad was ginger growing up on the 70's, he was absolutely tortured for it ! I don't think it's like how bad it used to be these days.

I know your dd is little still and sounds a sensitive soul bless her, as others have said just boost her up! Show her famous ginger women etc
I do think boys tend to get it worse with the stick to be honest

Jesus Christ !! Shocked isn't the word, 8 years old?!

I'm a red head and was referred to as ginger nut, carrot top etc. but I never thought of it as bullying. Other people said it was beautiful.

The other comments like calling her a cunt (presumably that's what you meant) and to fuck off and die are another thing altogether and definitely are bullying. These comments need dealing with but she needs to develop some resilience regarding her hair as people will comment and she needs to rise above it.

My son's friend was overweight throughout school. She just was. If anyone called her a name to do with her weight she would stop in her tracks and say "Oh my goodness THANK YOU!! I hadn't realised! That's brilliant! You must be SO clever!"
They never did it again.

My child is just a toddler and has been insulted in the street because of their hair colour.

By an adult man. Total stranger.

Imagine feeling the need to make a critical comment about a toddler’s appearance.

Thankfully they are too young to even register it.

Teach your child some comebacks as someone else said, unfortunately in schools children get picked on for any reason, wearing glasses, red hair, spotty, big boobs, small boobs, you name it they will find a reason, we all know it's not right but it happens. If you teach her to stand up for herself it will see her well through the school years.

The two girls I knew who had very orange hair started to dye it darker as soon as they could. They were not teased overly.
They enjoyed wearing more colours.

I liked their orange hair but they dye it still.

Well dying it isn't the answer here. I'm sure op will teach her dd to embrace her hair colour.

I'm so sorry - some absolute fuckwit looked at my redheaded daughter (then aged 5) and told me 'they' shouldn't be allowed to breed. I am normally very quick with a comeback but that absoutely shocked me to the core - I'm still so ashamed that I froze rather than defending my child and loudly telling him what I thought of him.

Mine has learned to defend herself over the years - 'well done for having eyes' and 'it's better than having boring brown hair' are favourite comebacks.