1st ginger comments

[RebeccaRedhat]

My daughter is 8. She is very shy, has high anxiety, doesn't get involved with much as she might need to talk to people to do that. I am asd and she is possibly too. She's also ginger.

She's came out of school heartbroken tonight because someone has called her something to do with her hair. She didn't hear what it was so someone else repeated it to her. She still didn't hear/understand, but then someone else piped up that its true, because her hair orange. I'm assuming ginger nut/carrot top or something along those lines.

Please help me approach this with the school . My son was bullied all the way through primary school and I believe they really let him down. I hate confrontation and due to my asd I struggle with my emotions. I need this stopped before it leads to anything else. Is it best to grab the teacher in the morning when there are kids and parents pottering about, send an email and ask for a call, go direct to the head? New head who did not deal with my son previously.

When you're nervous/concerned how do you not cry? I just fall to pieces and would really like to not do this as my daughter needs me right now!

Any tips?

This may be terrible advice for this day and age but I am ginger, and had my fair share of nastiness growing up (nothing like you have described that's something else and you have had good advice around that), my Mum got me to watch Anne of Green Gables (the 1980s one) and it really helped me feel proud of being a ginger, but also was around the struggles. if you havent seen watch it yourself first as it may not sit well with your daughter. I think the 1980s one is the best but there are others. Coincidently my daughter and I watched it the other day and she loved it. She's not ginger though, but I told her of my experiences. Getting your daughter to be proud of who she is and building her confidence may be good.

I wish someone had intervened for me. I am ND and have auburn colouring. Was undiagnosed until an adult so that was even more of an issue.

I got bullied all the way through primary school. Even one of the teachers used to call me goldilocks drawing attention to my hair even more.

I hated my hair and face to the point once I realised I could dye my hair and did so for years and plastered makeup on.

I now have a much more natural look and have my hair red. But it took years of inner work and therapy to not repeat that ideology to myself constantly about my hair colour.

Unless people have been bullied relentlessly, you have no idea how it affects you. Even at my older age, I will never truly like myself.

I think my dad went up when some of the bullies got physical but the rest was ignored by the school.

Being called Goldilocks is hardly bullying. It was probably meant affectionately.

My DD has red hair (also ND) She would never use a smart comeback as she felt it just escalated the bullying.
It's a bit shit but seems still very common to receive comments about red hair. The comments to your DD OP are outrageous at primary school and I'm really pleased your DD told you and you followed it up.
My DD loves her hair, it's very much part of her identity. She's at 6th form now and the stupid comments have stopped.
One of the things I have noticed is actually how popular the image of red haired girls and women are in literature and art - it's one small but I think significant counter weight to the negativity. But you cannot blend into the background - it will always be noticeable.

Did you read any of the rest of her post?

Ginger is all the rage nowadays! 8 year olds certainly weren’t born saying that - I’d explain to DD that unfortunately those children (and likely their mothers..) must be self conscious in themselves as happy, confident children do not bully others for their looks. There’s plenty of women + girls (myself included) that would kill for your DD’s gorgeous hair.

My DD is 20 and dyed her hair auburn last year - she absolutely adores it, gets so many compliments and loves that it’s more unique than what she describes as her ‘boring brown hair’. She honestly wishes she was a natural ginger

Yes. But I wouldn't include that as part of a wider bullying issue.

I speak as a red head who was called ginger nut etc and didn't take offence. In my case it was used in a friendly way not jeering or insulting and I doubt very much this teacher was deliberately insulting her by calling her Goldilocks. Im nearly 70 and my hair is now greying but I have for years coloured it to stay the same (I don't actually know how grey it really is) so I clearly wasn't traumatised by being ginger.